Chapter 1

You look like duct tape and handcuff material.

-Things you shouldn’t say to a man you have a crush on

Janie

The day Rafe no longer saw me as forbidden.

I watched the airport terminal, my belly jostling with nerves.

Rafe would be there soon.

I’d been looking his name up on flight manifests trying to figure out where he was at least once every three or four days. (Yes, I knew I was obsessed.) But, since I had no clue where he was going, I’d started searching specifically for his name, even though I always wondered if he had an alias.

I’d known, of course, that he was going to be there. But honestly, from day-to-day, I wasn’t quite sure what exactly it was that Rafe did.

Though, this time I’d gotten a little help from the man himself—albeit inadvertently seeing as he hadn’t actually given me the information. He’d given it to my Uncle Sam—not the government Uncle Sam, but my actual Uncle Sam.

A girl had to do what a girl had to do if she wanted to see the man she’d fallen in love with, after all. Even steal information off of her uncle’s desk.

It seemed like one day Rafe was home on American soil, working as a liaison between three governmental agencies, and the next he was deployed.

No matter how hard I tried, I could never find anything out about the man. He was too good at hiding.

Jack, my pseudo-uncle and mentor, and his wife, Winter, had taught me everything I knew about computers, and now there was literally nothing I couldn’t find out if I put my mind to it.

Nothing, that was, unless it came to Raphael Luis.

I had no fucking clue why I couldn’t find anything on him.

Literally, there was absolutely no information that was safe. There was nothing that I couldn’t find out. I knew that my dad was once a porn-aholic before he’d met Shiloh—which happened to be over twenty years ago. I’d been on his old computer trying to figure out how to get into the hard drive and had unfortunately discovered that interesting tidbit, something that no girl wants to know about her father. I also knew that my little sister was talking in some nerd chatroom all hours of the night and apparently had a secret boyfriend that she was keeping from my father.

I knew that there were quite a few people in town who were curious enough to Google Free, the organization that Uncle Sam—again, my actual Uncle Sam, not the literal Uncle Sam—had started with my father and the rest of my pseudo-uncles. They wanted to know more, and I understood their curiosity. But to protect Free and the women we helped, I pointed them in a direction that wouldn’t give them any more information than what the rest of the population could come up with.

For that organization that my family had created—the one for which I now worked—I basically did what Uncle Jack and Aunt Winter did, just on a much broader scale.

I’d surpassed the masters, but I still had such a thirst for knowledge that I continued to push myself.

Which was why it was so frustrating that I couldn’t find a damn thing on Rafe.

Not a single, solitary thing.

The fact that I could find nothing on the man was disconcerting.

Not a birth certificate. No social security number. Not even his high school baseball pictures.

Someone jostled me, and I looked to the side to see a very pregnant woman shifting from foot-to-foot. “I’m sorry. I think I’m in labor. My balance is a little off.”

I smiled and scooted away slightly, causing her to laugh.

“It’s not contagious,” she teased.

I shrugged.

Maybe I didn’t want her water breaking all over my shoes. I knew quite a bit of medical related information, and usually when one was in labor, their water broke.

Just sayin’.

“Who are you here for?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I’m one of the welcoming committees. I’m here for soldiers who don’t have anyone to come home to. We give them a welcome home goody bag.” I showed her the bags that had a bunch of different shit in it.

I’d been procuring little things from local businesses. Gift cards. Samples of their products. Fun stuff that wasn’t related to a goddamn thing. Sometimes I went to Walmart or a drug store and filled the rest of the bag with candies and things that they couldn’t get while deployed out of the country.

She smiled a warm smile. “That’s so sweet!”

I guess.

But, when I’d started this particular chapter, it was due in part to Rafe.

He’d once said one of the hardest parts about coming home was that no one was here to care if they were home, or back in that hell hole, and my fifteen-year-old self had taken that to heart.

I’d worked with my stepmother, Shiloh, and had founded this chapter.

Ever since, I’d been attending every single welcoming home that I could possibly muster without taking time off from work or school. School that I was doing to humor my father.

Then the line of men getting off the plane shifted, and I caught sight of him. He was the last one off the plane. Literally, even the flight attendants had beat him off.

He was looking at the ground as he made his way down the long hallway that led to the open room where the family of the returning home soldiers waited. Even though his head was down, I knew for a fact that he was very much aware of the men and women ahead of him.

Butterflies swarmed my belly as I watched him prowl in my direction.

He hadn’t seen me yet.

He wouldn’t be happy to see me.

While he was still unaware of my existence, I watched him walk.

Watched the way he moved with purpose.

He was dressed in his military uniform.

Brown, darker brown, and tan digital camouflage head-to-toe. He even had a hat that matched his pants. The top shirt was open and flapping as he walked, showing off the skintight tan t-shirt he wore underneath. Was that part of his uniform? I didn’t know. Then again, I didn’t really care.

And boy, those pants.

His pockets looked like they were filled to the absolute brim with shit—and I wanted to know what he put in those pockets. Food? Socks? Guns?

Then there was that arm that was up by his neck that was latched on to the massive canvas bag that was slung over his shoulder. The veins in his tanned arm were thick and prominent, and I licked my lips.

He looked so unbelievably hot.

The pants he had on were tight. Not so tight that they hindered his movements, but tight enough that I could see his hips and thighs. I also noticed that he was wearing boxer briefs—mostly because I could see the seam around mid-thigh.

The shirt he was wearing was tight, too. His chest muscles bulged, and I vaguely wondered whether or not he had to go one size bigger due to the girth.

He abruptly turned left into the coffee house that was at the end of the escalator.

I looked over at Kayla, my best friend in the entire world.

She rolled her eyes and waved me away, causing me to grin at her.

“You’re the best wingman ever.”

“Or the stupidest,” she commented as I raced toward the coffee place.

When I arrived, it was to find him with his back to the door, and his head tilted up so he could read the coffee menu.

I crept up in line behind him, wondering if he’d notice me.

He didn’t—or at least he didn’t act like he did.

The line crept forward, one-by-one, causing us to get closer and closer to the barista until finally we were there.

I shifted slightly to the side, causing him to glance at me.

He glanced away almost as fast, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

He didn’t notice me.

Not in what I was wearing, anyway.

Then there was the fact that I’d dyed my hair purple and pink.

I also went lighter on the makeup nowadays than I did when I was younger.

His eyes were trained on the woman at the counter.

And not in a good way.

“I’ll have a coffee. Large. Black.” He paused. “And one of those blueberry muffins.”

“I can’t serve you. It’s against company policy to serve anyone with a weapon.” She eyed the bulge in Rafe’s pockets. And, from the perspective at which I was standing, I could now see that that bulge was actually a hat and a cell phone. “Especially a military man like you,” she said, sounding put out that she was having to have this conversation. “I mean, you kill innocent people. You don’t deserve to walk this earth, let alone drink any coffee that I make.”

Rafe blinked at the barista’s words. Then shrugged and started to back away.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and stilled him. “Hold on a moment.”

In fact, I’d said it with so much disdain that I was taken aback for a second.

A second.

“Hold on,” I said more forcefully when he went to leave again.

That’s when I realized he knew exactly who I was.

And maybe had known the entire time.

I winked at him and walked up to the counter. “I’ll have a black coffee, large. Oh, and a blueberry muffin.”

The barista’s eyes furrowed, but she went to make the order, handing it to me a moment later.

I turned around and handed them to Rafe, and then offered the lady my card.

The lady glared at me.

I smiled, then narrowed my eyes.

Before she knew what was happening, I was at the counter and in the stupid bitch’s face.

“Do you have any idea what this man has done to ensure that you can say stupid shit like you just said?”

The barista leaned back in affront. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, lady. How could you speak to him like that?” I hissed. “You don’t know him, or what he’s been through. He asked for something to drink, not your goddamn liver.”

“Excuse me?” the barista repeated.

Was that all the stupid girl could think up to say?

“Give him his freakin’ drink if he ever comes around again. Now, I’d like an amaretto latte,” I ground out, but stopped when the barista carefully reached for a cup. “No. Not you. Her.”

The ‘her’ was actually a woman behind the bar that was counting the money. She looked like the manager or something and looked like she would rather not get into this argument.

“I’m sorry, but I’m counting the till. I can’t stop until I’m done.”

I narrowed my eyes. “I’ll wait.”

That’s when I felt Rafe’s dark eyes on me, and I blushed.

I actually meant to hide this entire time and not let him see me.

Why? Because when Rafe saw me, he left. Literally, he saw me coming, and he’d turn the other way. He’d avoided me for seven years like that, and I was beginning to think that it was something about me that he didn’t like.

“Uh, hi.” I waved. “How are you?”

I would’ve slapped myself on the forehead had he not been watching me with those blank, nearly black eyes.

“Fine,” he answered, sounding so good that it physically hurt my heart.

I swallowed. “Are you going to drink that coffee?”

He shook his head.

I sighed and turned, seeing both women watching us.

“Your boss will be hearing about this,” I informed them both, slapping down a ten. “I’d possibly start looking for another job.”

The manager sneered. “You can try.”

Oh, I would try.

Even if I had to plant evidence on that bitch’s computer saying that she’d been stealing.

I didn’t fight fair when it came to the ones I cared about.

I wasn’t playing around.

Not when it came to how somebody treated a soldier.

I turned on my heels, still fuming, and froze.

Because Rafe wasn’t there anymore.

He was just gone.

My heart sank, and my eyes started to burn.

He’d left.

I took a deep breath and blew it out, then returned to where I’d left Kayla.

I found her gathering up what was left of our signs, and then stowing them in a black trash bag that we’d use for the next time we came and did this.

“You almost ready?” I asked.

Kayla looked up, glanced around, and tilted her head. “No Rafe?”

I shook my head. “No Rafe.”

She frowned. “Usually you don’t get made that fast.”

I started to laugh. “The barista at the coffee shop was a total bitch. I had to have a few words with her and ended up exposing myself.”

Kayla just shook her head. “Ready?”

I nodded and we both started out, her holding the trash bag of signs, and me holding my purse and Kayla’s.

Luckily the box with the goody bags was empty, meaning we weren’t struggling like we were when we’d come in here earlier in the day.

“Did you see the woman who had to be carted off by her husband earlier?” Kayla asked as we started into the parking lot.

“No, what happened?” I questioned, digging in Kayla’s purse for my keys.

“You’re in my purse, dummy,” Kayla sighed.

I grunted and switched purses, coming up with my keys as I listened to Kayla explain what had happened.

“The woman was apparently in labor for like, five hours. But she wanted to meet her husband who was coming home from an eight-month deployment, so she just ignored them. When her husband showed, they kissed and smiled and laughed, and then her water broke all over his combat boots.

Gross.

“I was standing next to her earlier,” I admitted. “I’m glad that she didn’t do that to me. I’d have started crying.”

I looked down at my flip-flop clad feet and grinned.

I didn’t wear shoes anywhere if I could help it.

Then again, if I could help it, I didn’t even leave the house.

Sometimes there were periods that I went two entire weeks without leaving.

It got to the point where I hired a lady to come clean my house—who also cleaned some of the other houses in the Free compound—and to bring my groceries.

Seriously, not a day went by that I had any regrets about being the homebody that I was.

“I saw you talking to her.” Kayla laughed. “And you need to get over that aversion to bodily fluids. What are you going to do one day when some man has to spurt his load inside of you to get a baby?”

I literally shivered.

That’d been why I’d yet to go anywhere near a man and his penis. A penis produced bodily fluid, and bodily fluids grossed me out.

Seriously, I might die a virgin.

“I’ll deal with a man and his baby batter when the time comes, and not a moment…” I’d just passed the last car before mine and came to an abrupt stop. “…before.”

“Baby batter?” Rafe asked, coming off of his slouch against my car. “I feel like I missed something.”

He had. But we were not, under any circumstances, revisiting that conversation. So, he would forever be missing something.

“Hi, Rafe!” Kayla waved. “You glad to be home?”

Rafe turned his gaze from me to Kayla. “Yep.”

He returned his eyes to me, and I could almost swear that he’d semi-smiled. It was there and gone so fast that I blinked, and then wasn’t sure if I’d actually seen the phenomenon.

“Uhh,” I said. “Do you want a ride?”

He nodded once. “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”

I nodded and gestured to my car. “You’ll have to sit in the middle.”

Rafe shook his head. “You sit in the middle, and I’ll drive.”

I thought about that for about point two seconds, then handed him my keys.

“You can’t drive fast, though,” I said worriedly. “My dad said that if I got another speeding ticket, he’d beat my ass and kick me off of his insurance.”

Rafe’s lips twitched. “Noted.”

Kayla growled. “Can you open the trunk already, Janie? This shit is heavy.”

I walked to the trunk and popped it open, then helped Kayla lay the signs in the back.

“Are you ever going to clean this out?” Kayla said in dismay.

I looked at all the stuff in the trunk and then shrugged. “Maybe.”

In the back was about eighteen pairs of shoes, two that weren’t even mine. They might’ve been my dad’s. I didn’t really know. I didn’t have any male friends, but I thought they weren’t too bad of an idea to have back there, so I left them.

Then there were the multiple sweatshirts, hunting jackets. A pair of waders that I’d used last duck season. A tent. A camp stove. Two propane lights. Groceries that I’d forgotten to get out of the car yesterday, and a hunting rifle.

“What’s with the rifle?” Rafe asked.

I shrugged. “I had it to meet my dad at the range later.”

Rafe grunted.

Kayla patted the signs and then walked around to the front seat.

“Why can’t you get in the back?” Rafe asked.

I opened the door, and my puppies looked back at me with excitement.

“They’re why.”

“Why are they back there?” he asked.

I smiled and reached for Glock’s head, giving him a good scratch behind the ears. Kimber pushed her nose out to sniff Rafe, but hesitated.

Rafe held his hand in a cup shape and extended it to Kimber, and I smiled.

So Rafe was a dog person.

Sweet.

“My babies failed K-9 training,” I said. “There was this cop, his name is Trance. He had them for about a week and told me that these dogs were untrainable. That I’d already broken them.”

Rafe started to laugh. “Any dog is trainable. You just have to find the right trainer.”

“Well,” I hesitated. “Trance brought them back on his way to visit with my dad and Uncle Sam. He said that all they would do for him was lay down. They didn’t even perform for food.” I sighed. “That’s my fault, though. I turned them into lazy hounds.”

I had two German Shepherd puppies that I’d gotten from Trance, and he’d said once they were a year old that I could bring them back if I wanted them trained—which I did.

But, apparently, allowing them to eat like humans meant that they didn’t suffer being treated like actual dogs.

They were mad at me because Trance had kenneled them. They were mad that they no longer got fed actual meals—again, I was informed, that dogs should be eating dog food. Not people food. And, the icing on the cake, they’d both pouted like the spoiled rotten brats that they were the entire two weeks that they’d been gone.

Not only had it sucked for me that they were gone, but it’d also, apparently, sucked for them.

I’d been missing them like crazy these last two weeks, and honestly, I was happy to see that they’d felt the same way.

I’d gotten a call that Trance was dropping them by.

When I’d tried to let them in my place before I’d gone, they’d hauled ass for my car.

Once there, they’d climbed through the open window—the window that my father liked to lecture me about leaving down. Why, oh why, did I have to roll the window up when I was in the compound, under a freakin’ carport?

The answer to that was: to keep your damn dogs from climbing into your car and refusing to leave.

Rafe gestured for me to get inside my car and then stepped back while holding the door.

I bit my lip and crawled in, very aware of how well my jeans fit my butt—and that was perfectly. I’d nearly had to apply butter to get these jeans on.

I may be young, but I was far from stupid.

I’d paid attention the few times that Rafe was around long enough for me to hold a conversation with him. I also knew that he preferred me in jeans.

How did I know that?

Because he’d paid more attention to me when I was fully clothed. I didn’t know if it was due to the fact that I actually looked better in jeans or because he wasn’t willing to look at me if I wasn’t fully clothed.

Whatever the reason, I chose the route that would reveal the most of my assets, while still being modest enough that he would at least look at me and not look the other way.

So, I climbed in, tried to do it seductively, and then forgot to pay attention to the gear shift as I swung my knees around.

The minute the gear shift hit me in the knee, I started to whimper and fell over, straight into Kayla’s lap.

“Oh my God!” I whined. “Kayla, kiss it and make it better!”

Kayla, being the dutiful, awesome best friend that she was, bent over and kissed it.

Then she smacked it.

“Bitch!” I cried. Literally cried. “Owwww, it fucking hurts. Jesus, it hurts worse than when I hit my funny bone!”

And I did that a lot.

Did I mention I was a klutz, too?

“Who is Trance?” Rafe questioned as he situated himself in the car while completely ignoring the fact that I was dying.

One could die from blunt force trauma to the knee, couldn’t they?

Because I felt like I was.

“Trance is a member of the Dixie Wardens like Papa Silas,” I wheezed. “The Benton, Louisiana Chapter. Not to be confused with the other nine million and thirteen chapters.”

“Papa Silas?”

“Well,” I hesitated. “He’s Silas…but he’s also kind of a grandfather. Even though he has a kid younger than me. But, still. He’s Papa Silas to me. He told me Granddaddy Silas wasn’t working for him.”

“Actually,” Kayla interrupted. “Janie has called him Papa for as long as we could remember. She tried to change it to Granddaddy Silas once when she was a kid and like she said, he told her no.”

“Do you know who Silas is?” I questioned.

Everybody knew Silas.

And I could’ve sworn I’d seen Silas and Rafe in the same room as each other at least once over the years that Rafe had been around.

“Yeah,” he said. “I also know Trance. Well, kind of. I know who he is, but I don’t know him. Though, in the dog training world, he’s pretty famous. Everyone knows the Spurlock dog training guru. I’m just surprised he couldn’t whip your pups into shape. He’s known for his perseverance.”

I sighed. “That might’ve also been my fault,” I admitted, my head still resting on the seat now next to Rafe’s thigh.

“She told Trance to bring them home,” Kayla said into the silence. “She called one night crying because she missed her ‘friends.’ She also asked to speak with them. Then, when they wouldn’t talk, she told Trance to bring them home for a little visit. He brought them home mainly because he knew this wasn’t going to work out. Janie treats them like her children. I’m also pretty convinced they’d kill me if I tried to take Janie anywhere without her permission. They already growl when I eat her food.”

Rafe snorted.

“I taught them the things that were important. I can’t have my extended family coming into my house and eating all my food. Food is expensive,” I muttered, then sighed and sat up.

The children of Free really were awful. Justin, Elliott and Blaine’s son, was the absolute worse.

“Sounds to me,” Rafe said as he waited patiently for me to get situated. “That you didn’t need to send them anywhere. If they already protect you, they most likely wouldn’t need to be away from you at all. You just need to hone their already deeply ingrained instincts.”

“How do you know all this?” I questioned, reaching for the seatbelt that would strap across my lap.

He stuck the key in the ignition and pressed the clutch with his left foot. His right hand came down on the gear shift. His forearm flexed as he dropped it into neutral.

I closed my eyes as I waited with bated breath for my car to roar to life, and seconds later, it did.

I shivered and opened my eyes, smiling widely.

“Janie’s also insanely in love with her car,” Kayla said with disgust in her voice. “You should feel privileged. She doesn’t let anyone drive it, not even her dad.”

That was true. I didn’t let my dad drive it, though, because my dad wanted it.

My baby, my 1969 ‘Cuda, was my dream car. I’d found her on the side of the road outside of town. An old man had broken down there, and I’d offered him a lift to my dad’s shop.

He’d looked haggard, beaten down and just plain sad.

The car, however, was pristine…at least on the inside. On the outside, she was a hunk of potential, but nowhere near the beauty she would one day become.

“Seems to me if your daddy bought you the car, you should at least let him drive it,” Rafe drawled.

I won’t punch him in the face. I won’t punch him in the face.

“My daddy didn’t buy me this car,” I said. “I was given this car in a dilapidated state by a dying old man who was happy to find an owner for it who would love it as much as he did. My daddy and uncles helped me fix it up. The only thing they did, however, was the paint job. I didn’t want to fuck it up with my lack of experience. So, they did that for me. The rest, though? That was all me.”

“You know how to work on cars?”

Kayla started to snicker. “That’s why she’s always so dirty. I think you’ll come to realize, my dear friend Rafe, that you shouldn’t underestimate any of the girls in this family. Scout, Rebel, Janie, me, Sam’s three girls. Hell, any of the Free girls, really. They all know their way around a vehicle. Janie here just knows her way better than most. She’s the one who spent the most time with them.”

Rafe looked at me, grinned, and put my baby into reverse.

His hand came perilously close to my left hip since I was half on Kayla’s lap and half on the console, but he didn’t touch me. Dammit.

“How fast do you think she’ll go?” he questioned.

My car shook and shuttered, the car seemingly struggling to stay alive.

That was a lie, though. My car wouldn’t die. This baby was perfectly primed and in the best shape a car of its age could ever be in. Hell, it was better than almost any new car I could drive off the lot.

“She’ll go about one twenty and stay within the lines,” I said almost instantly.

Kayla snorted.

Rafe didn’t say a word.

But his hands did tighten slightly on the steering wheel, almost as if he was upset that I knew my car’s top speed.

But…who didn’t know their car’s top speed? If you didn’t, you were likely a wiener.

I, most definitely, wasn’t a wiener.

“Where are you going?” I questioned as he expertly pulled out of the lot.

He didn’t even stall. That was pretty impressive with my car.

I had a modified camshaft in it, and the proper fuel ratio made it persnickety sometimes. It took just the right amount of gas on the driver’s part to get it to go without hesitating, and Rafe had applied it without ever being in it before.

That was damned impressive. My ‘Cuda was a finicky little bitch.

“I’ll go to your place. I have something I want to discuss with Sam anyway. Once I’m done, I gotta head to my sister’s place. Then I have to head back down to Hostel,” he answered, pulling out in front of a slow-moving minivan.

He went through the gears expertly, stopping in fourth gear and loosely letting his hand rest on the gear shift.

Glock and Kimber both woofed, causing me to snort. “Can you roll your window down for them?”

Rafe had it down moments later, and my hair started to fly all around my face.

“Their back windows don’t go down?”

I shivered as the cool air hit my skin. “No. That’s why I had this one and the other window cracked for them. The windows in the back need some work, and I haven’t had the time to fix them since they stopped rolling down.”

“Easy fix,” Rafe muttered, his eyes going to the rearview mirror before he switched lanes.

He accelerated past a slow-moving dump truck, and then returned to his original lane.

“Maybe,” I agreed. “What’s in Hostel?”

“A job.”

“What kind of job?” I questioned.

“One where I intend to work for a while,” he answered, looking over at me for a short moment before returning his eyes to the road. “Why?”

I felt my lips turn up.

“Just figured that you had plans of some sort. Hostel’s a small town,” I admitted. “And I’m just curious.”

“You’re always curious,” he muttered, sounding put out. “The road construction finished this way?”

I shook my head. “No, they hit a snag with a pipeline,” I said as I gestured to a side road he should take. “That one is faster.”

Rafe grunted but pulled off before the back road that I’d indicated. Instead, he’d taken some road that I’d never once seen before. A dirt road of some sort.

“Uhh,” Kayla said. “I’m not sure this is a road.”

“It is.”

Then Rafe didn’t say another word as we crawled carefully over the uneven road.

Minutes later, he pulled out onto the other side of the main highway again, right on the other side of traffic.

I’d lived in Kilgore my entire freakin’ life and not once had I seen that road.

Otherwise, I would’ve taken it a whole lot more than just freakin’ once.

“How did you find out about that cut through?” I questioned.

Rafe shrugged. “Research.”

And that was the last word he’d said until we pulled into Free ten minutes later.