"How's my favorite live-in nanny?" Teagan teased the second I walked into her kitchen in South Peak Road fresh from dropping Ryder to daycare. "You know, I've been thinking and maybe you should move back in here with us. I could use a woman like you around the place."

Sarcastic bitch.

I responded with a middle finger gesture. "Shut up and make me coffee."

"Okaaay." Closing the door of the refrigerator she'd been rummaging in, Teagan turned and gave me her full attention. The sight of her looking like a freaking supermodel in a pair of her husband's gray Calvin Klein's and a skin-tight tank top only made me feel shittier than I had already been feeling and my shoulders slumped. "Rough morning?"

"Rough life," I muttered under my breath, sinking down on one of the barstools at the marble island in the center of the room. "Coffee, Teegs. Please."

"Coming right up." I watched my best friend bound around her kitchen a heck of a lot happier and more together than she had been four weeks ago. She had that beautiful glow about her that came with entering the second trimester of pregnancy. Everything about Teagan was tight and toned. And that cute little baby bump she was sporting that she thought was so huge? I was fairly sure I looked more pregnant after a heavy meal. Her silky hair looked like a freaking horse's tail swishing around as she made my coffee. Even though she had her blonde mane pulled back in a ponytail, it still reached the curve of her lower back.

"Black. Two sugars," she announced, placing my favorite mug in front of me.

"Thanks," I whispered, wrapping both hands around the mug, grateful for the warmth stemming from the porcelain. It was cold as hell outside, and raining to boot. I felt wet and cold to the bone. Teagan sank down on the stool opposite mine and waited for me to speak.

Coffee didn’t give a person the same Dutch courage as alcohol did, but it helped set the jets of my brain in motion.

When I drained the contents of my mug, I finally felt able to verbalize my feelings. "I'm so fucking angry," I bit out, blurting out everything I had buried down inside since I woke up this morning and had once again been faced with dealing with the absolute horror that was my life. "Worse than angry. I'm raging, Teegs. Like, certifiably furious."

Like every morning for the past god knows how long, Teagan didn’t say a word as I complained. She simply sat and listened to me rant on and on about my life until I had it out of my system.

My life was a fucking train wreck.

No, scratch that, because my life wasn’t interesting enough to be a train wreck. My life was a bus stop. Yeah, a boring, old, stinky bus stop in the middle of nowhere. I was trying. God knows I was trying to make my situation work, but I felt…suffocated.

That was so wrong, right?

Feeling suffocated?

I shouldn’t feel that way.

I shouldn’t be feeling stifled and repressed.

I shouldn’t be feeling trapped.

Because I wasn’t.

This was a choice.

I had chosen this path.

So why, after twenty-six years of certainty, did I feel so damn lost?

"You need to get laid," Teagan announced when I had finally run out of things to complain about. "Badly."

"What – do you want to have sex with me?" I huffed loudly and folded my arms across my chest. "Because that's the only way I'm getting laid." Had she been listening to me at all this morning?

"Hope," Teagan snickered. "Don’t be so dramatic."

"Who's being dramatic?" I shot back, voice rising. "I'm being deadly serious here, Teegs."

"Hey," she laughed, holding her hands up. "I'd help you out, but I'm married and don’t possess a penis."

Ha! "Not serious about you," I growled, rolling my eyes. "God, this is so fucking depressing." Resting my elbows on the counter, I leaned forward and dropped my head in my hands. "I don’t even remember what if feels like," I admitted glumly. "Sex? It's practically a foreign concept to me."

"It's amazing," Teagan offered with a dreamy sigh.

"Thanks for that," I grumbled.

"Maybe I should give you a crash course in the art of seducing your husband?" she mused.

"It wouldn’t matter if the entire playboy mansion sat down and gave me a lesson," I wailed. "I still wouldn’t be able to get my husband to sleep with me."

"Oh, quit being so pessimistic," she tossed back airily. "So, your husband won't have sex with you. Big deal. Have sex with yourself."

My head shot up and I gaped at her.

Teagan stared blankly back at me and I felt like throttling her.

"Do you have any idea how inexplicably tired a writer's hands are?" I bit out. "I have carpal tunnel, Teagan." Dear god, no one understood my struggles. "Forget it," I moaned. "You'd never understand. Not with your nimble fingers and horned up husband."

"Just keep plugging away," Teagan advised. "Eventually he's going to have to crack and have sex with you –"

"Morning ladies." Noah chose this exact moment to saunter into the kitchen, causing Teagan's words to trail off and her attention to hone in entirely on him. Noah walked right over to us and planted a kiss on Teagan's head. Not content with that limited amount of affection, Teagan spun around on her stool and dragged Noah's face down to hers, planting a loud kiss on his lips.

Meanwhile, I concentrated on ignoring how disgustingly cute they were together.

Smirking, Noah winked down at his wife before stepping away and walking over to the fridge. "So, what are you two talking about?" Retrieving one of those disgusting protein drinks Teagan prepped for him from the top shelf, Noah cracked the cap off and drank the entire bottle in one go.

"Ew," I muttered, staring at him in horror. "How can you stomach that crap?" Those drinks tasted freaking disgusting. Honestly, I had accidently consumed a sip once and puked my guts up. "It's gross, Noah, and you're gross for putting it in your body."

Noah cocked a brow in amusement. "Someone's bitchy this morning."

"Nah," Teagan mused. "Hope just needs to have sex."

"Teagan!" I snapped, mortified. "God."

Noah coughed loudly. "Excuse me?"

"Hope," Teagan clarified happily. "She needs the D."

"The D," Noah deadpanned, looking mildly horrified.

"Dick," Teagan clarified. "As in the male reproductive organ used to penetrate the fe–"

"Yeah, I got it, Thorn," Noah interrupted with a barely restrained shudder. "Jesus."

"Noah, how long would you go without fucking me?" Teagan began to say and I blanched. Dear god, she was off again. "I'm being serious," she added, hopping down from her stool, she walked over to a very uncomfortable looking Noah and said, "How long?"

Noah looked incredibly uncomfortable and slightly confused when he looked at his wife and asked, "What – like how long would I go without fucking you in one day?"

Teagan threw her head back and laughed and I groaned loudly.

"You know what? In my humble opinion, I believe that in order to have a successful relationship, a man needs to bring three things to the table." Teagan grinned before saying, "His dick, his heart, and a good sense of humor."

"And patience," Noah offered. "A shit ton of patience."

"Funny little fucker, aren’t you?" Teagan shot back before turning her attention back to me. "Maybe we should start on those seduction lessons after coffee."

"Holy shit," Noah spluttered, eyes widening as awareness dawned on him. "Are you and Jordan not…"

"Let me die," I whispered. It would be a hell of a lot easier to handle than this particular conversation.

"Nope," Teagan blabbed, continuing to ruin my life with this conversation. "Which is why I really feel that she needs to have the D right away."

"Oh my god. Shut up!" I hissed.

"Jesus Christ," Noah muttered. "You two are so fucking weird." He shook his head in disgust before hightailing it out of the kitchen.

"Admit it," Teagan shot back. "Just admit that you are in dire need of some crazy, hot sex and I will drop it."

"Fine," I snapped, losing my patience with her. "I need to have sex."

"What was that?" She teased, cupping her ear. "I couldn’t hear you."

"Oh, you didn’t hear me? Well hear this, bitch." Jumping off my stool, I threw my hands in the air and shouted at the top of my lungs, "I, Hope Sarah Carter, need to have sex with a penis! I really need a big, fat, ginormous, juicy dick inside me right this second!"

Teagan was laughing so hard that it was encouraging the teenager inside of me.

Laughing along with her, I continued to make a total ass of myself in front of my best friend by breaking into a verse of Nicki Minaj's Anaconda.

"Ahhhh!" Teagan screamed through fits of laughter. "I can't. I can't…" Crossing her legs to stop herself from peeing, she gasped and spluttered. "You're killing me."

"See this?" I called out, grabbing my own sweatpants clad ass. "This needs the D." Hip thrusting, I hopped over to where Teagan was squirming and dropped into the twerk position. "This ass needs a dick!" I sang out through fits of laughter as I attempted to twerk.

"Yeah, it does," Teagan half screamed from laughter as she began to play the drums on my ass. "Woo, go girl!"

"I need a dick," I laughed, thoroughly enjoying this bit of innocent fun between two best friends. Weird or not, this was exactly what I needed right now. Fun… "Give me the dick!"

"I volunteer as tribute," a familiar male voice said from behind me and I screamed loudly before falling on my face. The instant my gaze landed on the huge, tattooed man standing in the kitchen doorway with a shit-eating grin on his face, mortification crept through me. "Oh, sweet baby Jesus…"

"I'll have sex with you," Hunter declared with a wink, causing Teagan to burst out laughing. His words caused my heart to jackknife in my chest. Ice blue eyes stared into mine. His lips curled up in a predatorily smile. "And you're welcome to inspect my dick beforehand to see if it ticks all your boxes." His words dripped from his lips like honey. His blond main was pulled back in his signatory man bun. He cracked a huge smile before saying, "But I've had no complaints."

"I bet you haven't," I muttered, climbing to my feet, but I doubted he heard me with Teagan laughing like a freaking hyena.

"Where the hell have you been?" Teagan exclaimed, still laughing, as she rushed over to where Hunter was standing and threw her arms around him, enveloping him in a massive hug. "You said you'd only be gone a few days."

Immediately, something spiked inside of me. Something green and very ugly. I quickly batted it away, not daring to delve deeper into the reasons behind my sudden burst of emotion. Nothing was simple when it came to this man so I just blocked him out.

I had been avoiding Hunter Casarazzi like the plague since the night at the Ring of Fire for two very valid reasons.

The first; being in his presence reminded me of what I was capable of.

And second; he disturbed me.

Sure, nine times out of ten, he was here when I came over to visit, but I tried my best to keep my distance from him. I had to because the man had no filter. He was wild and flirtatious and he seemed to revel in making me squirm.

I couldn’t take his measure because the man was absolutely unpredictable. I never truly knew what he was going to say or do next. I didn’t like unpredictable. It wasn’t safe or comfortable.

The thought of how close I had come to giving myself to him last Halloween flooded my mind and I reddened even further. Like a cruel twist of fate, my brain reacted like a broken record, playing the memory of that night over and over again…

Frozen to the spot, I gaped after Hunter, and contemplated my options. I could sit around and live the rest of my life the way I had lived the past several years– miserable and empty. Or I could take a risk on the stranger who walked into my life two months ago and made me feel again...

Jumping off the bed, I ran out of my room and down the staircase, with only one thought in my mind. Stop him from leaving. I didn’t want to be on my own again.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I spotted Lucky moving towards the front door. Leaving, my mind told me, flashing the word in bright neon letters, and I barreled towards him, the fear of spending another day of my life alone almost too much to comprehend.

"Hey, Hunter!" I called out. "Lucky, wait." I managed to catch ahold of his cape just as the front door swung inwards.

"Don’t go," I panted, looking up at him.

"I'm not playing games here," Lucky told me, and the vulnerability in his voice hit me like a crater. "Don't mess me around, Hope."

My hand found his of its own accord. "I'm not trying to," I told him, shivering at the feel of his warm touch. "I need..." The words that had been on the tip of my tongue shriveled and died the moment my eyes landed on the person in the doorway of my parent's house.

Jordan was back.

From the moment I stepped off that plane and climbed into Hunter's truck, I had been in trouble. I remembered expecting my father to be the one to come and pick me up. I also remembered the excitement and desire I felt when it was Hunter instead. I remembered the burning intensity I had to figure him out. Those secretive smiles and double meaning comments he tossed about airily. Sure, I had seen him back in Cork, and like every red-blooded woman, I had admired his beauty. But the day he opened the door of that truck for me was my turning point. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I had unwillingly opened myself up to him.

Feeling something for Hunter made me resent him a little.

How dare he come into my perfectly organized world and pull the rug out from under my feet?

How dare he make me feel things for him.

How dare he make me question everything I had ever known?

I was aggravated and frustrated and not myself.

I was a ride or die kind of girl, and I was Jordan's ride or die girl.

Hunter had no business busting into my world and making everything a million times more complicated. He was not supposed to be in the equation.

1 + 1 = me and Jordan – not me, Jordan, and Hunter.

And why the hell did I always call him by his real name?

I didn’t want to.

I didn’t mean to.

Lucky was his nickname. Everyone and their mother called him that, but every time I opened my mouth, Hunter came out.

"I had some stuff I needed to tie up," Hunter replied, drawing back to the present as he set Teagan back down on her feet before fondly mussing her hair. "Took longer than I expected."

I itched to ask where he'd been. Teagan had mentioned Hunter was out of town last week, but I was sensible enough not to ask questions about him. It still didn’t stop me from wanting to know.

"But you're back now?" she asked, rearranging her ponytail. "For good?"

Disturbingly, I hung on every word of their conversation, desperate to hear his answer, but I never found out because Teagan bounded out of the room like an over-excited puppy, calling out, "Noah! Lucky's home."

Hunter shook his head in wry amusement. "She seems happier."

"She is," I confirmed, watching his every move as he strolled over to the coffee machine and grabbed the glass jug. "Happy, I mean."

"And you?" he asked, keeping his back to me as he poured himself a mug of coffee. When he turned around and asked, "Are you happy now, HC?" The intensity in his eyes almost melted me on the mortal spot.

"I'm happy," I confirmed, backing up against the island and as far from him as I could.

Hunter leaned against the counter, giving me his undivided attention as he took a sip of coffee.

Fuck, why did he have to look so damn good in those Timberland boots, faded denim jeans, that fucking plaid shirt and those ray bans settled on top of his head?

Tilting his head to one side, his eyes took a shamelessly long appraisal of my body and I felt the burn all the way to the tips of my toes. This man had a hold on me. I couldn’t explain the how's or why's and I didn’t fucking like it.

When he finally looked into my eyes and said, "Good," all the earlier intensity I'd seen in his eyes was gone, replaced now with…indifference?

Oh shit, I really didn’t want him to look at me with indifference.

And I really didn’t want to care if he did.

Dammit…

"So, where have you been?" I let myself down by asking.

Hunter took his sweet time answering me. He wasn’t unearthed by my demands or questions. He didn’t care that I was unsettled by him and it was wildly refreshing.

"I had to go home for a while," he finally answered. "I had some old scores I needed to settle."

"Illegal scores?" I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

"Don’t worry, Bonnie," he shot back with a smirk. "Clyde hasn’t done anything illegal without you since our last escapade."

My face reddened. "I didn’t mean–"

"Relax," he said with an easy smile. "I'm just kidding with you. Or is that off limits now, too?"

We used to kid around a lot before everything went to hell in a handbasket between us. I missed spending time with him. I missed my friend, but I couldn’t trust myself around him anymore.

The things he made me feel were not safe for me and I had to keep my distance. I was a married woman. I had commitments and I didn’t need the distraction Hunter Casarazzi posed to me.

Teagan returned then with Noah in tow and I didn’t have to say anymore. I knew this was my perfect opportunity to make my excuses and leave, and I knew that's exactly what I should do, but I found myself taking a seat in the kitchen.

Because as much as I hated to admit it, the only time I felt like I truly belonged was when I was hanging out in this house with my three best friends.