Chapter 4
Cami
I walk through the door of The Dark Room knowing that she’ll be here. It’s only six in the evening and the doors don’t open for the public for another few hours, but I’m certain Rylee is here.
Apart from Cole, The Dark Room is Rylee’s life and I can assure anybody who asks that she has been here since about two in the afternoon, working her ass off, only to stay right through till closing tonight.
She’s so dedicated to this place and it shows with how packed it is every night. I mean, the place is incredible and has maintained the label of being the top club in the city since she opened it over six years ago.
Rylee is the kind of woman who can do anything she puts her mind to, so when she wants to hold a grudge, she does a great job at it. I just hope it isn’t too bad. I mean, she has to forgive me, right? She’ll understand that I just needed some me time.
I look around the club but I don’t look too hard, something in my gut tells me she’ll be in her office sorting through orders or working on the staff rosters. Her work is never done here, but that’s just the way she likes it.
I walk down the hallway that leads to her office and bypasses the kitchen. I give a quick wave to some of the guys in there who are busy preparing for the night, just like they should be. They all give me welcoming smiles before I continue on to Rylee office.
The closer I get, the more the nerves begin to unsettle within me. Before all the shit that happened with Jace, I worked here and I absolutely loved it. I considered myself a bit of a big deal when it came to mixing drinks and working behind the bar, but then I left without any warning, and I’m sure for Rylee, that meant some last minute fuck arounds while she tried to get all my shifts covered. She probably had to hire a new bartender on short notice which probably would have pissed her off.
I don’t know what I want to do yet. I mean, if she’s alright with it, I’d love to pick right back up where I left off, but then, I’m all about change at the moment. I’m trying my hardest not to fall back into my old habits.
I want a healthy life which means letting go of the negative and I haven’t really decided if working full time in my store, trying my hand at being a designer, and working till midnight every night behind a bar is really the best way to promote change. It’s a recipe for disaster and I know I’m going to have to slow down at some point.
I just don’t want to.
I make it to the end of the hallway, right where Rylee’s door is and I find myself peeking in and getting a good look at her to try and get a feel for the kind of mood she’s in. She sits behind her desk, looking beautiful of course. Her head is down, stuck into her work just as I expected and from the look of it, she’s so far doing good. Though, this is before she’s seen me. That could very well change in the blink of an eye.
I bring my hand up and gently knock on the door before giving my best friend my undivided attention. “Hi,” I murmur as her head whips up.
A million emotions cross her stunning face. Happiness. Relief. Anger. Sadness. But the worst one of all that cuts me right down to the bone is the betrayal that shines right through.
“Can I come in?” I question a little hesitantly.
She doesn’t say anything, just stares, so I go ahead and step a little deeper into her office. “I’m busy,” she finally tells me.
Those two words tell me everything I need to know. After being her best friend for so long, I can read her like a map. She’s angry with me, but more than that, she’s hurt. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I had to go.”
She continues staring at me and the weight of her gaze nearly makes me crumple to the ground. “You said you would get in contact with me. I needed you like you couldn’t possibly understand and you weren’t there. I went to your apartment to find you gone, and I waited. For weeks, I waited, but you never called. You didn’t email like you said you would. You were just gone.”
“I know,” I say as I hold back the tears again. “I’m sorry, but you have to understand why I did it. I wasn’t ready. I was broken and I needed to breathe.”
“And what about what I needed?”
I look at her and search her eyes. “I’m sorry,” I tell her again. “You have Cole. I thought you’d be alright.”
Her lips press into a tight line as she watches me. She lets out a sigh as she slowly shakes her head. “You haven’t got a damn clue what I’m talking about.”
I look at her confused moments before she stands up.
My mouth drops open as I take in her protruding belly. She must be at least seven or eight months pregnant and it suddenly becomes very clear.
I was gone while she was learning that she was pregnant and she’s had to go through all of this without her best friend by her side.
She waited every day for me to reach out for her, right when she needed me most and I failed her. I wasn’t there for her.
“Rylee,” I whisper as I continue taking her in.
She doesn’t say a word, just walks around her desk, crosses the room, and stands beside the door before indicating that I should be going. “I have work to do,” she tells me flatly.
I search her eyes once again but she looks away, not letting me in, though it doesn’t take a genius to know that the betrayal is still there.
I walk back to her door and place my hand on her shoulder before leaning in and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “No matter what, Rylee. You’re my best friend and I love you. I know I’ve hurt you and I promise you, I will make it up to you.”
With that, I walk out into the hallway and listen to the sound of the door closing behind me.
I’m hardly even out to my car before the tears start rolling down my cheeks.
How could I have been so selfish? Not once did I think about the people I was leaving behind. Well… apart from Jace, but that doesn’t count. I thought Rylee would have been fine. I knew she would have been pissed that I left, but I thought she had Cole to keep her grounded while I was gone, and if she needed a girlfriend, there’s a whole heap to choose from now.
Never did I think about the possibility of a pregnancy. Never did I think that something could happen in her life where she would need me right by her side. How fucking stupid was I to leave and not think there would be any consequences?
Me not being by her side would have destroyed her. She didn’t get to announce her pregnancy in some goofy way like she would have wanted. She didn’t get to send me the picture of her first scan. She didn’t have her best friend there holding her hair back when she was throwing up.
I was thinking only of myself and my needs.
I can only imagine what she must be going through. She would have shown up on my doorstep, bubbly with excitement so she could tell me her news. She would have used her spare key when I didn’t answer, and she would have walked in to see that I wasn’t there.
She would have been crushed.
I’m her best friend for fuck’s sake.
She must truly hate me right now.
I get in my car and get myself to the home that now seems so lonely. I walk into my kitchen, grab a bottle of water, and slide myself down the kitchen wall until my ass is firmly planted on the cool tiles.
It’s as though both Rylee and Jace have moved on with their lives. I left and the world I left behind just kept spinning without me. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all. It seems as though everyone else has moved on with their lives, but the universe keeps wanting to fuck with mine.
I don’t know how long I sit here enjoying my pity-party, but eventually, the delivery driver comes and drops off my furniture and shopping. He even goes as far as to put the new mattress on my bed and gives me a hand dragging the old one out.
I thank him and he gets on his way, allowing me to put my new bed together. I look down at it, pleased with the new sheets I’ve picked out today and am about to fall straight into it when there’s a knock at the door.
I look longingly at the bed, wishing I could just get in and fall into a deep sleep as that way, I won’t be thinking about just how shitty of a person I am.
Instead, I walk out of my bedroom and answer the door.
The first smile I’ve given over the last six hours graces my lips when I see Imogen, Izzy, and Lexi standing in my doorway.
I instantly welcome them in and they fall into my arms. “Welcome home,” Imogen says as she holds me tight. “We heard what happened to your apartment so we thought we’d come and help you out.”
“I don’t think she needs the help,” Izzy grunts from beside her before pushing her out of the way and pulling me into a hug.
“No,” I tell them. “My neighbor came over yesterday and we put it all back together. There’s still a lot of crap that needs to be thrown out, but I’ll wait until the weekend.”
The girls come deeper into my apartment and Lexi closes the door behind them. “How are you feeling?” Imogen asks, unable to help her therapist tendencies as we sit down on my new couches.
“Well, yesterday was a disaster,” I tell them. “I tied looking for Cole and ended up with a pissed off Jace and then I spent the night cleaning with major jetlag issues. I thought today would be better until I went to see Rylee.”
“Shit,” Imogen curses. “So, you know?”
“Yeah,” I sigh, averting my eyes down to my lap. “It’s a bit hard to miss that bump.”
Imogen reaches forward and squeezes my hand. “She’ll be alright,” she tells me. “She just misses you.”
“I know,” I agree. “But I hurt her when she needed me the most. I’ve never not been there for her. It’s like an unspoken rule and I broke it,” I explain. “How far along is she?”
“Eight months,” she tells me before pressing a hand to her own stomach and giving me a warm smile. “I’m four months.”
“What?” I gasp with wide eyes. “You’re pregnant too?”
“Sure am,” she says.
“Oh, hell,” Lexi says from beside us. “You guys are bound to find out sooner or later. I’m cooking a little bun too.”
“What?” Imogen, Izzy, and I all shriek at the same time before we’re all up on our feet jumping around and giving each other hugs.
I can’t help but feel the sting of jealousy. If I had my way, this would have been me and Jace. We would have been happy and starting a family, but it’ll never happen for me. This is just something I’m going to have to learn to live with.
“So, let me get this straight. Rylee is eight months,” I say before turning towards Imogen. “You’re four months.” I turn to Lexi. “And how far are you?”
“Still new,” she says. “Only about ten weeks. We weren’t planning on telling anyone just yet because of my history with miscarriages, but something feels different about this one. It feels good.”
“Yeah,” Izzy scoff. “Because you have a decent man by your side rather than an asshole.”
“True,” she says with a smile that rips across her face as she starts daydreaming about Luke.
“So, is anyone else about to pop out a baby, or is it just you three?” I question.
“Just us three,” Lexi says with a giggle. “Well, just us three that I know of. Though, with Xander and Charli’s wedding next month, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to knock her up.”
“Agreed,” Imogen says. “He’s been extra clucky since Rylee fell pregnant. It’s as clear as day that he wants it.”
“I bet,” I say as I stretch my legs out. “He’s going to make a great dad. Actually, all the guys are going to be great daddies.”
With two pregnant, soon-to-be mommies in my home, I try my best to remember my hosting skills and manage to pull myself together enough to call for dinner.
Twenty minutes later, we’re eating our dinner and the second they walk out the door, I fall into my bed.
After having such a huge sleep last night and only waking up from it nine hours ago, I find my mind wandering. I’m not surprised when Jace is the one who pops into my head. He’s always the one who appears in my mind. No matter what I’m doing or what’s happening in my life, it’s always him.
I squeeze my eyes a little tighter, hoping it will magically make him disappear from my head, but all that does is make me realize just how pathetic I am.
The only saving grace I have right now is that this is my new bed. It’s comfortable and warm, and what’s best is that Jace has never been in it. This is all me. Me, myself, and I.
The exhaustion of yet another emotional day quickly catches up to me and I soon find Jace fading from my mind as the unconsciousness takes over.