Xavier
I woke with a jerk.
I hadn’t meant to pass out, but as I looked around my room, I realized I had. Not truly aware of just how long I was sleeping.
Lifting the bottle of tequila, I was irritated to find it empty.
I had fully intended on staying in my room, spending the remainder of my evening with my friend, Jose. My friend who never tried to shave parts of my body, or tackle me and toss me in a pool. Jose only made me feel happy things.
Jose Cuervo was a good friend.
But plans change, and at that moment I was in need of more alcohol.
Now some may argue. They may insist that I’d had enough, but I begged to differ. I was feeling no pain.
I could still see clearly…well, kind of.
Granted there were now multiple dressers, and two doors that led from my room instead of one, but I could still see.
So as I said, I needed more booze.
I moved across my room, using the wall to lead me toward my door, and when I felt the handle in my hands, I was relieved. See, I could do this.
The music filtering up from downstairs was like a tidal wave. I had to step over several bodies, which took extreme concentration, but I made it. Just as I was about to attempt the stairs I heard laughter from behind me and turned around much too quickly.
The hallway looked like one of those 1970s hippy videos where the background gets all squiggly and moves in a wave-like motion. That shit was not good for someone who had been drinking. Things that waved and rolled played with a drunk guy’s mind.
After an excessive amount of blinking to clear the fucking wiggling waves from my vision, things slowly began to come in clear.
And when they did, I just stared questionably at what I found before me. Mouth gaped open, eyes wide, still thinking I was suffering some hallucination brought on by the tequila I indulged in.
So what do you do, or anyone do, when they feel they are seeing things?
Well, you reach out to feel and make sure. Right?
“What the fuck are you doing, numb nuts?” Isaac asked as my hand rubbed over his face. “Get your hand off my face,” he said, shoving me away.
Nope, I was not hallucinating. This shit was real.
“What happened to you?” I finally asked, my head still spinning.
He looked pretty messed up, with his eyes all droopy and bloodshot.
He looked back at me, with confusion. But before he could question me and the weird way I was looking at him, someone else spoke.
“Nice look, man,” some guy said, gaining both my attention and Isaac’s. “Is that a dick?” the guy asked, pointing toward Isaac’s face.
“No, I think it’s a cigar,” the girl at his side said, moving in closer to inspect. “Nope,” she finally said after a few seconds of close inspection. “It is most definitely a dick.”
Isaac sagged back against the wall and I squinted my eyes, still trying to figure out if what I saw was real.
“What the hell are you all talking about?” Isaac asked.
A moment of silence set over our small accumulating group. Then I was the first to speak.
“Did you pass out?” I already knew that had to be the explanation.
“I think,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand over his face.
“You need to look in the mirror, because I think someone found you,” I told him, waiting for him to register what I’d said.
And when he did, he moved fast. Too fast for me as I again couldn’t keep things focused.
“Motherfucker,” he growled.
“Red!” he yelled out, echoing down the hall.
I heard a deep recognizable chuckle and turned to my left to see Elijah standing on the third step from the top.
“What’s wrong with pretty boy?” he asked. “Did he not like my artwork?”
“I’m gonna kill him,” Isaac threatened from the bathroom, only making Red laugh harder. “Is this shit permanent?”
Elijah had drawn all over Isaac’s face.
I’m talking lipstick and big thick eyebrows. Blue eyeshadow. And to top it off, he now had an oversized dick on his right cheek that appeared as if it was heading straight for his mouth.
And across his forehead was the phrase, “I slurp the gherkin.”
I looked back at Red and his eyes were now locked on mine. “Don’t worry, X-man, I got you,” he said with a wink just before he descended to the lower level.
I truly had no fucking clue what he was talking about. But I had a feeling I would figure it out eventually.