TYLER

 

The whiskey wasn’t doing its job. It was supposed to dull my mind, blur the memory that thudded through my head, but instead, it only served to make it more vivid.

Lauren kissed him.

His hands were twisted in her hair.

His mouth was on hers.

Her mouth was on his.

I had walked into the bar to find her after her mother had uttered those words. I didn’t follow immediately. She said she needed to be alone.

Alone.

So I wasn’t expecting to find her sitting across the bar from him, smiling, laughing, touching. I didn’t expect to see her lean across and tenderly tuck his hair behind his ear.

At first I was confused. A little hurt, but mainly confused. But I was prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt. Then, as I walked towards them, he leaned forward, wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, crushing those foul lips against hers.

She didn’t pull away.  

In the second it took me to reach them, rage flooded my veins. Rage that left Gabe with a black eye, split skin over his cheekbone and a fat lip. Rage that had words flying viciously from my mouth. Rage that left Lauren crying in the middle of the foyer.

Afterwards, I sat at the bar and drank, wanting to forget everything I had just seen. But it didn’t work. With each sip, each swallow, each burn as it slid down my throat, the memory flashed through my mind. One drink, two, three, and still it was there as clear as the moment I witnessed it.

I should have known it would happen. It was what I deserved from the way I took her from him. I guess I was naïve to think she would be different with me. But still I wanted her. Still, part of me ached to run to her. But now was not the time. I didn’t know what to say.

As I sat at the bar, swirling the contents of my next drink, staring at it as though it might hold the answers to a question I wasn’t sure of, slurred singing drifted from the lobby. My watch told me it was midnight. I had no idea how long I’d been sitting there. Hours? Minutes? The voice in the lobby was low and drunk, and one that I recognised, although I don’t think I’d ever heard Hamish Thornton sing before. My father wasn’t one usually easily led to joviality. I guess we had that in common.

Pulling myself from the seat, I was surprised to find myself swaying. Although I didn’t feel drunk, the effects of the alcohol must have been working in some ways more than others.

Dad was dancing to unheard music under the chandelier in the lobby. The same chandelier that Lauren had cried under only hours before.

“Tyler!” He smiled when he saw me. A drunken grin, to be sure, but still a grin. Another novelty for the usually sombre leader of Thornton Industries. “You and Gabe get your shit sorted out?” he asked loud enough for the girl at reception to scowl.

“You look like you should be in bed,” I replied.

Dad twirled under the lights. “Can you feel it?” he asked.

It was a strange sight. Hamish Thornton, so tall, so severe, dancing with his arms held wide as though he was trying to catch the particles of light that dripped from above.

“Feel what?” I was in no mood to indulge him so my words were short and sharp.

“The freedom,” he said. “The peace. The quiet. The aloneness.”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about me or him. He hadn’t been witness to the fight between Gabe and me, or the display between Lauren and me afterwards, but I certainly wasn’t enjoying the aloneness. Especially not with the images that burned into my brain.

“Where’s Billie?” I asked.

“Shhhh,” Hamish hissed, holding his finger in front of his mouth. “I said I’d do it right, this time.” He slumped to the floor, tugging at the knot of his tie. “I said I’d be there for the kid because I wasn’t there for you boys.”

Apparently drunk Hamish was confessional Hamish.

“Maybe that’s why you all hate each other so much. Well, you and Gabe, anyway. Maybe it’s not that bitch's fault, after all. You didn’t get the attention you needed from your Dad so you’ve got to create it somewhere else.” He gave up on undoing the knot of his tie and simply tugged it until there was enough space for him to pull it over his head and toss it away. “Anyway,” he continued, “I told Billie we’d do it together.” He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. “To me, that meant coming home in time for dinner, maybe bathing the kid at night or reading it a story or something. I even thought I’d change the odd diaper or two. Do you know I never changed one single diaper with you boys? Not one. Not with you. Not with Jake.” He listed us off using his fingers. “Not with Clark. Not with Gabe. But Billie has different ideas. To her, doing it together literally means doing everything together.”

He struggled to pull himself off the floor, coming close to me and waving his finger in my face.

Apparently drunk Hamish was dramatic Hamish.

“Every time he wakes at night, she drags me in there with her to feed him. Every single time. We don’t take turns. Nope. Every single fucking time. But it’s not the baby that’s getting to me. It’s her.” He stuck his finger in my chest. “I’m so sick of the sight of her. I just want some peace. I love the woman, I do, and she’s a wildcat in the bedroom, but—”

Enough. “Please stop talking.” The sound of his voice was irritating, but hearing about his marital woes with Billie was too much. Frankly put, I didn’t give a fuck. I had my own shit to deal with.

“I’m just sharing my life with my son. Just because I’m putting in the hard yards with this kid, doesn’t make me any less proud of you, Tyler. You’re the rock of this family. You hold it together. The hard worker. The dutiful son.” Hamish paused. “Apart from when you are kicking the shit out of your brother. You really shouldn’t do that, you know.” Hamish swayed on his feet, the pallor of his skin quickly fading. “I need fresh air,” he said, swallowing. “I need to clear my head.”

He stumbled towards the entrance and staggered outside. It occurred to me that I should follow, make sure he was okay, but he was a grown man. I wasn’t my father’s keeper.

Turning back to the bar, I sat in the same seat and signalled to the bartender to bring over the bottle of whiskey. Clearly it wasn’t working because I simply had not consumed enough. And there was a solution to that problem.

But the universe conspired against me.

“Tyler, we need to talk.”

“Fuck off,” I growled over my drink, not looking behind me. I knew that if I turned and saw his face, my fist would end up pressed against it.

“It wasn’t her,” he said.

“Fuck off,” I repeated. “If you care for your physical wellbeing, I would advise turning and walking out of here.”

I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to be in as much pain as I was, and because I couldn’t cause that sort of emotional pain, I was willing to substitute it with physical.

Gabe’s hand dug into my shoulder. The same swell of rage from earlier came rushing through me but I swallowed it back, hissing at him through my teeth. “I’m warning you, Gable. Get your fucking hand off me.”

“You don’t deserve her, you know. It felt good to kiss her again. Right.” He leaned close enough so I could feel his breath on my neck. “Familiar,” he whispered.

That was it. I was going to knock his fucking block off. But before I had the chance, the sound of shattering glass blasted through from the lobby. Gabe and I locked eyes briefly, confusion and surprise passing between us before we both sprinted towards the noise.

There was a car under the chandelier. The glass walls of the entrance to the casino were shattered, and a dazed and confused Hamish opened the door of the car, looking as surprised as the rest of us to find himself in the middle of the lobby. A trickle of blood ran down his forehead and dripped over his eyelashes. He reached up and touched it gingerly.

Gabe ran over, taking Dad’s hand away from the wound and peering into his eyes. “Are you okay?”

Hamish looked around the foyer, up at the chandelier, over at the elevator doors and then eventually at me. “What happened?” he asked.

When the police arrived, he swung his arms violently, telling the ‘pigs’ to get their dirty hands off him. In the end, the only way to restrain him was with handcuffs.

Apparently drunk Hamish was aggressive Hamish.

The police led him away, curse words falling out of his mouth quicker than I thought his drunken state was capable of, and cameras flashing as the media invited to the casino opening gathered to get the scoop on the antics of the head of Thornton Industries.

After sending someone to find Billie and calling the family lawyer, I found my seat at the bar again and resumed drinking. I didn’t have the headspace to deal with this. Thoughts of Lauren consumed everything.

Thinking felt like wading through sand. Thoughts were there. Memories were there. But they were dimly lit at the back of my mind and I struggled to bring them to the fore.

* * *

Trying to sit up, I slumped back against the pillow when my head pounded with pain. Stupid whiskey. I drank too much last night. The pounding in my head and the foul taste in my mouth were testament to that. Rolling over, I reached for Lauren only to find her side of the bed empty.

Ignoring the parts of my body that were screaming for me to stay still, I attempted pulling myself up to a sitting position again. The lights were on. The curtains framing the windows were open. I was fully dressed and lying on top of the bed, rather than in it.

It took a while for the fog to clear and my brain to start working at its usual speed, and when it did the memories of the night before came flooding back with a vengeance. Dad being marched in handcuffs to the waiting patrol car. Flying fists and drops of blood. Gabe’s mouth on Lauren’s. Her tears as I yelled at her in front of the crowd of people.

Fumbling through my pockets, I pulled my cell phone out, checking the screen for notifications. There were none from Lauren. No missed calls. No texts pleading for forgiveness. For all I knew she could be with him right now. Lying in his arms. The image of his hands roaming over her skin pierced my head. I needed to stop those thoughts before they drove me straight back to the bar.

I called Sadie. “What room are you in?”

“Tyler?” her voice was soaked in confusion. “What time is it?”

“What room?”

“602, grumpy arse.”

I hung up and strode to her room, purposely trying to think of anything and everything that didn’t remind me of Lauren. Sadie answered after the third knock, bleary-eyed and dressed only in her underwear. “What’s so urgent that you had to wake me at 7am on a Sunday morning?” she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

A wave of nausea washed over me and I pushed past her and ran into the bathroom in time to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. Sadie stood behind me, arms crossed and frowning.

“Regretting those drinks last night, huh?” she said.

Wiping my mouth, I sat back against the bathroom wall and looked up at her. “Where is she?” I couldn’t help it. Tears welled in my eyes and I cursed them under my breath.

Empathy softening her stance, Sadie collapsed to the floor beside me and I rested my head on her shoulder. “Did you two not work things out last night?”

I rolled my head off her shoulder and leaned against the bathroom tiles. “What’s there to sort out? She kissed Gabe.”

“You don’t really believe that do you?”

“I saw it, Sades. It’s a little hard to deny it happened.”

“But you believe she kissed him back? You believe she wanted it?”

“It sure didn’t look like she was complaining.”

Taking me by surprise, Sadie grabbed my face between her hands and pushed her lips against mine, kissing me firmly and aggressively, before pulling away and looking at me, eyebrows raised, my face still squished between her hands.

“What the fuck did you do that for?”

She shrugged and grinned wickedly. “You didn’t appear to be complaining.”

“I also didn’t encourage it.”

“Nor did you pull away,” Sadie replied, letting my face go and wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. “That was gross. Your breath smells of vomit.”

“That’s stupid. It’s different.”

“Different how?”

“How? It was Gabe.”

“So if she had ‘kissed’,” she put air quotes around the word, “someone other than Gabe, you’d be fine?”

“That’s not the point and you know it. I stole her from Gabe. There was always the chance she’d change her mind.”

Sadie pulled herself up from the floor and stood staring down at me, hands on hips and scowling. “You’re being stupid. Lauren loves you and you know it.

“Thanks for your support,” I mumbled, reaching across to flush the toilet bowl and getting to my feet. Another wave of nausea washed over me, but I pushed it aside.

“You should find her and apologise.”

“What for?”

“For not giving her the chance to explain. For yelling and embarrassing her in front of all those people. For not believing her.”

“Cheers for the advice. I’ll think about it,” I replied sulkily.

* * *

Dad was released after spending the night sobering up in a cell. They charged him with drunken and disorderly conduct, assaulting a police officer and drunk driving. At the minimum, he’d end up losing his license and doing community service. At the most severe, he could serve time. The lawyer assured us that was a highly unlikely scenario, given his standing in the community and his lack of a criminal record. Other than one other DUI, he was clean.

I threw myself into work. I knew I should call her but I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t get the image of them kissing out of my head no matter what I tried to drown it with.

Three days passed before Gabe sauntered into my office. Sadie, working out the final days of her notice, skipped in after him, apologetic that he had passed without her warning me. I waved, dismissing her, but she raised her eyebrows, questioning me before closing the door behind her when I gave a firm nod.

Gabe looked foolish in a suit; a child playing dress up. His hair was tied back in a ponytail, but it only served to make him look younger. Stupider. The cut on his lip had healed a little, and the bruising around his eyes had a tinge of yellow.

He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, but the tapping of his foot gave away his nerves. “We need to talk.”

I didn’t look up. I continued to stare at the screen, one that blurred with black and white numbers because I had been staring at them so long, trying not to think of Lauren.

“Tyler?” Gabe stepped forward. I caught the movement in the corner of my eye but still refused to look up. “Tyler?” he said again, this time more forcefully.

“What do you want, Gable?” I lowered the lid of my laptop. Using his full name would annoy him. It was something our father did.

“We need to talk,” he said again, this time pulling back the chair and sitting down. Memories of when Lauren sat in that exact position flashed across my mind but I pushed them aside. Thoughts like that wouldn’t help anyone. I spent enough time dreaming of her at night, I didn’t need her image haunting me during the day as well.

“Well, talk,” I ordered.

“Look.” He sat forward, hands clasped together between his knees. “I’m sorry about Lauren. I don’t know what—”

“Don’t speak about her,” I ordered. I couldn’t stand for her name to be on his lips. I didn’t want him talking about her, thinking about her. I didn’t want him having anything to do with her.

“I just wanted to explain that—”

“There is nothing to explain.”

“You’ve talked to her?”

I shuffled some papers on my desk. “No.” I picked up a pen and started flicking the tip, leaning back in my chair, and crossing one ankle over my knee in an attempt to appear relaxed. “Have you?”

“Well,” Gabe shifted uncomfortably, “I called her to make sure she was okay.”

My teeth clenched until my jaw ached. “And she answered?”

“You’ve hurt her, Tyler.”

“I’ve hurt her?” Anger started to course through my veins again. I took a deep breath and swallowed. “What do you want, Gable?”

He looked at me a while longer, as if weighing up his options and then leaned back in the chair, his hands behind his head. “Dad was the one who was going to show me the ropes. He had begun, in fact, you know, before. But now that he’s unavailable—”

“He’ll be back soon.”

“He’s being sent on a thirty-day rehab and anger management course,” Gabe replied.

I didn’t know that, but I wasn’t about to let him know. “And your point is?”

“I’m left a little uncertain of my role within the company.”

“And you would like me to do what, exactly?” I looked up at him openly this time, meeting his eye and glaring with as much hatred as I could muster.

“Help,” he said. “I’m not sure what to do. Dad had only just started with the—”

I lifted the lid of my laptop and turned my attention back to the screen. “See Sadie on your way out. She’ll tell you someone that will be able to help.”

“But don’t you think with all that’s going on, the media fishing for more stories, we should at least pretend to have a unified front, for the sake of the family, the company?”

“I would hardly call a local online gossip rag the media. And as for a unified front?” I said, the anger causing my cheeks to flush. “You kissed my girl, how unified was that?”

“After you stole her from me.”

“I never once kissed her while she was with you. Well,” I smirked, “not that I initiated, anyway.”

The muscles in Gabe’s jaw bulged back and forth as he gritted his teeth together. “I’m trying here, Tyler. I’m trying to—”

Slamming the lid of my laptop down, I stood and leaned over the desk. “I don’t care what you’re trying to do you little piece of shit. Go grow up somewhere else. Right now, I can’t stand the sight of you so please fucking leave before I give you matching black eyes.”

Gabe rose from his seat without a word and walked out the door, leaving me to draw in a ragged breath at his departure.

Sadie walked in as soon as he left.

“I suppose you heard all that?”

“You suppose right.” She crossed her arms and glared at me in the way only Sadie could.

“And you think I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did?”

“I think it’s time you went to see Lauren.”

“She told me to leave her alone. I’m a man of my word.”

“You’re stupid, that's what you are. You’ve been trying to hide it but I can smell the alcohol on your clothing in the morning. I can see the lack of sleep in the dark patches under your eyes. I see the mounds of leftover food. You need to go sort this.”

I sat back down in my chair. “And what do I say? What can I say?”

“The truth.”

“Which is?”

“Tell her you were wrong. Tell her you’ve been lost without her. Tell her everything and anything that’s on your mind. But most of all, listen.”

“And if that doesn’t work?”

“Well, at least you would have tried. It’s been three days. She’s had time to think, now it’s time for you to go and see her before you lose her completely.”