The slamming of the steel bars radiates through my body. Arms stretched at my sides, the guards do their usual pat down. This routine is like second nature to me. The feel of their hands in places I’d rather them not touch. My skin crawls every time I go through it, but it’s worth it. Without it, I wouldn’t have a relationship with my dad, and that’s something I won’t risk.
“You’re good to go,” the guard says from behind me.
“Can I take the pictures I brought?” I ask.
“Sure, no problem,” he answers.
I make my way through the doors to the waiting room. “Son?” He stands, giving me a quick hug before he’s told no touching.
“Pops.” I embrace him back. “Here. Roxy wanted me to give these to you.” I hand him the pictures that she’s been drawing him since her last visit. It’s turned into a daily deal for her. It’s her way to connect with him, and I’m happy that they have something. I know he didn’t receive one drawing or card from us when he went away, so I’m glad he gets to experience it with his grandkids. Ryder has yet to send something, but maybe as he gets older he’ll request some alone time with my dad.
Unfolding the white piece of paper, he reveals flowers and butterflies, cats and dogs spread through the parchment. “She’s in a flower phase right now,” I tell him. “She’s counting down the days until we plant real flowers in the backyard.”
He stands there with his head down, taking in the design Roxy made for him. When he looks up, his eyes are filled with tears. “You know–” His words are choked. He clears his throat. “I never thought I’d have any of this.” He shakes his head. “I thought I lost my family when I was sent away. Years of not knowing what you kids were going through was tough. I thought it was a blessing when you showed up for your first visit. I had hoped that you would, but I kinda figured that you had washed your hands of me. But now, not only do I have my son in my life, but I have the next generation—my grandkids.”
“You’ll always have us, Pops. No need to get all emotional.” I pat his shoulder.
“You’re right, son. I’ll always have you, and I pray to the Man above that you’ll have me for as long as you need me.”
His words don’t sit right with me. I want to question him, but I’m not sure if I want to hear his answer.
“So,” he says as he sits down, “what’s going on? I figured I’d see you next week, like normal.”
“Yeah, I needed to tell you something, but I didn’t want to do it over the phone. We got a call a few days ago from that lady at social services. It seems that Rob has made contact and he’s now at the clinic seeking help. He wants the kids, or so he says.”
“That’s not gonna happen,” he says through gritted teeth. “Tylan, there’s no way that man is gonna get my grandkids.”
“Yeah, well, it may not be up to us. It all depends on him.”
“You and I both know that the biological parents aren’t always what’s best for the children.”
“You’re preaching to the fucking choir on that one, Pops. I know it from experience. But if there isn’t any proof to prove that fact, then there ain’t shit I can do.”
“He’s a junkie,” he states.
“Yeah, that doesn’t mean shit. I lived my life with a junkie, and no one ever did shit about it. Maybe when you were around, but after you left? Someone should have taken notice, and no one did. It’s like a waste of fucking time and taxpayer’s money to protect the fucking innocent children of drug abusers. I’m not holding my breath.”
“But the kids are in your care now. Why would they change that?”
“Because the bio parents have the rights until the courts or whoever the fuck thinks that their rights need to be severed.”
“Then you need to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
Looking around, I lower my voice. “And how the fuck do you suppose I should do that? Maybe I should shove enough smack up his arm so that he’d OD? Or maybe take his ass and drop him somewhere in the desert and hope to shit that he drops dead? Oh wait, maybe I should shove a shank into his belly and let him bleed out.”
“I don’t know, son, but I can’t lose those kids. They are the only thing that I have left of your sister, and I’ll be damned if I lose them like I lost her. Those kids will be on a one-way ticket to following in their parent’s footsteps if he’s granted custody.”
“And you don’t think I know that? I’ve already thought about running, but that ain’t the life that I want for those kids. I’m not about to ask Jenni to do that. Knowing her, she’d agree but be miserable the entire time. She’s given those kids and me more than she realizes, and I’ll be damned if I ask her to do more.”
“What did the case worker suggest?”
“She wasn’t happy about the fact that we knew he’d been sniffing around and didn’t tell her, but she doesn’t trust him and wants those kids far away from him. She wants them to stay with us.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Yeah, we’re gonna start the adoption process. This shit ain’t cheap, either. It’s gonna cost a pretty penny, but I’m not complaining. I’d pay whatever the fuck I’d need to in order to keep them under my roof.”
“Do whatever you need to do to make sure you get those kids, and he doesn’t get his hand on them.”
“I am.”
“Did the worker give you any suggestions on what you can do to make it happen?”
“Other than getting hitched, no.”
“Fuck, son. That might be a good idea.”
“Yeah, well, you aren’t the first person to think so.”