I spent a lot of time the next three days with Hayley. She had a long weekend, so we went out every night. Michael was always a part of the plan and James came too. It was a lot like dating, and Hayley made a huge deal about us all being besties and having so much fun together, but James was not doing it for me. That image kept flashing in my mind where he looked just like his dad, and it reminded me how I felt five years ago when I learned he was not exclusively mine, not even close. Because despite his khaki I'm-a-contractor-so-I'm-a-safe-choice pants, he was not a safe choice.

I had left high school broken over him, devastated because he hadn't been serious about me, always looking around the room. A man's man. A player. The kind of guy who went out on the weekend with “the boys” and “got in trouble” because “that's what men do.” James's buddies would never ever breathe a word about it to anyone and definitely not to me, the girlfriend — there was a code.

But I had found out. I had found out he had hooked up with a young woman who was visiting from University of Florida for almost a week. There was no way he could talk his way out of it. He had said it wasn't a big deal, but he had been wrong, and so I left for college a free woman, albeit broken-hearted. And that had sucked for a long time.

And it still bothered me that it took so long to find out, because on this island everyone knew everything. If someone was as clueless as me, there had to be a conspiracy of silence. It was that conspiracy that made me leave and want to put three thousand miles between me and home.

And then I met Braden, quit school, moved with him to Los Angeles, and the rest, as they say, was history. Like the sucky kind of history, the kind that is right up there with war, pestilence, and godammed political overthrow.

Even Hayley had known about James. She explained it away at the time, saying she stood up for me, that he promised to be a better person.

But she knew. Long before I knew.

When I found out I told her she had seriously broken the Girl Code, and I was never ever going to speak to her again. But I had grown up with her, she was my bestie, and once I was planning my marriage to Braden I was so over James it seemed I could forgive her. Because life goes on.

Now here I was, living in my old home, best-friending with Hayley, and 'dating' James again.

I was faced with questions: Did I trust Hayley? Did I trust James? And if not, why the hell was I meeting him at bars, drinking with him, and considering going home with him every night?

These were not good choices. But here I was, instigating shit with him, again. I tried to tell myself I could just have a fling with James, but the entire world seemed to think he was marriage material. Also, the entire world had watched my YouTube breakdown and believed I desperately needed a man. Finally, everyone figured it was very kind of James Cook to still have an interest in Katie the Wreck. Because I was damaged goods, no other way of looking at it. Nine million viewers had watched, commented on, and shared my video. They all agreed I was a wreck. Maybe I needed to take the kindnesses offered and just accept James as my destiny.