PHOENIX
A male Adélie penguin gathers rare rocks to give to the girl he likes. The problem is, if another male comes along with a nice rock, she will mate with him, too.
I am wrought with worry the next morning. Having heard nothing from Jackal, I spend the morning following the news as they report the kidnapping of baby “R.”
“Terrible,” Sean says, as we sit at the breakfast table.
I’ve not touched my food and he’s eyeing my plate in concern. I pick up my fork and spoon eggs into my mouth to appease him. Don’t do anything to cause suspicion.
“And to think it happened right under all of our noses,” Sean comments. “The kidnapper could have been right next to us.”
“Stop it, Sean. You’re making me feel sick,” I say.
He sets down his coffee cup and stares at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know R’s disappearance would have you so upset.”
“His name is Rebel,” I snap. “Why is everyone calling him R?”
“It’s the initiative they’ve taken to separate the baby from the movement his mother started,” Sean says honestly. “Changing his name would have caused an uproar, so they just...gave him a nickname.”
I look away, disgusted. It’s so twisted. The government is manipulating us, right down to what we call our babies. Why aren’t more people seeing the truth of it? He reaches out to take my hand and I resist the urge to pull away. I haven’t had the talk with Sean—I’d been too distracted. There are too many more important things taking precedence.
I’m quiet on the flight home. When Sean asks me if I want a drink, I order a double and then pretend to fall asleep against the window.
“Thank you for a lovely weekend,” I tell him, as he drops me off at the apartment. “I hope you get some rest.”
“You too,” he says, his tone brisker than usual. “Thanks for joining me.” He starts to walk away and turns back. “I wish I knew what you wanted,” he says sadly.
I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. I could recite a long list for him, starting with a non-corrupt government.
“I wish I knew too,” I say. “Bye, Sean.”
I shut the door behind him and lean against it. Hopefully, he will move on and meet someone who can make him happy. It just can’t be me. I message Jackal and get no response. I think about calling Gwen, seeing if she’s heard anything from him, but at the risk that she hasn’t, she’ll want to know what happened. I can’t bring myself to tell her that I don’t know where her baby is.
I have a performance in a few hours. I shower and head over to the theater and go through a condensed rehearsal. I’m distracted during the performance, but I don’t think it shows. During the curtain call, I search through the crowd for Jackal’s face. He’s not here, he’s not anywhere. I take my final bow and dart backstage, ignoring anyone who calls my name. Foregoing my shower, I sneak out as soon as I’m changed, walking to the apartment rather than taking a car. I’ve barely stepped out of the shower, when there’s a light tap at the door. I look out my security camera and see Jackal standing there, hands in his pockets.
I fling open the door, smiling wide, and he rushes in, closing the door behind him.
“Where’s the baby? What happened? Where have you been?” I ask, breathless.
“Jewel is hiding with him at her place. She thought it’d be better to take him at night and I agree. We’ll meet her in a couple of hours to take him to Gwen.”
“Does Gwen know?”
“No. We didn’t want to tell her anything until it was all in place...if something went wrong. Your mothers?” he asks.
I nod. “Sylvia went to the station, said they’d had a fight, and Bisa left in the middle of the night. They let her go.” He hugs me tight and I let him hold me there until he finally speaks again.
“I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind,” he says, lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. “All this fucking excitement and danger...and all I want to do is fuck you until I can’t see straight.” He leans his head against mine. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I laugh, rubbing my nose against his.
“Are we okay? Do we need to talk about the whole Langley thing?” he asks, looking pensive.
“I said all I needed to say,” I tell him.
He makes a face. “I’m good with that.”
“Do we need to talk about your mother?” I ask.
“I’d prefer not to,” he says.
I chew on my lip, wondering how hard I should push him.
“We make a pretty good team,” he says. “The Phoenix and the Jackal.”
He carries me to my bedroom and tosses me on the bed. I lean up on my elbows and watch him undress. He motions to me.
“Clothes off. I need to see you. All of you.”
“You’re coming in here awfully demanding…” I say as I pull the leotard down. He watches intently. The tights come down next.
“So that’s how it’s done,” he says. “You don’t want me too?” He reaches between my legs and lifts my wetness to his mouth, licking his fingers one by one. “I haven’t even gotten started yet, and you’re ready.”
He smirks and I pull him down to me. “Stop talking,” I tell him.
“I don’t wanna,” he says. “Better yet, how about you start talking...tell me what you want me to do to you. In detail.”
I groan. “I can’t. Just get after it.” I tug his hair and pull his mouth to mine.
His tongue teases mine and I want him to go faster, but he refuses. He sets a slow pace and when he presses against me, I try to hold him there, but he’s gone, his lips dragging down my neck and his fingers tweaking my nipples.
“Is it okay if I stay here all night?” he asks, his eyes meeting mine.
“You can stay here every night,” I tell him, emboldened by the way he’s touching me.
His fingers move between my legs and stroke, dipping down inside of me and back up to my clit. Little circles, faster and faster. My eyes roll back.
“Look at me. Watch.” He takes his dick and rubs it where his fingers have been. It’s glistening when he pulls back, my desire all over him.
“Don’t stop,” I whimper.
He lowers and puts his mouth there, blowing against my skin. “I’ve missed you,” he whispers and then his tongue dives into me and I yell.
“Fuck me,” I moan. “I can’t wait.”
He ignores me, his tongue going crazy, and he hits a spot that makes me buck off of the bed. He puts his hands underneath me and fucks me with his mouth, dragging in and out of me until I lose my mind.
I’m barely coming down from the high when he moves his body flush against mine. I inhale and exhale a few shaky breaths and he drives into me. And again. Harder. I meet him thrust for thrust, our bodies pounding together.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says, leaning up to watch us fuck. He groans and pulls out then dives back in. His eyes squeeze shut and he goes still. “You feel too good. I can’t stop.” He sets the rhythm, and we go so hard the bed bangs into the wall with each thrust. Ten, twenty times, until I feel like I might black out from the pleasure.
“Come with me,” I moan.
He explodes, shouting my name. It’s such an intimate moment that I start to cry.
For one perfect night, I know what it’s like to be held in reverence, worshipped, and my purity defiled until I can barely move.
We meet Jewel around midnight at the halfway point to the farmhouse. Rebel is asleep in her arms when she hands him to me.
“Go well, little guy,” she says.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “Nah. I hate emotional shit. Plus, no rest for the wicked. It’s a working night for me.”
“Thank you for everything,” I call after her.
She winks at me before climbing into her car.
We drive the rest of the way in silence, Jackal staying under the speed limit the entire time. I hold the sleeping Rebel to my chest. When we see the farmhouse, Jackal reaches over and squeezes my knee.
“Ready?”
“My heart is pounding so hard,” I tell him. “What if we took the wrong baby?”
He laughs so hard, Rebel stirs in my arms.
“With all we went through, little thief, she’s keeping this one whether it’s Rebel or not.”
Jackal puts the car in park, and for a moment, all we can do is stare at each other. I feel unfamiliar things unfurl in my belly when he looks at me like that.
“I was wrong about you,” I say.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah…”
“Phoenix,” he says.
My eyes are locked on his lips. He says my name again and I snap out of my trance.
“What?” I say, distracted.
He smiles at me knowingly and juts his head toward the house. I squint toward the darkness and can just make out the figure of someone standing in the doorway, her hand propping open the door as she peers out at us. I step out of the car, the light from the open door shining on me just enough to illuminate the small bundle on my chest. She steps from the doorway and to the edge of the porch. Her voice quivers when she says my name. “Phoenix?” The real question she’s asking lingers between us.
I nod once and she walks toward me, her steps careful, almost like she’s afraid of the ground opening up and swallowing her whole. When we’re just a few feet apart, she stops and looks at me with fear in her eyes.
“Is it him?”
I nod. She covers her sobs with her hand and for a minute I think she might fall to her knees in the mud as she stumbles backward.
“Can I take him?” she asks. “Is he sleeping?”
Her hesitancy confuses me. I expected her to run toward me and snatch him from my arms. She’s scared, I realize. That this is a dream perhaps, or that he won’t know who she is after all this time.
“Gwen,” I say. “He’s your baby. This is Rebel. He will know you. He belongs with you.”
She’s trembling as she reaches for him, her bottom lip quivering. Rebel lets out a little squeal when she lifts him from my arms. She cradles him, studying his face in awe.
“He’s bigger,” she whispers. “He’s so big.”
She lifts him to her lips and kisses his forehead just as he opens his eyes. One of Gwen’s tears hits Rebel’s cheek and he blinks in surprise. I’m praying he doesn’t cry, afraid that it will hurt Gwen. He stares up at her carefully before opening his mouth in a giant yawn. Gwen starts to laugh, the tears streaming down her face. She throws her head back laughing in joy as she clutches her boy to her chest.
And of all the things I’ve done, nothing feels quite like this.