Bambi
I found a payphone at a nearby gas station. I knew I probably could have asked to use the phone in the motel office, but I wanted to get away from Snake and the rest of his men as quickly as possible. It wasn’t easy to make my escape in heels and on broken pavement, but I had been wearing tall shoes since before I hit puberty. I dialed a cab company and waited.
Leaning against the side of the gas station, I went back over the events of the afternoon. I had gone from riding in a convertible and waving to a crowd to tossing my tiara from the back of a motorcycle. Snake wasn’t pleased with me, and I couldn’t blame him. In hindsight, there could only be one reason a man like that would ask a woman like me to come with him. How could I have been so stupid? I was just a dumb girl, like Snake had said.
I wondered just what I was going to do with myself. I couldn’t go home, not after the stunt I had pulled. Mother would be furious, and I didn’t have the strength to put up with her wrath. She would want to know every detail of what had happened. Even though things could have been much more complicated than they were, I didn’t want to let her into that little part of my life. I had rebelled; I had done something completely idiotic, and that hour was mine alone.
The cabbie jeered at me when he pulled up to the curb. “Hey there. You the one that needs a ride?” His eyes roved up and down my body.
I got in the back anyway. I couldn’t stay at the gas station forever. “Myrtle Creek, please.”
“You got an address?” He watched me in the rearview mirror.
With a heavy heart, I replied. “1220 Maple Street.” There was no choice but to go home. I had tried to run off, and it hadn’t worked out. I was back to my original plan. I would go home, make up well enough with Mother that we could tolerate each other for a few more months, get a job, and move out. I would wait until I had a safe place to go, a place all my own where I could do what I wanted.
The driver nodded. “You got it. Tell me, where’s a pretty girl like you going in a dress like that in the middle of the afternoon? Don’t get me wrong, I get all kinds in this cab, but you’re a little different.”
I was sure there really had been all kinds of people in the taxi, and judging by the state of the upholstery they hadn’t been very considerate patrons. Dark stains blotted the brown fabric, and several cigarette burns stippled the console. “It’s just been a very long day.”
“Whatever you say, doll.”
But when the cab pulled up to the curb, my stomach lurched. Full garbage bags sat slumped in the yard, and I recognized the clothes hanging out of them. Everything I owned—everything my mother couldn’t claim as her own—was out on the lawn. My hand was numb as it reached for the door handle. “Wait here for a moment, okay?”
“Meter’s running,” the driver reminded me.
I walked slowly through the lawn, staring at the scene before me and unable to believe it. The front door opened, and Mother was on the porch with her arms folded. “What is all this?” I asked.
“What do you think it is?” She didn’t bother trying to start off nice. Her shriek echoed on our street, and I knew the neighbors were probably watching. “I’ve done everything for you, young lady. I’ve sacrificed everything to give you the best life possible, and you go and ruin it all in two seconds. I’m done with you and your attitude.”
“Mother, you don’t understand. Look, I was wanting to talk to you about this. I think we need to change the way we do things around here—”
“That’s exactly the attitude I’m talking about!” she screamed, coming down onto the grass. She had dressed in a long, flimsy blouse and leggings, attempting to look younger than she really was. The afternoon’s makeup was smeared across her eyelids. “You think you run this place, but let me tell you something: this is my house. You aren’t welcome in it unless you’re willing to live under my rules.”
She was never going to change. She was never going to listen. Monique Bidwell was the same person she had always been. “I just need you to understand—”
“No! Don’t you dare go trying to make me the bad guy. You embarrassed the hell out of me, and you shamed the whole town with your antics. I didn’t spend the last nineteen years taking care of you just so you could be an impertinent slut.” Her arms were straight down at her sides, her hands fisted.
“You know, what? Fine.” I didn’t yell back. No matter how mad she made me, I just couldn’t. But I could stop this from happening again. “You don’t want me here, so I’ll go. You won’t have to put up with me anymore.” I turned on my heel and walked back to the cab.
“Don’t you dare leave, Bambi Jade Bidwell!” Mother’s screech raked down my back and howled in my ears. “You get your butt back here and apologize.”
Tears flooded to my eyes, but I knew I was making the right decision. I could have my little fantasies about leaving on my own terms, but she would never let it happen. It would always come down to something dramatic like a screaming match in the front yard. I yanked the door of the cab back open and got in.
I looked out the window just in time to see Mother storming toward the curb. “Go! Please go!” I urged.
The cabbie obeyed, laying on the accelerator and taking off with a squeal. “Where to now?”
I didn’t really know, but if I didn’t find someplace to go soon I wouldn’t be able to pay the fare. “Um, Meadow Ridge Street. 309 Meadow Ridge Street.” I had to hope that this would work out.
Giving him the money from Snake when we reached the house, I didn’t look back as I headed up the sidewalk. The street might have had a pretty name, but the houses on it were far from beautiful. This neighborhood had been built decades ago when the town had boomed due to local coal mining, but it had fallen into disrepair sometime over the last twenty years. Large homes had been split into apartments, and old cars sat in front yards. It was the wrong side of the tracks, the bad side of town that I wasn’t allowed to go to. Still, that hadn’t quite stopped me from making friends who lived here, and I could thank a small public school system for that. I lifted my fist and knocked.
Misty blinked at me when she opened the door and ran a hand through her messy hair. “Bambi? What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?” She rubbed her eyes.
“I was in the parade, and I ended up over in Johnson City with this biker. He thought I wanted to stay with him, but I didn’t, and I thought I was going to have to stay anyway but he let me go. I just can’t go back to my mom’s.” The words came out in a jumbled mess, and even I didn’t quite understand what I was trying to say.
My old friend opened the door wider to let me in. “Come on. Let’s get you out of those clothes. Are you hungry? I just got up and I’m ready for breakfast. I’ve been working third shift over at the factory since May.”
“I’m really sorry to intrude on you like this.” I stepped inside, horrified at the scene. The couch was covered in laundry, and I couldn’t tell if it was clean or dirty. Food wrappers and newspapers were strewn on the coffee table, and several months’ worth of dust had accumulated on the lampshade. It was nothing like the pristine conditions at my mother’s house, but of course, Misty had the freedom to have a messy house. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve been able to see each other.”
She eyed me over her shoulder as she led me down a short hallway to her bedroom and began sifting through a closet. The bedroom was just as sloppy as the living room. “It’s okay. I know you’ve had your own thing going on since graduation. To be honest, I kind of thought you’d go off to some Ivy League college somewhere.” She handed me a faded T-shirt and began looking through the dresser drawers.
“That would have been nice.” Had I had the opportunity to do that, I might have been living in some dumpy dorm room, staying awake half the night and eating fast food all the time. It smelled bad, but it sounded wonderful. “I’ve been right here, though. If I’m lucky, I won’t be for long.”
“So what’s all this about a biker?” Misty handed me a pair of yoga pants since none of her jeans were long enough for me. She ran a hand through her mop of curly hair and sat on the corner of the bed.
Wiggling out of the dress, I pulled on the clothes she had offered. Rarely did I get the opportunity to dress down so much, and it would have felt good if I wasn’t feeling so sorry for myself. I did my best to explain—more calmly this time—what had happened. “It was just this wild notion, and I acted on it so quickly that I didn’t even have time to think about it. When we got back to that motel, I realized what he was expecting of me.” I shivered at the thought, but I didn’t know if it was one of pleasure or fear.
She quirked up one side of her mouth. “Sounds like it could have been fun. Why didn’t you stay?” Getting up, Misty led me back down the hall and toward the kitchen.
“I don’t know. I guess I just want things to be different, and in the moment I thought I could change it all with just that one act. It was stupid. I know that now.” I cringed at the state of the kitchen. The counters were covered in dirty dishes that looked as though they had been there for several days. I could see why Misty only seemed to eat food that was cooked elsewhere.
“Maybe, maybe not. I mean, it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, but it could have been worse.” Rummaging through the fridge, Misty emerged with half a pizza and a few cans of soda. “This work for you? I haven’t been to the store in a couple of weeks. It’s actually Steven’s turn, but he never does anything he’s supposed to.”
“Steven? Steven Roberts?” I remembered that the two of them had always been good friends. They used to sneak out behind the high school gym and smoke during our lunch break. Sometimes, they would let me come hang out with them even though I never smoked.
“Yeah.” Misty rolled her eyes and plopped the pizza box on the counter and cracked open a soda. “I thought he would be the perfect roommate because we had always been so close, you know? But he’s a total pig, and he’s always late with the rent money. He has a good job, but he just kind of sucks with money.”
“At least you get to be out here on your own,” I reminded her. “I’m so tired of my mom. She thinks she can control me.”
“At least your mom was around,” Misty countered, speaking around a big bite of pizza. “My mom was constantly working when I was a kid, and I had to take care of myself way too early in life. I was good at it back then. I always had the dishes washed, the laundry done, and the floor vacuumed. But I think that was the problem. I had all the burden on my shoulders so early that I got burned out. I just don’t care anymore.”
I pulled a slice of pizza out of the box. Misty hadn’t bothered to heat hers up, so I didn’t either. I took a bit and studied the toppings, wondering what they were supposed to be. There was so much cheese that I couldn’t quite tell. “That’ll probably change. Maybe you’ll get married and have some kids, and then you’ll care more.”
She made a dismissive sound and rolled her eyes. “You think someone’s actually going to want to marry me? I doubt it. I come with too much baggage.”
“Like what?” The pizza was good. I couldn’t believe how long it had been since I’d indulged myself. I grabbed another slice.
She waved her hand in the air as though her problems were floating above her head. “Take your pick! My horrible childhood, my massive credit card debt, my general lack of enthusiasm for life. I’m not the sweet, perfect little housewife type. I’m not like you.”
The cold cheese and meat in my mouth was suddenly not so delicious. “Why do you say that? My mother is plenty of baggage on her own.”
“Any guy would gladly overlook her if they got a chance to sleep next to you every night. Face it, Bambi: You’re what every guy wants. It doesn’t matter if it’s that biker dude or some nice guy in a suit with a good job. You can have your pick.” She ripped off the last of her piece of pizza and tossed the crust in the box. “Every guy wants you, and every girl wants to be you.”
“Maybe, but they wouldn’t like it if they got what they wanted. I don’t know what to do, Misty. I can’t go home.” Tears threatened to spill over again. Misty had welcomed me into her home, but we hadn’t discussed whether or not I would be allowed to stay there. I couldn’t quite bring myself to ask her. I already had so much more than she did.
“Oh, stop. You can just stay here.”
“Are you sure?” The amount of relief was overwhelming. I shouldn’t have been thrilled to stay in such a pig sty, but anything was better than going home. “I don’t want to burden you. Or Steven.”
“Steven won’t care, you know that. And we all have a time when we need to be picked up and set back on our feet again. Just stay and get yourself back together.”
I came around the counter and wrapped my arms around her. Relief washed over me and weighed me down, making me realize just how tired I was. “I can’t thank you enough.”
“Don’t thank me too much yet,” she warned. “All I have for you is the couch, and it’s not super comfortable.”
“I’m sure I can make it work,” I assured her.
That night, I tossed and turned on the couch. Misty had left for work a few hours ago, and I thought with the house being empty I would be able to finally get some sleep. But it creeped me out a little to know that I was all alone in an unfamiliar house in an unsafe neighborhood. What would I do if someone tried to break in? I had no weapons, and nobody to protect me. Would Snake and his gang track me down, angry that I had misled him? Yanking the scratchy blanket up to my shoulders and rolling over to face the back of the couch, I tried to wipe the awful thoughts from my mind.
I must have finally dozed off, because the sound of the kitchen door opening and closing woke me. I lay stiffly on the couch, too terrified to investigate or even to hide. Holding my breath, I listened carefully for signs of the intruder coming in the living room.
Instead, he flicked the kitchen light on. I saw the square of light on the ceiling from the doorway. The refrigerator door opened and closed, and then came the rattling sound of a plate being set on the counter. Whoever had come in was making themselves a sandwich.
Remembering what Misty had said earlier that day, I sat up. “Steven?”
The noises from the kitchen stopped. A moment later, a wide figure appeared in the doorway. “Who’s there?”
I reached over to the end table and turned on the lamp. “It’s Bambi.”
He stared at me for a moment, his wide face shocked as he took in the sight of me in Misty’s shirt on the couch. “What are you doing here?”
“I, um, I’m having a bit of a rough time and Misty told me I could stay here for a little while. I hope that’s okay with you.” I suddenly felt like such an idiot. It had been easy to tell Misty about my troubles, but I wasn’t going to go into detail with Steven. He didn’t need to know how dumb I had been.
“Oh, sure.” He gave me a smile. Steven hadn’t changed at all since high school. A former football player, he was a muscular guy with a blond buzz cut. It was odd to see him in a uniform shirt from the factory, but other than that he was the same guy who had changed my flat tire in the high school parking lot. “You want a beer?”
“No, thanks. I’m good.”
“Mind if I watch TV? That’s always what I do to wind down when I get home from work.” He fetched his plate and a beer and sat down in the recliner.
“It’s not like I’m getting much sleep, anyway.” I would have preferred to try to sleep again, but who was I to kick him out of his own living room?
He turned on the TV. For a little while, I watched the old reruns he turned on, but eventually I began to drift off. I was vaguely aware of him returning to the fridge a few times during commercials.
“Hey.” Steven was standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. His breath stank of beer. “Hey, wake up.”
“What is it?” I blinked rapidly. Steven was backlit against the glow of the TV. “Is everything all right?”
“You know, Bambi, I always thought you were hot. I used to dream of you coming over to spend the night at my house, but I never thought it would happen. And now here you are. It must be destiny.” His words were slurred, and the most recent can of beer was still in his free hand.
“Um, I appreciate that, but I’m not really on the market right now.” I was suddenly wide awake. I tried to glance at the clock, hoping it was almost time for Misty to get home, but Steven’s big shoulders blocked my view.
“You don’t have to worry about that. I’m not looking for a relationship, just a quick fuck. Let’s go down the hall to my bedroom, and I can show you what I’ve always wanted to do to you.”
“No, thanks.” I pulled the blanket up a little further, hoping to somehow shield myself with it.
His grip was hard on my shoulder now. “Is that how it is? I let you come here, into my home, to stay on my couch. I give you shelter and safety, and this is how you repay me?”
There was a repeating theme here that I didn’t like. “Listen, Steven. You’re drunk. Just go to bed and we can talk about it in the morning.” I knew he never would be talking to me like this if he didn’t have alcohol in his system. Steven had always been a great guy. I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare where all my friends had become my enemies and I couldn’t move.
“Just kiss me and you’ll see. You’ll change your mind.” He bent toward me.
I pushed against his chest, but he was too strong. He kept coming at me, his breath hot and smelly on my face and his body heavy. He was leaning on me instead of putting his weight on the couch. When I tried to squirm out from underneath him, he grabbed me by the shoulders and pinned me against the cushions.
“Come on, baby. It won’t take long.” Steven was completely on top of me, fighting with the blanket to get it out of the way. “I have needs, you know.”
If he had been sober, there would have been no way for me to overpower him. I knew how strong he was, even though he no longer had regular workouts with the football team. As it was now, he was still much bigger and stronger than I, but I couldn’t let this happen. Panic rose up in my chest and closed my throat. I flailed and thrashed, trying to get a good shot at his face. He was too close, though, and I had no room to put any power behind my hits. I lurched underneath him.
“Oh yeah, baby. You just keep doing that and we’ll get there.” He pressed himself against me.
Lurching once again, I tried to push him off me. He suddenly stiffened, his eyes wide and his lips pursed, and he rolled off the couch clutching his crotch.
“You kicked me in the balls, you bitch!” His voice was a strangled whisper as he rolled around on the floor.
It wasn’t what I had meant to do, but I would take it. I leapt off the couch and headed for the door, but I realized I didn’t have any shoes other than the high heels that had gone with my dress. Shoving my feet into a pair of flip flops nearby, I flung open the door and bolted out into the night.