CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Chris
“I feel like I haven’t seen much of you lately, man,” Mouse said as he took a seat at the bar.
I held up a beer and he nodded as an answer to my unsaid question.
“Yeah, I feel like I’m here or at home.” I gave a laugh and a shrug as I popped the top of the bottle and set it down in front of him.
“How’s that going?”
“Are you asking about something specific or in general?” I asked as I pinned him with a raised brow.
“Eh,” he said with a shrug. “General.”
“Could be a lot worse, I suppose.” I let out a laugh. The situation as a whole was pretty bad, from the circumstances that surrounded Ingram to the hot and cold that Ky was constantly throwing at me. But given all of that, I really didn’t have anything to complain about. “Ingram doesn’t talk too much about what’s next. I get the feeling she is happy about the baby, but she doesn’t really talk about how it’s going to be after the birth. She’s getting pretty close, I guess, but she hasn’t started nesting at all.”
“Why do you think that is?” he asked.
“Honestly, I’m not sure. It could be that she doesn’t really know all the preparation that comes with having a kid and has no clue how to even ask…or it could be that she doesn’t want to think about it. Maybe she isn’t sure how to bring it up and ask for help. I really don’t have the first clue. And I know I should bring it up, but I keep hoping that Ky will get in there and handle shit.”
“I can tell the whole thing is still a shock for him. I know there’s more there than the obvious,” he stated but I could tell he wasn’t fishing for answers.
He knew it was their business and figured that if Ky needed help, then he’d come to his brothers. Not that I would have told him anything. Ky may have given me his story but that didn’t mean that it was my place to tell anyone. I would never betray him like that. If he wanted me to be the gatekeeper for his secrets and carrier of his burdens, then I would do it with a silent honor.
I kept hoping that he would open up to the club because both of them needed that huge circle of support. I could tell that some of the boys had done their best to sneak in ways to help out and be there without looking like they were pushing their way in.
“He’s trying. There are moments he’s a little too overprotective big brother, but at least it shows he cares,” I said.
“I can only imagine.” Mouse let out a short laugh, no doubt remembering how Ky acted on movie night. “I guess it’s a good thing they have you there to be a buffer, huh?”
Was there an underlying statement in his words? I wasn’t an overly sensitive person but I could have sworn Mouse was trying to say something.
“Sometimes, yeah. He tries and for the most part, I think he does pretty good on his own. And Ingram, well she doesn’t back down right away. That’s when you can really tell that they are related.”
“Still kind of weird that he has a sister. He never talks about his family. But I’m kinda glad she’s here. I think he needs her just as much as she needs him, you know? Something has definitely changed inside of him and I think once he realizes it, things will be so much easier for him.”
Mouse’s words struck a chord in me. Something about them had me nodding as I got lost in thought. He wasn’t wrong. If Ky could just not only accept the love around him but embrace it as well, then I believed that he would be a little lighter. But then again, it was Ky, and he was one skeptical dumbass when it came to good things in his life.
“Well,” Mouse said after he finished his beer and got to his feet, “we’re here for you guys—all of you. You ever need anything, you know where to find us.”
“You’re such a sap, Mouse,” I said in a joking tone. “And thank you,” I added with sincerity in my tone.
We did a super awesome fist bump, and then he was off.
The bar was surprisingly quiet for the rest of the afternoon. It must have been one of those days when there was a lot of club stuff going on. Since I hadn’t felt anything tense in the atmosphere, I assumed it was probably a bunch of little things. I’d been around long enough to know how things changed when the club was on edge. With the exception of the shooting that happened at Branded In Ink—and to Brand—things had seemed pretty quiet with this chapter since I’d been around. I, for one, was fucking glad for that. I definitely had my fill of being on the outskirts of the heaviness and danger that they’d dealt with. Thinking about the shit that Bocca went through before I left Moon Hill still sent shivers down my spine. Since it was an isolated incident, they decided not to alert the other chapters. Loch had asked me to keep quiet about it and I knew he didn’t want me to share it with Brand. So, like always, I pretended that I didn’t know anything that went on with the club.
I was counting down the minutes until I could run from the vacant bar. They seemed to be ticking by slowly and at this point, I was just waiting until the next person came in. Then I was going to haul ass away like my pants were on fire.
The door opened and my head snapped up to see Ky walking in. Grease still clung to his hands and arms and I knew he’d walked over from the shop.
“Hey,” I said with a smile.
“Hey,” he parroted, giving me a sly smile of his own.
So, yeah, we hadn’t really talked about anything as far as whatever the hell it was that was going on with us. I hadn’t been one to push because I knew Ky and if it was something he wasn’t ready to deal with, then he would just shut down. The only thing I could do was just sit back and wait.
I had to be honest, I was sick of waiting.
And I was tired of feeling confused.
I was not one for confusion. I made a path, I walked it with pride. I liked someone, I didn’t hold back. I wanted something, I climbed a mountain to get it. As laid-back as I normally was, I wasn’t one to hide and I wasn’t one to cower away from something. The problem with that was that Ky was currently going through things that I’d already been through. It was a fine line for me. On the one hand, I’d been there, I’d done that, and I fucking owned who I was now. But on the other, I’d been there, I’d done that, and I knew how hard it was to wrestle with everything.
Yes, I could be sympathetic and have patience, but at the same time, that patience was running frustratingly thin.
“What time are you out of here?” he asked as he rested his forearms on the edge of the bar top.
“Any second now,” I answered unsure of what I should do.
“Cool. Want me to pick something up for dinner on the way home?”
The way he said home made my heart flutter and my insides warm. It was maybe stupid but I couldn’t deny that I liked that he thought of my house as his home.
Ridiculous thoughts of us actually making it our home ran through my mind. I wanted to wince at myself because it was clearly something that he wasn’t ready for, and maybe I wasn’t either. We did sort of live together already but it wasn’t exactly the same as living with someone as a partner. And then there was the big issue of the whole us thing. Yep, my brain was getting way ahead of itself.
And now I was possibly about to disappoint him. I hoped it wouldn’t make him clam up.
“I would love that, but I sort of made plans to hang out with Brand tonight,” I said and tried not to let any of the uneasiness I felt inside show on my face. “I figured it would give you and Ingram some time alone. Maybe the two of you could talk about stuff.” I tried to hint as best as I could without throwing a brick at his face.
“Oh,” he said and I could tell he was trying not to let his face fall and give away his true feelings. “Okay. Yeah, sure. I’ll see what Ingram wants then. That’s good that you guys get some time together. I know you’ve been there for Ingram a lot…and well, me too. I want you to know I appreciate it. More than I have said.”
“I don’t mind,” I rushed to answer, maybe a little too quickly. “I just mean, I like being there with Ingram. And with you, too.”
The apples of his cheeks and the tips of his ears turned slightly pink. I did my best to bite back a smile. Fuck, he could be so cute sometimes. It was moments like this that I wanted to throw myself into his arms.
“Right,” he said trying to cover up his blush. “Well, I hope you guys have fun. I’m sure he misses hanging out with you. Be safe. I’ll…uh, see you in the morning.”
Then like he didn’t know what else to say or do, he turned on his heels and all but ran out the door. I had to laugh. I really did. Because damn, Ky was just such a contradiction, like, all the time.
I shrugged it off and ten minutes later, I was in my car heading to the tattoo shop where I was meeting up with Brand.
“Sketchy-boy!” I called out with a huge smile as I walked into the shop and saw him.
“Fucking shit! I swear to fuck, Chris! I’m gonna get your ass so drunk one night, and the moment you pass out the tattoo goes on,” he said, his eyes narrowed at me but his smile let me know he was messing around. At least, I hoped that was what it meant and wasn’t really his version of a creepy, serial killer smile.
“I got no problem having a vagina on my dick,” I said joking with him. I wasn’t normally so crude but there was no way I was going to miss that opening. I loved to see him get frustrated when something he threatened me with backfired.
“Pussy! How many fucking times, man? Pu-ssy.” He shook his head but I could see the laughter shaking his body. “Brand, get this lame fuck outta here.”
“Chris?” Cami’s sweet voice called as she popped her head out of one of the back rooms.
Then she was doing some weird dance-run thing until she crashed into me with a huge hug. I laughed and swung her around then planted her firmly down on her feet.
“Take care of my boy, tonight, okay?” she asked as her eyes slid across the shop to look at said boy.
“I love you,” Brand said as he kissed her sweetly. “I’ll text you when I’m headed back to the compound.”
They were still living at the compound. I knew both of them were feeling a bit crowded there but they made the most of it. They’d been looking at places, but so far hadn’t had any luck.
“Okay. I love you, too. Have fun.” She sang the last two words and it was absolutely adorable.
She’d come out of her shell a little more. She was definitely a unique person, but I loved it. I mostly loved the way she was fearless, though she would never see it that way. She didn’t care if other people saw her as weird or crazy or odd. She didn’t care that she hung around—and lived with—a bunch of gruff, outlaw men that threw around dirty words like they was spare change. She held steadfast to her true self and didn’t care what anyone thought. To me, that was as fearless as you could get.
“Where we headed?” I asked Brand after I tossed Cami and Sketch a goodbye wave and headed for the door.
“Irish pub,” he said with certainty.
I hadn’t expected that, but I wasn’t about to argue.
“Okay, I’ll meet you over there.”
A few minutes later we were propped up at the bar top with pints of Guinness in front of us.
“I feel like a poser here,” I said with a laugh.
“You look like one, too.”
We laughed and drew the attention of a few other patrons.
“So, what’s been up with you?” he asked, giving me a sideways glance, as if daring me to give him a generic answer.
“Nothing much,” I said unable to resist the urge to mess with him. Okay, and maybe I wasn’t really wanting to talk about things. I was sure Ky didn’t want me talking about it, yet another thing that irked me.
“Okay, fine. But this feels weird,” he said and I gave him my full attention and questioning eyes. “This thing where you don’t talk to me anymore.”
With a sigh, I dropped my gaze. If I explained why, that would mean explaining everything.
“It’s not you. I know, sounds lame. But for real. If I talk about it, then it becomes a thing, and if it doesn’t work out the way I hope, then the whole thing is out there and whatnot.”
“Fine, I don’t like it, but I get it,” he said then took a long pull of his beer. I did the same and waited for what was next because I knew he wasn’t done. “So, this thing that we aren’t going to talk about—ow!” He winced as I smacked his arm.
“Reagan,” I reminded him as a warning.
Sure he had Cami now, but there was a time that he was maybe a little mixed up about someone else. And, no, he hadn’t talked to me about it way back when.
“I get it. How’s the Ingram thing?”
Thank God he changed the subject.
“Weird. Awkward. Fun. And, uh, interesting,” I said summing it up as simply as I could.
He let out a laugh and shook his head.
“She’s a doll. I kinda love her like a little sister and I wish that things could be easier for her,” I said trying to talk about the situation delicately. “She’s been through some heavy stuff from what I gather, but she doesn’t let it bring her down. She has like this new, fresh way of looking at the world and you can’t help but let it rub off on you.”
“Have you talked to Ky about what he’s going to do when the baby comes?”
“Uh, um, er…no.”
“By the looks of her, it won’t be long.”
“I know. There’s just been a lot of other stuff going on. Sometimes I feel like this weird monkey in the middle between them. I keep hoping that maybe if I step back a little, then the two of them will sit down and figure things out.”
“Ah, I got ya,” he said with a small, bouncing nod. “But that’s kind of you, Chris. You’re the guy that steps in and takes care of everyone, even when they don’t realize they need it. You think of things that others don’t because you pay attention to the little things. My opinion, if you think it will ease the situation then step in and help out. I’m not saying that you have to get in there and figure it all out, but maybe, like, make them sit down and deal with shit.”
“Yeah,” I said with a sarcastic huff. “That sounds like something I can do, force Ky to do something he might be avoiding.”
Brand chuckled before he took a sip of his beer.
“Maybe, don’t give up on him so easily,” he said and I could tell he was trying his best not to look at me.
“I’m trying,” I whispered then downed half my beer hoping that Brand didn’t hear me, or if he did, he was going to leave it alone.
“Oh, lookie here. Paragons in an Irish pub.”
Before I could look at the person that had said that, a heavy arm was slung over my shoulders as a body pushed between Brand and me.
“Connor. You good, buddy?” Brand asked, eyeing him with worry.
“I never got to say that I’m sorry about what happened to you,” Connor said with a slight slur in his speech and sway in his body. “I wanted to warn you and I hate that I let Detective Arse-Hat get to me.”
I knew enough to know that Detective Mullins was causing a tiny amount of trouble for the club. It seemed like he was doing the same for Connor, who happened to be on the force. I think he got his suspension lifted, but I wouldn’t doubt that he felt like he was having to watch his every move.
“It’s alright, Connor. I understand. I was never mad at you, man,” Brand said, patting the guy’s back.
“Ye’re not a Paragon, though, are you? You just hang out with them. Ye’re a little too…” Connor said to me, his head cocked to the side as he took me in. “Pretty.”
Brand barked out a laugh. I didn’t think I was pretty, but whatever. I mean, I was in no way someone you’d mistake for a biker and that was alright with me.
“But then again, this club does have some of the prettiest bikers I’ve ever feckin’ seen, so who the feck knows.” He shook his head. “No disrespect.”
He gave a little drunken shrug. I didn’t get the feeling like he was hitting on me or trying to be mean in any sort of way, so I wasn’t bothered by it.
“Us outlaws have to stick together,” Connor said, his attention back on Brand. “United and all that shite.”
Then he patted Brand on the back and shuffled off. Brand and I exchanged a look that said ‘what the fuck’ and then shook it off.
Connor had become someone that was close to some of the guys. He hung out at the bar sometimes, well, rarely, but when he was there he got along with everyone. I could kind of tell that he was the bridge between the club and the Irish. Which was good, because the better all of the criminal underbelly groups got along, the less likely that violence would break out. And I was all for no violence.
“Well, that was fun,” Brand said.
We chatted a bit longer. He filled me in on stuff going on at the shop and I talked a little bit about the Ingram and Ky stuff, making sure to leave off any of the stuff that veered into romantic-ish territory on the Ky side of it.
I headed home happy. The night was just what I had needed and I seriously had to make more time for Brand. I knew things were different for both of us now—mostly because he had Cami to keep him happy and entertained—but that didn’t mean our friendship had to fade away into the background.