Chapter Fourteen

 

 

KYLE’S PARALEGAL dropped a stack of manila folders into his inbox.

“What is this?” Kyle asked.

“A new arrest connected to that heroin ring. The boss wants you to go through it, maybe take the case,” Annie Sullivan told him with a huge grin. A tall, pretty blonde, Annie had been hired a few months before Kyle. While they didn’t hang out often, he considered her a friend.

“Just one step closer to getting the big guy,” she said.

“Awesome. I’ll take these home, but I can’t do anything about it now. Remember I took a half day?” It was Forrester’s birthday and Memorial Day weekend. He couldn’t wait to celebrate with him.

Of course, Kyle’s plans were contingent on Forrester being available. He might have family obligations Kyle couldn’t tag along on without raising suspicion. A longing to be included in every part of Forrester’s life filled him, though he knew he had no right to ask for that after only a couple weeks.

Annie grinned. “When are you leaving?”

He looked at his watch. “In about ten minutes.”

“I can’t believe you’re cutting out before lunch on a Friday. He must be some guy.”

“He is,” Kyle agreed, unable to hide his smile.

Annie left, and Kyle straightened his desk, anxious to head out.

Kyle was the happiest he’d been in ages. Everything about dating Forrester was perfect. They laughed, they read, they made love. There had been no hiccups at all. Even their friends had gotten along. Forrester’s friend Lucas was still in Florida, but last night they’d played darts with Holly and Rachel at Reverends, a bar here in Shiloh. Forrester called them his “hags,” but Kyle could see the genuine affection. They’d made Kyle feel welcome, and when Steve Wryneck from Kyle’s office had shown up by coincidence, they’d all gotten along famously.

Kyle’s favorite moments with Forrester had been the long walks along the towpath in Gilead with Jasper. The only days they’d been apart since that rainy Mother’s Day morning, were the ones when Forrester had baseball practice or a game after work.

And the sex was great. Intense, and plentiful. Forrester had a sexual appetite that rivaled Kyle’s during his college days, awakening a hunger Kyle had long denied. Last weekend—after Forrester hung Kyle’s new hanging baskets—they went to the batting cages at the Rec in Shiloh. Forrester looked so sexy hitting every single ball like a pro, Kyle had to give him a blowie in the parking lot. Turned out Forrester was as kinky as he claimed, because he’d made Kyle jerk off afterward until he sprayed his steering wheel with cum—which Forrester had no qualms about licking off.

Such happy thoughts were quickly dashed by a wash of guilt.

As great as the sex was, Forrester had no idea Kyle was still holding back, and keeping up the ruse was getting harder and harder. Especially when coming up with excuses not to shower together, something normal couples did all the time.

You’ve got to tell him about your past.

He’d had plenty of opportunities. Since the bookstore had gone to summer hours, Forrester had been working late and stayed at Kyle’s those nights. Shared drawers, a key to the front door of his bungalow, and wild sex in parking lots?

Yeah, Kyle trusted Forrester.

And he owed him the truth.

But his stomach ached when he thought about reliving that night.

With a sigh, he locked his office. Steve was leaning over Annie’s desk, pointing at the computer screen, explaining something to her. At first glance, Steve appeared to be any other nondescript lawyer. Lanky, fair-skinned, with thinning brown hair, and well-dressed. But Kyle knew firsthand what a diva he could be off the clock.

“Hey, Steve,” he said. “I’m leaving. Call me if there’s an emergency, ’kay?”

“It’s not even noon.” Steve looked at his watch. “Where are you off to?”

Kyle shrugged. “Personal day.”

Steve put his hand on one jutted-out hip, showing a glimpse of his real self. “With Forrester?”

Unable to hide his grin, Kyle said, “Yup.”

“I met him last night,” Steve told Annie. “He’s a real hottie.”

Annie grinned. “Lucky you, Kyle.”

“I know.”

Steve gave Annie a dramatic hand flap. “Almost three weeks. You know, that’s like six months in gay years.”

“Oh be quiet,” Kyle laughed. He glanced at his watch. “I gotta go.”

“Don’t do anything I’d do,” Steve said, then laughed. “But I suppose he already did.”

Chuckling at Steve’s rephrasing the old cliché, Kyle waved to them both before heading out to his Challenger.

When Kyle started it, the V-8 revved to life with a throaty growl. He let it run for a moment, reveling in the feel of the engine beneath him as he checked his text messages.

Forrester had left him one: U still able 2 get outta work early?

Yup, just leaving office now.

There wasn’t a long delay in Forrester’s response. You eat yet?

Nope

Ok, I’ll get us lunch. C u soon :-)

Can’t wait! xxx ooo

Kiss!

Grinning to himself, Kyle put the Tremec six-speed manual into Drive and headed home. The drive to his small town was mostly freeway, but after half an hour, he exited and took State Route 5 toward the Shiloh River. As soon as Kyle left the open expanse of concrete and was surrounded by trees and agricultural fields, all the tension of work fled and calm settled over him. The small country road curved past fields and farmhouses, even an old brick schoolhouse, no doubt used by some farmer for extra storage. Even with the occasional whiff of livestock, this was his favorite part of the long commute home.

Gilead came into view ahead, and he took a left onto the bridge over the Shiloh. He smiled, glancing out at the muddy expanse of water. Skirting the downtown area, he took the residential streets to get to his house. Most of the historic bungalows were all in various stages of restoration. Kyle’s house was mostly complete on the outside, which had been part of the draw in purchasing. Maybe Forrester could help Kyle with some of the inside stuff. He’d proven even more knowledgeable than advertised when they went to the local Ace Hardware to buy hooks for the hanging baskets—even if Kyle could’ve done it all himself. Though just a simple task that day, Kyle had loved the domesticity of taking on a DIY project together. He daydreamed about taking on bigger projects, like landscaping the backyard so they could enjoy the beauty of his garden every evening. Maybe they could even build a koi pond.

Jasper would probably swim in it, he mused.

When his car was tucked in the garage, he headed inside to take Jasper out for a quick potty. Then he changed into jeans and a fresh T-shirt. After putting Jasper on his lead in the backyard, Kyle turned on the garden hose and watered his plants, first in the back, then moving up front.

The pink petunias looked gorgeous hanging on the porch, and the annuals in the front beds had really begun to thicken, lush blooms of yellow and purple filling in between what he was learning were a lot of hostas. He might have to divide them to fill in some of the shaded parts of the backyard. He set about dead-heading the petunias—plucking all the sticky dead flowers off the plant to encourage more blooms. The task was tedious, and he lost himself in the methodical act, until Jasper braying at something out back caught his ear. The handful of sticky dead flowers went into the garbage beside the garage before Kyle hastily rolled up the garden hose.

Once Jasper was on his leash, Kyle locked up his house, and they walked the relatively short distance to A Novel Idea. Jasper pulled ahead, just as excited about an afternoon with Forrester as Kyle.

The sidewalks were old and uneven in places, getting more maintained the closer one got to Front Street. This being a holiday weekend and the first official weekend of summer, Gilead was busy. There was not a single parking spot to be found in the historic downtown as tourists browsed the quaint shops and antique stores. All the buildings were painted any combination of the historical society’s approved eight colors, creating that All-American Main Street postcard quaintness that had first lured Kyle here.

Forrester’s bookstore was on the river side of Front Street, a prime location. The deck he and his brothers had built for customers to lounge outside and gaze at the river was officially open now, and Kyle imagined it was packed. Across the street on the corner of Front Street and Pickford Lane, country music spilled out of the open doors of the famous Six-Shooter Saloon. It had once been a movie theater, and the marquis remained, advertising live music all weekend. The May sun shone in a bright blue sky with puffy white clouds.

After Jasper did his business, and Kyle cleaned up, he scooped up his writhing dog and took the three steps up into the bookstore. Kyle hesitated before he went inside, studying the plain concrete stairs and the curved wrought iron railings.

Stone planters with flowers would really set Forrester’s stoop apart from everyone else’s. Kyle grinned at his idea and opened the door. He would have to keep an eye out for the right style planters. Ones on a slight pedestal would be nice. And Kyle could fill them with low-maintenance flowers. Definitely annuals so the blooms would last until fall.

The bell on the door announced his arrival, and he scanned all the customers inside, spying Forrester instantly because he was so tall. As it did every time he saw his new boyfriend, happiness stirred in his chest.

Forrester’s face brightened, and he made a beeline through all the customers toward Kyle. Today he wore a black T-shirt with Time Lord written in big letters across the chest, and baggy khakis that didn’t hide the long, sexy line of his legs. Kyle couldn’t help but think he did resemble the Raggedy Doctor Matt Smith had played, all tall and lanky and having no clue how sexy he made geek. Forrester moved through the store with a casual, athletic grace, his entire body so seamless and easy. Suddenly Kyle longed to see him out on a dance floor… shirtless… in low-rise jeans… all sweaty… gyrating his hips against Kyle to a heavy beat….

Deep in his gut, Kyle knew Forrester wouldn’t get annoyed or impatient with him in a noisy setting like that.

You’ve got to tell him. No more putting it off!

Jasper snorted and squirmed the second he saw Forrester.

“Hey, mutt,” Forrester said, scratching the pooch. Then he gave Kyle a one-armed hug and stepped back. “You have a good day at work?”

The contact ended far too quickly for Kyle’s liking, but he smiled. “Same as any other. My boss put me on a case connected to that big heroin ring, which is kinda cool.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Kyle smiled up at him. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.”

“Hi, Kyle.” Holly came out from behind the counter too.

“Hey.” Kyle gave her a hug. Jasper freaked out, snorting and squirming as she petted him. Kyle could barely contain him.

“You’re so cute,” she cooed to the dog. The two pretty baristas behind the counter watched them, smiling at Jasper.

“I ordered takeout at Riverbend,” Forrester told him. “I thought we could eat it by the river.”

Kyle couldn’t suppress his grin. “Like a picnic?”

“That okay?”

“Sounds perfect.” Kyle rose to his tiptoes to give Forrester a soft kiss on the lips. The instant he did it, Kyle froze. “Um….” He hesitated.

Had he really just kissed his not-out boyfriend in public?

Forrester’s face turned an interesting shade of red as his baristas giggled. He frowned at them. “Ha-ha-ha. Kyle and Forrester sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” he chanted, then scoffed. “Just get back to work, would ya?”

“Yes, Mr. Giordano,” one of the girls said. Both of them looked guilty.

Holly just laughed.

Kyle let out a shaky breath, relieved Forrester wasn’t upset. But then again, they were in his store, not near his family. He’d have to be more careful, though. He wouldn’t be the reason Forrester was accidentally outed.

 

 

“YOUR TABLE awaits, sir,” Forrester declared as he spread out a blanket. He was excited to give Kyle a picnic by the water.

They’d found an open space close to the riverbank on the towpath. The path stretched about ten miles, being part of the old canal system, though most of it wasn’t maintained, just the parts closest to Gilead. Before them lay the mighty Shiloh River, its muddy waters glistening in the sun as it babbled over the rocks below the dam.

Chuckling, Kyle joined him, sitting cross-legged. He hooked the handle of Jasper’s leash around his foot, giving his dog a little space to roam while freeing up his hands to eat.

Forrester opened the bags and started setting up their lunch. Jasper didn’t wander far before his sniffer caught a whiff of the food. Not about to let the dog root around in their lunch, Kyle said, “Jasper, sit.”

He obeyed, but he trembled with hungry anticipation, licking his chops.

Forrester grinned. “Don’t worry, Jasp. I got you your own hamburger.”

“Dogs can’t have onions. They’re poisonous,” Kyle told him. “And cheese just gives him gas.”

Forrester laughed. “Oh ho ho, you don’t have to remind me about that little fart blossom. Don’t worry. I just got him bread and meat.” He opened a container and began ripping the burger into tiny pieces.

“You spoil him,” Kyle scolded.

“You both love it.”

“We do.”

Forrester had ordered Kyle a grilled-chicken Caesar salad, and a triple cheeseburger, fries, and a milkshake for himself. His stomach rumbled, and he hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

Kyle put a hand on his arm, drawing his gaze. “Forrester?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry. You know, um, for kissing you back there.”

Feigning nonchalance, he shrugged. “It’s fine. They know we’re dating.”

“Yeah, but I’m still sorry. What if I accidentally did that in front of someone in your family? We have to be careful. I have to be careful. I know that. Things are going so well—”

Forrester placed a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, we do need to be careful, and I’m sorry about that. But don’t worry. Let’s just enjoy a picnic and leave the heavy stuff for another time?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Yes, Forrester had been embarrassed, but he’d been more surprised than anything. He liked it when Kyle touched him. How would he have reacted if Kyle had done that in front of his family, though?

Forrester fought down a shiver of apprehension.

No, the afternoon was perfect, and he didn’t want to worry about that right now. His family was miles away, and Kyle was mere inches. He just wanted to enjoy this perfect afternoon by the river, with the rush of the water over the rapids and the faint call of birds.

And the man he was crazy about at his side.

They sat quietly eating, occasionally making a comment or laughing at Jasper’s antics. Kyle snapped a pic of Jasper on his hind legs, “sitting pretty” for a treat from Forrester. When Forrester saw the caption Kyle put on the post, his heart melted.

I’m having lots of fun at my picnic by the #river. But I have to remind them this #romantic #picnic is #allaboutme #dogslife #mytwodaddies

“Awww,” Forrester said.

Kyle’s hazel eyes twinkled, and it was all Forrester could do not to grab him and kiss him right then and there.

“Shit,” Kyle said, startling Forrester.

Other than when they were having sex, Kyle rarely cussed. “What’s wrong?”

“These two people coming. I know them.”

Forrester looked where Kyle indicated. Two women, one short and one tall, were walking toward their picnic spot, obviously signing. “You don’t like them?”

He made a seesaw gesture with his hand. When the two women spied Kyle, he put on a charming smile and waved. “Pick up Jasper so he won’t jump all over them and I can sign, okay?”

Forrester stood and did as asked, and Jasper snorted, wriggling in his arms as they faced the newcomers. The short chubby blonde said, “Hi, Kyle!” while the tall woman with red hair and a bright smile greeted them with a wave. Forrester didn’t know any sign language—maybe Kyle would have to teach him some—but hello was universal.

Without moving his lips, Kyle signed to the woman and pointed at Forrester. Then he looked at Forrester and said, “This is Amy and Jenny.”

The redhead, Amy, looked directly at Forrester in that same open way Kyle did when he read his lips. She signed something and Kyle interpreted, “She said it’s nice to meet you.”

Jenny, on the other hand, reached out and shook Forrester’s hand, saying in garbled speech, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. Are you Kyle’s boyfriend?”

Her long blonde hair covered her ears, so Forrester couldn’t tell if she had a CI like Kyle. She was sweet and bubbly, and her smile was infectious. Forrester grinned. “Yes, I’m the boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you guys.” Her gaze never left Forrester’s mouth when he spoke.

“Is this your dog? Can I pet him?” Jenny asked, her eyes bright and excited.

“Yes, his name is Jasper. Go right ahead,” Kyle said, signing at the same time.

While Jenny fawned all over Jasper, he spazzed out in Forrester’s arms. Forrester could barely keep hold of him, and Jasper scratched his stomach with a toenail. “Ow! Settle down, Jasper.” He tightened his hold on the pooch.

Amy signed something to Kyle.

“Yes, we’ve been dating a few weeks now,” Kyle said, signing.

Forrester was rather impressed by Kyle’s ease with speaking and signing at the same time. But he got the impression Amy didn’t like it.

Jenny asked him questions about Jasper—how old he was, what kind of dog he was. After a few interactions, Forrester understood her rather easily.

“How do you guys know each other?” Forrester asked Jenny.

She pointed at her ear. “Because we’re deaf.”

Forrester’s smile fell, and Kyle quickly touched his arm. “She’s just teasing you,” he said, signing at the same time. “Shiloh U has a deaf alumni group. That’s where we met.”

Waggling a teasing finger at Jenny, Forrester shook his head. “That wasn’t very nice.”

Jenny laughed, signing to Amy what Forrester had said. Amy laughed, but Forrester had seen her reading his lips. If she could read lips, why were they signing to her like she couldn’t? Maybe she was still learning?

After some casual chitchat that happens with people you don’t know well, Amy and Jenny went on their way.

“Was that awkward for you?” Kyle asked.

Forrester set Jasper down, keeping hold of his leash. “No, why would it be?”

“Jenny is cool, but Amy absolutely refuses to communicate with anyone without sign language. Even hearing people.”

“You know, I thought she could read my lips.”

“She can!” Kyle cried. “I’ve heard her talk too. She talks better than Jenny.”

“Why does she do that?” Forrester wanted to know. They sat back down, cross-legged on the blankets, and he picked up Kyle’s leftover salad. “You gonna finish this?”

Kyle gestured for him to go ahead. “Amy’s Deaf with a capital D. That means she’s all about maintaining Deaf culture and she disapproves of people like me who are”—he did air quotes—“ruining it. Jenny is okay in Amy’s mind because she only uses a hearing aid, but I’m not okay, because I have a CI. She was totally being fake just now.”

“What’s her problem? Sounds nucking futs.” He offered a crouton to Jasper.

Kyle’s expression was unreadable.

Dammit, think before you speak for once! “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Kyle made a throwaway gesture. “It’s fine. She’s not exactly my favorite person.”

“Really?” Forrester was a bit surprised by Kyle’s uncharacteristic attitude.

“Yeah, I’ve been bullied by people like Amy my whole life. I just won’t put up with it anymore.”

“I can’t imagine anyone bullying you, Kyle.”

“They did,” he said wistfully. “It’s hard to make real friends if you grew up as a fat kid who talked funny, stuck between the hearing world and the deaf world. Not really belonging in either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never heard a sound until I was seven years old. I signed and read lips, had an ASL interpreter with me all day in school, but I didn’t talk. Oh, but I made noises. Made me easy pickings for bullies,” he said with a disgusted shake of his head. “I didn’t know how embarrassed I should’ve been by the sound of my own laughter.”

“Don’t say that, Kyle,” Forrester scolded. He adored the unconscious joy in Kyle’s laugh, though to a trained ear it did reveal Kyle had hearing issues.

“It’s fine,” Kyle assured him, though Forrester imagined it probably wasn’t. “When I started hearing, I had to learn how to talk. How to laugh without sounding like something was wrong with me. I spent years in speech therapy, learning how to communicate all over again with a whole new language. The first time I spoke in public without being afraid, I was ten. I ordered my own food at a restaurant. It was the best meal I’d ever tasted.”

Forrester smiled, imagining Kyle as a chubby kid, grinning with pride. He’d probably been adorable.

Kyle was still talking. “I didn’t have many friends as a kid. I went to public school and hearing kids were awkward around me. Even the nice ones could only be patient for so long if they had to communicate with me through my interpreter. Then when I started talking, I sounded different, so I got called ‘retarded,’ stuff like that. It was a very isolating time for me. It shouldn’t have been, because I had my deaf friends at the local group. But some of them had an attitude against me, like I didn’t belong in the community anymore because of my CI.”

“Why would they have an attitude?”

He sighed, sounding exhausted.

“You gotta understand, cochlear implants are controversial. It was really bad when I was a kid because of people like Amy who believe the implants are destroying Deaf culture. It’s cultural genocide, because there’s nothing wrong with us and we don’t need to be fixed. I’ve even heard some say putting an implant in a child is child abuse.”

Forrester frowned. “So it’s child abuse to help your kid hear?”

“They see cochlear implants the way LGBT people think of conversion therapy.”

Forrester raised his hands. “That’s totally not the same thing. It isn’t like you’re forcing someone to deny who they are or telling them they’re diseased or sick.”

Kyle gave him a conceding nod. “You obviously think the way my mom did, which is why I have an implant. But some would argue that point. They say audists are telling them they’re defective, broken.”

“Audists?”

“Audism is thinking you’re superior because you can hear. Acting like all deaf people are miserable without hearing and they need to be fixed.”

“Like racism against deaf people? That’s a thing?” Forrester was shocked by all of this.

“Yeah. Doctors telling hearing parents their deaf child needs a CI or they’ll never function in society. Or random hearing people telling a happy deaf person they need to get an implant so they’ll be happy.”

Forrester picked up his milkshake and slurped the remnants. “People actually do that?”

“You’d be surprised.” Kyle sniffed. “I get that it’s rude and frustrating when someone tells a deaf person they should get a CI, but do you know how many times I’ve been told by another deaf person that my mom robbed me of choice and freedom? What a terrible audist she must’ve been? When I first got the CI, my deaf friends with deaf parents called me a traitor. They either excluded me or outright bullied me because I wasn’t one of them. I was just a little boy. I didn’t understand why my friends suddenly didn’t like me.” Kyle held up a finger on point. “Mind you, people like that don’t represent the whole community, but there’s enough who share Amy’s way of thinking that there’s a definite divide. It’s like they want hearing people to respect their life as a deaf person, but meanwhile they’re looking down on me and my mom for getting me a CI.”

“I’ve never heard of any of this.”

“The way I see it, my CI is just a tool I use to have the life I want. Could I have had the same life without it? Probably. And yeah, it was a struggle getting used to it and learning to talk, but my CI works great for me. I won’t put up with other deaf people judging me for having one ever again. I dated a guy once who had a real problem with it.”

He tried not to appear too interested. “Oh yeah?”

“Forrester, we need to talk.”

His stomach dropped. “About what?”

At once Kyle put a hand on Forrester’s arm, his eyes wide. “Don’t make that face. It’s nothing bad. I just need to tell you something.”

He let out a rush of breath. “Jeez, scare a guy to death, why don’t ya?”

“What? Did you think I was going to break up with you or something?”

“I don’t know,” Forrester said defensively. “No one likes to hear ‘we need to talk.’”

Chuckling, Kyle shook his head, then sobered. “Yeah, but I owe you the truth.”

Now Kyle was really starting to worry him. “The truth?”

“After my mom died, I used to have a lot of sex,” Kyle began. “Like, I mean a lot of sex. It was the only way for me to be happy.”

“Okaaay….” He dragged out the word, unsure what to say.

“I had this reputation, that I was easy. Buy him a beer and he’ll do whatever you want. I hate to admit it, but it was true.”

Not sure where Kyle was going with this, Forrester said, “I did stuff I’m not proud of after Gramps died and even when my dad died. You do dumb things when you’re grieving, and sometimes it doesn’t make sense.”

“True.” Kyle was quiet for a moment, staring out at the river. “Then I met John and fell in love. It’s lonely growing up stuck in between two worlds. Not deaf, but not a hearing person either. When Mom died, it got worse, so when I met John, I thought my life would be so wonderful. Like I would never be lonely again.”

Forrester said nothing, trying to ignore the jealousy prickling up his spine.

“John was Deaf, with a capital D, and he didn’t like my CI. He said I wasn’t living because I had a crutch.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Maybe to you it doesn’t, but it does to people like John and Amy,” he countered. “John was my first real boyfriend, and I was stupid, so I let him talk me out of wearing my processor all the time, even when I didn’t like it. I felt vulnerable without it.” He glanced at Forrester. “I think John wanted that, because then I would need him more.”

Forrester got the impression this John was some kind of Christian Grey manipulative psychopath. That book had wasted hours he would never get back.

“This one night we got really drunk with two other guys,” Kyle went on, his words losing some clarity as emotions got the best of him. “I don’t remember much, but I was really drunk and I just wanted to go home. John drove us to their apartment instead.”

“I’m not going to like where this story is going, am I?”

Kyle shook his head. “No, but please? I need to tell you. So you can understand me. For us.”

He could tell Kyle was trying extremely hard to maintain his composure by the way his words slurred and his volume increased. Heightened emotions caused Kyle to lose his coherency, but Forrester had only seen it during sex. Then, it was adorable and sexy.

Now, it wrenched at Forrester’s heart.

“I was sorta in and out. Then there were bodies and kissing, and… I kept telling John I wanted to go home.” His hands shook, his lips trembling. When he looked at Forrester, his eyes were watering.

Instantly Forrester reached out and took his hand. Kyle squeezed it in thanks.

“John took my processor from me.” Kyle’s voice caught. “I was so scared. All I remember is the three of them all over me. I couldn’t get them off. I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t hear anything. Then I blacked out.”

Forrester almost told Kyle he spoke too loudly, but the other people on the towpath weren’t within hearing range and he didn’t want to upset him further. Instead, he squeezed Kyle’s hand, willing him to feel the support.

“When I woke up, everything was quiet, and I didn’t know where I was. I only remembered bits and pieces. I was sore.” Kyle pointed below his waist, and Forrester knew what he meant. “I was way wetter than I should be too, like they all… you know? Without condoms. And I had scratches on my chest, bruises. And I couldn’t hear anything.”

“I’m so sorry.” Forrester tightened his grip, heart aching.

“John said he took my processor so it wouldn’t get damaged, but I didn’t believe him. He always made me take it out. He hated it. He kept saying we all agreed to have this kinky night and that I was into it the whole time. But I know I told them to stop. I know I wanted to go home.”

At the high-pitched note, Forrester pulled Kyle into a tight embrace. Though they were in public and people were nearby, Forrester was only worried about comforting Kyle. Kyle was stiff at first, but then he let out a trembling sigh and softened in Forrester’s arms.

“I’m so sorry,” Forrester whispered, caressing his back.

After a moment, Kyle pulled away. Forrester studied his pained expression, at a loss for words. How could he ever say anything to make Kyle feel better from rape? Jeez, just thinking the word made his body feel torn between tears and rage. Maintaining his cool for Kyle’s sake, he offered, “I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

“Me too.” Kyle straightened his shirt, then sat back.

Though Forrester found it almost impossible to break physical contact with Kyle once it had been made, he reluctantly shifted away too.

They sat in silence, gazing out at the river. A blue heron—a so-called river rat—glided low over the water, then landed on the opposite bank. Its svelte figure all but disappeared, blending in with the trees.

“John stole my silence.”

Forrester cocked his head, waiting for elaboration.

Kyle met his gaze. “I’m deaf. Whether I have my CI on or not. I’m still deaf. And I like my silence. I like the stillness. That night changed me, Forrester.” His voice lowered, and his enunciation weakened further. “And I don’t want it to keep hurting our relationship.”

“What do you mean?” Forrester thought everything was going great. What did Kyle think was wrong?

“I’m distracted all the time when we have sex.”

“What?” Forrester asked in surprise. A hot wash of embarrassment went through him. “Am I not doing something you need? I thought”—his voice cracked and he whispered—“we were great in bed. You’re not happy?”

“No, no!” Kyle cried. “That’s not what I mean!”

Forrester wanted to cry as he choked out, “Then what do you mean?”

After pursing his lips, Kyle said, “I wish you could read lips or sign, because this is hard to say.”

“Text it to me.”

Nodding, he pulled out his iPhone and swiped the screen a few times. Then his hands didn’t move. Forrester wondered what could be so difficult for him to vocalize. Kyle’s fingers started moving, and a moment later, Forrester’s phone pinged.

He was a little scared to open it.

Kyle: I’m distracted because I worry about knocking my processor off during sex and that’s not fair to YOU. To us.

Forrester read the text, his heart rate returning to normal. He started a text, but Kyle put a hand on his and shook his head.

“Wait, please,” Kyle said. Then he began typing.

For a really long time.

Finally, a text came through: I want to be myself with you, I don’t want to be worried about positions etc and fearing it will fall off. I want to be fully invested and I haven’t been. I’m sorry about that, but it’s not because I don’t want to be. I haven’t been able to have sex without hearing since that night. I’ve tried but I had a panic attack. I haven’t bottomed since that night either. I trust you but I’m really scared.

The cry-face emoji Kyle added broke Forrester’s heart. He couldn’t imagine how awful that night had been and how much worse those men had made it because they not only stole Kyle’s body, but his hearing too. Leaving him even more helpless.

“So you don’t keep the processor in because…,” Forrester began but opted to text him: Hearing doesn’t make sex better for you, but you wear it because you’re scared to think of that night?

Kyle nodded, then texted: Yes and I worry that if I can’t hear I’ll panic in the middle and scare you away. I don’t want to ruin what we have by getting weird.

Forrester let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a cry. He dropped his phone and seized Kyle’s hands. He poured as much conviction into his touch and his expression as he could. “Kyle, I swear on my grandfather’s and my father’s graves, I will never hurt you.”

“I know,” he insisted. “I never thought you would. It’s not you. It’s me.”

“That’s another awful line you shouldn’t use. Worse than ‘we need to talk.’”

“You know what I mean.”

Forrester smiled. “I do. But if we do this and you get scared, it won’t ruin anything. It won’t make me feel any differently about you.”

“But—”

He shook his head. “No buts. We’re in this together, right?”

Squeezing his hands back, Kyle managed to smile. “Yeah, together.”

Needing to reinforce his words with action, Forrester leaned in to kiss Kyle.

But a snorting Boston terrier had different ideas.

Jasper jumped into Kyle’s lap, did some sort of spastic twist, then licked Forrester right on the face.

Laughing, they both recoiled.

“I guess he was tired of us getting serious,” Kyle said.

Forrester grinned at the wild little dog. “He’s just tired of us ignoring him. You did hashtag his picture all about me.”

“He is rather high-maintenance,” Kyle agreed.

Or Jasper was just incredibly intuitive and knew they needed a respite from the heavy conversation.

Kyle rubbed his dog, then gave Forrester a sideways smile. “I haven’t told anyone about John but my therapist.”

“You have a therapist?” Me and my big mouth!

“Yes, I do,” Kyle said with confidence. “It helps to have someone neutral and outside of the situation to talk to. After everything, I was in a really bad place. I had friends, but you couldn’t have convinced me of it. I was alone in the entire world.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“John did this to me, but back then I blamed myself. I shut everyone off.” Kyle made a sweeping gesture that left Forrester thinking he shut people out and shut them off, in every way possible. “I just went to school and work. I didn’t know how to be me anymore. But I was so lonely. That’s why I got Jasper. Then a guy I was seeing told me I needed a shrink. He wasn’t being helpful, but I thought maybe I did. I still see a therapist because it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

“I used to be able to talk to Gramps. I know I would’ve told him about me.” Forrester scooted closer and tossed his arm over Kyle’s shoulders. He pulled him a little closer, squeezing him affectionately and smiling at him. “He would’ve liked you a lot.”

“My mom would’ve adored you.” Kyle looked at him, and Forrester could tell by the way he studied his face that he was waiting for Forrester to say something.

“I’m glad you got help, and I’m glad you’re in a good place,” he offered.

“Me too.”

Knowing Kyle had spent so much of his life alone—as a child stuck between worlds, bullied by people in both, losing both parents, and then the assault—made Forrester want to spend the rest of his life sheltering him from ever being hurt again.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for,” Forrester assured him. “But when you are ready, I’ll try my hardest to make it good for you. You never have to worry with me.” He closed his mouth and glanced away, half a breath away from adding, I love you.

But it was too soon for that, wasn’t it?

Kyle placed a hand on Forrester’s arm, and their eyes met. This time Kyle’s smile twinkled in his eyes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Feeling bold, Forrester took a quick survey of the people nearby and, in an instant, chose to give Kyle a fast peck on the lips.

Kyle’s brows shot up in surprise.

Brimming with pride, Forrester said, “You ready? I wanna check with Holly and see if she needs anything before we go back to your place.”

He nodded.

They gathered up the garbage, the blanket, and Jasper, then dumped the garbage in a nearby bin.

“Do you talk to this therapist about me?” Forrester wanted to know.

Kyle gave him a sly grin, flashing those adorable dimples. “Maybe.”

He scoffed. “It better all be good.”

Kyle just laughed.

Emboldened, Forrester reached out and threw a brotherly arm around Kyle’s neck, pulling him into a pseudo headlock. Their eyes met, and Forrester’s breath caught in his chest. Though Kyle’s story hurt Forrester—if that John guy ever showed up, Forrester would beat his fucking ass—he felt like they’d crossed a bridge into a world where they were no longer new boyfriends.

They were a solid, committed couple.

That was the best birthday gift he could imagine.

Pulling Kyle’s side flush with his own, Forrester kept his arm over his shoulder as they headed back to Front Street. Though Forrester figured Kyle needed the human contact after everything, Kyle didn’t put his arm around Forrester’s waist. He kept it at his side, the other holding on to Jasper’s leash. Forrester and his brothers showed this kind of affection to one another all the time, but with Kyle, the innocuous gesture felt far more intimate.

They strolled back across the small bridge connecting the towpath to the little park beside the old town hall. “I heard somebody’s trying to get a theater group together because there’s a stage inside,” Forrester told Kyle as they passed.

“Really?”

The park was filled with children playing on the monkey bars and jungle gym. Forrester smiled at the sight, then at Kyle. “Do you want children?”

Kyle seemed taken aback by the question, but then his face softened, and he nodded.

Grinning, Forrester gave his shoulders a squeeze. They walked back to the bookstore.

“I’m going to get you two stone planters for your stoop,” Kyle told him. “I’ll plant some low-maintenance flowers.”

Forrester grinned. “That would be awesome, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, looking pleased with himself. “Then I’ll get you some herbs and marigolds to go around your tomatoes. It’ll look nice, plus it’ll help keep bugs away.”

“Well, aren’t you Johnny Green Thumb,” he teased, giving Kyle another squeeze. “Scott texted me that Phin has tomato plants for me.”

“Maybe we’ll get them this weekend,” Kyle suggested. “I think it’s warm enough to plant tomatoes.”

“Yeah, it is. I’ll text Scott and see when we can come by.”

Unfortunately, Forrester had to let Kyle go to open the door. Kyle picked up Jasper, and they went inside.

“I see the store didn’t burn down,” Forrester teased Taylee, the barista checking out customers at the register.

“Nope.” She smiled.

His stomach leaped when he spied Tony and Missy standing in line at the coffee bar.

“Hey, Frankie.” Tony glanced at Kyle and Jasper for a quick second before smiling at Forrester. “Happy birthday!”

His need to comfort Kyle, to touch him, was instantly dashed by that familiar fear of being exposed.

Had they seen Forrester with his arm around Kyle?