Chapter Eleven
Present Day
Downtown Portland, Oregon
The Wedding Day
“Everybody up!” Hannah is storming my room, pulling open the curtains and inviting the rare Portland sunshine to invade my space.
“What time is it?”
“7 am.” She stands next to the bed waiting for me to pull the blankets off my face. “I’m getting married today! We have a ton to do so get up!”
“What do we have to do that can’t get done in the next twelve hours?” She yanks the blankets off me as I say it.
“Just come downstairs and don’t ruin my day.”
She disappears through the door as I sit up on the side of the bed trying to wake up. “What? I’m not even in the wedding party,” Lily objects from her room next door.
I throw on a bra, because when you have C-sized boobs no bra is a no-go, before heading downstairs to the smells of heaven wafting my direction. A man in a black jacket and black chef’s hat greets me with a wave.
“Good Morning, miss. Is there anything I can prepare for you this morning?”
“Prepare for me?”
“Yes, Miss Cabot has hired me to feed you throughout the day. Whatever you’d like I can accommodate.”
“You can make me whatever I want for breakfast?” I ask, knowing this is a bad deal for my imaginary weight loss plan.
“Yes, ma’am.” He nods his head enthusiastically.
“Um… What do you suggest?”
“I have an omelet that most clients love.”
“Let’s do it… And for your information… I love cheese. I’m not one of these dieting girls you normally cook for.”
He smiles, showing all his teeth. “My favorite kind of girl. I’ll bring it out to you as soon as it’s done.” He nods towards the counter filled with everything needed for gourmet coffee or hot chocolate. “Help yourself to some coffee if you’d like.”
“That I will.”
“Oh good, there you are.” Hannah looks panicked already and we’re still many, many hours away from the wedding. “Listen, as soon as you’ve eaten I need you to shower, because the spray tan lady will be here at nine.”
“Spray tan lady?”
“Yeah, you’ve never had one?” She watches me shake my head. “Oh, it’s so cool, she actually brings all the equipment right to the house and does it here. It’s quick and subtle, and when it’s over you’ll glow like you just got back from somewhere tropical.”
I’ve never had a spray tan before, and I’m a little nervous with my natural skintone being not much darker than the color of snow. What if something goes wrong? No, it can’t, people do this all the time with no issues.
“OK,” I say with a shrug of the shoulders, while I pour a little too many coffee flavors into my cup.
By the time I get to the table Mr Chef is following me over with a plate heaped full of cheesey goodness. “Your omelet, Miss.”
“Are you going to eat that?” Greta comes sauntering into the room and takes the chair across from mine. “Do you have any idea how many calories are in something like that?”
“I do, actually.” I nod my head pretending I don’t hate her.
“Those are calories you definitely don’t need.”
“I do, though. I’m not trying to put on a show for the whole world. I actually enjoy life, and food.” I shove a giant forkful of eggs and cheese into my mouth as she watches in disgust.
“No wonder you lost Jack.”
“I didn’t lose him. For your information, I dumped him. If anything, you should be thanking me.”
“Why would I thank you?”
“Because without me, you’d not be wearing my old ring.”
I watch her glance down at her ring and purse her lips together. “Whatever. Where’s Hannah?”
I intentionally fork another pile of eggs into my mouth and shrug my shoulders at her.
“Oh good! May, you’re here. The girl you recommended will be here any minute, maybe you could do your tan first since you’re ready to go?” Hannah glares at me over Greta’s shoulder as if I’m not eating fast enough. Does she honestly think I’m going to rush eating the best omelet I’ve ever tasted? I think not.
“Sure! I’d love to. Isn’t she great?” I watch the two of them walk off together, chit-chatting as if they’ve been best friends forever, leaving me in peace to eat my delicious omelet.
When I’m finally done with my second omelet I head upstairs to attempt the start of getting ready for this wedding. I look through the basket of expensive toiletries Hannah left in my room and grab the shampoo and conditioner before jumping in the shower. I take extra time shaving every part of me that may or may not be exposed today and I can feel my irritation washing away with the conditioner. Maybe all I needed was a good shower? Or maybe it was the omelets.
“Hey Em, Hannah wanted me to—” Lily stops midsentence as I walk out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my chest.
“To what?”
“What did you do to your hair?”
“Uh, washed it, don’t act so surprised.”
“With what?” Her face is anything but amused by my sharp wit.
“What do you mean? Shampoo… Actually, I used the stuff Hannah left in here.” I point over at the basket of goodies.
“I don’t think it was shampoo…”
“Why?” I walk past her back into the bathroom and glance in the mirror. “OH MY GOD! Oh my God, what in the holy fuck?” My once dark ash hair is now a muddy purple color.
“What’s wrong?” Hannah walks in, her mouth dropping opened in shock. “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything, Hannah, except using the shampoo you gave me.” I point to the basket.
“Why would it do this?” she asks me, getting closer to inspect it.
“I don’t know.”
She grabs the shampoo off the shower shelf and squeezes some into her hand. “It’s purple?”
“Why is it purple?”
“You didn’t notice this while you were showering?”
I watch her squeeze the conditioner into her hand. It is also purple.
“No… I had my eyes closed, and then I was shaving.”
“You shower with your eyes closed?” Lily asks.
“Sometimes, when I’m trying to relax. How do you shower?” I snap at her, wondering why my showering techniques are suddenly to blame for my hair turning purple.
“Beside the point.” Hannah waves at her. “It’s not so terrible, it’s kind of a purply color. When the hairdresser gets here we’ll just have her fix it.” She forces a deep breath, obviously a little more stressed out than she’s letting on.
“Right.” I take a deep breath and glance in the mirror. “Of course, she can fix it.”
“How about right now you go do your tan and then as soon as the hair lady gets here we’ll get your hair fixed?” Hannah is doing her best to stay calm, but her voice keeps cracking when she speaks. I am going to single-handedly completely ruin yet another wedding day.
I walk towards the den where the tanning lady is supposed to be set up. And, of course, right before I walk in, Greta walks out.
“Whoa… New hair for the wedding? It’s an odd day to go purple isn’t it?”
“Funny… Shampoo mishap, that’s all.”
She nods her head and rolls her eyes.
When I walk into the room there is a tall tent and next to it is a contraption with hoses coming out of it. It looks more like a science experiment than a tanning booth.
“Hi, there! And you are?” A perky girl in super-short shorts and a skin-tight sleeveless top turns towards me.
“Emi.”
“Emi! Perfect. I just need you to strip and stand in the tent and do exactly as I say. Have you ever done this before?”
“No.”
“It’s easy-peasy, so no worries there.”
“You want me to strip naked?” I ask, hoping she says no, but fully expecting to hear a yes.
“Don’t worry, I’ve seen it all before.” She waves a hand at me as if there is absolutely nothing to worry about. There is, though. She just did Greta’s tan – and her naked is a tad smaller, and probably smoother, than my naked.
“OK.” I shut the den door, lock it and strip down to nothing. “Just in the tent then?”
“Yup. This is super-quick, maybe ten minutes. Great. I’ll start at your feet and spray upwards so when you feel it on your chest close your eyes lightly and hold your breath for a moment until I’m done with your face. Then I’ll take a second and do another spray then we’ll do your back.”
“Easy enough.” I stand as she instructs me and she starts to spray a cool mist over my skin.
“Is that it?” I ask her ten minutes later.
“Yup.”
“But it didn’t do anything?” I’m still looking at my ghostly-white skin.
“It takes a few hours for it to set in. Don’t worry, you’ll be glowing.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
I walk back towards the food bar, which is the last thing I need but secretly I’m hoping it’s time to eat again. Hannah stops me just short enough to smell everything but not see it. “Delilah is here.”
“Delilah?” I ask, hoping it’s another chef.
“The hair girl. Actually, Heidi is the hair girl but when I told her our problem she called in a backup to take care of just you.”
“Great… I look so terrible I need my own team of beauticians.”
“Not what I mean, she’s setting up in your room. That way no one will wonder why you’re getting special treatment.”
“Is it really special treatment, though, Hannah? Or it is fixing a problem that might ruin your wedding?”
“Just go,” she barks at me, clearly stressed with all that’s going on.
“Delilah?” I walk into my room to see a large woman with a lot of hair setting out all kinds of potions and powders on a rolling cart I’ve never seen before.
“Oh, my… Yup, that’s purple.” She points at the stool set in the middle of my bathroom. “Let’s get started.” She doesn’t waste anytime washing it multiple times, conditioning it, spraying, drying, painting goo on and sealing me up with tinfoil.
“So… What exactly is this?”
“You’re going blonde… I assume you’ve bleached your hair before?”
“Nope. It’s kind of why the purple was such a shock.”
“What kind of shampoo was it?”
“I dunno… Something Hannah gave me, but it was purple.”
“Well, I think you’ll look great as a blonde.”
“It’s really going to be completely blonde?” I stare at my tinfoiled head in the mirror in front of me. Oddly enough it reminds me of the dress I’ll be putting on in a couple hours.
“Hopefully. It looked like the washing got out most of the color, really it was just left in the bottom half of your hair, so this should strip it out.”
Bleaching is not a fast process. I’ve flipped through every magazine I brought with me at least three times while I’ve been wearing this tinfoil hat. My scalp is starting to burn and I don’t know if this smell will ever wash away.
“Let’s check it.” Delilah slowly starts unwrapping a section of my hair while I watch in the mirror. When she gets about six inches down her unwrapping, the foil, complete with the bottom half of my hair, comes away in her hand. “Oh… No.”
“No… No oh-nos. What just happened? Did my hair just fall off?”
“You’re sure you’ve not recently dyed your hair or anything?”
“You mean besides this morning? No. Why?”
“Cause this sometimes happens when people over-color their hair. It will essentially melt off during another color application, and bleach isn’t the easiest thing on hair anyway, so…”
“So, what?! Get it out then!” I yell at her and watch her quickly pull all the tinfoil from my hair. About every third one pulls the bottom half of my hair right off all over my head, leaving me with big jagged shoulder-length spots throughout my hair that is normally almost to my waist.
“Oh my God,” I breathe out as slowly as possible, trying not to have a full-on panic attack and wondering how this day could possibly get any worse. “Now, what?”
“I’m gonna have to cut it.”
“Cut it?! Do you have any idea how long it took me to get it this long?”
“I know, but unless you want to look like this…” She points at one of the worst areas. “I suggest we cut it. It’ll be really cute on you.”
“No!” I jump off the stool and down the hallway. “LILY! HANNAH!” I’m screaming looking into each room I walk past, before I see everyone gathered at the bottom of the stairs. “She melted off my hair! But only some parts, so it looks awful, and now…” I try to take a breath between seethes. “NOW she wants to cut it. But nooo. I want the other girl to do it.” Delilah stands next to me, now looking slightly irritated.
“I can totally cut it.”
“Like you could totally get the purple out? No. You’re on bridesmaid duty now. Send up Heidi!” I shout down the stairs, sending Hannah scrambling along the hall to summon Heidi.
By the time I’m back in my room and sitting on the stool trying not to sob, a tiny woman whom I assume is Heidi walks in looking scared. “Hi, Emi. I’m so sorry about this. Let’s see what we can do.”
I close my eyes as she works, worried about how my wavy hair will look shoulder-length.
“OK,” she says, waking me up from my almost nap, causing me to slowly squint open my eyes afraid of what I’m about to see. The blonde surprises me but it’s kind of cute, it’s in layers with the longest layer being just below my shoulders and she’s curled my waves into loose curls. “Do you hate it?”
“No. I actually like it.”
“Unfortunately, all the purple didn’t come out, so there are still tiny streaks of lavender, but it looks intentional.”
“You are a lifesaver!” I jump off the stool and even to my surprise I pull Heidi in for a hug. “Thank you!” I run down the stairs and into a room filled with dresses and makeup ladies. “She did it.”
“Oh my God… Look how cute that is on you! You look like a whole new Emi!” Lily touches my hair with a huge smile on her face. “I seriously love it.”
“Me too!” Hannah nods her head in approval. “Now you can relax for a few until we have a spot for you to have your makeup done.”
“Nope, I’ll be doing my own makeup thank you. After that nonsense, I’m just not comfortable having someone else fix my face.” I laugh, but am all too serious.
“Are you sure?
“Yes. Very, very.” I head upstairs and load up YouTube to get some quick tips so I don’t look washed-out with my new blonde hair. Thank God for technology. I don’t know how I started teenhood without it.
About half way through my third video is when I realize it’s not the makeup making me look streaky but the spray tan that is now starting to darken. When I say ‘darken,’ I mean, I look like I’ve just spent a week in the sun. It’s not exactly turning me orange, but I’m definitely not milky-white anymore.
“Hey, Lil…” I nonchalantly yell down the stairs hoping not to send Hannah into a full-on panic.
“What?” she yells back, obviously not quite reading my mind.
“Can you come up here?”
“Is something wrong?” she yells back, leading me to the balcony overlooking the living room.
“Just get up here!” I hiss down to her and watch her jump off the couch and run towards the stairs.
“What is it?” She walks in and stops in her tracks looking me up and down. “Oh no… the tan?”
“Yeah… the tan. What the fuck? How bad does it look?”
She bites her lip and looks me up and down. “It’s not terrible, yet but it keeps getting darker for up to eight hours. So… with the wedding just a few hours away…”
“Oh, my God… oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. What do I do?” I sit down on the bed and drop my head down between my knees hoping to avoid the panic setting in quickly.
“I dunno… Give me a second.” She’s frantically typing into her phone probably Googling how to remove a spray tan. “This says, to slather on a layer of baby oil, let it sit for fifteen minutes and then scrub with lemon juice and baking soda.”
“What about my hair?”
“We’ll have to refix it. I have some oil.” She disappears from my room, returning within the same minute with a tiny bottle of baby oil. “Get to slathering, I’ll go down and make the scrub, I’m sure Hannah has everything.”
Baby oil is not a fun product. Once I had my top half covered in it the bottle was hard to manage to cover my legs. But somehow, I managed and now I can’t even sit because it’s so thick I’d just slide off anything I sat on.
“Here.” Lily comes in with a stiff loofah sponge and a container full of yellowish gloop. “It’s probably been about ten minutes, so get in there, steaming hot and scrub till your skin bleeds.”
“That’s a little drastic, isn’t it?” I take the concoction from her and walk into the shower. Right when I was happy with how my hair turned out, I have to mess it all up and hope that the outcome is the same.
“Either have pink skin from over-scrubbing, or look like you tried to change race?”
“Fine, I’ll scrub till it hurts.” I did, I scrubbed every area until I couldn’t take it and then I moved onto the next and then, in the end, I had to rewash with a regular loofah just to get the oil completely off my skin.
“Better?” I walk out still in a towel to see Lily sitting on my bed watching TV.
“Oh… Yes. I’d say you’re half as dark now. Still a little darker than I’d choose, but it looks almost normal.”
“Really?” I glance in the mirror right as Hannah walks in.
“Time to get—” She stops and stares at me. “What happened to your hair?”
“The spray tan went wrong and we had to scrub it off.”
“What?”
“I looked like I sat in the sun for hours.”
“And this is the after-scrub?” She’s got her jaw clenched through her forced smile.
“Yeah… Is it still terrible?”
“A little dark, but definitely not terrible. But… now you need to refix your hair, do your makeup and get dressed.”
“Got it, Lily will help me, right Lil?”
“Absolutely.”
After today I’m not sure I want a girls’ day ever again. The makeup, hair, and girly stuff has gone so wrong and taken so long, and now, an hour before the wedding, when I look into the mirror I barely see me, but a tanned blonde that I hardly recognize.
“You look amazing!” Lily stands back and admires all the hard work we’ve done in the last hour. “Seriously, I think all this makes even the hideous dress looks better.”
“Really?”
“Yes, you are just, wow.”
“Aw, thank you!” I squeeze her by the neck, causing her to giggle while struggling to get free. “After a rough few hours you totally just made my day. I was so afraid I was going to be the laughing stock of the wedding.”
“There’s no way for that to be possible now. In fact, I think you’ll end up with all eyes on you.” She grabs her purse and hands me my shoes. “I think you might even have a couple of men to choose from after tonight.”
“No, remember, the Liam thing is just a favor. A business deal really.” No way am I going to mention that this deal is favor for favor. I’m not sure what kind of favor I might be getting myself into at some point in the future, and I’m sure Lily’s thoughts will go right to the worst possible idea.
“A favor… Right.” She stares at me, eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“Will you stop?”
“Fine, but don’t come crying to me when they’ve both fallen for you and you can’t decide between the two of them.”
“I promise that won’t happen. Now let’s go before Hannah has a stroke worrying about us.” We are running late and we promised Hannah we would be there in plenty of time for the wedding. Liam agreed to pick us up the moment I texted him and that was done five minutes ago.
“Hello?” I hear him in the foyer looking for us. I told him to let himself in if we weren’t already out front when he got here.
“Be right down!” I yell through the doorway before slipping on my stripper heels. “Let’s go.”
When I reach the top of the stairs Liam’s face lights up with a look that is half confused, half intrigued. “Wow! You are just…” He smiles and runs a hand through his hair. “You are gorgeous. I love the hair.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. Seriously, I haven’t been speechless in a while.” He holds the door open as Lily and I walk out to his SUV. “I’m sure Jack will fall head over heels for you.” His face drops a bit when he says it, and my heart hurts momentarily when I see the disappointment in his own statement.
“Doubtful, but thank you.”
“I’m just glad to be the date of the prettiest girl in the room for the night.” He helps push all the feathers safely into his truck before running around to his seat.
I can’t believe it but we might actually make this wedding on time, and looking better than I did last night.