Chapter 5: Skylar

“You can’t trust anyone, Skylar. But you especially can’t trust men.” Jo Beth sighed, dropped her People magazine onto the table, and walked toward the kitchen counter. “I know he killed her,” she said, as she refilled her mug with fresh coffee. “Look at his eyes. They’re soulless.”

I put down Jane Eyre and reached for her magazine. The cover held a picture of a beautiful couple, him in a tuxedo, her in black dress with a white sweater. He stood over a head taller than her, but they both had dark hair and gleaming white smiles. They obviously belonged to each other. “But they seem so perfect,” I said.

“Anyone can seem perfect. But nobody actually is.” Jo Beth jabbed her finger at the magazine. “I can’t believe you haven’t heard about them. They’ve been all over the news. You really do keep your nose buried in a book, don’t you?”

I shrugged and glanced at the cover of Jane Eyre, with the young heroine in a black cloak and a shadowed man on horseback. They were surrounded by clouds and a castle sat in the background. “I guess I prefer the fictional world to the real one,” I told my sister.

“Hmpf,” she grunted. “I saw the movie of Jane Eyre. That story is fucked up.”

I couldn’t argue her point because I’d already thought it myself. True, Jane seemed destined for dank environments, and yes, she fell in love with a gloomy, secretive guy. I mean, not only was he married, but (spoiler alert) Mr. Rochester kept his wife up in the attic. Meanwhile, Jane was an innocent virgin, proving that the bad-boy/good-girl dynamic is a time-honored literary device. I wasn’t beyond appreciating the romance yet I could also recognize the theme: men can violate, but women can’t let themselves be violated. Was this a universal truth, or merely fiction?

Jo Beth reverted to her magazine, determined to fill me in. “He’s on trial right now. They say he killed his pregnant wife so he could run off with his girlfriend; he made it look like she was missing for months. And then, when they finally found the bodies…” She shuddered.

“What do you mean? There was more than one body?”

Jo Beth nodded slowly as she used both hands to grasp her coffee cup. “The baby had been cut out of her. They found it first, and then they found her…with her head cut off.”

“That’s terrible.” I took a sip of my orange juice, trying to wash down my queasiness. We were just finishing breakfast and the sun shone through Jo Beth’s windows, as if to convince us that the world was a friendly place. But my sister knew better.

“This sort of thing happens way more than you know. The guy seemed like an ideal husband, but he was a cold-blooded murderer.” Jo Beth leaned forward, pressing her elbows against her oak table, her eyes boring into mine. “Let’s promise each other that we won’t fall for the charming guy, especially not for the charming, handsome guy. They’re nothing but trouble.”

“Okay,” I rasped. The orange juice still burnt my throat.

“Promise me, Skylar. You have to promise.”

I wasn’t sure it was a pledge I could stick to, but I was incapable of saying no to my sister. “Okay, I promise I won’t fall for the charming, handsome guy.”

Jo Beth slapped the table in victory. “Good. I promise too.” Obviously feeling successful, she relaxed her pose and leaned back. “What do you want to do today? Should we go skiing?”

“Of course!”

Jo Beth hopped up from her seat at the table. “Great. They sent me some new fleece mittens and you can have them, Sky. They’ll look perfect with your jacket and they’re super warm.” Jo Beth moved in a flurry, like she always did when she was in a good mood. On sunny days like this one, the world was made just for her and simply being in her presence turned me into royalty.

It took us very little time to don our gear and make the short commute from Jo Beth’s condo to the ski resort that was practically in her backyard. “My condo is so much cooler than Mom and Dad’s house,” said Jo Beth. We now sat on the ski lift, floating over mountain tops that I knew so well, were I to close my eyes I’d still be able to see their rocky ridges and scattered evergreens. “And if you move in with me, it’s walking distance to the lift.” Right after Jo Beth scored her first big sponsorship she had bought her luxurious, celebrity-appropriate condo. Now it seemed to be more than her new home; those walls had become an extension of Jo Beth’s fabulousness.

“That is a bonus.” I tried to sound noncommittal. I knew I was too young to move from home, too unsteady to walk away from Mom and Dad.

“And you’ll have your own room. God, Skylar, you’ll even have your own bathroom, with a Jacuzzi tub, no less." She swept her long ponytail off her shoulder. "How can you possibly turn that down?”

I busied myself shifting one ski pole so that my left hand was holding them both, and using my mittened right hand to scratch just below my nostril. The damp fleece only irritated my nose and I made a face.

“Don’t avoid me, Skylar.”

I realized that Jo Beth was glaring at me, her cheeks red from the wind, small drops of moisture clinging to her eyelashes.

“How am I avoiding you?” I rocked our chair by moving my weight back and forth. “It’d be sort of impossible right now, even if I wanted to.”

“I know you better than you know yourself. You’re hesitating, buying time, trying to find a nice way to say no.” Jo Beth transferred her gaze to her skis, which she’d raised and held vertically by straightening her legs. Then she attempted to remove the little clumps of snow that clung to her skis by knocking them together.

“I just don’t get why you’d want me around all the time.” I playfully nudged her shoulder with my own. “You’re so popular. You don’t need your little sister around, invading your privacy.”

“I’m not that popular.”

“What are you talking about? Everyone I know wants to be around you.”

Jo Beth smiled for half a second, before her chin trembled and she bit her bottom lip to make the trembling stop. “The only person who even knows me at all is you.”

We had reached the “Prepare to de-board” sign. My poles were both already in my outside hand and Jo Beth transferred hers. We lifted our skis, stood at the right moment, and glided off the lift. I was glad for a second of respite. Maybe I could collect my thoughts and find a way to say no thank you, without hurting Jo Beth’s feelings, of course.

Yet by the time I’d caught up to her, the old Jo Beth was back. She gave me a smile of such glowing confidence, I figured I’d merely imagined her vulnerability back on the lift.

“We’re doing the mogul run, right?” I asked.

“Sure, if that’s what you want.” She pivoted and prepared to launch herself down the mountain. I knew then that the issue was closed, that she’d already extended herself way more than she liked. I could just let it go. I could tell myself that Jo Beth wasn’t really lonely; she was just trying to be nice. But suddenly the choice between living with Jo Beth and living at home became so clear, that it was barely a choice at all.

“Jo Beth!” I was as surprised at my volume as she was. When she turned toward me expectantly, I wasn’t even sure what I meant to say. “Umm…” I stammered. “I just don’t want to hurt Mom and Dad’s feelings. That’s all.”

Jo Beth gave me a simple nod. “Sure. I understand, Skylar. Don’t worry about it.”

“But…” I swallowed roughly, knowing that once I made this concession, there was no going back. “But I’d rather live with you.”

Jo Beth’s eyebrows arched in victory and the corners of her mouth inched into a modest smile. “No worries. I’ll talk to them for you.” She lowered her ski goggles, so now her face was behind a mask. “Let’s go.” An immense stretch of powder extended before us. “Race you to the bottom!” Jo Beth cried.

“You’re on!” I took off, aware that my sister was giving me a head start. She had to; otherwise, there’d be no contest. As I kept my skis parallel, gliding swiftly over moguls and around steep turns, I knew that Jo Beth was gaining on me.

It didn’t matter. If most of the time I felt like Jane Eyre, with “features so irregular and so marked…poor, obscure, plain, and little,” now I felt like the moon to her sun, borrowing her light so I could illuminate on my own.