Eladia is standing outside my room. It’s a nice surprise, although I’m not in the mood for a fuck right now. I have many things in my mind that I want to sort out before arriving at Yaerus. Still, since she’s already here, I can’t help but smile and invite her in. My room is her room, and she already knows that, but she seems hesitant to come in for some reason. She’s waiting for me to invite her inside.

“Come on in,” I finally say.

“Thanks,” she says.

I pick up a strange vibe; she’s not in the mood for fucking, too. Although it shouldn’t, it bothers me.

“It’s nice spending some time with you all alone,” I continue.

She nods but walks straight into my bedroom. Maybe she’s in the mood after all. I don’t know, I’m confused. Women of all species seem too complicated to figure out.

I follow her and find her sitting on my bed, her face hidden behind her hands. She seems sad for some reason.

“Is everything okay?” I ask her.

She doesn’t reply to me. Instead, she sighs and raises her head to look at me. There’s a storm brewing in her eyes. They’re a red around the edges and deep and somehow hazy. Eladia is looking at me but at the same time, she isn’t.

“I...I’m not sure. There’s something I have to tell you,” she says.

Oh no! Trouble in Paradise, Dark Jay suddenly comments sarcastically on the situation. He picked up her foul mood himself and decided to make matters even worse for me. I swear, sometimes it’s like we’re the exact opposite of one another. I can’t seem to understand how he’s thinking.

I sit beside her on the bed and look straight into the eyes. She turns away, but I stretch my hand and gently pull her back. Eladia is so beautiful when her hair is down, especially now that she cut them short and can’t gather them in one of those hideous ponytails. It’s so much better this way. Still, she won’t talk to me if I don’t push her.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong? Don’t you like our plan? There’s still time to change it if you disagree,” I say.

She gives me a mirthless smile, one devoid of any feelings. It gives me the impression that I have no clue what I’m saying. I don’t like that expression.

“It isn’t about the plan, Jay. It’s about us. I...I don’t where to start from,” she says.

My heart stops for a moment. I freeze in place and can’t think clearly. Is she trying to break up with me? To push me away? But, why? We’re so good together. Our sex is perfect, the passion between us is strong. I don’t understand what’s going on in her mind right now.

And that pisses me off.

I stand up and move away from her. I’m not sure I want to be sitting next to her right now. I take a deep breath and lean against the door frame.

“What’s wrong with you? Why are you so determined to always fuck everything up? We’re so good together! I fucking trust you now, more than anyone in this world. Isn’t that what you wanted all this time?”

I’m angry; anger makes me lose control of my body and right now I don’t want Dark Jay coming out of its hiding. I can feel him stir in there, waiting for the right moment to shatter my defenses. And Eladia is doing a fine job helping him.

“It has been over a year since we last met, Jay. You can’t blame me for having second thoughts. You’ve...changed. You’re not the same man I fell in love with. I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m happy you trust me, but…,” she says.

“But? But what? So now I’m the one that isn’t good enough for you? You didn’t seem to have a problem last night or the night before when I was sticking my dick inside you. Is that what I am to you? A toy you can play with?”

Words come out of my mouth all by themselves. I’m not sure who am I anymore, what I’m saying. I just want to make her feel shitty, the same way she makes me feel right now.

“It’s not like that, Jay. You know that all the moments we shared were real. But...but I think I’ve fallen for someone else.”

Numbness quickly replaces anger in my body. I can’t talk anymore. I can’t think straight. I stand still, glancing at her, through her, above her, below her. I’m trying to understand the subtext of this conversation, but I’m not sure I get it.

“Are you fucking with me, Eladia? Did Pyro make you say all these nonsense? Maybe one of the siblings?”

She shakes her head. I stride towards her, grab her by the shoulders and shake her.

“Please! Tell me it was one of them. I will understand, I promise. I won’t get mad. Just please, tell me that this is a joke.”

I don’t recognize myself. Every minute of my previous life passes through my head, and I don’t remember ever feeling this way. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of a woman, and I can’t stop it.

Tears run down her face. “I’m in love with your other self, your dark self. At least...at least that is what I think I’m feeling. I just want to talk to him for five minutes, to clear things out and then...”

I release her and hurry into the bathroom. I watch myself in the mirror as I wash my face. I see an old man with black hair and purple eyes; a tired, fool man. I’m trying to see what’s wrong with me for believing that someone could have fallen in love with a monster like me, an alien whose people are long dead.

But, I can’t find an excuse.

Her words echo in my head so loudly that I lose the sense of time. Maybe an hour has passed or just a second; I don’t know how long it has been, but I find myself changing into my other self. I see the black matter cover the tips of my hands. I knew that someday I would have to use him to help me, but never in that way. Now, giving him control like that, I know it’s the last time.

Esuh of the Two Faces don’t cry; I’m sure of that now. Still, just before the dark matter engulfs me with its madness, I see one sparkling tear shyly leave my eye. Maybe I don’t know anything about the Esuh after all