Chapter Fifteen
Present Day
Northwest Portland, Oregon/
Northeast Portland, Oregon
The Great Escape
When I wake up the morning after the wedding, something catches my eye near the table by the window.
“JACK!” I squeal when he moves, scaring the crap out of me. “What are you doing in here?” He’s sitting in the corner wearing jeans and a t-shirt, arms crossed, with a somber look on his face.
“I stayed here last night and I needed to talk to you, but once I came in and sat down I couldn’t figure out what to say.”
“So, you just sat there all creepy and watched me sleep?”
“I didn’t mean for it to be creepy,” he says apologetically.
I sit up and pull the blankets up to my neck as if he’s never seen me in my pajamas before. “Why did you stay here last night?”
“Because I live with May – er – Greta, and I didn’t want to go home and deal with her, so Evan let me stay here.”
“OK… Then what is it you need to talk about at,” I glance at my phone on the nightstand, “7am?”
“It’s 7? God, I’m sorry, I haven’t slept all night. I can come back…”
“No.” I flip on the side lamp. When I look back at Jack he looks terrible. His dark hair is unruly, he has a five o’clock shadow, there are bags under his eyes and he looks distraught. “Let’s talk.” We both sit silently staring at each other.
“I’m sorry about Greta,” I say, even though he should know that I’m not really.
“Don’t be…” He stands and starts to pace the room.
“I’m not really sorry, you know. There was even a moment yesterday where I considered emailing Morgan and asking if he still had that video of the night we all first met Greta.” I bite my own lip, almost worried about what he might think about that. I haven’t completely decided if I will or won’t go for revenge against Greta. She totally deserves it.
Jack raises an eyebrow and forces away the grin creeping up on his face. “I uh… I wish you’d let me explain this when it first happened.” He stops pacing, hand in his hair and looks at me. “I know I didn’t know all the details of what Greta did that day, but I knew I never cheated, Ems. Why…” He sighs heavily. “Why would you ever think I’d do that to you?”
“You think I wanted to think that? It’s what I saw.”
“I hated you for the last year.”
“You hated me? For what?” I ask in a weird high-pitched voice.
Jack rarely gets angry, and even when he used to get semi-angry it was hard to tell. But I’ve seen it enough in the last twenty-four hours to know that he’s at least a little mad right now. His eyes are narrowed, his lips pursed, he has a hand in his pocket, and the constant pacing back and forth in front of my bed says this is the argument we should have had two years ago.
“For what?” He repeats my question in a sharp voice before sitting on the edge of the bed near me. “For you being so damn stubborn that you wouldn’t listen no matter what I said. For you even thinking that me cheating on you was a possibility. For moving away. Mostly, though, I hated you for hating me.”
“I didn’t hate you.” I glance down at the bed, wondering if he knows I’m lying. “I don’t hate you now. You… You broke me, Jack. I can’t seem to move on, I can’t go back, and I can’t get what I saw out of my head. I don’t trust anyone. Especially after yesterday’s revelations.”
“My mom suspected something, Em, and she didn’t even tell me. She let me stay engaged to this woman. And she let you think that I cheated.”
“I’m not sure that’s how it went…” I say, but deep down I know how secretive and vindictive Amelia can be. Not normally to me or her children, but maybe she did know the truth all along.
“Then how?!” He almost yells it before realizing Lily and Josh are sleeping next door. “Then why did no one tell us?”
“I don’t know.”
He’s off the bed again pacing, fists clenched. I’m almost afraid of what he might do, but I remind myself: this is Jack. He’d never hurt a fly.
“You and the bartender, is it romantic?” He stops in his tracks directly in front of me, anger flashing through his face.
“Romantic?”
“Yeah....” He stares into my eyes.
“No.”
“Why’d you bring him?”
“Because I’m single in Couple Land and even my ex had moved on. With my arch-enemy. I mean, come on, how pathetic was I, to still be clinging on to someone who tore out my heart, and then when I finally see him again I discover that he doesn’t even want me anymore?”
The moment the words come out of my mouth, Jack’s face drops from anger to sadness. He walks to my side of the bed and sits down.
“That’s the furthest thing from the truth.” He lays his hand on mine hesitantly.
“Then what is?” I’m a little afraid of this answer, but I feel like he owes it to me.
“I wasn’t really sure for the last year. But I’ve never moved on from you. Not really.” His smile is forced, and the grip he has on my hand is intense.
“I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.” He looks at me nervously.
“How did you end up engaged to Greta? She’s just…” I search for a word but none can describe her in the way I want. “Awful.” That sounds a bit better than calling her a raging basket case of a bitch.
“After what happened with us, Ems, I was so depressed, distraught, and I guess I figured Greta was really all I deserved. She was a distraction, and she was there for me even if it did feel at times like she snuck her way in. And she appeared to love me. I never would have imagined she was the way she was. If I’d ever even had the suspicion that she felt towards you how she did, I’d have ended it immediately.”
I nod my head, unsure of what to say next.
“I’m gonna be honest with you.”
I nod my head again.
“I never even proposed to Greta. I had your ring… er, my Mom’s ring hidden in a drawer in my office. Greta used to come by my office unexpectedly, and one day, while I was busy digging through some files, she was snooping through my desk and she somehow found it. After she opened the box she squealed, slid the ring on her finger, and assumed we were engaged.”
“Seriously?” I ask him, not even shocked at this point.
“Yeah. She kind of just moved into the spot of fiancée, and considering I had come to believe I didn’t deserve better I never corrected her.”
“Jack… I’m sorry.” I feel bad. I know this part isn’t exactly my fault. Maybe, if I’d have listened to him all those times he tried to explain himself after we’d broke up, he wouldn’t have been put in that situation.
He smiles at me and takes a deep breath, breathing it out slowly. “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. I’d have done anything to get you back. I kept failing, though. It wasn’t only hard on you. Emi, I would still do anything to get you back.”
“Jack…”
“No, please, just let me finish.” He pulls my hand into his lap and stares down at it. “I saw Liam kiss you and it tore my heart out, even though I’ve no place in your life right now. I get why you didn’t want to speak to me after what you thought you saw. Please just know that if there is any chance for me to fix what’s been done, I will.”
I can feel my mouth hanging open, my tongue tied. I literally have no words so I nod my head. I know there has been some kind of spark that has my head and my heart at war right now, but I’m not sure exactly what it is. I don’t know if it’s love, or forgiveness, or even relief.
“I mean it, Ems, I’ll do anything. I know you’re not ready right now, and I’ll do my best to give you the space you need, but please don’t push me away anymore.”
“Hey, Ems… wanna go get—” Lily walks in my room, still in her pajamas, and stops midway through the door. “Oh… I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She flashes a smile my way “I’ll just come back later.”
Jack and I both watch her back away and close the door behind her.
“I don’t know what to say.” I shrug my shoulders. I can’t tell him the feelings racing through me right now. I need to figure out what they are first.
“Just say you’ll at least think about all this.” He pulls my hand up to his lips, sending a shiver through my entire body. “Please?”
“I will,” I say, unable to say no after everything I’ve heard recently. Jack smiles through the pain on his face. A real smile; one that reaches his eyes and my heart. I watch him stand and walk towards the door.
“Jack?”
He turns and looks back at me.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I was such a bitch these last couple of years.”
He nods before stopping at the door, hand on the knob, yet not moving. I push the blankets off me to follow him out and see what Lily wants.
“One more thing…” he says, turning back towards me. The look in his eyes as he pushes me against the wall and plants a kiss of desperation on my lips tells me he’s not immediately leaving my room.
And… Well… What can I do? I’m weak.
“You slept with him?” Lily spurts out coffee, her voice high and weird, gaining the attention of the entire Starbucks.
“In my defense, it wasn’t my fault.”
“How is that a defense?”
“I don’t know.” I sip my coffee hoping she’ll end the interview about my drama.
“Does that mean you’re getting back together?”
“I don’t think so; he asked me to think about things.”
“And…?”
“It’s only been two hours.”
“You. Slept. With. Him.” Lily jabs it out like strokes on a typewriter. “I think you gave him your answer.”
“No… That was just…” What was it? “Old feelings. It was just unfinished business.”
“Unfinished screwing?” She laughs and rolls her eyes. “You’re crazy, you just made this whole thing worse.”
“How? He’s as guilty as I am. It’s not like when we were finished I let him slip the engagement ring back on my finger. We have an understanding. The whole sleeping together thing was just instinct. He understands I need time to think about things.”
“Do you want to get back with Jack?”
“I don’t know. Maybe…?”
It feels good to say it aloud. Now that I know the truth about what happened that day, it’s easier for me to imagine myself with Jack again. It’s a lot easier to not hate him too. When I glance up out of my own thoughts I am alarmed by the giant, almost creepy smile on Lily’s face.
“Seriously, you’re considering this?” she asks.
“Who wouldn’t? Jack and I have history, we were nearly married. I owe it to myself to at least consider it.”
“What about Liam?”
“We just met. And like I’ve told you a thousand times before, it was like a business transaction, that’s all. Plus, who knows what might come of all this?”
“I know someone who would know.” Lily is nodding her head like a loon. “Aunt Maggie.”
“No, we’re not going to visit Maggie and her crystal ball. It’s weird.”
“So what? She’s always right. Remember at the engagement party, when she predicted that you and Jack would overcome a trial? Maybe this is it.”
“You called me crazy earlier, but it looks like you were projecting.”
“Come on… We used to love visiting Maggie for insights into our futures when we were in high school. One more reading won’t kill us. Maybe it will help with your decision.” I feel myself tapping my nails on the table and biting my lip nervously. “Fine, but you have to promise you won’t let this get out of hand.”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.” She crosses her heart as she says it through a giggle of excitement.
The drive across town takes a lot less time than I expected, and when we pull up to Aunt Maggie’s old run-down Sears kit craftsman home, she’s in the front yard clipping flowers.
“Oh!” she squeals as we get to the gate. “Emi! You came to visit, you darling girl you, and you brought Lily!” She motions us through the gate and up the porch stairs. “I haven’t seen you girls together on my porch in years.”
“Aunt Maggie,” Lily says, “we need some advice.”
“We?” I ask her, unaware that this would be a double reading.
“Of course, we,” Maggie says, patting both of Lily’s shoulders. “I have lots of advice as you girls well know. Come on in and I’ll get us some coffee, cookies, and advice.”
We follow Maggie into her cluttered living room that hasn’t changed since I was twelve years old. She has an entire wall full of books of every age and color of binding. Old toys from her childhood line the shelves in front of the books. Pictures in color and black-and-white adorn the walls from floor to ceiling. One shelf, in particular, holds pictures of her with her childhood friend Raluca and my mother. The crystal ball she treasures is in the center, glimmering in the sunlight.
“I have your favorites, srdieckas made with raspberry jam. You still love those, right?”
I glance down at the heart-shaped cookies with their gooey heart centers, and for a moment I’m twelve years old again. I always felt like a trip to Aunt Maggie’s was a trip to another world.
“I do.” I reach down for one, hoping they are as good as I remember.
“Aunt Maggie, Emi is wondering what you see for her and Jack in the future?”
“Listen, sweet girl. First, you have a question for yourself, and the answer is yes.”
“Yes?” Lily’s face turns a ghostly white and her eyes are as round as saucers.
“Yes.” Maggie smiles and pats Lily’s hands. “But onto my Emi.”
I feel myself holding my breath as I watch her wander in front of her shelves. She often would wander her house as she gave us readings in high-school. She told me it helps her see more clearly when she admires her past through her things.
“Jack is an amazing man.” She turns to me quickly. “You know this. But, he is about to have some news that could make him or break him. It will be up to you whether you choose to overlook this news, and up to him whether he chooses to handle it with grace and forgiveness.” She takes a cup of coffee from the tray she carried in earlier and takes a sip. “But there is a new piece to the puzzle I didn’t see before, and the aura from this one is nothing I’ve ever experienced.”
“What does that even mean?”
“You will know when the time is right. Your head will be confused but your heart will straighten it out. You have a busy year ahead of you.”
“You know in high school when we’d get these vague messages it was exciting to find the clues leading up to events? But now… it’s really just pissing me off.” I grab three more cookies off the tray and glance around the room at all the memories.
“Don’t stress over this, Emi. You need to do nothing to find the ways of your heart. It will come to you this time.” She smiles before wrapping her arms around me in a huge hug. “Your mother is so proud of you. She just can’t wait.”
“Wait for what?”
“The outcome.”
“Which is?”
“For your heart to decide.” Maggie winks at me, knowing I hate this game. There is a reason I don’t spend a lot of time with Aunt Maggie. I adore her, but I don’t adore the cryptic messages she finds so fun to give out.
“You remember,” Maggie says as we walk to the car. “You call me with anything, understood?”
“Understood.”
“What was that about?” I ask Lily after a mostly silent ride back to Evan’s house. “The whole weird yes thing, what aren’t you telling me?”
“What? Nothing…” She finally comes out of the trance she’s been in since we got there and smiles at me. “I don’t know. You know Maggie… all mystery all the time. I guess we’ll find out later.”
“Who is here?” I ask, noticing three extra cars in the driveway when we pull in.
“I don’t know, maybe they’re having a honeymoon going away party.” Lily laughs as she says it. “I wouldn’t put it past Hannah. You know how she loves the spotlight all the time.”
“Ain’t that the truth?” I sigh.
When we walk in the front door, Evan, Josh and Hannah are sitting on the stairs together, all with confused looks on their faces.
“What’s going on?” As soon as the words come out of my mouth, I hear the screeching from a room upstairs.
“Greta,” they say at the same time.
“She’s here?”
“For the last hour. She brought Amelia and her father.”
“Why? Are they going to tie Jack down and make him take her back?” I laugh, knowing what I know about this morning.
“Um…” Hannah’s nervous smile through clenched teeth tells me that whatever it is, is bad. “I’m not sure yet.” She cranes her neck trying to get a better listen to the voices up the stairs.
“You guys are sitting here to eavesdrop?” Lily asks them
“Obviously.” Hannah rolls her eyes at me.
“Well… what are they saying?” I ask her, more than willing to participate.
“I… uh…” Hannah shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not quite sure yet. I’ve heard ‘Greta isn’t the person she once was’, ‘Jack owes it to her to as a man’, and—”
“That’s all so far.” Evan butts in, squeezing Hannah’s hand.
I can tell that’s not all.
“Josh… You should help me in the kitchen,” Lily says before wandering off towards the kitchen. We all watch them questioningly.
“You guys are all weird.” I start up the stairs to drop my purse in my bedroom, but only make it a few steps from the top, when the door down the landing swings open violently, hitting the wall behind it and causing something inside to crash to the floor.
“If that’s the kind of father you want to be, then we’ll see you in court!” Greta’s father storms out, glaring at me as he walks by. Greta follows him out, a blank stare on her face. I’m not sure she’s even seen me; even though she’s walked right past me her head is clearly somewhere else.
Then I hear Amelia’s voice. “For God’s sake, Jack, this is a disaster. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me yesterday.”
“I didn’t know yesterday, Mom; how could I have told you when even I didn’t know myself? Besides, what happened yesterday changed everything.”
I stand still, listening to them. They clearly don’t know that they’re being overheard by the whole house.
“Well, you know now. Today changes everything, Daddy.” When she walks out she spots me immediately and forces a smile. “Emi.” She continues past me towards the stairs, causing Hannah and Evan to jump up and pretend they’ve not been straining from midway down to hear them.
“Daddy? No,” I say under my breath, through an internal panic that can only be described as my heart stopping. I know I’ve been confused about us, but things are quickly becoming clear. I inch towards the door but make it just in time for Jack to spot me before nearly closing it on me.
“Emi. Did you uh— H-how long have you been here?” he stutters.
“Why did your mom just call you Daddy?” I ask, but already I know what it must mean. Please let me have heard it wrong.
“Shit.” Jack never curses, only when he’s drunk or in a mess he can’t fix. “She’s pregnant.”
“What?” My heart sinks to my stomach so hard it almost makes me sick. “She’s pregnant with—”
“Yup… Supposedly with my kid. I’m completely screwed.” He’s standing in the doorway, his fingers interlaced on top of his head, a confused look on his face.
“And she just told you today?” I fight back tears. This cannot be happening. I don’t know who I feel worse for, him or me.
“Yes. I guess she found out last week and didn’t want to tell me while you were here. But after yesterday, she decided today was the perfect time to announce it. And fuck me over, yet again.”
“I…” I stand stunned, not only at him using a word that normally flows pretty freely from my mouth, but the confusion of what this means for either of us.
“I know.” He sighs and grabs a bag, throwing his stuff into it, not even folding his clothes first. This is so unlike Jack that I’m worried. “I gotta go.”
“Go where?” I walk closer to him.
“I don’t know.” He stops packing for a minute and turns to me. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Everything.” He grabs his bag, looks at me as if he needs to say something else, but shakes his head and storms out of the door.
I follow behind him, nearly in a run, passing my friends and family in a blur. “Jack! Please don’t run away. Please…” I call to him, looking over at Evan and silently pleading with him to help me.
“Jack, wait…” Evan follows him to the front door, but Jack slams it shut before Evan can grab it. Evan glances at me but all I can do is shake my head and swallow down the lump in throat.
What the hell is happening?