CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Chris
“How do we know if we’re making the right decision?” Ky asked, his voice low and his head resting on my thigh as I sat propped up against the headboard.
My fingers combed lazily through his soft hair. I didn’t bother answering just yet because I knew there was more to come. I had figured out by now that it was best to let him get it all out than throw my two cents in right away and try to reassure him or calm him down.
“What if this place turns out to be a nightmare? What if they don’t take care of her? What if she hates it there? How will we know, Chris? She’s going to be so far away from us.”
“We’ll check it out when we get there. You said Cable already did a thorough digging into this place and it is all above board. Most of the staff has up-to-date training or certifications declaring their qualifications. She’s going to have her phone. Everything will be alright. And if she hates it there, then she knows that she can call us and we will come get her and bring her home.”
He nodded his head as his eyes fell closed. I knew he wasn’t going to sleep, just taking a moment to try and clear the worry from his head.
“Ky,” I whispered. “I know you’re scared, but this is what she needs and we promised that we’d support her in this decision.”
“I just got her back, Chris. I blame myself for everything that’s happened to her and how can I make it up to her if I’m not there to protect her in the future.”
And there it was, the root of all of this. It might have taken nearly two weeks to get it out of him, but he finally set it free. I was right there, ready to shoulder this burden with him and make him see that everything would work out for the better.
The day after Ky got into the fight with Mouse—which, I was not happy about at all—Ingram, Ky, and I sat down and talked. We hammered out all the details, answered each other’s questions, and then got the ball rolling. We sat there and listened to Ingram and helped guide her into her first real adult decision, you know, one that she didn’t make out of fear anyway. That was ten days ago, and now we were all set to drive her up to Virginia tomorrow to check out the place ourselves and get Ingram set up. We’d had numerous phone calls and video conferences with Lily and some of the other staff. I felt pretty calm about the whole thing even though I was sad to let Ingram and Chry go.
“I know, babe,” I said soothingly. “But you have to trust that she knows what’s best for the two of them right now. If you can’t do that then she’s always going to feel like a kid and she’ll never feel like she can do things on her own.”
“This sucks,” he said and I let out a soft laugh.
“I know. Now, let’s get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow,” I said reaching over to kill the bedside light and then I slid down until my head rested on the pillow.
Ky rolled on his side and I curled myself against him, my head buried against his chest. I had to fight the urge to play with his nipple piercings like I loved to do—and he loved for me to do. It was so hard to resist when they were right there, practically at mouth level. Maybe what he needed was a distraction. I mean, I had a pretty good idea that he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight anyway, which meant that I wasn’t either, because when Ky was restless, I was too.
Sure I talked a big game and sounded like I was good with Ingram leaving and working her way through her demons to make herself stronger, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t feeling the sadness of letting her go, too.
“Chris,” Ky said in a low rumble that was meant to be a warning. “Don’t do it. If you start, I swear I’m not going to go easy on you right now, and you have to sit on your ass for most of the day tomorrow.”
He was right. Didn’t mean I was happy about it. But I appreciated that he was saving my ass—literally.
The next morning, I could tell we all were dragging. It felt like my alarm was going off the moment I finally found slumber and I couldn’t seem to rub the sleep out of my eyes.
I cooked breakfast while Ky loaded up Ingram’s things into the borrowed SUV. I knew he would rather walk than take my car, so I didn’t even try to argue. Ingram sat on the couch snuggling with Chry. The little guy was so milk drunk that he looked about ready to pass out.
I was going to miss them and it was right then that the reality of them leaving hit me. Sure, I knew the plan and that they were leaving, but it suddenly all became real.
We ate as we tried to cover up the somber mood that surrounded us.
Then we were off.
The drive took a good chunk of the day. We ended up having to make quite a few stops because of Chry, but I understood.
Once we got there, we spent over two hours talking to Lily and some of the others. Lily showed us around and was very thorough with everything, not only setting my mind at ease, but Ky’s as well.
At one point, Ky pulled Lily aside and told her about the place where he and Ingram had been raised. I knew he was going to do this because he’d talked to me about it beforehand. He wasn’t sure what was happening with the new leader gone, because Ky killed him and all—a part that he was definitely going to leave out when telling Lily about it. But Ky had a big heart whether he would ever admit it or not. There were more kids out there like Ingram and himself and he wanted to save them. He couldn’t go on knowing that he didn’t at least try.
So, he was going to talk to Lily and see if there was something she could do. She seemed to know more about these things and how to handle them. I wouldn’t doubt that she had all the right connections for this sort of thing. I also knew that he was going to ask if she could find other places for them to go. Given the circumstances, he wanted Ingram to feel like this was her safe place and he was worried that if some of the kids made their way there, that she wouldn’t get what she needed out of her stay.
After a good talk, where I had been distracting Ingram and Chry with the goats, Ky looked over at me. With one simple nod, I knew that everything was done and handled. I could also tell that it had gone the way he’d hoped and I, maybe, breathed a sigh of relief.
Then came the goodbyes. Ingram and I hugged each other for a long moment, and when we pulled away, we both had tears running down our faces. I snuggled Chry, breathing in his itty bitty baby scent one more time.
“Be good, kid,” Ky said as he wrapped his arms around his sister. I could tell he was trying his hardest to choke back his own tears.
“You too, big brother.” She gave him a wide smile. The kind that said so many things. Like how strong she was and how much she was going to miss him.
Then Ky and I were climbing back into the SUV and heading off, Ingram and I waving at each other until we faded from one another’s sight.
Ky didn’t linger, he didn’t draw it out. He came here, did what he needed to do, then left. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about Ingram. Or Chry. Or saying goodbye. It wasn’t that he didn’t love them or that he was ready to get back home. It was about knowing that he couldn’t change the situation, even if he didn’t like it all that much. Even if he wasn’t ready to let go. So once he saw that it wasn’t some sort of sham or hack that was going to corrupt her or harm her in some way, he did his best to make peace with it. That meant no long goodbyes. No hanging around waiting for what we all knew was coming. No dragging it out until everyone was drowning in tears.
Ky was hard. He was the strength and the protector. He was the one that felt like he had to shoulder all of the weight.
Maybe I wasn’t quite ready to go, but then again, maybe his way was better. And I knew what he needed too, so I tried to make it as short as could be but still giving Ingram a lot of love. She wasn’t turning her back on us and I wanted her to know that we understood. That we weren’t mad or thought less of her.
I was pretty sure she got it. And just in case she might have had any insecurities about it, I’d make sure to call her later and really make that point clear.
Just because we had miles between us, didn’t mean that she would be forgotten. Or that she would forget me. Which was maybe the part I was most afraid of.