The smells of Zach's sauce wafted around us as Magnus sat between Lady Mairead and I at one end of their new extremely long dining room table. As Zach and Emma placed the plates in front of us, Magnus stared hungrily at his. “As usual, the history of this meal, please Chef Zach?”

Zach chuckled. “It's pretty scandalous, Magnus, sir.”

“I've an appetite for scandalous histories.” Magnus winked at me. “How about ye'self Lady Mairead?”

She said, “Tis good tae hear the misfortunes and scandals of another. Will make our own seem comparatively small, and we might learn something as well through our blushes.”

Magnus tucked his napkin into the top of his shirt and motioned for Zach to get on with it. “We are ready.”

Emma giggled. “I told you he would make you say it, Zach.”

Zach said, “The story goes that in Naples, Italy, brothels would cook this very robust and fragrant sauce to entice the Italian gentleman inside to partake of their, um, services. The men would do their business and get a bonus of hearty pasta to energize them after, the taste and smell would um, cover the taste and smell. Thus in some circles, Puttanesca is referred to as whore sauce.”

Magnus boomed with laughter. “Ah, tis truly scandalous.”

Lady Mairead smiled. “And I hae learned a new art, spices as a cover for intrigue.”

“It should serve ye well in your contrivances.” Magnus grinned mischievously and ate with enthusiasm.

Zach and Emma sat at the opposite end of the table after shuttling plates of food out to the deck for the security men. And a plate upstairs for the nurse.

Magnus asked for double helpings, twice. Zach or Emma jumped to retrieve the platters from the kitchen to serve it. He complimented and thanked and wanted us all to agree. “Tis delicious! Do you like it Mistress Kaitlyn?”

“One of my favorites.”

“Good, good. Lady Mairead, do ye like the meal our Chef Zach has cooked?”

“I do, verra much.”

Magnus called across the table to the kitchen where Zach and Emma, having finished their dinner, were washing dishes. “Chef Zach, best meal so far, well done.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Magnus patted his flat stomach. “I am much satiated. We should retire tae the grand room, Mistress Kaitlyn has promised tae shew a — what is the phrasing?”

“A video. But in front of everyone?”

Magnus asked, “Chef Zach, hae ye seen the video of Mistress Kaitlyn?”

Zach met my eyes for a second. “Um, I have. That guy was a total pribbling ill-bred maggot-mouth.” He grinned at Magnus, who smiled widely. “Magnus has asked me to take up more creative cursing than my usual f-bombs.”

Magnus headed to the living room, settling in the big chair he slept in that first night. “See, ye are among friends. Lady Mairead, would ye like tae see the video of Mistress Kaitlyn's downfall?”

Lady Mairead sat on the couch and smoothed her skirts. “I hae an inordinate appreciation of the dramatic.”

I sighed, turned on the tv, connected my phone to it, and sat in one of the overstuffed chairs. It was a pale yellow, so I was pretty sure I shouldn't tuck up my feet, having been barefoot for about an hour. “Fine, but I'm going to start with a video where I'm awesome.” I found my old YouTube channel, KatieMakeSTuff, and scrolled through the best, most popular videos, to one of my favorites, an ice cream sundae tutorial. Braden was in it, so I had to look at the lying sack of poop, but I figured it would help in explaining the whole sordid tale. I could feel Zach and Emma behind me, it was hard enough showing the video to Magnus and Lady Mairead, when they knew nothing about YouTube and pop culture, but Emma and Zach knew how hard and how far I had fallen.

The sundae tutorial was twelve minutes long, and I was cute and funny in it. Braden was adoring and a little incompetent, which made our viewers believe he was sweet, honest, and the vulnerable one. In it I made a three-layer sundae with caramel sauce, hot fudge sauce, and raspberry sauce, plus I placed a bit of dry ice in each so that fog poured over the edge of the bowls, covering the table.

Magnus watched the video wide-eyed, then when it was over, asked, “Chef Zach, could ye make a concoction such as this?”

“Right now?”

“Och aye, with a wee bit of cloud inside the bowl?”

“I can. Emma, would you go to the store for some dry ice and more ice cream?” Zach and Emma stood in the kitchen looking through the freezer and the cabinets for the ingredients.

Lady Mairead asked me, “So this is your work, Mistress Kaitlyn?”

“Yes, I mean, it was. I don't do it anymore.”

“And this man is?”

“He was the man I was going to marry.”

Lady Mairead sat up straighter. “Well now, this is an interesting history.” A second video began to automatically play. This one was very popular — Braden and I were picking out the invitations for our wedding. I started to click it off, but Lady Mairead said, “I would verra much like tae watch this one as well.”

I glanced at Magnus, who nodded. “Aye, but if it contains more recipes we may need Zach tae sit with us tae list it down.”

Emma zoomed out the door with a laugh.

Zach joked, “Magnus, sir, I can't make anything else, Emma already left.”

Magnus sighed jokingly. “I must settle with magical foggy ice cream then. Mistress Kaitlyn, pray continue.”

In the video Braden and I sat beside each other staring into the camera, giggling into each other's ears, bumping shoulders, and joking with each other. It was so sweet how he deferred to me in the decisions, telling me I was beautiful and so great. At one point he said he loved me.

I turned the remote control over and over in my hands as tears welled up again. I blinked them down watching as my video-self held up invitation samples, thinking, this was such a big decision, the typeface, the color of the paper, the style of the embossing — it felt important.

I had been stressed out by the decision, and Braden had been so kind and considerate and loving through it. Yet at the time he was already in love with someone else. I had been so happy in this video, so in love. And he was such a good liar.

I tried to wipe an escaped tear from my cheek without anyone seeing.

Lady Mairead had a look in her eye of deep scrutiny. “What happened tae this man ye were tae marry?”

I said, “He decided to marry someone else.”

Lady Mairead blinked. “Well — tis unforgivable.”

Magnus said, “Let's see then.”

I went to Braden's channel, BradenthenedarB, glancing at his subscriber numbers, 2.1 million. Great, growing bigger every day, and there it was, his most popular video: the day of my freak out.

Zack said, “Have you ever personally shown this to anyone before?”

I said, “Nope. Haven't needed to, everyone's seen it already. Plus, as you can imagine, I don't really like to watch it. Anymore.” I glanced at their faces. Magnus's looked expectant. Lady Mariead's seemed curious. Zach's seemed concerned. “Are you sure you want to see it?”

Magnus said, “Aye. Let us see it, Mistress Kaitlyn. I promise twill be better than nocht.”

I pushed play.

There I was waiting at a table, talking to the camera, explaining that we were there for our wedding cake tasting and filming it on Facebook Live. Then Braden appeared, and I was thrilled. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him hello, knowing our audience would love it.

The bakery was upscale, exclusive, and trendy. We had a special table, because this was excellent PR for the bakery; we broke records for how many people were viewing. Something about our cute personas, our 'in love' romantic gestures, our playful teasing, and upbeat personalities. Our channel was getting a lot of traffic and money was rolling in, so our wedding would have the best of everything, which tied us into the lucrative wedding market.

I was wearing a beautiful sun dress. It was white, because — bride, and had a wide skirt and lace. My hair was up in a twist and I had daisies placed in the back. I looked beautiful and my smile was wide. I loved Braden so much.

He and I drank four mimosas before the first bite of cake hit my mouth. I was giggling and pretty gosh darned buzzed. What I didn't notice then, but anyone could see plainly now was that he was leaned back in his chair, distracted. I reached out for his hand, and he shifted it away. I had watched this so many times since it happened, obsessed with the details of it.

There was a moment where I asked, “Isn't this one so scrumptious Braden?” And he didn't respond. Instead he scowled and asked for another Mimosa.

Finally, after so much awkwardness that my heart wanted to break watching it, he said, in front of the whole wide world, “I don't want to marry you, Katie. I'm in love with someone else,” and my heart flooded my brain with a tsunami of crazy.

I glanced at the couch. Lady Mairead's eyes were wide.

Magnus's eyes were squinted in concentration.

Zach was perched on the arm of the couch, hand over his mouth, suppressing all facial reactions to be polite, because we had reached that moment where I flung myself across the table, squashed cake into the front of my dress, and clawed his face in my fury.

I was not proud of this and wanted to run from the room in shame. Magnus stood and crossed to the screen. He watched up-close turning his head from side to side. “Stop, there, if ye will, Mistress Kaitlyn.” He tapped the screen next to my right arm as I was about to reach out with my claws. “I wonder ye dinna hae a weapon. You might hae killed him.”

Lady Mairead said, “You should hae killed him. Never attend dinner with a man ye haena married without a blade — here,” she pointed between her breasts, “or here.” She daintily lifted her skirts and patted her ankle.

Magnus said, “Och aye, tis true. Right here.” He pointed at my thigh on the screen. “If ye had been wearin' a dirk under your skirt, there, ye might hae had it at the rascal's throat afore he finished speakin'.”

I laughed. “But then I would be a murderer! I'd be in jail!”

Lady Mairead said, “Nonsense, surely they winna jail a woman when the scoundrel hath deserv'd the blade.”

“Yes, they would.” I opened my eyes wide, incredulous, but also pretty amused. Zach was stifling a giggle.

Lady Mairead said, “If there are laws, then fine, daena run him through with a blade. Instead you would add a bit o'hemlock to his food, day by day.”

My eyes went even wider. “You think I should have killed him?”

Both Magnus and Lady Mairead answered in unison, “Aye.”

I let the video play out. I looked insane of course, but Magnus and Lady Mairead didn't seem bothered by it. He asked me to pause again. “How many people hae watched this?”

I said, “Millions.”

Lady Mairead kept her eyes on the screen. “And this was your work, do ye still perform these duties?”

I said, “No, public opinion took his side. While I was lying in bed feeling sorry for myself, he created a video showcasing his injuries—”

Magnus said, “What? That wee scratch upon his cheek? Any real man would bear more in silence.”

Zach said, “If you think about it, he killed you, your good name. Whose idea was it to do the cake-tasting on Facebook Live, anyway?”

I said, “His.”

Zach said, “So he premeditated it too. That sucks, Katie.”

Emma walked in just then, with three bags of groceries. Zach jumped up and helped her carry them to the kitchen. Emma glanced at the tv and looked at me sadly from across the room.

Magnus said, “Thank ye, for shewi' me.”

I gave him a half-smile. “Yeah, no problem. You know, I actually feel a little bit better. I felt so ashamed of my behavior. It's kind of nice to know someone on earth believes I didn't go far enough.”

Lady Mairead said, “He must consider himself graced he winna whipped for his behavior. How did the church stand on this breach of divine law?”

“Um, I don't think the church had any say in it.”

“Well, tis unfortunate. I believe his priest should hae weighed in on the matter.”

I smiled. “Had the church been involved they might have forced him to marry me, then I'd be stuck with him. I consider myself lucky.” It was the first time I uttered something like that out loud.

Magnus said, “I would like tae know how Mistress Kaitlyn, with so much wit and good sense, came tae be entangled with two such foolish men?”

“I ask myself that every day.”

Zach and Emma clanked dishes while making our sundaes. Lady Mairead asked, “What do ye mean, Magnus, 'two such men'? Twas another one?”

Magnus said, “The man who gave us shelter the first night we arrived, James Cook. I hae seen him behave much the same as this tae Mistress Kaitlyn. She then called him a brainless cock.”

An imperious smile spread across Lady Mairead's face. “Well done, but Mistress Kaitlyn, I urge ye tae carry a weapon. And ye must marry. Women hae considerable amounts tae manage already without applying so much effort in building an alliance. You should pick a man who suits ye, who furthers your aims, and ye must marry him. Then ye might apply your wisdom tae other duties such as ruling your household. And your husband would carry a weapon on your behalf.”

“Generally speaking, that is the exact opposite of most advice I receive. I hear I need to grow up and become independent.”

“Tis true that women must grow up. But what foolishness is this, independence? We are the unifying force of the family. Without us our men are merely roosters, crowing about in the dirt, strutting and fighting.”

Magnus laughed. “I am nae sure if the comparison of manhood tae a rooster is deserv'd or nocht, but tis happenin' verra regular.”

Lady Mairead raised her brow. “You art less cock, more bull.”

Magnus laughed again. “Aye, now this comparison tis deserv'd.”

Zach said, “Sundaes are served.”

As Magnus rose to lead me to the dining room table again, he said, “Chef Zach is playing music for me each night at dessert. Last night was...What music was it?”

“Last night it was the Beatles.”

Magnus said, “Verra loud and strong.”

Zach said, “Tonight, sir, I was planning to play you a band called Nirvana.”

I giggled. “If you thought the Beatles were loud...”

I sat down to my bowl of smoking ice cream. Magnus agreed it was magical. Lady Mairead declared it too sweet for her tastes. I felt lighter than I had in weeks and asked for seconds.