This apartment had come fully furnished. Right down to the pots and pans that had, up until this morning, sat unused in the glass-fronted cupboards. I had always assumed I had everything I needed. That is, until I actually needed it.

"A fucking saute pan," I muttered as I opened up the third cabinet in a row in a so far unsuccessful search. "That's all I'm looking for."

As I shut the door, one of the many, many pans I had that weren't the ones I actually needed to make eggs, slipped down with a resounding clang.

"Fuck," I hissed under my breath. Rummaging around my own kitchen, searching for implements I wasn't even sure were in here was proving to be an exercise in futility. And worse, I was making a fucking racket.

And CeCe was still asleep in my bed.

I momentarily gave up the search in favor of walking back to my bedroom to look at her again. For such a tiny girl, she sure took up a huge part of the bed, rolling and thrashing like she was fighting invisible monsters. I hadn't slept much, preferring instead to reach out and catch her when she rolled my way, folding her close to my body.

It seemed like that helped her keep the monsters at bay.

When my stomach started growling, I'd gotten the notion to make us both a big Scottish breakfast. My soul yearned for a big plate of streaky bacon, beans and some fried tomatoes with a cup of tea brewed so strong you could stand a spoon up in it. But my bachelor's fridge had yielded up nothing more than a half dozen eggs, so I'd settled for eggs and toast.

It was strange how having her here awakened these odd instincts. Breakfast had been nothing more than a cup of black coffee for years now.

But there was something about that girl in my bed that made me want something more.

As I looked in from the doorway, CeCe suddenly stretched her arms over her head. "Hey," she murmured sleepily. She flopped over to her side and blinked up at me with a slow smile.

I went over to her immediately. "Hey yourself," I said, perching at the side of the bed. "I'm sorry if I woke you, lass."

She stretched and looked over at my never used alarm clock. "Oh shit, I need to be getting up anyway." She sat up and rubbed her eyes.

I shook my head. "I have half a mind to chain you to my bed," I told her, letting my eyes trail down her naked body. "Keep you here forever."

She let her hands fall down to either side of her and her grin nearly knocked me backward. "Don't you want your contract brought to the label? Keeping me prisoner is not exactly a good career move."

"Fuck my career," I growled, pushing her back and pinning her down underneath me. Her indignant squeal died away as I kissed her, long and slow, so that by the time I pulled back we were both breathing hard. "Stay with me?" I begged her.

"You really don't want me going, do you?"

I shrugged. "If you leave, I'm afraid it'll fuck everything up for us."

She blinked. I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach as soon as I said the words, and slowly drew my hands back away from her. "Ewan," she said slowly. "This wasn't...."

"Yes, it was," I interrupted. "Tell me you felt it, lass."

She looked away. "It was nice but..."

"It was more than bloody nice."

She looked back at me, lips pressed tightly together. I gathered the sheet up into my fist, squeezing it together. "Whoever you think I am, love," I told her slowly, sadly. "I need you to stop thinking it, yeah? Because you're wrong."

"I don't think..."

"Yeah, you do. You think I'm not serious when I say I'm mad for you. You think it's a line I've used on all the groupies and all that bloody rockstar shit, but I'm wondering if you've been paying attention at all?" I looked up at her as she regarded me with a carefully neutral expression. "I've never wanted something disposable," I said. "I not a fucking one-hit wonder. I'm only interested in things that last."

Her eyes flicked away from me, and my heart sank right down to my feet when I saw what she was seeing. The short term apartment. The life on the road. The band that was on the verge of breakup. The success I wasn't even sure that I wanted. I swallowed and squeezed my fist tighter. "I don't care how it looks," I said with my jaw clenched so tightly it hurt. "I'm telling you how it is."

She looked back at me, ready to say something, but at that moment, the trilling sound of a retro desk phone filled the silence.

With an apologetic look, she dove for her jeans, fishing her phone out of the pocket. "August?" she asked.

I turned in time to catch her glancing up at me. "Yeah," she said with a rueful little grin. "I'm with him." She listened for a second and her eyes widened. "That's great news! You're amazing!" She glanced back at me. "You want me to tell him?" She paused and nodded again. "I'll let him know."

Rage flickered through me like the sputtering of a candle in a drafty room. I was angry at her but I didn't want to be angry at her, not after last night, and the fact that I was angry at her only made me angry at myself. So when she hung up and turned back to me I couldn't have kept the biting sarcasm out of my voice even if I tried. "Is this the professional relationship you wanted, love? I give you orgasms, you take my phone messages?"

Her eyes flashed. "Don't be an asshole."

"Don't make me feel like one."

She got up and started yanking on her clothes. "I was going to tell you," she snapped, hopping into her jeans. "That August had good news."

"Maybe you can pencil in an appointment to tell me," I growled.

"Ewan!" she said. "You guys are playing two nights at the Sound Garden!" I opened my mouth but nothing came out. She nodded. "Yeah. Want to stop being a dick to me now?"

"Sorry, love," I mumbled.

But even I could hear how hollow my apology sounded and CeCe wasn't having it. "I have to get to work."

I unclenched my fist, feeling the sheet slide through my fingers like my vision of a sweet cuddly breakfast in the kitchen, maybe followed by a second breakfast of me eating her out on the countertop. "I'll walk you down."

The silence in the elevator was so loud it drowned out my thoughts. I felt numb and hollow and filled with the need to say something but with no idea what it could be. The door opened and Celia rushed towards the entrance without a backwards glance and even though I had no idea what had just happened between us, it felt wrong to have her leave this way, without her knowing...knowing...

Knowing what?

She pushed the door open and I dashed after her on pure instinct. "Celia!" I called, reaching out to grab her arm. She spun around with a wild look in her eyes, the same wildness that I'd seen last night and maybe that's why I kissed her like I did. Harder. Rougher than I meant to, but not nearly as rough as I needed to. I slid my tongue against hers, letting her feel me, telling her something I needed to say and she sagged against me for a moment like she understood. I brushed her hair back, tilting her chin to kiss her more sweetly, loving how soft her mouth was.

She inhaled sharply and then pulled back. Biting her lip, she looked down and made to move away but my hand was still on her arm. "Hey," was all I said.

She nodded. "Okay."

"When?"

"I don't know."

I breathed out. "Okay, I'll wait."

She blinked up at me.

"I told you. Only things that last."

She nodded and I thought I saw tears in her eyes before she blinked them away. "Okay," she said and only then did I loosen my grip on her arm. Only then did I feel like it was safe to let her walk away.