“I think I’m going to die.”
I run my tongue over my lips, trying to get some moisture in them. Jo’s words echo my own thoughts as the boat lurches from side to side. My whole body is moving in different directions to other parts of me and my head is spinning. I feel the bile in my throat and my head is so heavy that I think it has been super-glued to the deck. I can’t open my eyes because the sun is too bright and burns through my glasses. There is silence all around.
All I can hear are the groans of my fellow sailors as everyone lies flat on the deck. The rolling and pitching of the boat is doing strange things to my mind and body and I actually think I am going to die.
There is not one member of this boat that isn’t similarly affected. Even Luke is clinging to the side rail and leaning over the side of the boat. Barry is sitting with his head in his hands, groaning. I see Pete out of the corner of my eye crawling across the deck towards Jo, who is groaning loudly as she lies face down.
Marcus looks green as he sits with his back against the side of the boat and every other person is clinging to something to try to stop from falling over.
Only Captain Elviras and Elvis appear unaffected and look at us with worried expressions.
Suddenly, the Captain cries out in Spanish - I think and Elvis translates.
“We’re here, everyone. Look, the cliff divers are diving for your pleasure.”
Jo groans loudly.
“The only one I’m interested in seeing throw himself off that cliff is now invading my personal space. Clear off Pete, I blame you for all of this.”
Pete says in a strangled voice.
“If we die on this boat, I just want you to know that I love you, Jo. There is no Margaret and never has been. Not even a relative or old classmate. I swear on my life it was nothing, just a weird reaction to the passionate moment.”
Jo growls. “Shut up with your passionate moments. You can keep them to yourself in future. Just leave me alone. I’m about to die and I don’t want yours to be the last voice I hear.”
I hear somebody throwing up over the side of the boat and try to blank it out. If I hear the sound of retching I am liable to join them. This is a disaster.
Soon the groans turn to moans, interspersed with heaving and retching. I actually think Jo is right. We are all going to die.
After the worst couple of hours of my life, Captain Elviras takes us safely back to shore. We leave the boat on very shaky legs, followed by the Captains’ very worried expression. I almost feel sorry for him as he looks so upset. I can’t even raise a brave, farewell smile because my world is still spinning and I’m not sure if my legs work on their own anymore. I don’t think any of us even saw the famous divers, so it was a complete waste of time.
Somehow, we manage to drag ourselves back to the hotel and our respective rooms. The thought of getting on another boat in just a few short hours is not a happy one, despite the man candy on board. Luke came back to my room because he couldn’t face lying on a moving bed while feeling the effects of our boat trip. Instead, we just lie on my massive bed which is the size of a small island and fall into a sickness induced slumber.
It’s amazing what a few hours rest on solid ground will do. We are soon scrubbed up and loaded with excitement at the thought of the evening to come.
Luke looks good enough to eat in a pair of smart black trousers and a white shirt. He has scrubbed up well and I almost wish we could stay in tonight.
I have tried my best and am wearing the favoured blue dress and high heels. I’ve curled my hair and applied my make up as best as I can, given that my head is still a little shaky from earlier. Either that, or the sight of Luke sitting on my bed looking like Christian Grey, with those sexy smouldering lust-filled eyes completely directed at me.
He smiles and says gruffly.
“You had better stick close to me tonight. One look at you and there will be a stampede.”
His words make me giggle stupidly and I shake my head.
“Don’t be silly, nobody will give me a second look.”
I hope against hope itself that I’m wrong, as I contemplate the image of a ship full of lust crazy sailors stampeding towards me. Now that’s an image that will keep me warm for the rest of my life.
For the first time I can ever remember the crew is silent as we contemplate the immense beast before us. HMS Richmond is the name of the absolutely huge Naval ship currently gracing the shores of Acapulco. There is a long gangplank bridging the gap between the shore, at the foot of which are standing two sailors dressed in their sexy white uniform. We look at them in total awe and for the first time since I have known him, even Marcus is quiet. Luke takes hold of my hand and winks.
“Relax, Becca. It’s not so special.”
I shake my head in total disagreement. No, this is one hundred and twenty billion percent special in my eyes. This is the moment of a lifetime.
Like Noah’s animals, we head on board, two by two. Luke and I lead the way and I swallow nervously. We reach the top of the gangplank and Luke salutes the two officers stationed at the top. He states who we are and the extremely hot sailor consults his clipboard and ticks us off with a flourish of his pen. Then he salutes as we walk on past.
I look around me in sheer disbelief. This just can’t be happening. All around me is regulation grey paint. The whole ship looks complicated and fearsome as I gaze up at the elements of war all around us. Large solid doors guard their secrets against prying eyes and I feel so small and insignificant.
We make our way to a large deck area which is obviously the scene of the soiree tonight. All around are white-clad sailors mingling with the locals who look every bit as intimidated as I do. Luke guides us over to a man chatting in a small group and waits until the man looks our way. I watch as he salutes him and then proceeds to introduce us to what I now know is the Captain.
I shake his hand and worry that I should curtsey. What’s the protocol for one of these things? Unlike Captain Birdseye, this man is elegant and poised. His clipped British accent rings out in pure authoritative style as he welcomes us all onboard.
Then we fade out of his sight as he greets much more distinguished guests than we are.
Luke pulls me over to a group of officers and one of them smiles and winks at him.
“You made it then.”
Luke grins.
“As promised.”
He turns to us and smiles.
“Meet Tom. He’s promised to arrange you a guided tour of the ship if you want.”
I almost shake with excitement. Wow, this is like a dream come true.
We are organised into groups of four. Luke, me, Jo and Rachel.
Jenny, Flynn, Pete, and Barry are in a group of their own and Marcus, Elvis, Caitlyn, and Michelle make up another. The rest of our crew are divided into groups and I swallow hard as what can only be described as a Tom Cruise lookalike smiles around at us.
“I’m Mark and I’ll be your guide this evening. Have any of you ever been on a Naval ship before?”
Rachel grins. “I went on the Cutty Sark once on a school trip. I’m betting things have changed since then.”
Mark looks at her and his eyes twinkle. “Just a little. Anyone else?”
Luke just grins and Mark laughs.
“I’m sure Luke can answer any questions you have as well. He may travel under the sea instead of on top but the principles are the same.”
As he sets off, we follow him, exchanging looks of pure excitement as we go.
As we follow Mark and Luke around the ship I shudder inside. All of this grey is seriously creeping me out. It’s so boring. Why didn’t they consult the Farrow and Ball catalogue? It would be much more stylish than gunmetal grey on every surface. Maybe I should suggest it to the Captain over a canape and glass of fizz later. I may even offer my Interior design skills and help design a new fleet of ships ‘a, la, Laura Ashley.’ They would all thank me for enriching their lives.
Mark explains the different uses of the rooms, or should I say cabins, that we come across. He even shows us the Captain’s quarters and I’m sorry but green flowers went out in the seventies. I’ve heard of budget cuts but surely they could run to a few new curtains here and there.
The most exciting part was when we got to sit in the chairs on the bridge. We posed for many a photograph while pretending to save the world.
Moving from the top we venture lower down. I look at the huge steel doors with an almost panic attack. Luke whispers, “These doors have to be heavy and thick. Each sailor has a section to man and if there is any danger, they have to secure the door to save the ship.”
I look at him in surprise.
“What, if pirates came on board?”
Luke laughs.
“No, the biggest fear is fire or water. These doors are designed to keep both out. Even if it means trapping your fellow sailors behind them, your first priority is to protect the majority.”
I shiver at the thought of what they may have to do.
As we descend even further, the temperature increases. It gets extremely hot and I wonder if health and safety know about this. Mark notices our flushed faces and smiles.
“We’re getting nearer the engines down here. This is what powers the ship and the conditions are extreme. It doesn’t help when you’re in a hot country either.”
I hang onto Luke as we progress. I don’t miss the curious stares from the sailors that work here. Most are dressed differently to the officers on the top deck and I whisper to Luke.
“What’s the differences in the uniforms?”
He whispers. “These are the Ratings. They work under the officers and all have a specific job to do.”
As we meander through the ship, I am in awe of the scale of the operation. Mark shows us where they all work and some of the cabins that they sleep in. There is hardly any room for them to sleep and the conditions are cramped. Even the officer’s cabins are small and I think of my huge room back at the hotel. Why would anyone enjoy living here?
I notice that Rachel chatters to Mark constantly. She asks him lots of questions and he appears very pleased to answer. Jo, however, is uncharacteristically quiet beside me. I nudge her and whisper,
“Are you ok, Jo?”
She nods. “I’m fine. I think that boat trip earlier affected me more than most. I can’t seem to get myself back to normal.”
I link arms with her and smile.
“Lean on me if you like.”
Looking around, I whisper, “What do you think of this? It’s amazing isn’t it?”
She smiles. “I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. Hats off to them, I couldn’t exist without a nice bath followed by Emmerdale every evening. This would send me crazy being cooped up in here.”
I nod in agreement. “Have you noticed there are lots of women? They’re not stupid, are they? I mean, adrift on the ocean waves with a ship full of hot guys. It may be worth putting up with the cramped conditions if it means getting up close and cramped with some of these.”
We start to giggle like schoolgirls and Luke rolls his eyes.
“Come on, we’ll head back and you can grab some food and drinks.”
By the time we re-join the party I almost feel as if I could go on Mastermind with my newfound knowledge. One thing I have learned is that it’s most definitely not a sailor’s life for me.