Amie

Life returns to normal in the month that follows car sex with Lex. Well, as normal as it can be with an estranged husband who still refuses to sign the goddamn annulment papers because he’s an egomaniac. Aside from that one small, annoying glitch, I’m managing fine.

Okay. That’s not 100 percent accurate. My job is good, great even. We’ve started a new series of tutorials that are similar to the ones I made with my mom a few years ago. Not only are they getting great traction for Williams Media, but I’ve also been put in charge of a fundraising event. I’m less than two months in and they’re already talking about giving me a raise and a promotion.

Aside from Ruby, yoga is my best friend, as is Pilates, spin class, and the new self-defense course I’m taking. The post-wedding fiasco rumors are no longer high priority in the pretentious gossip sphere, everyone seems to have moved on to the newest scandal. Pierce is now combing through the prenup I signed to see if we can’t find a way to force Armstrong to stop stalling.

Lex continues to stay on my mind. I dream about him, think about him, fantasize about him, and occasionally I stalk his social media profiles and then cry. But I haven’t messaged him and he hasn’t messaged me. I can’t blame him, considering the way I acted the last time I saw him, or the way I bolted after I rode him like my personal sex toy. I’ve wanted to reach out, but it’s not a good idea since I don’t want to give Armstrong any more ammunition against me, or a reason for new rumors. I need to put Armstrong in my past before I dive into anything else and I can’t ask Lex to be part of that. He doesn’t deserve to be dragged into my crazy.

Beyond that I still haven’t told my best friend that I slept with him. It’s an issue. A big one. I’ve declined three dinners with the Mills family over the past several weeks because I’m afraid Lex might be there. If I see him, I worry the same thing that happened in his car will happen again because I don’t have the willpower necessary to say no.

It’s girls’ night in, since Bane is out with his brothers watching sports, or playing sports, or doing something sporty, because that’s how Bane is. I hate how excited I am over the prospect of being separated from Lex by mere degrees. I also hate that I hope they find a reason to stop by here, even though it’s unlikely.

Ruby pours us both a glass of wine. She’s jittery tonight. Francesca, their illegal pet ferret, is curled up in my lap. She’s adorable, even if she’s a little stinky, and she makes my eyes itchy if I don’t take an antihistamine before I come over. Instead of sitting in the armchair, Ruby drops down on the other end of the couch.

“Are you okay?”

She’s seriously edgy. She keeps wringing her hands and then sitting on them.

“I have to tell you something,” she blurts.

“Is everything all right? Are you knocked up?” It’s entirely possible. She and Bane fuck like feral rabbits. I’d say ferrets, but I don’t actually know the fucking habits of ferrets.

“I’m drinking.” She holds up her glass and takes a sizable sip to assure me that she is not, in fact, knocked up.

“Right. Okay. So what’s going on? You’re kind of freaking me out here.”

“Sorry.” She fidgets some more. “I’m just going to come out and tell you.”

“Tell me what?” I worry it has something to do with Armstrong. He’s been quiet the past few days, not emailing or leaving messages at all. He’s also avoiding the calls from Pierce.

“Bancroft proposed.”

Thanks to my shock, it takes more time than it should before I’m able to open my mouth and make words come out. “Oh my God!” Bancroft is really the perfect person for her.

It breaks my heart that she looks legitimately scared to be telling me this. What’s worse is she has a right to be, because as okay as I try to appear most of the time, she’s the one who sees me fall apart over this whole thing, more often than I’d like. And I haven’t even told her what I’m really falling apart over. I try to keep my voice level. “When did he propose?”

She looks guilty rather than excited. “Don’t be mad, okay?”

I’m reminded of the conversation I had with Armstrong when I handed in my resignation. I wonder if he was right, that they were waiting for me to be okay, and if that’s the case, how off balance have I been this whole time? “I won’t be mad. How long ago did he propose?”

“Last week.”

My stomach feels like is in my throat. “Last week when?”

“Sunday. He took me out for dinner and then when we came home he strapped the ring box to Francesca’s back, it was weird and sweet.”

I laugh, because seriously, what an odd way to propose to someone, but it really is fitting for the two of them. Francesca brought them together. “It sounds perfect. Why didn’t you tell me before now?”

She’s sitting on her hands again. “I should’ve. I was going to, but then you had that bad day and I thought it might be better to wait awhile.”

I filter back through the past week. The last bad day I had came on the heels of an email from Armstrong citing his refusal to sign the annulment until we’d met to discuss the terms. I hated being in this constant state of limbo, with the person I didn’t want keeping me tied to him and the person I wanted completely out of reach. I missed Lex. I wanted to call him, see him, just be with him, but I couldn’t. Not here in New York, not while Armstrong refuses to set me free.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t share your excitement with me.” I don’t want to be sad right now. I want to be happy for my best friend, for the person who put aside her elation to shield me from my self-inflicted pain.

She pats my knee. “It’s okay. I know how hard this has been for you.”

I wave a hand around determined not to break down. “Let me see the damn ring!”

She laughs, her relief understandable since my emotions have been so tenuous lately, and holds out her hand. It’s stunning and exactly perfect for Ruby. It’s not a huge rock. Instead, a princess-cut diamond sits nestled in white gold, smaller diamonds encasing it and fanning out along the band. It’s unique and beautiful.

I skim the diamonds. “He picked this out on his own?”

“I think Mimi helped him a little.”

“It’s gorgeous. Have you thought about a date?” I wonder if it’s possible to have wedding PTSD, or to develop a phobia of weddings with how clammy my skin is.

“Maybe summer. Or fall? I know it’s not really a lot of time, but I don’t know that we need it. I already live with him. I don’t need some big to-do. We’ll see. It’s all kind of new, right? Mimi’s already talking about an engagement party, and of course she wants it to be in one of the New York hotels.” She’s fidgeting again, like she’s nervous. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to be in the wedding party . . .” She trails off.

“Of course I’ll be in your wedding. My experience isn’t going to get in the way of me standing up for my best friend.”

“I just . . . I know how stressful he’s made this. I can’t guarantee Armstrong won’t be at the wedding. I mean, I don’t want him there, but he’s Bancroft’s family, and it’s kind of a complicated situation. I can tell you that Bancroft won’t hesitate to punch him out if he’s a jerk to you, though.”

“I can deal with Armstrong.” It’s Lex who’s going to be the problem. I have no idea how to handle this situation with him anymore.

“We’re having dinner with Bane’s family tomorrow night. Mimi wants to talk about the engagement party, and if you’re okay to be part of the planning, you could come, but I totally understand if it’s too much too soon.”

“Of course I’ll come. I want to be involved.”

“Great. Awesome. I’ll tell Mimi. Griffin is going to be there, and Lex, obviously. They’ll both be in the wedding party.”

Oh God. Of course he’s going to be involved. Probably heavily. We’re going to be seeing a lot of each other in the coming months.

Ruby eyes me warily. “What is that face about?”

Telling Ruby about what happened in Bora Bora now will just make things more awkward. Not only did I lie to her while I was there and in the months since I’ve been back, but I also do not want Bane knowing. Besides, this is between me and Lex and, no matter what, I won’t betray his confidence over this. “Sorry. It’s nothing.”

Ruby narrows her eyes. “Is it about Lex?”

I shake my head, trying to keep the vigor to a minimum.

“Amie, come on, talk to me. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you react every time I bring him up. Did something happen in Bora Bora that you’re not telling me about?”

“No. Nothing happened.” I focus on my glass, wishing I didn’t have to keep this from her.

“Are you sure, because you’re being really weird and evasive right now. You’ve declined every dinner you’ve been invited to at the Mills and just the mention of Lex’s name seems to freak you out. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

I sigh, preparing for the bitterness of the lie before it comes out of my mouth. I’m a pretty decent liar. I’ve had lots of experience with it over the years, but most of the time I’m concocting lies with Ruby, not telling them to her. “He was nothing but nice to me in Bora Bora. I’m just embarrassed about the way things happened at the wedding, and how he had to come to my rescue on my non-honeymoon. I’m making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be.”

“You’re sure? It’s okay if you’re not ready for this. I really will understand.”

“I know you would, but honestly, Ruby, it’s nothing I can’t handle.” I lift my glass to my lips and don an impish smile. “It’s not an interrogation room in a Mexican airport, it’s a dinner party with a guy I tried to make screw me.”

Ruby laughs, looking relieved but still uncertain. “I bet he wishes we hadn’t busted in on you.”

“I don’t know about that, I waved gardening shears at him, he was pretty terrified.”

“How did I not know about the gardening shears?”

“How do you think I cut myself out of the dress?”

“I sort of wish I’d been there to witness it.”

“There is only one witness, and thankfully he seems to be good at keeping those details to himself on account of my threats with the shears.”

“That was a real Anarchy Amie moment for you, or series of moments, I guess. I’m glad you let her out to play in Bora Bora, even though I didn’t even get to see one picture of Mr. Hottie Hook-Up.”

“I figured it was better to leave all the evidence behind.” I’m glad I don’t have any pictures of Lex on my phone. Then I’d be able to connect them to specific memories, to a night, to the scent of his skin, to the feel of his lips, to the sound of his voice in my ear.

I have no idea how I’m going to manage seeing him again.

At least it’s a dinner party. I just have to make sure we don’t end up alone.