Chapter Five
Brooke
Why am I such an idiot?
I was terrified I’d just lost my best friend—well, other than Caroline. My momma always said that one day I was going to get myself in trouble with my temper. She was right. I’d lashed out at Dom for something I hadn’t even known was true until that second. His reaction told me what everyone else already knew—he had feelings for me.
Dominic Torres had feelings for me.
This was totally surreal. And now he had feelings for me. Or apparently he had for a long time. From practically the second I met him our freshman year I’d had a crush on the gorgeous Hispanic man. His sexy, olive skin, those dark, obsidian eyes, and muscles for days.
Yum.
Dominic Torres was fucking hot.
Every girl I knew thought so. I didn’t know if I was lucky or stupid making him my friend so quickly into the first semester. We were close, but I’d convinced myself Dom just needed to be a friend. Maybe it was the offhand comment from Josh that he’d made about how I couldn’t just be friends with a guy. I took it to heart because to some extent, he was right. There wasn’t a guy I’d ever just been friends with.
So instead of chasing after Dom like I wanted, I set out to prove my brother wrong and made my second best friend in the world—only second to Caroline.
I walked across the parking lot in a daze, rain causing my hair to plaster itself against my head in seconds. Dom had never kicked me out of his apartment before, and I didn’t want to explain to Riley and Josh why I was back so soon. Hot tears streamed down my face, combining with the cold drops of rain water running down my face. I wanted to make it back to my room before I completely lost it.
I could feel the panic attack rising in my chest. The dread and the hurt I’d caused Dom weighed heavily on me and I didn’t know how to handle losing him. My goal was to get in the apartment, go to my room, then I could lose it. My mind started to cloud as I opened the door. Even if we managed to get past this, would we ever be the same?
Caroline glanced up from the couch when I walked into the apartment. She was curled up in the corner with one of her novels. I envied how happy and carefree she looked in that moment. I was a hot mess, soaked to the bone with stinging, red-rimmed eyes. Hopefully I could get past her without her catching on that something was wrong. I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
I didn’t know if I’d ever be ready to talk about losing Dominic.
“You’re home early. Was Dom on campus? I figured you’d be over there for hours.”
I should’ve been. Instead I pushed something I should’ve left alone. I choked back a sob, and she put down her book immediately.
“What’s wrong?”
I didn’t want to voice the words and make them true. “Dom—he—I,” I stammered.
Caroline climbed off the couch and came to wrap her arms around me. My breathing was labored, and the panic attack worked its way to the surface. For the first time in almost a year, my breath caught and the flush rose in my chest. There was white around my vision.
“Did everyone know except for me?” I asked when I could catch my breath.
She hugged me tighter. “Pretty much, although Josh is pretty clueless too.”
I hiccupped a sob. “I’m such an idiot.”
“No, honey, you’re not. He should have made a move or told you how he felt a long time ago.”
I laughed, but it sounded forced. “You and Hannah were right. I shoved him so far into the friend zone he was terrified to even try. It’s all my fault.”
She hugged me tighter. “Don’t think like that. It shouldn’t have taken Austin asking you out to make him finally say something. That isn’t fair to you if he just said something because he was jealous.”
I winced. “It wasn’t that. Care, I was such a bitch. He’s never going to talk to me again.”
The tears I’d been fighting back came out with a vengeance. Hard sobs wracked my body, making it difficult to breathe, and I worried I might never stop. I don’t know how long we stood there before she led me back to my room and sat me down on the bed. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as she found me dry clothes and started my shower.
“Shower, then you get one hour to cry. After that we’re going to sit down and talk about this. I’m afraid you need some tough love, friend. You’re going to have to make some hard decisions.”
I swallowed hard. Something told me I wasn’t going to like her tough love.
***
My panic attacks started during my freshman year of college. I was overwhelmed by the workload and being away from my hometown and all of my high school friends. Dom found me curled up in a ball on my dorm room floor one afternoon after one particularly bad one. I’d been able to hide it from Caroline even living in such close quarters, but to this day, I still have no idea how. He’d kept my secret but helped me find a psychiatrist to talk to. She helped me find the perfect balance of medicine and counseling. As much as I hated feeling weak, he’d been my rock. With the loss of my rock, counseling and meds only did so much.
It was difficult to know I was having a panic attack, and I couldn’t go to him for help. I’d confessed everything to Caroline a while ago, and she’d been encouraging about everything, but she hadn’t been there from the beginning to see how far I’d come. If I had to have anyone else by my side other than Dom, I was happy that it was Care. She made me a cup of tea after my shower and we sat on my bed, quietly leaning back into the headboard and staring into my room. Everything looked blurry through my tears, but it was too much effort to blink them away.
“I’ve lost him,” I finally whispered.
She took my hand in hers. “What do you mean?”
I sucked in a shuddery breath. “I wanted to see if you guys were right—if he actually had feelings for me—but it all came out wrong.” I dropped my head into my hands. “I’m such an idiot. He must think I was trying to hurt him. That’s probably why he got so angry.”
Caroline gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry. Maybe if you explain to him—”
I shook my head and fought back a tremor. “It won’t work. He kicked me out of his apartment. Care, I’ve never seen him that mad before. Even when he and Austin were kicking the shit out of one another…” I trailed off. “He’s never going to talk to me again.”
She wiped my hair from my face. “Honey, that’s not true.”
“It is. Even if he does talk to me again, our relationship will never be the same.”
Caroline was quiet for a minute. “Why did you want to know? Today of all days?”
I bit down on my lip. I wasn’t sure I was ready to tell anyone about what I was feeling. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling. I’d fought it back for so long.
“Things with Austin were…okay last night, but I didn’t get the butterflies I wanted.” I paused. “I expected more.”
“Do you get the butterflies with Dom?”
I stared out into my room, unable to look at her. “He almost kissed me the other day. I thought—I just—maybe.”
“B, are you saying you have feelings for Dom?”
“Maybe,” I whispered, terrified to say the words out loud. “I’m saying there could’ve been something there, and I just screwed it all up. Or maybe it’s always been there and I’ve ignored it.”
We sat in the quiet room for a few minutes, letting my words soak in.
“Are you ready for some tough love yet?”
I wasn’t sure, but I knew she would tell me anyway.
“You need to figure out if you want to try to pursue things with Austin—which you’ve wanted for a long time—or if you’re going to tell Dominic how you feel. I don’t want to push you one way or the other. I think we’ve all done too much of that already, but I will say this—make sure whoever you choose makes you happy. You can fix things with Dom. It might be weird for a while, but you two love each other too much not to be friends anymore, no matter who you choose.”
I sniffed. “I don’t know what I want.”
Liar.
I just wasn’t willing to say what I wanted out loud.
“They’re both good men. Austin still has a lot of growing up to do, but honestly, so does Dom. You just have to be willing to put your heart out there, B. Regardless of what you do, you need to talk to Dom—and soon. Don’t let this fester until it’s something oozy and infected.”
I giggled through my tears and laid my head on her shoulder. “You’re so gross.”
“I know, but you love me.”
“I do. And I always will, Care.”