Chapter 37

I caught my breath. Jake's words hung in the air. Obviously, it was my turn to say something, but for the life of me, I couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence.

The silence loomed large between us. Bits of our conversation drifted across my brain. I knew what I'd always wanted, but his signals were decidedly mixed. The way it sounded, he might be a whole lot happier in the long run if I ran to the guest room and locked the door behind me.

I didn't want to do that. But more than anything, I didn't want to be just another girl who couldn't take a hint. Somehow, I found my voice. "Are you saying you want to be alone?" I asked.

"Yeah."

My heart sank.

And then, he leaned toward me. His voice grew raw, like the words were being wrenched out of him against his will. "For your sake, not mine."

He was so close now. I could kiss him if I wanted. I did want to. Quietly, I spoke into the darkness. "What if I don't want to leave?"

He didn't move, but he did speak. "Then you're even dumber than I am."

"I'm not dumb." My heart was hammering. I moved my head a fraction toward his. "And neither are you."

Suddenly, a cold splash of reality hit me in the face. I stopped short. A few hours earlier, Bianca had talked to Jake on the phone. She'd been standing in this very same room. Her words, a taunt really, echoed in my brain.

He wasn't alone.

That was hours ago. Jake had just returned. From where? I swallowed. From who?

I wanted him so bad. And the way it sounded, he might want me too. I had wanted him for so very long. And now, more than anything, I wanted to bury the questions that were begging to be asked. Where were you? Who were you with?

If I asked those questions, and received the answers I feared, what then? Would I have the self-respect to pull away? A smart girl would pull away, if only to regroup. There was always tomorrow. Right?

"What is it?" Jake asked.

I looked out toward the balcony. I didn't want to ask, because part of me didn't really want to know. But somehow, the words slipped out before I could stop them. "Earlier tonight," I said, "where were you?"

I half expected him to be angry, or maybe refuse to answer, to tell me it was none of my business. After all, I wasn't his girlfriend. And even if I were, I couldn't imagine him answering to anybody.

But surprisingly, he did answer. And his voice was so devoid of anger that it took me by surprise. "I went back to the museum," he said.

"Why?" I asked. "I mean, was it to see anyone in particular?" Like those two girls who had been molesting Jake with their eyes?

"Yeah," he said. "It was."

I tried to keep my tone casual. "Really? Who?"

"Rango."

I squinted at him through the darkness. "Rango? Why Rango?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Actually, I do."

"Okay," he said. "I was looking for a fight."

From what I'd seen, he never had to look very far if that's all he wanted.

"And," he continued, "this time, I didn't give a rat's ass who swung first, or if I landed my ass back in jail."

"Don’t say that."

"Why?" he said. "It's the truth."

"So, did you see him?"

"Yeah, I saw him. He was talking on his damn cell phone. But as soon as he saw me, he was outta there."

"What do you mean?"

"The place was packed," Jake said, "with maybe double the people as when we left. My guess? He was hiding out in in the crowd and slipped out a side entrance." Jake made a sound of disgust. "Fuckin' coward."

"I don't get it," I said. "What made you go back there? I mean, if all you wanted was a fight…" I reached for his arm. "You know what? Forget it. I'm glad Rango left. And I'm glad you didn't find him."

"Yeah?" An edge creeping into his voice. "Why's that?"

"Because," I said. "If you had found him, you wouldn't be here with me now." Desperately, I wanted to kiss him. But first, there was something I simply had to know. "Jake? Can I ask you a question?"

His voice was softer now. "Yeah?"

"Earlier, at the museum, why'd you kiss me?"