“This is the correct thing to do, right?” Jenni asks over her shoulder as she slides her license under the three-inch thick Plexiglas window. The deputy takes it and then slides it in the card reader that’s hooked to his computer. I turn to watch the kids sitting on the bench along the far wall. We’re at the prison where my father is serving his time. I’m sure Maggie will frown on us being here, but one of the reasons why I have the kids is because it was something my father wanted.
“Yes.” I turn back around to witness the deputy slide the license back to her. “My pops wants to meet the kids. What am I supposed to do? Tell him no? I can’t deny my father the right to see his grandkids.”
I run my hand up her jean-clad ass just as she swats it away. Her lack of intimacy when the kids are around is pissing me off. She tells me she doesn’t want to confuse them or make them feel uncomfortable. But what she doesn’t realize is that I’m the fucking uncomfortable one because it’s been two fucking weeks since these kids moved in and two fucking weeks since I felt her pussy grip my dick. These kids are the best form of cockblocking, and they don’t even know it. I don’t even wanna get into the fact that she fucking left me standing in the hallway, hard as fuck ready to fill her up with my cum. She thought it was a fucking game, teasing me like that. Well, I’m not playing that shit.
“You’re ‘hard to get act’ is getting fucking old, Sugar Tits.”
“Seriously,” she deadpans.
“Yeah, seriously. You think those kids haven’t seen my sister being fucked by some random loser? You think Ryder doesn’t know all about the birds and the bees? Because I’m sorry to break it to you, but those kids haven’t been raised like you were, and I’m sure they’ve seen and heard more shit than you and I put together, and if you add me to the mix, that’s saying a lot. Now,” I take a step closer, wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her so that her tits are flush with my chest, “when am I gonna feel your pussy again, huh? I’m a starving man, baby, and I need to feed.” I lean down to take her lips, but she turns her head so that I land on her fucking cheek. “You’re fucking killing me, Jenni. No fucking joke.”
“They’re watching,” she says, and I know she’s talking about the kids.
“Let ’em.”
She pushes away. “Tylan–”
Her words are cut off by the guard calling for the visitors of McCoy. I place my hand on Ryder’s shoulders while Roxy grips Jenni’s hand. When we enter the large open room with the round metal tables, I see my father. His gaze lands on us, and the emotions flood his face.
“Hi, I’m Jenni Hoyt.” When she reaches her hand out to shake my father’s, he pulls her into a hug, but as soon as his arms wrap around her, the guards are yelling his name to step back. Roxy visibly flinches which pisses me off. She’s a fucking kid for Christ’s sake, and she’s scared shitless being here.
Ignoring the guards, my father crouches down to meet Roxy’s eyes. “And who do you have here?”
“I’m Roxy, Papa.”
He chokes back a sob. “You’re beautiful, Roxy.”
When he stands up, he squares his shoulders to meet Ryder. “Ryder.” My father says his name, treating him like he’s an adult and giving him the respect that, in my book, he hasn’t earned. I get that his life has been tossed upside down, but his pre-teen defiance and ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude is pushing me over the edge. Soon, I’ll need to have a come to Jesus meeting with the kid. But my father knows how to treat people, and he knows that Ryder needs this. He needs to be seen as an equal and not coddled like a child.
“Roger.” The fact that Ryder addresses my father by this name and not the title of grandpa has my father laughing.
“I know you’re your mama’s boy, but if I weren’t aware, I’d say you’re more of your uncle’s than your mother’s.” He pats Ryder on his shoulder, easing the tension. “Come on, let’s walk outside. There are basketball courts where you kids can play.”
We follow my father outside. When I come for my visits, I never pay attention to what’s going on around me. I’m here to see my father, and that’s it. But with the kids here, my eyes are on constant look out. I’m not sure if I want the kids around any of these men.
“There are guards everywhere,” my father tells me.
“What?”
“You’re worried about the kids. Don’t be. There are guards everywhere. The only men who’ll be outside are with their own families. I’d never put the kids in any harm.”
My father pushes the metal doors open. The sun is bright, but the cool air hits me like a hammer. I’m not sure it’s a great idea to have the kids out here. I don’t want to deal with any colds, or runny noses for a week because my father thought it was a grand idea to have them outside.
“Tylan.” My father’s voice pulls me away from my worried thoughts. “They’re fine. They have jackets. They aren’t going to get sick.”
“How the fuck do you do that?” I ask as Jenni giggles beside me.
“I’m a parent. I know the shit that’s going through your head. It’s the same that used to go through my head when you and your sister were little.”
“I’m not a parent,” I tell them.
He shakes his head before he heads over to a wooden bench parked close to the courts. “Keep telling yourself that,” he says over his shoulder.
I stand there and take in the area. Men in tan jumpsuits play various sports with their kids while their wives, girlfriends, and mothers stand by to watch. My father is facing the court where Ryder’s bouncing the ball to Roxy. Jenni sits next to my dad, smiling at the sight of the two kids being kids, even if on a prison playground.
Ryder’s a good brother to Roxy when he thinks no one’s looking. I’ve seen him cut her meat while Jenni and I are still getting things on the table. He’s even helped her brush her teeth a few times. He goes into her room every night to make sure she’s tucked in even though Jenni always does it before him. He likes to take care of her just like I used to like to take care of Betsy…
Coming around the corner of the house, I stop when I see Betsy sitting on the ground, with bare feet. Her knees are drawn up with her arms wrapped around her legs. Her head is buried down, but by the sniffling, I know she’s crying. “Hey,” I say as I kneel in front of her. “Bets, what’s wrong?”
When she looks at me, her face is streaked with tears and dirt. “Th–the kids,” she huffs out. “They made f–fun of the holes in my–my shoes.”
I glance over and see that she’s right. Both shoes have big holes on each shoe where her big toes rest. It’s the simple truth that we can’t afford the necessities of life. Like being able to buy my sister shoes that actually fit.
I hate that my sister has to go through this. “Don’t worry, Bets. We’ll figure it out.”
“How?”
“Just leave it to me,” I tell her as I rub my hand through her hair.
I shake my head, bringing me back to the present. That day was the first time I stole anything. I walked through the parking lot of a local shopping center, trying car handle after car handle. Luckily for me, it only took about six cars before I found one that was opened. When I pulled open the ash tray and saw a fifty-dollar bill, I knew that I’d be able to buy those shoes for Betsy.
“You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you.” My father dips his head towards the kids, and I know he’s talking about Ryder. “There’s a lot of anger in that boy.”
My dad’s right. There is a lot of anger, but there’s more to him than that. “Are you surprised, though? Look at me.”
“I know, son. I know your anger runs deep. For your sister, your mother… For me.”
“It’s not like that.” I’ve tried to tell him that there isn’t any anger where he’s concerned, but he never believes me. Maybe I’m trying to convince myself.
“Don’t, son. Life’s too short to keep harping on the past. You survived.” He bumps his shoulder into Jenni’s. “You’ve got a good thing going here. It’s time for you to let everything go and turn your back on your demons. Stop swinging. Stop giving them so much energy. It’s not going to change anything but you. You already have enough anger held up in your bones to last a lifetime. Don’t keep adding to it, holding on to things that you can’t change. Your mother and sister are dead. If they rest in peace, it’s up to them and their souls. Don’t let their choices ruin yours.”
We sit in silence watching the kids play. They’ve joined other kids, and for the first time, I think I see Ryder smile and laugh. He’s not pissed off. He looks like an eleven-year-old should, happy.
“Have you tagged the other two?” my father asks.
“Brass found them.” Even though the two adoptions were closed, I knew those files being sealed wouldn’t stop Brass, and I knew it was important to my father to know that the other kids were fine.
“I didn’t know you were looking for the other kids.” Jenni sounds a little hurt that I didn’t let her know that I was having the guys search for them. Maybe I didn’t think it was important. Maybe I didn’t want her trying to get involved with those kids too. It was before Roxy and Ryder were with us, and I didn’t know how things were going to go, so I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire.
I nod. “They’re with two different families. Both are well off, and neither were able to conceive on their own. One has another adopted sibling, while the second is an only child.”
“Do you–”
I know what he’s going to ask, so I cut him off. “No, I don’t know their names, or if they’re male or female. I don’t want to know. It’s not important. Just know that they’re out there, and they’re good. I’ve asked Brass to keep tabs on them and only let me know if they’re situation changes. I don’t want to rock their boat if it’s smooth sailing for them.”
I’ve just lied to my father.
I know they’re two males and I happen to know their names, but that’s info he doesn’t need to hear. The point in finding them was to make sure they’re safe, not to know what their fucking favorite soda is.
When I hear a cry from the blacktop, my head snaps up, and my heart drops. Roxy’s on the ground holding her knee while tears roll down her reddened cheeks. “I’ll go,” Jenni says as she gets up, leaving my father and me alone.
“You’ve done good, son.”
“I don’t know about that. Half the time I don’t know which way’s up. Ryder’s pissed as fuck all the time. Roxy cries if you blow on her wrong. I think I might have taken on too much, and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. The club isn’t including me in shit because Cut thinks I need to concentrate on home life. What kind of shit is that?”
“He’s a smart man. Life changes, son. The shit you pulled in your teens when you were acting out isn’t the person you are today. Never in my life did I think you’d settle down. Not after all the shit that your mother brought into your life. I know life was hard. I know you endured more than any man should, all while you were a child and all for a woman who should have been protecting you. That knowledge alone has me regretting my actions every second of my life. Had I had known what would have become of you and your sister, I would have left my heart with your mother and taken you two away. But stupid me, I thought I was solving a problem, not creating a bigger one. For that I’m sorry.”
My throat dries with emotion. I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, but it doesn’t work. “It’s okay,” I finally confess, because it is.
“You have a chance with these kids. Ryder will come around. You need to think about how you would want to be treated and treat him the same way. Don’t push him if you wouldn’t want to be pushed. Don’t talk down to him, and don’t treat him as if he’s a child because I think the days of childhood have long since passed with him. That’s sad but true. Now you gotta love him as he is and not how you want him to be.”
“We’re gonna try,” I confess.
“And keep the we in everything. It’s not just you and those kids. Jenni is in this as much as you are. She’s made that clear with her insistence. This sounds corny, but there is no ‘I’ in team, and that’s what the two of you are.”
“Fuck, Pops, that woman frazzles me. She’s had my head fucked up since the day her cowboy boots first stepped foot on Fury ground. She has me wanting shit I never thought I wanted. She has me seeing life in a way I never thought about, and it scares the shit out of me. I know she deserves someone who isn’t fucked up. Someone who respects women and never thinks a nasty thought about ’em. But she’s picked me, and for the life of me, she won’t walk away. It was shitty of me to strap her with these kids, but it was the only way I thought I could keep all the other fuckers away.”
He smiles while shaking his head. “Men do strange things when they’re in love, son. We are selfish by nature, and once we see something or someone we want, we make it our mission to keep it. She wants to be here. If she didn’t, she would’ve walked. She has the strongest backbone I’ve ever seen in a woman. She’s strong enough to carry you when you need it. Don’t think needing her makes you weak. It makes you wise.”
“I’ll never be good enough.”
“No, you won’t,” he deadpans, but I know he speaks the truth.