Chapter Thirteen
Etta kicked off her shoes, peeled off her socks, and continued her cool down by wading along the edge of the lake. “You run a good pace,” Brodie Judge commented from beside her.
“Are you serious? You annihilated me.”
“You kept up.”
“Barely. But thank you. I guess you drew the short straw today.”
“It’s not a hardship to run with you, Doc.”
“Ditto, Mr. Judge.”
“Brodie.”
“Only if you call me Etta.”
“Deal. So, did you give that UTV I customized for you a try? It’ll now haul a trailer with a full size cow if you need.”
“I did and it’s pretty impressive. I also noticed it has a whole lot more get up and go than before.”
“More power, baby.” Brodie grinned.
“You do have that need for speed, don’t you?”
“Guilty as charged.”
“Well, everyone needs a way to blow off steam, decompress, and all that. I heard through the grapevine that you’re also all kinds of extreme sports.”
“Not all kinds. I like to climb.”
“Mountains?”
“Anything.”
“So, you have all the gear, the spikes and ropes and I don’t know what the correct terms are.”
“No. I like solo climbing.”
“You don’t have gear for that?”
“Well, you have a good pair of climbing shoes.”
“That’s it? No harness, no safety ropes, or anything? Isn’t there something you need besides a pair of shoes?”
Brodie chuckled. “A grip of death.”
Etta shuttered. “No thanks.”
“Well, it’s not for everyone.”
“Amen to that.”
“JJ climbed with me a few times.”
“Did he?” Etta looked away until Brodie laughed, then she turned her gaze to him again.
“You’re as bad as he is.” Brodie commented.
“Pardon?”
“You and JJ. You’ve got it as bad for him as he does for you.”
“I don’t know what would make you think—”
“It’s in your eyes, Doc.” Brodie leaned in a little to be more on eye level with her.
Etta didn’t bother to argue. What would be the point? She did have feelings for JJ, but he’d made it clear that he wasn’t sure if his feelings ran deep enough.
“So now you’re the psychiatrist?” She tried to tease.
“Nope, just a man with eyes.”
“And nice ones at that.”
“Watch it, Doc, or I’ll be giving JJ a run for his money.”
Etta heaved an exaggerated and overly dramatic sigh. “A girl can only dream.”
“Smartass.” Brodie chuckled and made a grab for her, but she dodged and ran. He caught up, grabbed her around the waist, and in three giant steps was knee deep in the water.
Etta’s laugh was cut short as he dived, taking them both under. When they surfaced, he looked toward the shore and his eyebrows rose. “Oh, oh.”
Etta’s gaze moved toward the shore. JJ was marching away, his back ramrod straight. She looked at Brodie, who laughed. “You think he’ll challenge me to a duel?”
She snorted, jumped up to put her hands on his shoulders, and shoved him under the water. Throughout the ensuring water battle, she found herself wondering what JJ was thinking.
*****
JJ was pissed. He’d no more told her that he needed to figure out if he was good enough for her before she was tussling in the lake with Brodie. Fuck. It had to be Brodie. Mr. Looks like a California Surfer, Know No Fear, Can Charm a Snake Brodie.
Fuck.
He kicked every twig or weed in his path on the way back to the ranch. JJ wasn’t even sure why he headed there until he found himself in front of Deacon’s cabin. Deacon was sitting on the front porch with a beer in one hand, rocking slowly in the swing.
“Getting ready to blow a cog?” Deacon asked.
“What?”
“What has you so pissed?”
“Women.”
“In general or one in particular?”
“One in particular.” JJ took a seat on the porch step and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask.”
“She said you were her guardian angel and when I asked what that meant she said it was your story to tell so I should ask you.”
“Is there a question in there?”
“Yes. What does that mean? That you’re her guardian angel?”
“There’s a whole lot more to that tale than just my part and I can’t be telling someone else’s story.”
“She told me. About what happened once you were released after being shot.”
“She told you.”
“Yes. About the drugs and booze and men. About you drowning her. Being her guardian angel.”
“I see.” Deacon stood, leaned against the porch support, and stared off into the distance. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a person more determined to save someone than Etta was to save me. She slept in a chair in my hospital room for four weeks, and then she demanded a bed in my rehab room.
“She went with me to every PT session, every visit with the shrink and surgeon. Sat right there in the waiting room or stood outside the door and waited. She didn’t leave my side. When I was cut loose, we were provided transport, her to California and me to Tennessee. I remember standing there on the tarmac thinking that she wasn’t anything like the woman I first met. She was thin with dark circles under her eyes and her hair was two inches of white, where once it’d been two feet of black silk.
“I should have seen it then, that she was coming apart, but I didn’t. Maybe I was just thinking about myself, about getting back to my own life. Whatever the case, I was wrong not to go with her that day.”
“So how did you end up with her?”
“Got a call from a friend two weeks later who was stationed with her, an MP. He found her passed out in her car on base with all kinds of pill bottles on the floor of her car, along with a half-empty bottle of whiskey and a loaded gun on the seat. He called me first and I asked him to keep it quiet.
“I called in a marker with Angel and he let me go get her. She was one messed-up human being. I barely recognized her. I took her home with me.”
“She told me about that. Sounds like it was bad.”
“It was. More for her than me.”
“She made it sound like you had the shitty end of the stick.”
“That’s because it’s in her nature to be giving, but the truth is, she was hurting in a lot of ways. She loved Gabe and he deceived her in the worst way. If you’d seen the look he gave her that day, the hate and contempt in his eyes…that cut deep. Too deep. It made her feel stupid for being so fooled. Not just that he loved her, but she missed any sign that would have indicated he’d turned traitor.”
“No one else saw it either.”
“No. All anyone else saw was Gabe, the same asshole he’d always been.”
“If he was such an asshole, why did she fall for him?”
“Haven’t you figured it out? Because he was broken. Etta needs to fix people.”
That threw JJ for a mental loop. She saw him as broken? Well, shit, of course she did because when he got there, that’s just what he was. Broken. Like Humpty Dumpty, and she’d used her energy, her empathy, her intelligence, and her caring to put him back together again, one piece at a time.
Still, it stung to think that’s what she saw when she looked at him. A broken man.
“Why?” he asked, as much to escape the unpleasantness of that last thought as to assuage his curiosity.
“Because she knows what it feels like to be broken.”
“But she married Gabe before he betrayed her.”
“Doesn’t mean she wasn’t broken before that.”
“Okay, but back to you. Why are you her guardian angel?”
“Because I was dead and she brought me back, gave me a second chance. The whole time I was in the hospital and rehab, she thought of nothing but me. My healing, my comfort, my happiness. She gave and she gave and I took it, let her strength bolster mine. I never stopped to really look at her, to see that she was becoming more undone every day and giving away her life force to me one day at a time, keeping nothing for herself. I damn near took her life, so I owe her.”
“She says she owes you her life.”
“Not really. After all, I did drown her.”
“And yet she calls you a guardian angel.”
“Because I watch out for her.”
“For how long?”
“As long as it takes.”
“Takes to what?”
“For her to be whole again.” Deacon reclaimed his seat on the porch swing.
The idea that she wasn’t had never entered JJ’s mind. Not even after finding out about Gabe. “You think she’s not?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t be here.”
“You know I have feelings for her.”
“I do.”
“And she knows it. Today we—we talked about it.”
“Oh? That’s what you talk about in therapy?”
“I had to know.”
“Know what?”
“What she wants.”
For the next few minutes, there was only the sound of the swing creaking as Deacon rocked back and forth, an occasional neigh from a horse or the distant lowing of cattle. Finally, JJ looked around at Deacon.
“She said she wanted someone to love, someone who would love her and be there for her.”
“Sounds reasonable.”
“I told her I had to figure out if I loved her enough.”
“Son, I hope you didn’t use those words.”
“No. I mean, that’s not exactly what I said, but I had to be honest with her. I keep hearing how I talk more about getting back to my unit than anything, and maybe I do think more about that than I do about me and her, but it’s all I know. It’s my life, so how can I not think about it?”
“It’s your life.” Deacon said and stood. “There’s your answer, boy.”
“Sir?”
“You said it’s your life. Not she’s your life or who you want to be your life or even who you want as the most important person in your life. Now, it’s time for you to go.”
“Yes, sir.” JJ stood. “Are you headed over to the doc’s house?”
“She seems to think she doesn’t need a babysitter.”
“What do you think?”
“I think the surveillance we set up in her house to monitor things will let us know quick enough if anyone tries to get in.”
“You have the outside and inside wired?”
“We do.”
“Does she know? That you’re watching her?”
“Only the windows and doors. We’re not invading her privacy.”
“Didn’t mean to suggest that, sir. Have a good night.”
“You, too.”
JJ thought about their conversation as he walked along in the fading light of day. Maybe Deacon was right. Maybe he did have his answer. But if he did, why did it make him feel almost sick to his stomach at the idea of leaving this place, of leaving her?
JJ wanted to return to his unit with an intensity that bordered on obsession, but in the quiet moments when he was alone, he sometimes wondered if it was being SEAL he missed, or was his eagerness to return a need to prove that he’d overcome being a hostage. That he was as strong as ever, physically and mentally.
He should have gone straight to the main house, should not have stopped to look at Etta’s house and the light spilling from the windows. He should have kept walking on, but his legs carried him up her front steps to the door.
JJ raised his hand to knock on the door, paused, then started to turn away. How many sets of eyes were on him right now? Who all knew that he was standing at her door? The door opened and there she stood, backlit by the glow from the sitting room. “JJ.”
All the thoughts swirling in his head stopped. The words gathering to be spoken lodged in his throat. At that moment, everything became clear. What he wanted, what he needed was her.
JJ wanted to tell her, but the enormity of it robbed him of voice. All he could do was step inside and kick the door closed behind him. He took her hand and guided her out of the line of sight of the door or any window, then ran his free hand behind her head and pulled her in to meet his kiss.
Every time he kissed her, it was like a first. Tonight, she melted against him like an eager lover, taking all he had to give. It took Herculean effort to end the kiss and whisper against her lips.
“You’re under surveillance. Every door and every window.”
Etta looked up at him in surprise and then her eyes narrowed. “Don’t move.”
She crossed the room and picked up her cell phone from the coffee table to place a call. Her gaze stayed fixed on JJ. He was surprised when Mason’s voice came over the speaker. He hadn’t expected her to allow him access to the conversation. “Etta? Is everything okay?”
“Tell whoever is on duty to turn off the feed. Every camera in my house and do it now.”
“Etta, the only reason we have the cameras installed is for your safety.”
“Fine, but not tonight. I’m having a guest for the night and I damn sure don’t want to be anyone’s evening entertainment, so turn them off or I’ll find them and tear them down. Your choice.”
“I think you’re being a little unreasonable. I’ve been assured that your privacy is not being violated. The cameras monitor the windows and doors.”
“And what else?”
“Well, I don’t know, but I’m certain no one would—”
“Shut them down, Mason. Now.”
“Fine, I’ll call Deacon.”
“Thank you.”
She ended the call and when JJ opened his mouth, she held up a hand. “Wait.”
He did, and the seconds ticked by. She watched the face of her phone and the moment the phone chimed, she answered. “Deacon.”
“The surveillance is for your safety.”
“I appreciate that, but I have a phone and a gun. I’ll be fine.”
“Etta, be reasonable.”
“I am. No cameras. Give me your word, Deac.”
“Fine. The cameras go dark in two minutes.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
JJ watched Etta, who was staring at her phone. Finally, she put it down and walked over to him. “Now, where were we?”
“I was about to carry you into your bedroom and take my time making love to you. Unless you don’t want that.”
“Oh, I do.”
JJ swept her up in his arms and, as promised, carried her to the bedroom where he set her down beside the bed. Etta started to remove her shirt, but JJ stopped her. “Uh uh. I’ll do that. Lie down.”
Despite his urge to rush, JJ took things slow. He undressed her, one article of clothing at a time, touching and tasting every inch that was laid bare to him. What he discovered was a woman who was remarkably responsive to his touch, one with hidden levels of sensuality he’d not suspected.
She surrendered completely to him and his mind went void of every thought other than the taste and feel of her. For hours, he teased her, carrying her to the edge of release with hands and mouth, only to stop short and leave her wanting. By the time they were both naked, the excitement had his heart hammering and his skin burning with suppressed need.
“Jasper.” Etta’s voice was low and husky as she wrapped her long legs around his waist and hoisted her hips up to press her hot sex against him.
A fever swept through his mind and he grabbed her by the hips as he sat back on his heels, pulling her onto him. The breath she released was a sharp, excited hiss, followed by a mumble he couldn’t understand. Not that it mattered. The way she gasped his name had stabbed him with a shard of hunger so strong it damn near blinded him.
JJ wanted to take it slow and love her easy, but she was so damn beautiful, so wantonly sensual the way she writhed against him.
“Now,” she begged. “Please, now.”
He didn’t possess enough will to refuse. It was what he’d dreamed of. With a quick move, he rolled her onto her back. There’d be time to take it slow. Later. After he’d laid claim to his woman.