Chapter 12: Jo Beth

It was only days after Christmas, but Jo Beth felt this urgent need to return to South America. The feeling nagged at her like she’d left the stove on in her apartment, even though in Santiago Jo Beth lodged in a brightly painted hostel and the only stove was in the communal kitchen adjacent to the deck and lounge area. So, she knew her anxiety just stemmed from her new life calling her back to Brazil. “I met this really great girl named Magda and she and I have started a business,” Jo Beth told Skylar. “It’s such a great investment opportunity. We’ll run day-trips to the coastal towns and do adventure tours along the Rio Maipo Gorge.”

Jo Beth could almost hear the alarm bells going off in Skylar’s head. Great investment opportunity and really great girl. Skylar probably thought that Jo Beth’s new BFF was soaking her for a ton of money, because—well, Jo Beth was pretty loaded. When she’d won the silver, she’d scored a lot of big endorsements and Dallas’s dad had found her a savvy financial advisor. Thanks to some well-timed investments in Apple, Jo Beth would never have to work another day in her life, not if she didn’t want to.

But she did want to work. Jo Beth needed something to fill the skiing-shaped hole left inside her and running adventure tours with Magda seemed like the perfect solution. Jo Beth had met Magda in a trendy Santiago nightclub and they’d formed an instant bond. Now Jo Beth told Skylar about how she and Magda went shopping at the Central Market together; how they had a blast drinking together at La Piojera; how they had gone salsa dancing at Ile Habana. And how it was Magda who had come up with the idea to start a business together. Jo Beth showed Skylar all the goofy selfies that she and Magda had posed for during their various adventures. Magda was laughing in each; her shiny black hair was always sleek; her dark, almond-shaped eyes were always wide with wonder.

“She looks like the sort of girl who never worries about following rules or keeping up her GPA,” Skylar commented.

Jo Beth gave her a sideways scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Skylar’s words seemed to just burst from her lips. “She could offer you real advice if you ever have guy problems and I’m sure she understands all your dirty jokes. I bet she tells even dirtier ones herself. How can I possibly compete?”

Jo Beth just shrugged. “It’s not a competition.”

“What is it, then? Are you two, like, involved?”

There it is, thought Jo Beth. After all her anti-romance indoctrination attempts, she’d known that someday Skylar would wonder if Jo Beth actually preferred women.

“What if we are?”

“I’d feel better,” Skylar answered. “I get that one day you’ll have a significant other; what I can’t deal with is being replaced as your best friend.”

Jo Beth scooted on the couch, closer to Skylar, and ruffled her hair. “That will never happen, Sky. You’re my favorite. I love you best of all.”

They dropped the subject and soon Jo Beth returned to Santiago, where Magda made it her mission to get Jo Beth to go skiing with her at Portillo, a resort a couple of hours from the city. “I can’t believe you haven’t been there yet.” she said. “It’s only the best skiing imaginable.” Jo Beth couldn’t say no, but there was a pit in her stomach the morning they drove up to Portillo. Magda was oblivious, navigating the curvy mountain roads, sipping coffee, and singing to the radio. “We’re going to have an incredible time,” she said, between bellowing out lyrics to Spanish pop songs. “And we can crash at my friend Mitch’s place. Wait until you see the swimming pool deck!”

Jo Beth just nodded and stared out the window. The snow-covered mountains were set against a bright blue sky and a distant, bright yellow hotel sat nestled in the hilltops. Soon enough they arrived and Magda pulled into the resort parking. The whole place was small and seemed untouched, like you had to be a member of a secret society to even know about it.

Magda and Jo Beth got their lift tickets, put on their gear, and took the lift up the mountain.

“This slope will blow your mind.” Magda cried. “Come on! Follow me!”

A year ago, no way would Jo Beth have let someone else take the lead, but now she was happy to have Magda in front. Jo Beth kept her eyes on Magda’s purple parka rather than on the sharp rocks that were more plentiful than the patches of snow along the slope. Images of Tenderhook Ridge’s stony ravine, the one that had been her undoing, flashed behind Jo Beth’s eyes. She felt the mountain air pressing her down, like it wanted her to fall again.

They reached a narrow path along a low cliff. It overlooked a glacial lake and when she looked down, Jo Beth trembled with dizziness. She figured there ought to have been a sign at the beginning of this slope, For Skinny People Only, maybe with an image of an obese skier and an x through it. Because seriously, if she moved half a foot to her left she’d push up against the cutting edges of the mountain. If she moved half a foot to her right, she’d topple over a thin wire fence and then she’d tumble about one hundred feet into the frozen glacial lake beneath.

Would she crash through the ice, or would she just bounce, like she was on a cold, slick trampoline?

No. The ice would crack and Jo Beth would sink—skis and all—into the frozen depths. With this knowledge came a weight on her chest and her knees buckled. Was her still-weak ligament acting up? But both her knees were threatening her, so no. No. It was all due to her nerves, to her craziness.

Jo Beth took a deep breath and told herself to get a grip.

“Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” Magda cried.

“Amazing!” Jo Beth yelled back, surprised she could find her voice.

She dared to look to her right. The frozen water was so clear that the craggy mountain on the opposite side of the lake was reflected, almost like there was a second mountain growing beneath the water, into the bottom of the earth. She’d seen a lot of mountains and she’d skied thousands of slopes, but if she could reach past her anxiety she’d have to admit that no, she’d never seen anything more beautiful.

It was literally breathtaking.

Jo Beth closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, felt the wind at her back and velocity pulling her forward. You’re safe, she told herself. When she reopened her eyes, there was Magda’s purple parka, still ahead of her. And although Jo Beth was now navigating the narrow slope with ease, she thought, I can do better. Heck, even Skylar could do better. Soon the slope widened, they were away from the glacial lake, and the whole mountain stretched before them in a steep, precarious, wonderful mess. Jo Beth pulled ahead of Magda. “Race you to the bottom!” she cried.

Jo Beth was going too fast to hear whether or not Magda answered. It didn’t matter. Jo Beth still won.

The only hotel in Portillo was a bright yellow building, which looked as if it been airlifted and magically placed into the tiny groove between two enormous, snow-capped mountains. Jo Beth marveled how civilization could exist around so many steep slopes and glacial lakes, but there it was: a locally-run resort whose one dining room was large and cafeteria-like, where guests and staff ate together, family style. But dinner wasn’t until late, so Jo Beth and Magda went swimming first, in the outdoor pool, a little oasis smack in the center of rugged ice and rock.

“I’m heading straight for the hot tub,” Magda said, as they reached the triangular shaped swim deck. The hot tub was in the corner, its bubbles casting out steam over layers of snow beyond the fence.

“Okay. I’m swimming first.”

Jo Beth pulled off her robe and the frosty, brittle air stung her skin. Before she could think better of it, she dove head first into the deep end of the pool, letting herself descend into the waters depths, like she’d imagined herself sinking earlier into that glacial lake. But here the water was warm, protective, nurturing even, its security cause for celebration. She reversed course, kicked her legs, and pulled herself back up to the surface. Once Jo Beth’s head was out, she took a deep breath and reveled in the beauty of the sky, the mountains, and the joy of living. She’d missed feeling like this.

Then there was a huge splash.

Someone had dived into the pool and landed dangerously close. A couple of extra inches to his left, and he’d have anchored atop of Jo Beth. She’d have sunk, against her will this time, unable to breathe from the weight of him.

“Sorry,” he said, the instant his face rose to the surface. “I didn’t mean to get so close to you.”

“No worries,” she replied, and started to breast stroke away.

He swam after her. “I’m Mitch,” he said. “You know? Magda’s friend who works here?”

Jo Beth pivoted in the water and faced him. Huge dark eyes framed by thick lashes. Black, curly hair and brownish skin. A wide, innocent smile that suggested he was barely aware of the beauty of his long, lean, muscular body. But even though he was mostly submerged, Jo Beth could tell he was gorgeous.

“I was trying to find a good way to introduce myself,” he said. “But I guess I blew it.”

He spoke with a slight accent; Jo Beth couldn’t tell where from. “Are you American?” she asked. “I mean—North American? From the U.S.?”

He nodded while treading water. “Magda and I went to the same high school in Miami. She and I moved to Santiago together, for school. But after we broke up I got a job teaching skiing here at Patillo.”

“Oh.” Jo Beth wondered why Magda hadn’t mentioned that it was her ex-boyfriend who had gotten them the room, why she hadn’t mentioned an ex-boyfriend, period. “Well, thanks for helping us out.”

He laughed. “Magda hasn’t told you about me, has she?”

“No.”

“That’s so like her. Out of sight, out of mind. She’s always been like that.”

“But you must still be friends, right?”

“Oh, sure. Our breakup was mutual. It was just time to go our separate ways, yeah?”

The slight lilt to his voice was vaguely European. Jo Beth wondered if when you’re constantly surrounded by tourists, you take on an amalgam of accents, like a linguistic Velveeta cheese. She smiled at him and then swam to the edge of the pool. Again, he followed. “How long have you worked here?” she asked.

“Three years. Originally it was supposed to be a break, until I figured out my next step. But I love it so much that I haven’t been able to leave.”

They had each grasped onto the edge of the pool, making it easier to look at each other, to take each other in. His face was so sweet that it made Jo Beth imagine a dozen dorky school photographs. One per year for a dozen years, where he would age slightly each time but there would always be a lock of hair sticking out or a mismatched button, and from kindergarten to senior year, the innocence would never leave his eyes or his smile. She could see the little boy he was once, the little boy he must still be to his mother. Yet looking at his body, Jo Beth could see he was obviously a man.

She realized it was her turn to say something. “I wish I could find something that I love that much.”

He cocked his head. “But haven’t you? What about skiing? I remember seeing your Olympic win on TV. Quite amazing.”

“It was just the silver.”

“Still. Quite amazing.”

He looked at her like he meant it, like she was the only woman who’d ever truly impressed him. Don’t get taken in, she told herself. Flings are one thing, but you can’t believe their lies.

Mitch craned his neck, looking around. “Where is Magda?”

Jo Beth pointed to the hot tub. “Over there.”

“Should we go give her a hard time? I can’t believe she’s never told you about me. Oh, the stories you’ve missed out on.”

She laughed despite herself. “Then I guess we’d better make up for lost time.”

That night they drank wine and ate tapas. By 2:00 a.m., Magda had fallen asleep on Mitch’s bed while Mitch and Jo Beth stayed up, whisper-laughing, sprawled out on his tiny living room floor and sipping the dregs from the last of the Pinot noir. “What do you see yourself doing when you’re old?” he asked.

“Huh?”

Jo Beth was sitting, but Mitch lay down, stretching his long limbs, and arching his neck. He gazed up at her. “I think about it a lot,” he said. “One day I’ll be an old man. And just like the world’s ultimate path is to keep expanding from dark energy until all matter is ripped apart, my body’s cells will keep reproducing and changing, but ultimately, they’ll self-destruct, you know?”

She laughed. “Did you just smoke some weed? If so, where’s my share?”

“Sorry, this is just how I think. But do you get what I mean?”

Jo Beth wasn’t sure that she did, but she shrugged her shoulders like she totally followed him. Mitch continued. “Maybe my body will be too banged up for skiing, maybe I’ll be too tired for travel, but I’m still going to do stuff.”

“Like what? Golf?”

He sniffed dismissively. “Probably not golf. I made a list, actually.” Mitch started counting off on his fingers. “Gourmet cooking class. Leatherworking. Chess tournaments. Learn magic…”

“Wait, you mean real magic? Like Harry Potter?”

Mitch’s laugh was deep and chortle-like. “No. Like David Blaine—you know—illusions.”

Jo Beth did her best to sound unimpressed. “Is that all?”

He shook his head. “I’ll get some really big tattoos—maybe even learn to do them myself.” His eyes shone with enthusiasm.

“But you already have a tattoo.” Jo Beth pointed to the tiny pi symbol on his bicep. “What’s that about?”

He shrugged. “I liked the irony of making something that’s endless so small. They say you shouldn’t get tattoos because when you’re old, you won’t want them anymore. But what if you wait to get them until you’re actually old? Then that argument’s dead.”

Her fingers crept to the base of his head. It had become impossible not to stroke his curls. “I hear what you’re saying, but life is short. Maybe you shouldn’t wait several decades to get going on all this stuff.”

“But I want to travel and ski while I’m still young and that takes time.”

“I suppose.” She let her fingers skim his forehead and that simple action made her heart pound. “But when I make a to-do list, I can’t wait. It has to happen right away.”

“Oh!” His face lit up. “I forgot the most important thing. I’m going to go back to school, for cognitive studies.”

“You’re like my sister. She’s smart too. She’s convinced that her life depends upon getting into Cornell.”

“Then I hope they accept her. But what about you?”

“What about me?”

Mitch sat up and met her eyes with an abrupt intensity. “What’s on your to-do list?”

Jo Beth was suddenly so flushed that she had to look away. She spoke to the floor. “See the world; learn to paint; make up for all the crappy mistakes I’ve made.” Glancing back at him, she shrugged. “It’s not an extraordinary list.”

“What about love? Is that on your list?”

Moonlight shone through his one window, casting his face in light and shadow, and though they’d only just met, Jo Beth could no longer remember what not knowing Mitch felt like. “No,” she told him. “I like to make my goals attainable.”

“Too bad,” he said, inching towards her, taking her face in his hands, and tilting his head so their lips could meet. “But then again, if nothing ever felt impossible, there would be no surprise.”

Jo Beth let Mitch kiss her and it was sweet, like bubblegum that’s still soft and flavorful. More importantly, by kissing him, some crucial defect in her personality, one she hadn’t even been aware of, felt suddenly and miraculously fixed. As she wrapped her arms around him she became a nicer person, balanced and generous all at once. “You don’t feel impossible,” she murmured between kisses. “Even though you are a huge surprise.”

He laughed. “Please keep calling me huge.”

Jo Beth giggled. When had she ever felt so light, like she had to clutch his shoulders or she might just drift away? That sensation never left her, not the next morning when she had to tell Magda that she’d fallen for her ex, and not in the weeks that followed, when Jo Beth spent all of her time with Mitch, falling in love like she was a heroine from one of Skylar’s Brontë novels.

For underneath the giddiness was a dark desperation, the knowledge that if she clung too hard, she’d reach past the bubble’s walls, and then it all would pop.