A cold slap of Nebraskan wind whipped Natalie’s long hair in front of her face and rushed the panic back to her mind. Wishing she’d worn her favorite cowgirl hat, she stumbled on the loose gravel parking lot. Aaron kept her upright, while she shoved the hair out of her eyes.

“Deep breaths for me, okay? I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to do.” The words somehow sounded rehearsed, like he’d been preparing to say them for weeks.

“I know.” That was one of the many reasons she’d asked him to do this for her. The way his T-shirts would occasionally swing to the side while he worked the beer taps and show off the chiseled pillows of his abs, his substantial shoulders that could easily have carried the weight of the world, and the low rasp of his voice all made the list as well. Guiding her to his old Chevy truck parked behind the bar, he opened the passenger side door.

“Hop on in. We’re just gonna talk. Then I’ll take you home.”

“And?” She had to know what to prepare herself for. A knot of tension continued to expand in her stomach. It grew until she swore it reached her throat and robbed her lungs of air.

“Talk first.” He dominated all the spare room in the cab of the truck. The nearest city lights were two hours east but the moon offered enough light that evening for her to see. “Look at me, Nat.”

She lifted her eyes to his.

“Talk to me. You said you were sure. Does that mean you’ve been thinking about this for a while?”

“Yes…but if you don’t want to…”

“I want to. I want to more than you know. Trust me.”

“I do trust you. That’s why I asked you to help me.”

“You didn’t ask me to help you, sweetheart. You asked me to fuck you.”

“That’s the thing. Doing what you just said would be helping me, and I swear I won’t be one of those girls who gets all clingy and stupid. I won’t let anything ruin our friendship. It’s just I need to do this because…”

“Because why?”

“Because I’ve never.” She refused the words. Every muscle in her body tightened, bracing for impact she knew wasn’t coming.

“Damn.” His Adam’s apple contracted enticingly. How was it possible his neck was one of the sexiest things she’d ever seen? “You’ve never…? You’re a…? I mean, no one else has ever…?”

“I hate that word. Once you say it, people lose the ability to complete sentences, like I should be wearing one of those ridiculous prom queen sashes, Natalie the Virgin.” She made no effort to erase the accusation in her tone.

“Okay, sorry. I’m still processing all of this. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m honored you asked me, but can you tell me why you’ve never slept with anyone else?”

The adamant shake of her head brought on a full body shiver.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Aaron dug behind the bench seat and produced a Kansas City Chiefs sweatshirt. “I’d turn the truck on but the heater is shit, and I don’t want Ed to know we’re still here. He’d find something for me to do.” Before she could protest, he eased the sweatshirt over her head. Static clung to her hair drawing it out in long points from her head like antennas. The scent of pine trees and Aaron surrounded her. Every breath brought another round of him to her nostrils. Her shoulders dropped in relief and her jaw eased its fierce clench.

Chuckling, he ran his fingers through her hair and tucked it behind her shoulders. That motion alone flooded her entire body with heat. She wanted to beg him to continue. Maybe if he would just play with her hair long enough, she could relax and then he could do other things with his hands. She’d be so content it wouldn’t bring back any memories she wished she could sever from her life with a blade.

“I know something happened to you, Nat. If you scoot any further away from me right now just talking about having sex, you’ll be sitting out in the parking lot. I need to know if there are things you don’t want me to do. I will not let what happened to us last year happen again. I refuse. I have to make sure I never do anything that scares you again.”

“Nothing happened to me, and I’m not scared of you. I just almost always fuck everything up.” Self-hatred filled her. How could she lie to him? She couldn’t look him in the eye.

If she’d backhanded him, it would have hurt less than her lying to him. “Jesus, Nat, just tell me you don’t want to talk about it. Don’t lie to me.”

Low-level rage ate at the ease he was trying desperately to portray. Wherever the bastard was that had done this to her, that had scared her like this, that had taken something she wasn’t willing to give, needed to be on high alert. If Aaron found him, his fist would be the last thing the motherfucker ever felt.

Confessing her virginity and asking him to be her first already had him on a knife’s edge of arousal. Whatever had happened to her, he had to know so he didn’t fuck this up epically. He’d already done that once. He had to take this slowly, but his overly anxious cock was still hung on the fact that she was a virgin and he was her choice.

Shaking off that information, he reminded Aaron Jr. of the way she’d looked at him that night a year ago, so frightened she’d gotten in her truck and had flown back to the ranch. She’d refused to leave for almost a month. If they were going to do this, they had to take this slowly, painfully slowly. His eager eyes watched her shake the horseshoe charm on the delicate necklace she almost always wore back and forth, a sure sign of her nerves. Her bottom lip slipped through her teeth as he reached a negotiation with his body. He would take this slowly just as fast as he possibly could.

“Fine, I don’t want to talk to about it.”

“So, something did happen to you?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of is a yes and nothing is going to happen between us until you tell me more. I’m not going to risk frightening you again. Believe me, I’ve seen a lot of shit in this world. I’ve survived a lot of shit. I can take it. You ever think telling someone about it might help?”

“You sound like Dec and Holly.”

“Well, they are psychologists. I’ve been seeing Dec for a long time. They know what they’re talking about.”

“I spent years seeing a therapist, too. I went when I was younger. I’m so sick of Holly and Dec and everyone trying to fix me. I don’t want that anymore. I just want to sleep with you.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that.”

“You said you wanted to.” Desperation perforated her tone.

“Do you seriously think since I’m not throwing you in the bed of my truck and being done with it all tonight means I don’t want to?”

“I don’t know.” She erupted. “I don’t know anything. I don’t know why we’re here talking. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know why I even asked you. I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know why I acted the way I acted last year. I hate myself for that. The only thing I know is that I do not want to talk about that. I need it not to have any part of whatever is or isn’t going to happen between us.”

“Never hate yourself for anything, especially not for being afraid. I pushed too hard last year. It was my fault.”

“None of it was your fault. I freaked out and refused to talk to you. I was once again a tremendous bitch because of…” Her jaw clamped shut once again.

“You were not a bitch. Never say that again. I of all people get the shitstorm that comes when your past decides to override your future.”

“I know you do. That’s part of why I thought maybe we could try again.”

“I need to know more than you’re a virgin and you want me to sleep with you, Nat. I need some information between those two things. Have you ever kissed anyone besides me?”

“Yes, but not since I kissed you, and not all that often before you either. It makes me nervous.”

He called himself a rat bastard for the possession that coursed through him. She was his, and he was finally going to get the chance to prove that to her. That fact made him ache.

“That’s what I need to know. When do you get nervous?”

“Do we have to do this?”

“Yeah, we do. Just hang with me a little while longer then we can talk about anything else you want.” Racking his brain, he tried to remember exactly what they’d been doing when she’d leapt up off of his sofa and made up an excuse to go home. “You know what the bases represent?”

“I have three older brothers.” She managed her customary eye roll.

“Yeah, I figured you did. Let’s go with that.” Bile crawled up his throat from the thought of some asshole having his hands on her, but he had to know. “Any man ever gotten to second base?” His gaze zeroed in on her slight cleavage. His palms itched to explore the tender swells of her breasts, to feel her nipples pebble and press against his exploring hands. That was what had been on his mind the night she’d fled.

“Define man,” she sighed.

Holy fuck. “Do I get to ask what that means?”

“Barrett Peters and I went out for a few months when we were nineteen. Not sure he’ll ever qualify as a man, though. He still lives with his parents and last time I saw him he was getting money from his mama for a slushy at the rodeo.”

Is he who I need to maim? Aaron longed to ask but he wouldn’t push her. Pushing made her disappear and he wasn’t certain he could live with himself if he caused that again. “If you don’t think he’s anything more than a mama’s boy, why’d you date him?”

“He was safe.” Her lips folded under the pressure of her teeth as soon as those three words made their escape.

“Safe because you weren’t actually attracted to him or safe because he’s weak?” Was she protecting her heart or her body? He had to know.

“Barrett has nothing to do with what I’m asking you to do.” The girl had always dodged like a pro. No more. He’d lean harder on the skills he’d acquired for getting information out of people.

“So, both then?”

Leveling a moonlit glare on him, she sighed. “He was like dating instant mashed potatoes.”

“Tasteless, boring, and no one would notice if they got up and walked off your supper plate.”

“Basically.”

“How old were you when whatever happened, happened? If you won’t tell me what it is at least tell me when.”

Pain broadcast from every beautiful curve of her body. Her eyes hollowed. The flecks of gold he could make sparkle with a joke or a flirty smile disappeared entirely. “It stopped happening a week before my twelfth birthday.”

“My God, Nat. Twelve? Is this guy still breathing? Because I’m gonna burn for all the shit I’ve already done. I’ve got no issue adding another name to the list.”

“Yet another reason we are not having this conversation, and you are not.”

Unmitigated fury shot through Aaron’s musculature. What kind of sick bastard would…? No, he couldn’t go there. Not right now. Later. When he’d gotten her through this portion of life she’d completely missed out on. And he would. He was going to be the one to make certain she was worshipped head to toe and back again. He’d show her how fucking desirable she was, what she did to him. He’d do his damnedest to erase every terrorizing memory. He’d make certain she felt no shame.

Two things were painfully obvious, even if she was still concealing most everything he needed to know. She was attracted to him and she sure as hell didn’t think he was weak. His ego stirred right along with his cock.

He’d wondered for years why he was even still here. There were days and weeks when he had no desire to take up space or to continue drawing breath. He’d seen no point. Somehow, he’d managed to come through that hell. Maybe being a man for Natalie Camden, being the one who bridged the gap between the harrowing land of fear where she existed to the sanctuary of his arms and the carnal knowledge, he could give her was his purpose. Maybe this was his chance to prove he wasn’t a weak bastard that couldn’t deal with what he’d been through.

All he knew was no one would ever be allowed to hurt her ever again.

An idea sprang to his mind. “Hey, okay, how about this? Where in the baseball diamond do you get the most afraid? Is it second base?”

“Not exactly there. I don’t know. I don’t have much experience, like I said. I guess somewhere between second and third scares me most.”

Not better. Not better at all.

“So, do you think we could have sex without that? Maybe that would work.” Hope lilted in her voice and shattered the remnants of his heart.

“If we’re going to have sex, Nat, we’re going through all the bases, including shortstop, until you’re not afraid anymore, which is precisely why we won’t be doing this any time soon. I know you hate the word or whatever, but you are a virgin, so those steps are extremely important. I will not hurt you.”

“Had a feeling you were gonna say that.”

“Look at me.” She lifted her eyes to his once again. “I can make this so good for you. I can show you what it’s like to come undone, to let everything go. I want to help you work though what happened, but not until you tell me what that was. And this is not going to be a one-time deal. I’m not bedding you and walking away. We’re together. We’re going to actually date this time. Couple-shit like movies, and rodeos, and the county fair, hanging out at King’s Creek. That sound okay to you?”

“You really want to date me again? I was a disaster last time.”

“Nothing wrong with a do-over, babe. I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you. If I get the chance to date you again, I’m sure as hell going for it.”

“I liked dating you, if that’s what we were doing. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just…felt safe with you, until…”

“Until I fucked everything up.”

“You didn’t. You never did anything you shouldn’t have done.”

“I did, and I’m going to do right by you this time.”

“You never made a single mistake when you were with me. I got scared. It had nothing to do with you.”

“If I’m the guy lucky enough to get to take you to bed, it has everything to do with me. I will not mess this up again. You’re sure you want to do this with me?”

“I think so.”

“I need you to be sure. We both know I’m sure as hell not a saint.”

“If I get scared, will you stop whatever we’re doing?”

“Of course.” He tried not to be offended but truthfully he was. “I would never force anything on you.”

“If I tell you not to stop even though I’m scared, will you keep going? I’m pretty sure I’m just going to need you to keep going.”

“Babe, I can’t do that. Nothing is going to happen until I know you’re not scared of me.”

“I’m not scared of you, but what if I don’t know how to not be scared of this? When I was a little girl, nothing scared me. I could outride all of my brothers. I could go faster, jump higher, do it all. The more dangerous it was the more I wanted to try it. But after all that stuff I was scared of everything. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to feel brave again.”

Gutted. He was absolutely gutted. He’d held kids in his arms trying to save them from road side bombs. He’d buried men who were like brothers to him. Thinking about Natalie being afraid tore him apart. “Sweetheart, you’re about the bravest woman I’ve ever met. Doing this with me is pretty fucking brave. We’re going to figure everything out.” And then I’m going to hunt down the bastard that hurt you and end him.

“Since I’ve already completely made a fool of myself and I’d like to get all of the talking about this over with, can I ask one more favor?”

“You can ask me anything you want anytime. In fact, as soon as I know you’re ready, I intend to have you begging for things from me every single time I take you to bed. Get used to it.”

Another eye roll. Aaron fought the smirk taunting his own lips.

“I will not be begging for anything ever,” she informed him.

Not only did the smirk escape but it was followed by a chuckle. “So much to teach you. You’ll beg for me, babe, I’ll make sure of it. But what did you want to ask?”

“I don’t just want to have the regular sex kind of sex. Maybe. Kind of. I don’t know, but I think I don’t only want that.”

God, she was so damn sweet and innocent. He had no clue how he’d managed to be lucky enough to get this opportunity, but life had fucked him over on the regular for the last several years. She needed him and he desperately needed her.

“What exactly is irregular sex, Nat? Be specific.”

“No.”

“So, I just get to guess then? What happens if my definition is significantly dirtier than yours?”

“I’m sure yours is dirtier than mine, since I have no clue what I’m doing. I just want you to show me…I don’t know what exactly.”

Frustration tensed his jaw. Take it slow, Weber. Man the fuck up. This is part of the deal. Reviewing every ounce of knowledge Natalie had provided him throughout their friendship, he took a well-educated guess. “Does it go something like you want to know what it might be like to experience all of the stuff your sister and sisters-in-laws run their mouths about every time they come into the bar?”

“Yes.”

His mind scrambled. What if this was somehow one of those damned dreams that would haunt him for the rest of his life? Natalie asking him to kink it up with her after popping her cherry couldn’t possibly be a reality. He just wasn’t that lucky. Life didn’t like him that much.

Three deep breaths. He counted backward from twenty.

“Aaron?” Natalie’s hesitant touch on his knuckles finally grounded him. His cock throbbed out a desperate pulse. My God, this was real. “Do you not want to do that stuff with me?”

“Jesus, Nat, I want to do every single thing you want me to do and probably a dozen more you’re too sweet to even know about. I just can’t go there right now. We have to take this slow, sweetheart. I have to do things in order. If I get carried away, I’ll scare you again.”

Her bottom lip slipped through her teeth and another harsh swallow drew his gaze to the tender skin on her neck. A flood of saliva filled his mouth. He was so thirsty for her. Fear and hope fought for placement in her eyes. Turning his palm up, he took her hand. “Whatever it is you’re thinking, say it.”

“Sometimes when I’m alone and I can push the stupid memories away, I like to think about what it would be like if we got carried away.”

A low, rumbled groan thundered from his chest without his explicit permission. Her eyes widened and those perfect heart-shaped lips opened a half-inch. He searched her expression for any sign of fear and came up empty. Intrigue and desire paraded through her eyes. Her chest lifted and fell with her rapid breaths. Fucking hell. She was going to kill him.

“You think about me when you’re alone? Think about what it would be like to be with me? Tell me,” he demanded.

A single nod and then her arms crossed over her chest. Cool air swept in and erased the warmth her hand had brought to his as soon as she jerked away. In his former life, he was a highly-skilled intelligence officer. He could read body language with more ease than most people read stop signs. He was treading on thin ice and he knew it. The warning flags were all there. She was going to run. His jaw clamped in a futile attempt to dam back the words, “When you’re thinking about me when you’re alone, baby, are you touching yourself?”

“Just take me home.” If she’d carved the word yes in the hood of his truck the answer couldn’t have been any clearer. Another hungry throb of his cock made him long to show her just what she did to him.

“I swear I will in just a sec. Look at me again.”

“No.” She turned her entire body toward the door.

“Fine, but know this, every single time I’ve jacked off in the last year, it’s always you I’m thinking about fucking, you who’s underneath me staring up at me while I take you over and over again, and you who’s begging me for more.”