Chapter 11

Home: where the ho & me come together.

-Welcome Mat

Janie

One month later

It started out as an accident, at least on my part.

At first, I’d said yes to the coffee because he’d looked lost.

The day that I’d shown up for my coffee after seeing Rafe with that woman, I’d been lost. I must’ve looked lost, too, because a kindred soul had found me standing there. He’d asked to have a seat, and I’d shrugged.

I hadn’t really wanted to be alone, and this guy seemed harmless.

Wrong.

The second coffee date, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough either.

But, as the coffee dates wore on, I realized that they weren’t too bad. If he was lonely, who was I not to share a coffee with him? I was literally at the coffee shop anyway.

It was on the fifteenth such coffee date that he’d brought his mother. He’d brought his mother to introduce her to his girlfriend. Apparently, that would be me.

What the fuck?

Kayla had nearly cried as I’d recounted what had happened that day.

“You’re joking, right?” she’d wheezed. “Oh my God. You’re going to be stuck with the asshole forever if you don’t fix this right now.”

I had no idea how right she was.

See, in my quest to get over Rafe, I’d created a monster. A monster that talked, breathed, and spoke to me.

Tegan Aggrad, a twenty-eight-year-old police officer who worked with my father, wasn’t what I was looking for.

Yet, in my grief over what I’d seen with Rafe, I let it go too far.

“You want to meet my dad,” I said, surprised.

“Yes,” he said.

“You’ve already met him,” I told Tegan.

Yes, as my boyfriend, they hadn’t met.

But, at work, they had.

They knew of each other. They just hadn’t met each other outside of work in the form of us being boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Okay,” I hesitated. “Tomorrow?”

He shook his head. “Now.”

“Now,” I repeated, sounding like a parrot. “Ummm,” I hesitated. “I’m not sure if my dad’s home.”

He gave me a look that clearly said that I was purposefully stalling…which I was.

I didn’t want Tegan to come to my house. I most certainly didn’t want to introduce him to my family.

Yet, I couldn’t say no.

He gave me those puppy dog eyes, and I felt terrible.

“Fine,” I shrugged. “Let’s go. You can follow me home.”

Tegan opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off.

I knew exactly what he was going to say, “Let me take you home.”

My reply was always the same. “You’re not taking me home because I’m not leaving my car here.”

Yet, when I told him that, he’d then say, “Well you should’ve let me pick you up.”

Which I would then reply with, “I don’t want to be stuck there in case someone needs me.”

It always happened like that. Always.

So, I chose to circumvent it by getting into my car and slamming the door shut, effectively cutting him off before he could say anything more that had the possibility to annoy me.

He sighed and turned to leave, and I felt the nervous tick start.

I didn’t want him to come to meet my dad.

I didn’t want him to see where I lived, and I most certainly didn’t want to do anything that had to do with him getting any closer to me.

My house was my space. My sanctuary, and I didn’t want him in it.

Yet, as I pulled out of the driveway of the coffee shop, I didn’t speed in front of him so he couldn’t follow me home—though he probably knew where I lived as did the rest of the people in Kilgore.

Everything was okay, at least I felt like I was handling it okay until I pulled up to the gate that led inside and saw the familiar bike parked next to it.

I swallowed thickly as I pressed the opener and the gate started to slide open.

The man on the bike turned his head and looked at me, causing my breath to hitch.

I hadn’t seen him in a month, yet it felt like only seconds had passed.

He was still just as hot as he was the last time I saw him, though he had a scar on his forehead that came down out of his hairline thanks to being thrown across the room all those weeks ago.

“Janie,” he stared.

My heart soared as I thought he might’ve remembered, but when nothing more was forthcoming, I realized that he hadn’t remembered me. In fact, I was fairly certain he was just being nice as he said hello to someone.

“Hi,” I smiled…or tried to anyway. “Can’t get in?”

He shook his head. “Rang the bell. Have some news. Been sitting here for about fifteen minutes now.”

I fucking hated my family sometimes.

They thought it was funny, leaving him outside like this.

Yet it wasn’t funny.

It pissed me off.

Greatly.

“Who is this?” Tegan’s voice came from behind me, causing me to jump in my seat.

I leaned a little farther out of my car to see Tegan standing beside his open door, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

I could practically read the anger rolling off of him as he stared at Rafe, who hadn’t been startled by Tegan’s appearance, and who also was still semi slouched on his bike looking bored.

“This is Rafe,” I said. “Head on in. The door will close in about thirty seconds.”

Rafe didn’t bother to waste time. He dropped his foot, leaned the bike up straight, and then kicked the kickstand back before starting it up.

The familiar roar of the bike had me smiling as I watched him ride inside, and when I followed shortly after him, I completely missed the anger that flashed in Tegan’s eyes.

I also missed the way his hands fisted, mostly because I was staring at the back of Rafe’s head.

He looked good.

Very good.

And my heart fucking hurt just having him in the same vicinity as me.

I wanted him more than I wanted my next breath.

***

Rafe

I clocked him out of the corner of my eye as he’d pulled in, but my entire being had been solely focused on the woman. Janie.

I had forced myself not to look at her, check up on her, or see her for the last month purely because I knew that I didn’t need to be doing what I was doing.

I still hadn’t remembered anything about our time together—and I knew for certain we’d spent some time together.

One didn’t feel this strongly about a person if there’d only been an introduction.

Yet, nobody said a word to me about Janie. In fact, she was never brought up. Not ever.

Not when I was in the room with her father and the rest of the men of Free. Not when I spoke with Trace, and most certainly not now when she was standing there looking at me.

I got off my bike and waited for Janie to get out of her car—a car that looked familiar, yet I couldn’t figure out why.

“Come on,” she gestured to me, heading for the door to the offices.

I’d been here before, of course, but nothing felt familiar as I walked with them.

“How’s Elspeth?” Janie asked, sounding like she’d rather be asking anything other than that.

“Fine,” I murmured, annoyed to hear about my fake fiancé. “She’s working.”

Janie’s face fell.

“Why do I feel like I know you?” I whispered.

Her eyes widened. “Because you…”

“Janie,” Tegan, the twat whistle, called. “I’d like to meet your dad before I have to go to work.”

I gritted my teeth as her eyes widened. “Do you need Uncle Sam? Or do you need them all?”

I clearly read the change in subject. “One of them is fine for now,” I offered.

Janie grinned. “My dad is on his way.”

“That’s fine,” I murmured.

“Your dad will be here soon?” Tegan asked, even though Janie had just stated that fact.

“He’s coming,” Janie snapped. “He said he’d be here in about five minutes. He was walking my dogs for me.”

Dogs.

Speaking of dogs, I could hear the barking coming from the opposite direction.

I turned and saw James topping a hill in the distance, two German Shepherds at his sides.

“You didn’t tell me you had dogs,” the douche said, sounding worried.

“I didn’t?” Janie asked. “Huh, must’ve slipped my mind.”

The dogs started running, and when they were close enough, started to lick Janie all over.

They stayed well away from Tegan, but the surprise wasn’t that they did that, but when they instead came to me.

They went back and forth between Janie and me, licking and yipping, and I wasn’t the only one to notice.

James, Janie’s father, and Tegan—her pitiful excuse for a boyfriend—had, too.

My hand went down to the dog who was incredibly familiar with me, and I smoothed my hand down her face.

“Glock,” I heard Janie say. “That one that Rafe is petting is Kimber.”

Tegan crossed his arms over his chest when the dog closest to Janie got too close.

“You don’t like dogs?” I found myself asking.

“No,” Tegan denied. “I don’t like slobber.”

I looked down at the dogs that were leaking like sieves after their walk, and grinned.

I had slobber on my hands and my pants, as did Janie.

“Huh,” I said, grinning.

Janie smiled at me. “They’re definitely droolers. Just wait until I give them a rawhide. They’ll go all crazy and slobber on you.”

“Negative,” Tegan shook his head. Moments later his eyes lifted to the man that had stopped at my side.

James didn’t seem to reciprocate. “Yeah, hi, Tegan.”

“Janie, honey, why don’t you go put your dogs up? They’re probably thirsty. We’ve been outside a lot today,” James murmured, keeping his eyes on Tegan.

I could practically feel the tension in him.

It would’ve been amusing had he not been there to see her.

Janie gave her father a thumb up, and moments later called to her dogs as she started walking away.

My eyes automatically went to Janie’s ass, but quickly moved away when I saw James turn his eyes toward me.

“You mind waiting inside?”

I shrugged and headed that way but stopped right inside the door when I heard Tegan say, “Nice to see you again.”

It wasn’t Tegan’s remark, but James’ reply that had me smirking. “I can’t say the same.”

My lips quirked.

“I came over today to introduce myself and to let you know that I’m in love with your daughter.”

Something inside of me went still as his words penetrated my brain.

I’m in love with your daughter.

Six words. Twenty-four letters.

One shot to the heart.

“Is that so,” James drawled.

Please, say it isn’t so.

“Yes, sir,” Tegan replied. “I’m glad that we’re getting to meet. I wanted you to know how I felt about your daughter and to ask you a question.”

Fuck.

I had a feeling that it was coming.

“I have a feeling you’ll be happy,” Tegan replied, sounding entirely too smug for my liking.

“I can’t say that the feeling is a good one,” I heard James counter.

I leaned my back against the wall and let my head fall to the cool wood behind me, closing my eyes as I waited for the inevitable.

“I want to ask your permission to marry…”

“No.”

I would’ve hooted in laughter at James’ quick denial, but I couldn’t let on that I was listening.

“James…”

“I said no. You’re not going to get my permission. I assume you’re going to ask her anyway, but let me be clear, I don’t like you. You haven’t known her for but a month, and to be honest, I’m not even sure she likes you,” James continued as if Tegan wasn’t standing right in front of him. “You fucked me over during that investigation, and I can tell you now that I will never think you’re good enough for her. You’re a piece of slime, and my heart will literally break if she says yes to you. But for her? If you’re who she chooses? I’ll learn to live with it. I just want you to know I won’t ever like you.”

Tegan said nothing.

Then I heard Janie’s, “Dad?” And I knew why nothing was said in reply.

Tegan didn’t seem the type to let something like that go.

The little asshole.

God, I felt like something was breaking inside of me.

“Yeah, baby?” James called.

I opened the door so I could see the scene in front of me.

Janie’s eyes immediately came to me, completely forgoing the other two men that were closer to her.

And this also didn’t go by unnoticed by Tegan the slime bag, either.

He narrowed his eyes at me as if he was mortally offended not to have Janie’s complete undivided attention, which then caused me to grin.

Tegan narrowed his eyes even farther.

“Janie?”

Janie had to peel her eyes from me, and the moment her eyes were slid away, I felt like half of my soul was gone along with her gaze.

“You ready?” James asked, looking in my direction.

I nodded, then reluctantly turned and walked back into the room.

Instinctively I knew where to go, even though a lot of this was still unfamiliar to me—at least the new me.

“You okay?”

I looked up to find James staring at me.

“This not knowing where to go, but knowing where to go thing, is like a fucking tick in my brain. Like I know, but I just can’t get it to fully form. It’s driving me insane,” I explained.

James nodded. “Sure, it sucks. Why are you here?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I need some monitoring done on a few individuals. One in particular. I’ve been sitting on him for months now, and I’m not getting anything. I’ve gotten to know the daughter trying to get a closer look, but there’s nothing there. Even though I know for a fact that this guy is dealing with things that could be huge.”

“What kind of huge?” James asked.

“The kind of huge that will blow a hole in a corruption case the size that the US Military has never seen,” I answered.

James blinked. “What is it that you do again?”

I grinned. “I do what I want.”

James’ eyes narrowed. “Like date a girl, ask her to marry you, and fuck her over while you try to send her father to prison?”

There was some underlying hostility there, and I knew that he knew something. Something that I still didn’t know.

“You have something you want to say to me?” I asked carefully.

James shrugged. “I was told that you would figure it out on your own time. I just hope when you figure it out it’s not too late.”

That cryptic statement helped zero.

Goddamn them.

“James…”

“Janie’s really good with computers.”

I knew that, because I was, too.

She’d been trying to figure out something that had changed on her computer for a while now, and I knew that eventually she’d figure it out.

My only hope was that she wouldn’t be completely pissed when she found out.

To be honest, I really didn’t need their help.

I just needed their backup in the instance that my case went to shit.

Normally I wouldn’t need help at all, but then again, I’d never had to deal with a man the likes of Layton Trammel before.

He was suspicious, tenacious and careful. So careful, in fact, that I had a feeling that any dealings he had at all with whomever he was selling and buying from was done through a third party. Some man, or men, helped him. Someone big who knew what the fuck they were doing.

And I wanted the backup and the extra set of eyes.

The men of Free weren’t the only ones I asked, either.

I’d also had my brother-in-law, Wolf, keeping an eye out, too.

I was officially asking for help.

And that was unheard of for me.

Trace and I had been it for a really long time now, so it was hard to branch out and extend that hand.

But I’d do it because this was the last job I’d be doing before I officially closed that chapter of my life. The chapter that had shaped me into the man I was today.

“You okay?”

James had apparently been talking to me.

“Yeah,” I said. “Just fucking tired.”

And I was. All the goddamn time.

“Did you hear what I said about Janie?”

I nodded at his question. “I did, but I won’t be asking her for help.”

“Why?” he pushed.

I frowned. “Because this job is big. The man I’m investigating, he’s a heavy hitter. I don’t doubt that Janie’s good, but this man isn’t anyone to fuck with. He’s the man that nearly cost me my life ten years ago, and he’s hurt so many more.”

“I’m not a child.”

I looked up to find Janie in the room.

Tegan was nowhere to be seen, but that wasn’t to say that he was gone.

Moments later, he filled the door frame and looked around like he’d never been inside here before.

“Janie, there are rules,” James said, eyeing Tegan behind her.

“Shit, sorry,” she said, looking sheepish.

Moments later she herded the fool out the door, even though it was more than obvious that he didn’t want to go.

“There are rules?” I questioned James when she’d left.

“Yeah, the kind of rules that say no dumbasses allowed in places they shouldn’t be in,” James grunted.

I smirked. “Don’t like him?”

James didn’t bother to act like he’d misunderstood my question. “Can’t fucking stand him. He was the investigator for a shooting that I was involved in, and let’s just say things could have gone better.”

Interesting.

I’d be looking into that.

“Anyway, what I was saying was that I don’t want her involved. This needs to be done by someone that knows what they’re doing. She’s got skills, but she doesn’t have those years of experience that Jack has.”

“I can do anything that Jack does, if not better.”

Janie again.

I sighed.

I was really getting soft in my old age.

I hadn’t even heard the door open.

James’ lips quirked.

“Maybe y’all should go outside and have a talk. If you still need Jack, let me know.”

Then James practically shooed us out the door, following right behind us moments later.

I was standing on the sidewalk right outside the door when she said, “I’ll help.”

The problem was that I didn’t want her to help.

I didn’t want her anywhere near anything related to Layton Trammel.

What I couldn’t do was tell her no, especially not when she gave me those eyes that she was currently giving me.

“Fuck,” I muttered.

Something inside of me shifted, and I nodded once. “Give me your number and we’ll…”

“You don’t need her number. Get her email.”

Tegan the slime bag.

I rolled my eyes.

“You think you can give us a minute? We’re talking business,” I said.

Tegan’s eyes narrowed.

“A minute, Tegan,” Janie repeated, sounding nearly hostile.

My lips twitched at the anger I could read in Tegan’s eyes.

“This isn’t funny.”

I returned my eyes to Janie.

“What isn’t funny?” I hedged.

I know I hadn’t been laughing. Hell, I hadn’t even betrayed a smile.

There was no way she knew that I found it all amusing.

“I can see the laughter in your eyes. I know you, Rafe.”

My eyes narrowed. “Do you?”

Her mouth opened and then closed.

She didn’t say a word.

“Why won’t anyone tell me anything?” I asked.

Janie shrugged. “How’s your fiancé?”

The word ‘fiancé’ was asked so scornfully that I nearly laughed.

I almost said, ‘What fiancé?’ but was able to catch myself in time.

“Elspeth is fine,” I answered instead. “As I answered on the way in.”

Janie looked like she swallowed a bug.

“So, you need help?”

She wasn’t going to answer.

Which made me angry.

“I don’t understand why no one will tell me anything,” I finally said, raising my voice and waving my hands. “I just want answers!”

And I wanted those answers yesterday.

The not knowing what was going on thing was fucking frustrating.

And there was no telling if I’d get my memory back if they said something, but the least they could do was humor me.

I wanted to know my life.

It was fucking horrible living a life that I felt like a visitor in.

Tegan was at her side a moment later, scowling at me and wrapping one hand around her upper arm.

Janie didn’t bother to even look at him. She kept her eyes solely on me.

“Rafe,” she looked momentarily scared. “I…do you have a wedding date set yet?”

Why did she keep going back to that?

No, I didn’t have a wedding date.

There wouldn’t be a wedding, yet she didn’t need to know that.

The more people who knew my true intentions, the more people who could possibly screw it up.

I shrugged in answer. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know…” Janie drawled.

My lips twitched at her obvious anger.

Goddammit, I wished I could remember!

This woman, she was making me feel things that I hadn’t felt in a really long time. Since before my father was outed, and I learned he was a bigger piece of shit than I originally thought.

Was this what happiness felt like?

Seeing her getting all riled up over a woman—one I didn’t even like, let alone plan on marrying—was just downright amusing. Making me tease her more than I probably should have.

Which obviously was the wrong thing to do considering what happened next.

“What do you know, Rafe?” she snapped.

All amusement fled.

“I don’t know much of anything, Janie,” I replied, suddenly angry. “Nobody will tell me a goddamn thing. Not one single fuckin thing, and it’s irritating as fuck. Do you have anything you want to tell me?”

I’d asked her already, and again, like before, she pressed her lips together.

“Janie?” Tegan started.

Janie turned, and then Tegan dropped down to one knee.

It was exactly like in the movies.

Janie looked flabbergasted that Tegan was asking, and she looked around to see who was watching.

Apparently, it wasn’t just me who got a front row seat.

It was her father, her stepmother, and a few other men and women who were doing various things outside.

All of them were solely focused on us—and Janie.

Apparently, my raising my voice had caused them to all stop what they were doing and stare.

Which then made them spectators of a show that they had no clue was about to happen.

And, out of all of this, I focused my attention on Tegan.

I’d never been a violent person when it wasn’t warranted.

But, when it was warranted, I held no prisoners.

This Tegan kid was all of twenty-eight at most, and his eyes were so jealous of me that I wanted to punch him.

He didn’t have anything on me.

This thing that I felt for Janie far outweighed anything that he’d ever feel, yet he was ruining everything.

I wanted to regain my memory because I was sure if I had, some of these things that I was feeling would be answered.

Did we have something together? Did she feel the same thing that I felt? Why didn’t she answer any of my questions?

And the main reason I wasn’t doing anything was because I was immersed in a dangerous game that I didn’t want her anywhere near.

Yet, I had asked for her help because I was stupid. I wanted to be closer to her, and if I had to let her into my investigation of a man who I despised to accomplish that, I would.

Was it a good idea? No.

Was I going to do it anyway? Yes.

“Will you marry me, Janie?” Tegan asked finally.

Janie turned her eyes to me, looking, waiting for something that I didn’t understand.

Was she wanting me to tell her not to do it? Because I’d tell her.

But I felt like she was searching for more. Trying to get me to do something, but I had no clue what it was.

***

Janie

Tell me you remember me. Tell me that this was all just a sick joke and that you’re the only one for me. Tell Tegan to take a hike.

Something.

Anything.

Rafe!

I studied him, hoped that he would say something, anything, a single word…that would be all it took.

Yet he didn’t say anything.

He just stared, impassively, as he watched me watch him.

I felt Tegan move, and I turned to him.

“You’re killing me,” he replied, a smile on his lips.

I swallowed, glanced once more at Rafe, and then turned back to Tegan.

“Yes.”