PHOENIX
Female snakes can store sperm for up to five years.
The day after Gwen leaves, I grieve the loss of all the people I’ve grown to love. My life was simple before them, sparse and tidy and...a void existence. I don’t know what to do with myself now. I got too attached to the baby, too accustomed to easy smiles and being with people who take me as I am.
I come back to the apartment to take my shower after a late evening’s performance. I don’t want to be around the company right now, their two-faced smiles and words grate more than ever now that I know what it means to have true friendships. I’m drying off when I hear someone at the door. I freeze, my mind entertaining every horrific possibility of who could be ringing my doorbell. I glance at the time. It’s not the police, I tell myself as I shrug into my robe. I leave my hair in the towel, and run for the door, groaning when the knock gets more aggressive.
“I’m coming already!” I yell.
I throw the door open and wish I hadn’t.
Sean stands in my doorway, looking me up and down, and his face settles into what I can only describe as contempt.
“Sean. Is everything all right?”
I step back as he invites himself in. I hold a hand to my throat, willing my pulse to steady. He walks to my bar and considers a drink, but he must find himself too distracted because he rounds on me empty-handed.
“We’ve been friends a long time, Phoenix, haven’t we?” he asks, his voice calmer than the red rising on his cheeks.
“Yes, we have,” I answer carefully. He shoves his hands into his pockets and walks toward the window, peering down at the city.
“And you’ve known how I feel about you for—how long now? At least a year?”
Longer, really, but I keep quiet. I nod, biting the inside of my cheek. There is a slow building of dread curdling in my belly.
“So imagine my surprise when I realize that I don’t know you at all.”
“Of course you do,” I tell him. I swallow hard and continue. “You know the things about me that are important.” It sounds false even as I’m saying the words, but I can’t stop. “What’s happened, Sean?”
“I know what you’ve done,” he says simply. “You kept leaving that night. You were acting strange. So I followed you. I saw you leave and come back dressed differently…I saw you running into the woods carrying something. Now I know who that was. I didn’t want to think you were capable—” He shakes his head.
I step back and the backs of my legs hit the chair. I sit down.
“You used me, Phoenix. To steal a baby,” he says.
“I didn’t steal a baby. I returned a baby to his mother.”
“You know what I mean. You put my career at risk...the Blue.”
“Sean…” I rub a hand across my forehead. How could I possibly explain this? He is going to hate me either way. “I’m truly sorry for that...I never wanted to put you in that position. I hoped and prayed it would never come back on you in any way. Who knows besides you?”
Both of our Silverbooks go off, hovering and flashing that there is a Regionwide Alert.
I jump up and try to turn it off, but it keeps flashing. It sets my nerves on edge, but he ignores the alert and so do I. He also ignores my question.
“What have you gotten yourself involved in, Phoenix?”
“I never meant for this to happen.”
“But it did, didn’t it?”
I stare down at my hands.
“They’re investigating everyone at the party. They’re coming to see you.”
I look up suddenly, Sean’s eyes boring into me.
“I’d get to that little house you have in the country before they find your guests,” he says.
I go still, the pit in my stomach growing. “You’ve been watching?”
He shrugs and looks away. “I had to know for sure. You haven’t been at the apartment when I’ve stopped by. So, I followed you yesterday from the theater and saw someone who looked just like Gwen Allison holding a baby…in your house.” He shakes his head. “When you took the baby from her and held him, I knew.” He rubs his eyes with his fist and looks at the ceiling. “They can’t continue to stay there, Phoenix. This is all going to blow up on you.”
Keep the peace, I tell myself over and over. Keep the peace, and get him out of here. I shiver then put my head in my hands and nod.
“Thank you for telling me.” I stand up and move toward the door. His next words stop me.
“Are you sure all the cameras weren’t working the night you took Rebel?” he asks, reaching into his pocket.
“We had someone take care of that—”
“—They missed one,” he interrupts. “I hope, for your sake, there aren’t more…”
I look at him sharply. His tone sounds straightforward, nothing sinister or threatening. “You’re not turning me in?”
“Not yet. You have enough to deal with for hiding fugitives. They’ll come to the conclusion about the baby without me handing over proof.”
“Sean,” I say carefully. “I undid a wrong. You and I both know that baby should never have been taken from Gwen. You’re a kind, decent…”
“I know how nice I am.” His tone has bite. “I’ve said all I came to say...except for this: I can make it all go away,” he snaps his fingers, “just like that.”
He’s always had a flair for the dramatic is the thought that crosses my mind and I quickly stifle it down. He’s hurt and I did that to him.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Be with me. Marry me, move in with me, commit to me—I don’t care how we make it official—but come home with me, today, and I will keep you safe.”
I’m shaking my head before he gets the words all the way out. His lip quivers when he says “safe” and I put my hand on his arm.
“No,” I say softly.
“How much of your no is because of Jackal Emerson?” His face tightens as if daring me to disagree.
“None of it.”
He flattens his lips together and then scoffs. “I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t have to...but it’s the truth. I respect you too much to pretend to be in love with you,” I say.
“Not even when it means protecting yourself and those you love?”
“My whole life has been constrained and tidy. I’ve never tried to break out of the life that someone else planned for me. At times it’s been like a prison, but I thought it was what I deserved...what I was made to be. I know better now. I can’t be tamed. I won’t be tamed.” I lean in and get in his face. “Even if that means I go to prison.”
He turns on his heels and walks to the door. His eyes are bleak when he looks at me.
“Please let me help you. You’ll regret this, Phoenix.”
“I don’t think so,” I say softly. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”
He walks out of the door and out of my life.