Chapter Nine
Landry
I was biting my nails. I never bit my nails. It was a disgusting habit, made even more disgusting by the fact that I worked at a hospital. It didn’t matter how many times a day I washed my hands, they still felt germ ridden. But contrary to my normal predisposition, I was chewing my nails to shreds while talking to my Uncle Luke. I glanced at the clock every twenty seconds as I paced, waiting for Brody to get to my house. “Yeah I’m feeling pretty good. Morning sickness lasts all day, but other than that kicking my ass, I’m good.”
I hated lying to Brody. I hated it. And talking so openly about the pregnancy with my uncle while one of the possible fathers was on their way over was making it all that much worse.
“You need anything? I know there isn’t much we can do about your crazy work schedule, but would a maid help? A chef? A trainer? Are you taking care of yourself?”
I snorted into the phone. “A maid? My apartment is like a thousand square feet, I think I can manage.” Growing up we’d had a housekeeper who came twice a week. But other than that, my brother and I had chores. Our parents never let the fact that we had money stop them from making us work hard and take responsibility for being part of the household.
“Just don’t push yourself too far. And ask for help when you need it.” He sighed. “I won’t ask about the father. But do you have friends nearby? People you can call if you’re in a bind?”
“Uh, sure.” Other than Brody, I didn’t have anyone that I hung out with.
“Clashing Swell lives so close to you right now. Let me send you Talon’s contact info. He’s a great guy—he’d help you in a second.”
Uncle Luke was right. Talon was great. And he’d help me if I asked, no hesitation. But he wasn’t the Clashing Swell member I needed. “You know what, I think I still have their info somewhere around here. From when we met at that concert.” From when their drummer might have knocked me up in a supply closet.
“Oh, okay, good.”
Brody was an amazing man. He was sweet and wild, which was the perfect combination. He was everything I wanted to be. But no twenty-three-year-old guy would take surprise pregnancy news well. Let alone, oh and it might not be yours. Which was why I wasn’t going to tell him. It wasn’t even fair to tell him yet. I’d be selfish to say anything before I had answers. Really, I was doing him a favor.
“Stop worrying, Uncle Luke, I’m doing great. I have my first appointment with my obstetrician this week. I’ll let everyone know how it goes.”
I rested my head against the back of my couch and put one hand on my lower stomach. I’d thrown up a lot in the last forty-eight hours, but I didn’t feel like I had a virus on top of being pregnant. I’d get nauseous, I’d puke my guts up, and then I’d be fine for a few hours. Rinse. Repeat.
“I love you, kiddo.”
“Love you too.”
I took a deep breath when the call disconnected and then a sip of the ice-cold water I’d been nursing. I should have told Brody not to come over. Usually the pukey feeling went away in the evenings, but tonight I felt queasier than usual.
When I heard him come bounding up the stairs, I sat up straight. Two at a time. That’s how he climbed the stairs to my apartment. Like he couldn’t wait to get inside. I took another small sip of water and silently prayed that I didn’t throw up in front of him. Again.
“Hey, baby cakes.” He dropped his bag on the floor while locking the door behind him.
“Hey you, I just got off the phone with my uncle—you’re welcome, by the way.” I giggled as he tackled me on the couch, rolling our bodies so I was straddling him. “I was in the OR most of the day, and I’m exhausted.” I’d had to leave and re-scrub in during one of my surgeries, you know, to puke. “Want to put me to sleep by giving me multiple orgasms?”
His usual smirk was absent. “You know it.” His tone was almost cold. Maybe practice had made him tired too. He slipped his hands under my long nightshirt and played with the thin straps of my thong. Instantly, I wanted him. Even though I was tired and I felt like shit, I still wanted Brody. I loved the way he touched me, the way he made me feel.
I watched him watch me. His hands moved up my body, reaching around my back to unhook my bra. I was too busy taking in his gorgeous blue eyes and intense expression to remember that as soon as he unhooked the sports bra, I’d want to cry. My breasts fell and I bit my cheek to keep from wincing, they were so tender and so heavy.
“Your boobs feel like they weigh five pounds each.” He had a breast in each hand, gently testing the weight like he was a human scale. They felt heavier today to me too, and hot to the touch. I should have stopped him before he could free them. But Brody made almost all logic and self-preservation leave my brain.
Almost. I hopped up and headed toward the kitchen. “I’m about to start my period.” Another boldfaced lie that made me hate myself. “You want something to drink?” I grabbed one of his favorite beers from the fridge. I didn’t cook much. I didn’t have the time or the energy after I made it home from the hospital. I only had Brody’s beer and my favorite wine. Neither of which I could enjoy for a while.
“Sure. You want to share?” He was sitting up now, staring at me, studying me.
I put the bottle to my lips; a small sip wouldn’t hurt the baby. I’d feel like a shit mother, but the baby would be—
“Stop.” Brody snatched the bottle from my hands and then slammed it on the coffee table so hard foam bubbled out of the top. “I know you’re pregnant, Landry.”
I sank down on the couch, my knees going weak at his words. “What? How?”
He stood and started pacing my living room. “Your Uncle Luke accidentally told us tonight after rehearsal.”
“Oh my god.” I put my head in my hands.
“Yep. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the girl I’ve been sleeping with, seeing…whatever we’ve been doing…is Luke’s pregnant niece.” He stopped pacing, turned and glared. “And she’s known about it for over a week?”
“Brody, please.”
“I was shocked. Not gonna lie to you. I was shocked.” He was gesturing wildly with his hands, something Brody rarely did. “But after I came to, I started to get a tad—”
“Came to? You passed out?” I got to my feet, crossing the room and taking his face in my hands. “Did you hit your head? Let me check your pupils.”
“I’m fine.” He brushed my attention away. “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I’d be mad? Did you think I’d leave you alone to deal with everything yourself? Please help me understand, Landry. Because I thought we were friends. I thought we had something good going here.”
“We are, we do.” I shook my head, trying to keep up with all the emotions and thoughts swirling in my head, and my stomach. “You’re leaving on tour though, and we’re short term. We always say we’re short term.” Why was I trying to justify lying to him? There was no excuse for what I’d done, what I’d planned to do.
“So rockers can’t have kids? Because I’m pretty sure your massive family puts that theory of yours to shame. We don’t have to be married with a golden retriever to raise a kid, Landry. People figure it out. We’ll do what works for us. For our kid.”
He didn’t have one little clue that the baby might not be his. And now, after lying and deceiving him for the better part of a week, I was about to punch him in the balls. I had to tell him. He had to know what he was saying, what he was offering. “I, uh, fuck. A few nights before we met, I slept with Travis. That was the last time I was with him.”
“Your ex?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I slept with him in the morning and then I caught him cheating on me that night.” I wiped at a tear as it began to roll down my cheek. “I did the math, the baby…it could be either of yours.” I cleared my throat, and gave up on trying to keep the tears away. “I had strep throat a couple of weeks before I met you and I’d been on antibiotics. I knew the risk with my birth control but you both wore condoms.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry I lied, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want you to hate me or hate the baby.”
“Landry.” Brody scooped me into his arms and sat down with me on his lap. “Don’t cry, please, it’s killing me.”
“I can’t help it. I feel so terrible.” I hiccupped. “And I was going to drink beer to prove my lie? I’m already a shit mom and this kid is a barely formed six-week-old embryo.”
He was rubbing my back, kissing my forehead. He’d gone from pissed to comforting me in an instant. But I didn’t deserve his kindness, not an ounce of it. “Tell me how to help you. Tell me what’s next. I need to know what’s going on in that brilliant brain of yours.”
I swallowed and then took a deep breath, willing my tears to stay in check. “I can take a paternity test in another six weeks. Then we’ll know for sure if…then we’ll know.” I was having a hard time coming up with the right words tonight. Everything seemed difficult; my brain felt muddled. “I haven’t told Travis about the pregnancy. And in all honesty, I wasn’t sure I was going to tell either of you.” No use lying to him anymore. The more truths I told, the lighter I was starting to feel.
“Fuck, baby. Why? Why would you want to keep this from us? Why would you want to take that away from me?”
The desperation in his voice hit my heart and the crying started back up harder than before. “I wanted what was best for everyone. Travis never wanted kids, which is really a blessing because he’d make a terrible father. And your career is taking off. Your dreams are coming true. I know what it’s like to live with a parent that never wanted you. And I won’t do that to this baby. I refuse to let it feel anything other than loved.”
“Let me be there for you,” he whispered, his breath a calming hush.
“I’m a big girl, Brody. I don’t need someone to hold my hand through this.” In reality, I didn’t want to get more attached to a man that was going to leave me the second he learned the baby wasn’t his. What twenty-three-year-old would stick around for someone else’s child? What twenty-three-year-old giant rock star in the making would stick around, period? I forced as much strength as I could muster into my voice. “In six weeks, I’ll get the paternity test. Either way, you aren’t on the hook for this. I can do it on my own.”
Brody sat me down onto the sofa and then took my face in his hands. “I’m not asking you, Landry. I’m telling you.” He glanced at my lips like he wanted to kiss some sense into me, but I guess he thought better of it. “There is chance that’s my kid in there. I’m going to be here.”
I nodded, lips pursed. “And what happens if you find out it’s not your kid? What then? You turn and walk away?” He stayed quiet, which was all the answer I needed. “So I get your support, your friendship, your dick…for the next six weeks? You get to keep coming here, you get to keep fucking Landry Cole until the day you step onto that tour bus and drive away without a care in the world?” I shook my head. “That’s what can’t happen, Brody. I can’t have you be in this with me for the next six weeks and then have you walk away. You need to leave now, while we’re both still okay with each other. While we’re still friends.”
“But it could be mine.”
“You’ve got a fifty-fifty shot here. Play the odds like they’re not in your favor.” I rose to my feet, grabbed my water because I was feeling sick again and headed toward my room. “I’ll call you in six weeks.”
I told him to leave. I’d practically told him to fuck off. But when the front door slammed shut, my heart fell to my stomach so hard I puked.