“I’m sorry, Mr. Monroe, and we are unsure why, but your sperm count is void. You aren’t producing sperm, which is the reason you two are not successful in getting pregnant.”
Jensen’s heart stopped as Ophelia clutched his hands, gasping loudly. Closing his eyes, he looked down as tears flooded the space behind his lids. Failure. Utter and disgusting failure racked his body. They had been trying for a baby for the last six months with no luck. Really trying. Ophelia was good, ready to go, and now they knew he was the issue.
He couldn’t produce.
Shit, was he even a man?
“Can you fix it?” his beautiful wife asked. Jensen felt she knew he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t believe this. All they had ever spoken of since getting married was having lots and lots of kids. He wanted that. He wanted the kids, the dog, and the wife, along with the awesome career. He wanted it all, but now that was an unlikely goal.
Looking over at her, he memorized her face. The dimple in her cheeks, her long blond hair, her pointy nose. Her eyes were a soft shade of hazel and really added to her face, but at that moment, her brow was furrowed, her eyes intent on the doctor.
He understood. She was scared.
So was he.
“We can try some drug treatments, but I think I want to give it another six months. See if this is something that can fix itself. The human body is an amazing thing.”
“But we’ve already waited six months,” she complained, and Jensen squeezed her hand.
“And we can wait another,” he said simply, meeting her gaze as a tear ran down his cheek. He hated looking into her eyes and knowing he was the reason they couldn’t have babies. Did he think he would produce in the next six months? No, but that was because he hadn’t produced yet. They had been actively trying for six months, but they’d been having sex without protection for a year.
Jensen couldn’t have babies.
Heading out of the office with pamphlets on what to eat and natural ways to boost his sperm count, Jensen held his wife’s hand, his heart in his throat. He couldn’t believe this was happening. All they wanted was a family. A big family. They were decent people, he had just gotten signed to the Wild, and he was going places. They could finally afford a baby and then some. They had plans, names, everything. Yet, no baby.
Closing his eyes, he stopped abruptly. When he opened them, he met her worried gaze, and his heart melted. Man, he felt like utter shit. He was failing her.
“Ophelia.”
“Yeah, babe?”
“If you want to get a divorce, go find a man who can give you children, I understand. I know it’s all you want.”
Her face fell as she shook her head. “No, I love you. I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”
He leaned into her, closing his eyes as their foreheads met.
The sad thing was, he had believed her.
Wholeheartedly.
But that was a long, long time ago, and as Jensen watched Wren’s face twist in horror, he prayed she’d want to go along with what he wanted.
“Oh, Jensen. I had no idea.”
“It was a long time ago. I’m completely over it.” And he was, not that it didn’t still sting that his wife had gotten knocked up by someone else and left him. Something like that put a dent in a man’s pride.
“Was that why she left you?”
“Yeah.”
“You should have let me run her over with my car.”
“She was pregnant.”
“So? Whore.”
“I couldn’t give her what she wanted, I don’t blame her. I was hurt and I was pissed, but still.”
“No but still! It doesn’t matter. If she truly loved you, she should have stood beside you!” she said, her voice rising as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Jesus.”
“You’re right.”
“I am. And fuck her. Stupid whore.”
“It’s fine. It’s been over ten years, I’m good.”
“Well, I’m pissed right now.”
“I can see that,” he said, his lips curving as he looked down at his hands. Swallowing hard, he glanced back up at her, his heart in his throat. “Wren, I’m asking you to do what she didn’t.”
She looked up, her brows to her hairline. “What?”
“To stand by me. And I’ll stand by you.”
Her lips parted. “But, Jensen—”
He held up his hands, stopping her. “I don’t want to end this and have you take the blame. I want it to work. If it doesn’t, then at least we can say we tried. But I refuse to be a deadbeat dad. I want to be there for him and you. Always. And I think what I’m asking for is fair.”
She was shaking her head. “I don’t want that, though. I don’t want a real husband—”
“Not yet, but maybe in the next six months, you will.”
Her lips pressed together as she looked down at her growing belly. Maybe he had come on too strong, but he didn’t think there was any other way to be but straightforward. If she wanted this, then this was how it was going to be. His heart was jackhammering in his chest. Sweat had broken out along his forehead, and everything was tingling. His whole body. Holy fuck, he was doing this.
“I would be a good father to him. I’d love him as if he were my blood.”
Her lips curved down in a pout as she nodded. “Oh, Jensen, I know. I know that with all of my soul.”
He nodded, choking on his own heart. “I’d be a good husband too.”
She met his gaze, her eyes wide and so damn beautiful. “I don’t doubt that, but it isn’t what I want. I don’t want that life. I don’t even think I’m gonna be good at the whole mom thing, but a wife too?”
“You’ll be great,” he said simply, and her eyes widened, full of tears.
“I don’t know.”
He almost didn’t move, but he knew he had to. Standing up, he dug into his pocket for the ring that was his grandmother’s before walking around the desk to her. Going down on one knee, he held the ring up to her as she turned in her seat to look down at him. Her eyes were wide, wild, and full of fear.
The last time he had seen her look like that was when Vaughn dared her to jump off a bridge that was ten feet above the water. She didn’t want to do it, but Wells and Vaughn had, and boy, were they taunting her. Coming up beside her, Jensen had said he’d jump with her. Together, hand in hand, they did it. And just like then, he wanted her to jump with him once more.
“This is my grandmother’s ring, I thought you’d like it.”
She glanced at the ring. He knew it was nothing special, just a vintage gold band. Ophelia thought it was ugly and didn’t want it, so he had bought her a different one, but he was pretty sure this ring was more Wren’s style anyway.
As she glanced up from it, a smile covered her gorgeous face. “It’s so elegant.”
“I agree, and I’d really love for you to have it as a symbol of my promise to stand beside you and be there for you. Maybe even be able to love you.”
“Jensen,” she tried, but then she shook her head. “Really, this is what you want? With me? Someone who could possibly never love you back. You deserve more than that. Find a woman who will love you and adopt a baby or something.”
But he shook his head. “I believe God puts you in situations for a reason. This boy needs a dad. I can be that for him and more. I’ll be his mentor, his best friend, and I will love both of you—till my dying day, if you let me. I can’t be your mentor because I’m pretty sure you’re smarter than me, but Wren, I’ve always been your best friend. You know that.”
“Jenny, Jesus, you’re killing me here,” she cried, her eyes getting lost in his soft gaze.
“I know we can make this work.”
“I don’t know that,” she admitted, her eyes holding his. “And I don’t want to hurt you.”
He could see it in her eyes. She didn’t want that, and neither did he. But he refused to go into this without his terms. Because if he did, he’d get hurt. A hundred percent, he would. Clearing his throat, he shook his head. “You won’t, as long as you try.”
She looked to the ring and then back at him once more. He could hear her heart pounding, or maybe that was his. He wasn’t sure, but his eyes stayed locked with hers as she went from the ring to him. Finally, she asked, “Can I have some time? To think it over?”
His heart dropped into his gut. Was he that awful? He was basically going to give her the world, why wasn’t she taking it? Dropping his hand, he nodded. “I mean, yeah, you gave me time. I think that’s only fair.”
“I’m sorry. I just want to be sure I’m doing the right thing.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Jenny, I can see it on your face. You’re not happy with me.”
He got up, shrugging as he tucked the ring back into his pocket. “I’d give you the world, Wren. All of it.”
“Why? Why would you do this? For the kid?”
“For you.”
And with that, he turned, walking toward her office door. “You know how to get ahold of me.”
“Yeah,” she said to his retreating back before he opened the door and stepped out.
Catching her gaze once more before he shut the door, he shrugged. “And, Wren, I don’t make a promise I don’t intend to keep.”
“I know.”
He nodded. “And I hope you’ll do the same.”
Her lips started to quiver, and she nodded. “I know, that’s why I’m asking for time to think this over.”
He smiled. “Or to see if the gigolo is still available?”
Her face broke into a grin. “That too.” He nodded, but as he went to shut the door, she called, “Thanks, Jenny.”
He shut the door and then leaned against it.
That hadn’t gone the way he’d assumed it would.
But then, what in his life ever did?
He had come to Nashville on a whim. Traded because he wanted so desperately to be loved and cherished on a team. At first, he didn’t think that would happen on the Assassins, but it had. Not only on the ice, but in the locker room. He had friends, he had brothers, he just fit, but it wasn’t what he’d thought would transpire. He’d thought he’d come here and play backup to one of the greats, Tate Odder, and just get by. People would like him, but he wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Instead, he became a sensation. He established relationships with charities, supported them however he could, and then helped his team win the Cup. And now, he was asking a girl to marry him.
A girl who didn’t love him, apparently.
A girl who didn’t want to be in a relationship.
A girl whom he had known his whole life.
A girl who didn’t know he loved her.
Yeah, he was an idiot. But if it worked, if he got Wren to agree and to try to love him, he would love the hell out of her.
And the baby.
Both of them.
With his whole body and soul.
He’d walk through fire for them. He just needed the chance.
That was all.
* * *
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Wren leaned on her elbows as the door shut and her heart thumped loudly in her chest.
“What in the fuck just happened?”
Sitting up, she looked around her empty office and still couldn’t believe what had occurred. She’d thought it would be easy. He’d say yes, they’d get married, and play along until the end. But no, Jensen came out of left field with a real marriage proposal, and he wanted to be the father of her child. What in the fucking world? That was the last thing she thought he’d ever want.
Since it was the last thing she wanted.
She had gotten used to the idea of being Mom and Dad to the kid. He’d have uncles, he’d be fine. But now…now, Jensen had gotten into her head. Wells was nowhere near her to help, and Vaughn was about to have a baby of his own. It would leave Jensen as the main uncle anyway, but that didn’t mean he had to be the daddy! Did it? Shit. Also, what happened if Bradley decided he wanted to be a daddy. What would she do then?
Man, all she’d wanted was a fake husband.
That was all.
Instead, she got Jensen fucking Monroe ready to make an honest woman out of her. Be her child’s daddy—and make love to her.
Holy shit, he wanted to make love to her.
“’Cause Jensen doesn’t fuck, he makes love, you dumbass!”
What the hell was she going to do? How in the world was she going to make this kind of decision? When he said he’d give her the world, she didn’t doubt that. Jensen was just that guy. He was good, he was kind, and he had a heart of gold. The problem was, while he was fully in, ready to love her and her kid, she was standing there saying, “Whoa, buddy, not even what I wanted.” She didn’t want a husband. She hadn’t even wanted a kid until kiddo popped up. She thought she’d suck at being a mom—she still could—but she knew damn well she’d suck as a wife.
She never grew up playing house and doing that sort of thing. She was too busy running around with the boys and doing boy stuff. She was one hundred percent girl and loved girl things, but she always loved boy things too. Like having sex with lots of people. It was awesome, and she never got hurt. There was no reason that she couldn’t live that life just because she was a girl. No one ever wanted her for long, which was fine because she was always moving on anyway. But it would kill her if she went all in with Jensen and he decided he didn’t want her either.
Was that why she was stalling?
Was she scared?
Fuck, she was.
Soon, she was moving. She dialed Vaughn’s number, even though, really, he was the last fucking person she wanted to speak to. But he was all she had because Brie would be all lovey-dovey. She really wanted to call her mom, Wells, or even her dad, but that would pose a bit of a problem. So, Vaughn it was.
“What do you want?” he answered gruffly, and she rolled her eyes.
“Oh, shut up. Brie isn’t mad at you, no one is mad, so it doesn’t matter. Get over yourself. I need you.”
“You’re lucky I love you. What’s wrong?” he asked, tone gruff and completely overdramatic.
“Jensen just left here.”
“Okay? And by the way, I thought I said don’t ask him.”
“You said I shouldn’t.”
“I said don’t.”
“No, you said shouldn’t, and it doesn’t matter because I fucking did.”
“Now who’s dramatic?”
“I hate you so much, and I don’t even know why I call you.”
“Because I’m filled with such amazing relationship advice.”
“Yes, Vaughn, that’s completely it,” she said dryly, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, Jensen just came at me with a real proposal and wants to be the dad to my kid.”
“Ugh, Jenny.” Vaughn clucked his tongue. “I told you not to ask him. Ha. I bet you thought he was gonna lie down and do what you wanted, huh?”
“Whoa, not lie down, I’m not a dick. I just thought he’d be game.”
“Oh, no. If he’s gonna do it, he’s gonna do it right.”
“I don’t want right, I want easy!”
“Well, sweetheart, better get that gigolo on the line.”
“You are being no help,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “Jo, I don’t want to hurt him. He’s ready to be all in, and I’m over here thinking about who I should fuck tomorrow.”
He scoffed. “You’re a damn liar. You’re over there freaking out because you know if you go all in with him, you won’t be able to control yourself. Especially with Jenny. He’s so cute and shit. Girls would die for the guy.”
“You don’t know my life,” she snapped, and he laughed some more.
“No, but I know you. And I know you think he’s hot, which is step one to getting into bed with him. I, for one, know he’s hung, and that’s step two to getting you hooked. Next thing you know, you’ll be riding him, screaming that you never want anyone but him.”
Wren couldn’t help but squint at his stupidity. “There is something mentally wrong with you. You need help. I can schedule that.”
“No, you need help. You know I’m right.”
“You’re not.”
“I am.”
“Not.”
“Am,” he said simply, and then he sighed. “Wren, either take it or leave it, but I can promise you, no man will do the job better than Jenny. That’s him, he’s made for this shit. He’s wanted to be a dad since like forever, and with all that shit that went down with that bitch, it broke him. He was good to that whore he loved. He’s a good dude, he just keeps getting shitted on. So don’t shit on my boy, or I’ll take you out.”
She knew that. And that was the problem. “You couldn’t take out a dog, you loser.”
“Your insults can’t mask the fact that you know I’m right.”
“Vaughn, I would never admit to the fact that you’re right.”
“It’s okay. We both know.”
“We don’t.”
“We do, just do me a favor.”
Annoyed, she asked, “What?”
“Don’t hurt him. If you do this, do it for real. Go into it with an open mind. I’m not saying you’ll fall for him right off the bat, he’s a little awkward, but try. Because he—”
Wren’s brow rose. “He, what?”
“Nothing. Listen, don’t hurt my boy, okay? Please.”
“I don’t want to. You forget he’s my boy too. I care for him like you guys do.”
“I know, so consider that too. Because if it did end, he’d do everything to make sure you guy’s relationship stayed intact. Even if it hurt him. Not just for you, but for the kid.”
“That’s what I just don’t understand. It’s not his place to love my kid.”
“But why have a kid grow up without a dad when there is a man who wants to take the position?”
“Because it’s not fair to him!”
“Or you’re waiting for the real dad?”
She laughed, hard. “No. Not even kind of.”
“Then, what’s the problem? If it were me, I’d marry him.”
She blinked. “Not sure how to take that.”
“Take it whatever way you want, just don’t hurt him.”
“I don’t want to, Jo, that’s what I’m saying! How do I do this without hurting him?”
“How do you know you’re going to hurt him?”
“Because I don’t want what he wants.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I do!”
“How, Wrenny? Have you ever had a man really be there for you the way Jensen is?”
She paused, her heart jumping up into her throat because she hadn’t. Never. Jensen was there for her more than Vaughn ever was. No matter what she needed, Jensen would be there. He was good like that. So much like Wells, Vaughn was a flighty one, but Jensen, he was there whenever she needed him. There wasn’t a time she could remember when she had called him for a ride after a night of drinking that he didn’t show up. Even when he had just gotten married and had just moved to Minnesota, he still came home to help move her in to her new apartment with Wells. Whenever anyone needed him, he was there.
Clearing her throat, she admitted, “No.”
“Exactly.”
She bit her lip, looking up at her ceiling to keep her tears at bay. “So you think I should do it?”
“Hell no. I know for a fact that you’re gonna break the dude. Because no matter how much I want to believe you’ll try, you won’t fully give yourself to the guy, and in the end, he’s gonna be crushed.”
Not what she wanted to hear. “Whatever, Jo. It’s not like he loves me. You’re acting as if he does.” When he didn’t answer her, she paused. “Right?”
“That is not my place to say.”
“When has anything not been your fucking place to say?” she snapped back, rolling her eyes. “And please, Jensen loves me? That’s as preposterous as it sounds. It’s Jensen Monroe, he can date supermodels.”
“But instead, he asked you to marry him,” Vaughn said simply. “So what do you think that means?”
Biting the inside of her cheek, she shrugged because she didn’t want to accept what Vaughn was implying. That was crazy. They were friends. Close friends. Sure, she thought Jensen was hot, but she didn’t love the guy like that. She didn’t love anyone. Well, that was a lie, but the last time she fell for some douche, he knocked her up and ran, so yeah, she wasn’t stupid. Was she?
Man, maybe she was in need of therapy.
Pinching the bridge of her nose once more, she muttered, “That he’s a nice guy?”
“Yeah, go with that.”
“Jo!”
“Wren!”
“I don’t know what to do, and I…I’m… Fuck, I’m freaking out.”
“Well,” he said, clearing his throat, and she wanted to wring his neck. He was always so blasé about everything except when it had to do with him. “You know, Emma, Jensen’s mom—”
“I know who that is.”
“Just saying. But she always told me to listen to my heart. So maybe try that.”
“Has that ever worked for you?”
“Well, my heart didn’t start talking until Brie came along, so I guess it does.”
If she weren’t so annoyed and didn’t want to kill Vaughn, she would have swooned. Instead, though, she grumbled, “Fine. I’ll try that.”
“Good luck finding it in that black mass of a soul of yours.”
“I hate you, Vaughn Johansson. So damn much.”
“Love you too, sugar!”
Hanging up the phone, she threw it down before shaking her head and letting it fall to her desk. It landed with a loud thunk that echoed through her office. She couldn’t breathe since her kid was crushing her lungs, but she really didn’t care. Staring at her belly, she slowly shook her head.
“Well, kiddo, Mommy is in a pickle.”
Unfortunately, her stomach didn’t talk back with wise, amazing advice.
“I’d be stupid not to do it. But I’m scared. I don’t want either of us to get hurt, and if I can’t get over my own issues, I’ll do exactly that. But he’ll act like it’s no big deal. He’ll treat me the way he does now, and he’d love you. He’d love you so much. I’ve seen him with kids. I’ve seen the way his eyes light up and how he basically falls to the ground to play with them. He’s always wanted a big family because his was so small.” Moving her hands along her stomach, she sat up, leaning back in the chair as tears started to fall down her face. She had no clue what to do, yet a grin came over her face as her hands moved up and down her belly. “He’s a good man, kiddo. Good heart, a beautiful, amazing family, and I’ve known him my whole life. So there really isn’t a question, is there? I should say yes. Right?”
Still nothing. But then, she knew she was on her own. Though, if she did this, she wouldn’t be on her own any longer. Jensen would stand beside her. Which was weird but kind of nice too. But still, weird. Plus, the whole making love thing was still freaking her out. She was a thick girl, but now, now she was really a little fat, and she wasn’t sure how he would feel about that. What if he didn’t like her body? What if he decided he couldn’t do this? What if…
Stop, Wren.
It’s Jensen.
Even so, she had no clue what the fuck she was going to do.
Man, she really needed her mommy.