I’m going to be sick. I sit bolt upright in bed, which is a big mistake. The room spins at an alarming rate, causing my stomach to lurch. I make it out of the tangle of covers in the bed, then run into a wall. What? The momentum should have sent me sprawling, but something holds me upright.

“Whoa, honey, careful. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

This just gets stranger by the minute. “Lee?” I ask in confusion, before my stomach reminds me that I have no time to spare. I attempt to pull away, but he tightens his hold. “Sick,” I gasp out, then clamp a hand over my mouth. Apparently, he gets the message, and I’m whisked into the bathroom and deposited in front of the toilet. “Leave,” I mumble, but that’s as far as I get before the heaving begins. He grabs my hair and curses under his breath, but his touch is gentle. And I know that instinctively he’s upset for me and not at me. It seems like hours before the contents of my stomach are gone, and the nausea begins to subside. Still, I remain where I am for another moment, afraid to move too far from my porcelain helper. “I’m never drinking again,” I shudder in revulsion.

“Said many, many people before you.” Lee chuckles as he rubs a hand over my back. “Let’s get you cleaned up and back in bed. Then I’ll gather some breakfast from the kitchen.”

“Ugh, no.” I shake my head. “I’m pretty sure I’ll finally lose those twenty pounds, because I’m off food as well.”

“This too shall pass, little bird,” he murmurs. He walks to the large shower and turns on the water while I’m brushing my teeth with a toothbrush he passed me. It’s so mortifying to have Lee see me at my worst. Mind you, I’ve sobbed on his shoulder, barfed in his toilet… Thinking it can’t get much worse now. Then he calmly begins to remove the boxer briefs that he’s wearing.

“Um, what’re you doing?” I ask in alarm. “If you think we’re having sex now, you’re crazy.” When he throws his head back and begins laughing, I feel my face flush. “It’s not THAT funny,” I say, feeling embarrassed at my obviously incorrect assumption.

He points at the wrinkled clothing I apparently passed out in the night before. I grimace when I see what appears to be wine stains and God knows what else. “I thought you’d like to freshen up before you lie back down.”

“Oh, okay. That’s a good idea,” I mumble sheepishly. “But why are you undressing? Do you want to go first?”

He gives me an indulgent smile, before stepping forward and saying, “Lift your arms.” I do as he asks without thought, and he pulls my top over my head. I quickly cross my arms over my naked chest. At some point, I took my bra off, although I don’t remember doing it. I’m still mulling that over when my pants are unbuttoned and the zipper is lowered.

“Whoa! I can do that myself,” I stammer in protest as I attempt to bat his hands away. We may have had sex, but I was caught up in the heat of the moment. Now I’m standing in the bathroom under the unforgiving florescent lighting where there is no hope that he’ll miss any of my imperfections. His body is all hard, chiseled peaks, and mine is soft and rounded. He looks as if he runs ten miles a day, and I look as if I have a serious M&M addiction. Those fucking carbs.

He rolls his eyes at my bout of shyness, but then the heat in his gaze is unmistakable. “I have a very good memory, little bird. I know the feel of every curve of that beautiful body.” I’m so mesmerized by the desire in his voice that I’m hardly aware that he’s picked up where he left off, sliding my jeans and panties down, then instructing me to step out of them. Then I’m horrified when it hits me. I’m completely and utterly nude. I don’t know which area to cover first. Dammit, when’s the last time I did some maintenance on my lady bits? He turns me gently toward the shower and swats my ass playfully. I yelp and throw him a dirty look over my shoulder. “Never hide your body, Jade. It’s absolutely perfect to me. There is nothing about it I would change. A woman should look like a woman and not a toothpick.”

“Oh, please.” I snort. “I’ve seen pictures of the women who’ve accompanied you to various events.” And none of them had any extra junk in the trunk. “They all looked like my sister, Jacey, who spends more time moving some lettuce around on her plate than eating it. Please don’t lie to me, Lee, when I know differently.” I hate my insecurities, and especially having to voice them in front of Lee. I just can’t imagine how someone like him can like what he sees when he looks at me.

He takes my arm and spins me around so quickly that I’m disoriented for a moment. He’s angry; it’s there in the muscle throbbing in his cheek. “Let’s get something straight,” he says through clenched teeth. “I never say shit I don’t mean, and you know that. If I wasn’t attracted to you, then you wouldn’t fucking be here. Not that I should have to explain, but I chose those women for one reason: there was absolutely zero chance of any feelings developing. They wanted to attend A-list events, and I needed a date. To me, it was a simple business transaction.” His tone softens slightly when he adds, “Did I fuck some of them? Yes.” When I swallow hard and drop my head, he reaches out to cup my cheek, forcing me to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry it hurts you to hear that, but it was a different time for both of us. No one before you meant anything to me. I couldn’t even tell you their names or anything about them because I never cared to ask. I’ve been alive for forty-five years, Jade, but I never really lived until I loved you. I did my best to keep you at arm’s length, but I won’t deny it anymore. As fucked up as things are right now, how I feel about you is one thing that’s not in question.”

I can only gape at him in shock. He loves me? Lee actually loves me? Whatever I expected, it wasn’t that. You’ll never have to doubt his love for you when it’s given. Lia was right? He loves me?

By all rights, he should hate me, but it seems to have changed something between us. We’ve removed the filters and laid ourselves bare before each other, literally and figuratively. Yesterday, I was certain he’d come home and kick me out. Or at least say he needed time to think. But here he is, saying everything I’ve longed to hear but feared I never would. And instead of telling him how I feel, I’m staring at him like a mute. “I love you, too,” I manage to blurt out. As far as romantic declarations go, his was way better. But when he pulls me close and lowers his lips to mine, I figure he likes my awkward way of speaking just fine. And that’s the way we remain until the bathroom is so filled with steam from the shower that I can barely see anything around me. As Lee’s hands drop and cup my bare ass, I murmur, “I think I’m onboard with that whole sex thing now, if you’re game.”

His cock is hard and heavy against my stomach, and I’m beyond ready to have him inside me again. “Are you sure you’re up to it?” he asks hoarsely.

“You certainly are.” I grin as I wiggle against him provocatively. The words have barely left my mouth when he picks me up and deposits me in the corner of the shower. He adjusts the water and then puts his feet between mine and nudges them apart. “Bend forward,” he instructs as I feel his cock nudging against me from behind. I’m breathless with anticipation. I’ve had so little sex that most any position other than missionary feels amazing. His dick slides through the slickness at my entrance a second before he pushes inside. “Oh God,” I moan, feeling as if I’m going to come at any moment. He feels huge, and I’m so tight that I’m almost afraid to move. He places a hand on my hip to guide me into an easy rhythm as he goes a little deeper with every move. It feels so incredible that I’m desperate for a release, yet equally never want it to end. “Lee.” I groan his name as his fingers touch my clit and begin rubbing. Within seconds, I fall apart, coming so hard that my vision blurs. I try to push away when he continues to touch me, but he doesn’t allow it. Instead, to my astonishment, I peak a second time.

His movements intensify. I look over my shoulder and am completely mesmerized. Oh God… His handsome face as he gives in to his own release. He’s so beautiful to me in that moment of unguarded passion. He slides out of my body and pulls me close, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Shit.” He sounds incredulous. “I forgot to use a condom.”

“It’s fine.” I sigh, because I feel so absolutely incredible. “I’m on the pill. You don’t have to worry about any little Lees running around here in nine months.”

“That’s good to know,” he says quietly. “But I wasn’t concerned about that.”

I turn properly until I can look into his eyes. I lay a hand on his chest and stroke it soothingly. “Is there something you need to tell me?” Oh my God, surely, he doesn’t have some kind of STD. What was I thinking?

He appears so lost. “It’s just that I’m careful about that. I mean, obviously I wasn’t once since I have Lia, but I was a boy then. As a man, I’ve never lost control in that way. Never, Jade. But with you, all I can think about is being inside you.”

Relaxing now, I attempt to offer comfort because I can see he needs it. “But it’s different with us, right? You said so yourself. That’s what love does to you.”

“Apparently,” he murmurs, sounding shaken. We’re still standing out of the direct line of the water, and I shiver as my body begins to cool. “Shit. Sorry, amore,” he says as he pulls me into the hot spray. He makes quick work of washing us both. Lee is a natural caretaker; I wonder if he knows that. I’ve seen him do it with both Lia and Lara, and he was incredible with me when I was sick. I know instinctively that if we can work through all that stands between us, he’ll always be my rock. Plus, considering what a cleaning fanatic he is, I’m not likely to ever worry about housework. I grin at that thought, but then it occurs to me to ask him about it. So after we’ve both dried off and Lee has pulled one of his T-shirts over my head and donned a pair of boxer briefs, I say, “I’m sorry if we made a mess of the apartment. I don’t remember a lot of the evening, but I’m sure we weren’t at our best.”

“It’s no big deal. I’ve already taken care of it.”

I sit on an armchair at the end of the bed, while he walks into the closet to dress. “You couldn’t rest with the disarray, could you? I’ve… noticed that it really bothers you for anything to be out of place. And I don’t think this is a recent issue.”

There is nothing but silence. I think for a moment he hasn’t heard me, but the serious look on his face when he steps into the bedroom says differently. He’s wearing suit pants and a dress shirt but has yet to put on his jacket and tie. He takes a seat on the ottoman at my feet and slides closer until my legs are between his spread knees. He places his hands on my thighs before releasing a deep breath. “No, this is nothing new for me. This is the last thing I want to discuss, but you have a right to know what you’re getting into. Hell, you’ll need to understand why I am like this because I’m not sure I’ll be able to change.” I place my hands over his, showing my support without words. He intertwines our fingers. “I want to be different, to leave it all behind, but it’s been a part of me for so very long that I don’t know if I can.”

“What is it?” I ask quietly. I don’t mention that Lia has told me a little of his past. He wouldn’t be happy knowing we’d discussed him in that way.

His answering grin is forced, and I can tell it’s solely for my benefit. “I know you’ve heard bits and pieces about how I grew up. From the moment I was old enough to understand what it was, I knew my mother was an addict. And she slept with anyone who would toss a few dollars her way to feed that addiction. Pete and I never knew our father. For that matter, I have no idea if we were even sired by the same person. I doubt our mother did either. The only thing she cared about was the small amount of welfare money that the state gave her to care for us. But the bitch of it was that she stayed in trouble with social services after we got older because she’d disappear for days, and we wouldn’t go to school. Then they started paying visits to our apartment, and that didn’t go well at all. I guess they frown on kids living in filth.”

“So you took over the cleaning,” I guess as the pieces begin to fall into place. “How old were you?”

“Around eight.” He takes a deep breath, and I wonder if he’s ever shared this with anyone before. “It wasn’t a big deal in the scope of things. I’d been taking care of Pete for years by that point. Doesn’t do much good to get free baby formula if you’re never around to feed the kid. And our mother certainly didn’t let little details like that keep her at home.”

“Oh Lee,” I whisper. “You were so young to carry that load. Was there no other family or anyone to help you?”

He looks at some point over my shoulder, obviously lost in thought. “According to our mother, she was an only child of a single mother who’d passed away years before. She said we had no family, and the evidence seemed to support that fact. No one other than our social worker ever seemed to give a fuck about our welfare. And being as we never knew when she’d drop in, I had to make sure that our pathetic home was at least clean at all times. Our mother told us in great detail what happened to kids who were put in the system, and it sounded far worse than how we were living. Plus, I couldn’t risk being separated from my brother. He was all I had in the world.”

I take in what he’s told me and grieve for the incredible man in front of me. “You mentioned before that your mother passed away. How long ago was that?”

“She overdosed when I was ten—just a few days shy of my eleventh birthday. So Pete and I went into the system. We drifted through a dozen foster homes until I turned sixteen.”

“What happened then?” I ask, almost dreading the answer. The neutral tone of his voice doesn’t fool me for a second. There’s so much more there than what he’s saying. I already know he’s mentally scarred by those years, and that’s inevitably from how his mother treated him. I can only imagine the damage inflicted from other people who passed through his life. And I also know without a doubt that he’ll only tell me as much as he wants to. I’ll never truly know the full story behind the man. But he’s showing me he loves me at this moment. Sharing so honestly is his way of showing love.

He pulls a hand from beneath mine and runs it through his hair restlessly. “Most of the foster homes we stayed in were the same. People just doing it to collect a paycheck. Those were the best kind. Because we knew how to do what was expected of us. We’d perfected the art of being invisible years before, and that’s a good talent to have in those situations. Believe it or not, the ones who acted like they really gave a fuck were the worst. I’m not sure what they expected, but no matter what, we were never good enough for them. And they mostly didn’t handle disappointment well. They either thought they could beat you to deal with it or they gave you back and you went elsewhere. But the last one was the worst. The husband was a mean fucker, and the wife was nothing more than a pedophile. So when she started showing a lot of interest in my brother, I knew it was time to go. I knew we’d be better off on our own than staying there. At least we’d have a fighting chance that way.” He reaches his hand out and cups my cheek tenderly. His eyes are almost luminous when he admits, “But it was tough, Jade. You have no idea. We were hungry and cold all the time. Just living from one day to the next on whatever scraps we could find. We were little more than stray dogs. I… honestly don’t know how much longer we would have made it. I tried to stay positive for Pete, but neither of us were oblivious to the reality of what we were facing.”

“Then you met Victor,” I prompt, when he goes quiet. This must be so hard for him. Yet in the midst of revealing the horror of his childhood, he caresses me. I wonder if he’s even aware that his thumb is rhythmically stroking the side of my face.

“That night was the worst.” He sighs. “We hadn’t had anything to eat in a couple of days, and we were desperate. There was this big restaurant on one of the side streets that was always busy. It was a meat and potatoes type of establishment, and normally they had the best scraps in town. But they’d been closed the day before, and I was too fucking hungry to wait until they took the trash out, so when one of the employees left the back door open, I snuck in and began rummaging through the food scrap bin in the corner of the kitchen. I was hidden from view by a partial wall—or so I thought. Normally, my instincts were top-notch, but I was sloppy due to hunger. Before I even knew what was happening, someone had an arm around the back of my neck with just enough pressure to immobilize me. I have no idea why, but my usual fight deserted me, and I just stood there, ready to accept my punishment. I figured he’d call the cops, and I’d be hauled away. I planned to tell the police about Pete, so he wouldn’t starve to death on his own. But nothing went how I thought it would. Instead, he released me then moved to stand in front of me. And there he was. This giant of a man, who should have scared the hell out of me, but he didn’t. He shook his head before pointing at a table at the other end of the room and telling me to sit while he got me something to eat.”

I smile as he drops his hand and leans back in his chair, looking more relaxed and less guarded. This is a part of his story he’s comfortable with. The affection he feels when he thinks of Victor is clearly written on his handsome face. “He sounds like a very kind man,” I remark, then give him a questioning look when he laughs dryly.

“At times he could be.” Lee chuckles. “But make no mistake about it, Jade. There were many sides to Victor and most of them were scary. I believe he would have fed me that night and probably given me a few bucks no matter what. He wasn’t heartless. He knew fear and hunger and was empathetic because of it. Yet I connected with a part of him that few ever did because he saw himself in me. He knew that, should I be given the chance, I’d do whatever necessary to rise above the filth that surrounded me. It didn’t take him long to discover there was a part of me—humanity—that he wasn’t so enamored with. I believed it was kill or be killed, and that if you were wronged, then you returned that two-fold. But I wasn’t one to harm without a good reason, so that took several job possibilities out of the equation. There was something more valuable to him, though. I could read people, and over time, I proved I had a real knack for business and sniffing out the weaknesses of his rivals. That gave Victor a high unlike any he’d ever known before. I started out being a glorified errand boy while he schooled me in his holdings and that of his best friend, Draco Moretti. Within a few years, I was his right-hand, and to those who knew Victor and Draco, that basically made me mafia royalty.”

“So what they say about Victor is true then?” I ask hesitantly, not sure I even want him to answer the question. Some things are better left unsaid, and this may be one of them.

He seems to be of a like mind because he doesn’t deny it. “Much was speculated but never proven. Neither Victor nor Draco ever spent time in jail for organized crime. Men of power and wealth such as they had are connected far beyond anything that most can imagine. Hell, some of the most influential people in this state run in the same circles that they did—your father being one of them.”

His words don’t surprise me. I’ve known my father wasn’t a typical businessman since I was old enough to notice his odd friends. Plus, like Victor, there have been just as many whispers about the type of man he is. I had no proof of any of it, and truthfully, I didn’t want to know. Jacey had hinted at it a few times, but I had no idea whether she was a trusted member of my father’s inner circle or not. For her sake, I hope she isn’t. I raise a brow before turning up my nose. “If you’re waiting for me to protest, then don’t bother. I’ve never been privy to that side of his life, but it’s hardly a shock.”

He smiles wryly. “No, I don’t suppose it is.” He looks at me so intently that I find myself shifting in my seat uncomfortably. “Jade,” he begins softly. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life that you won’t approve of. Just because I wasn’t a hired gun for Victor doesn’t mean I didn’t cross a lot of lines for him.”

I reach out and place my finger across his lips. “Don’t,” I whisper. “I never want to know anything that could be used against you. There is nothing in your past that I need to know because it makes no difference to us. I love you unconditionally. Past, present, and future. You did what needed to be done. You thought each instance out and knew that however you handled it was the only way. I left you all those months ago because I love you for who you are, Lee. Nothing else matters to me. You are someone I admire and respect. Please forgive me for deceiving you.” I’m not sure how he will handle my declaration. He almost looks… surprised.

Apart from Peter, and now Lia, how many people have told Lee that they love him? That makes me sad. But then I consider how many people have ever told me they loved me… and I realize that it’s only Lee. And for that I’m heartbroken.

“Oh cuero mio, come here,” he murmurs as he pulls me onto his lap and holds me close. The feel of his heart beating against my ear brings me the most incredible peace. I finally grasp what true love is. It’s believing in each other and seeing past the flaws. It’s accepting the truth about each other.

“What is it you call me?” I smile at the almost embarrassed look on his face. But then he strokes my cheek again and explains.

“Cuero mio means my heart. I didn’t know until you that I’d ever love someone like I love you. Victor used it when talking about Jess, a lost love that he never quite got over. So it is instinctual somehow.”

“And the other one? Amore mio?”

“My love. Another favorite of Victor’s.”

Said so simply, it brings tears to my eyes. “I never thought I’d have this love in my life, either, Lee.”

He kisses me because words are no longer needed.

Physically, we are a new couple. Emotionally… I wonder if this connection we have is because we emotionally connected quite some time ago. We’ve survived a tough hurdle, and in his arms now, I can’t fathom anything ever coming between us.

Yet I’ll look back in the days to come and realize that we’ll have to climb through hell to ever reach heaven together.