Chapter Fourteen
Five Years Ago
Downtown Portland, Oregon
The Fight
Sometimes I wonder why anyone would ever want to be a lawyer. It seems like all Jack ever does is work. If he’s not working on an active case he’s working his ass off because he’s trying to get to be a partner of the firm. He’s good at his job, he really is, but is it worth risking your personal life for?
“When is the last time you guys even had dinner together?”
I’m sitting at a table in the middle of a bustling restaurant with Lily and Josh. I feel like I’m the third single wheel, even though I’m not even close to single.
“Over a month ago,” I sigh, and push the food around my plate. “I try, really I do. I’ve even scheduled dinner dates, and he’ll call at the last minute and have to cancel. I just don’t get it. Should I be worried?”
Lily’s frown says it all. “I don’t know. Maybe?”
“No.” Josh rolls his eyes. “You girls think too much. Maybe he’s just busy with work. It’s not like he has any kind of malicious bone in his body. Jack’s the best guy we all know.”
I feel myself nodding but also wondering if that’s true. “Maybe we missed some kind of signal?”
“Signal?” He grabs his beer and leans back in his chair, both Lily and I waiting for his response. “Maybe it’s a signal that he worked his ass off in college and he’s almost accomplished one of his goals. Do you guys have these conversations about me?”
“No,” says Lily, wildly trying to silently signal me to agree with her.
“Yes,” I say at the same moment, not quite picking up her signal quick enough and earning a confused look from Josh.
“Great.”
“You haven’t done anything completely stupid like this yet, so we haven’t really had to.” Lily plants a reassuring kiss upon his cheek.
“Jack’s not doing anything stupid,” Josh repeats to me.
“Maybe he isn’t, but don’t you think him pushing her aside for weeks at a time is a little risky?” Lily asks him. It seems that I’m being completely booted out of the conversation.
“How’s that?” he asks.
“What if he’s pushing her into the arms of some other attention-giving man?” Lily replies, clearly disgusted by Josh’s nonchalant attitude over this entire conversation.
“Is he?” He looks directly at me.
“Well… no,” I sigh. “But he could be.”
“But he’s not, and it’s not like you’re going to get tired of him and dump him, so I say, learn to live with it. He’s a hard-working guy and he wants to make the most of a career he loves. Either accept it or move on.”
“Have I ever told you I don’t love your latest taste in men?” I say to Lily, who nods in agreement before giggling.
“He’ll learn the ways of us soon enough.”
A roll of Josh’s eyes says maybe he won’t.
He could have a point, though. Up until now Jack and I have never had an issue, in fact, we’ve never even had a serious fight. Maybe he really is completely innocent, and this entire problem is quite possibly just in my head.
But then again… maybe he’s not. Men do these things; they get wrapped up in their work and decide they don’t have time for a relationship. What if that’s what this is?
“I’m just going to have to talk to him about it.”
“You should. Do it tonight… Surprise him at his office.”
“Yeah, great idea. Men love that… when women surprise us anywhere. Don’t do that if your relationship means anything to you.”
“I’ll do it.” I glance over at Josh who’s giving me the I warned you look. He doesn’t know everything; he just knows a man’s perspective. I respect that, but I know Jack. And something’s wrong.
I order our favorite meals from Pastini: tortellini gorgonzola for me and fettuccini alfredo with chicken for Jack. Pastini is the restaurant I choose to eat at whenever it’s my turn to choose. I go to the Piece of Cake bakery and grabbed an entire Fantasy Cake. Which is the best cake in the entire world… cheesecake on top of chocolate cake with cream cheese icing. It’s like a chocolate cheesecake heaven. I even grab a bottle of wine that cost more than $15. Jack should be more than impressed.
I probably should have considered how I’d get this all into the building before ordering every food item I adore, but sometimes the stomach speaks louder than the brain.
“Do you need help?” a voice behind me asks. When I glance back I see Rachel, Jack’s assistant, coming out of the stairwell. “Oh! Emi, it’s so good to see you.”
“Hey, Rachel. I’d love some help. I’m just bringing up dinner to Jack, I feel like I never see him anymore.”
“Oh… Jack actually isn’t in the office; didn’t he tell you?”
“Tell me?”
“He and Andy were meeting with a client in Seattle. They left first thing this morning.”
I drop the Pastini bag on the floor. “In Seattle?”
“I’m sorry. Can I help you at least get everything back out to your car?”
For a moment, I stare at Rachel, confused. Why wouldn’t he tell me he was leaving the state?
“Yes, yes… That would be great,” I say to Rachel, hoping she doesn’t notice the panicked look on my face.
We load the stuff into my car, and Rachel, the sweet girl she is, waves as she walks towards her car in the garage nearby. Now, as if never calling or showing up for our dates isn’t enough, he’s running off out of state, without even telling me. I violently jab his number into my phone only for it to go straight to voicemail. Either his phone isn’t on, or he’s intentionally ignoring me. The asshole. I dial Lily and thankfully she picks up on the first ring.
“He left town, without even telling me.”
“What?” she asks, obviously confused by me starting a conversation in the middle. You’d think she’d be used to me by now, but I’m still able to surprise her with my over-thinking.
“Yeah… I went through all the work of picking up all of our favorite foods to surprise him for dinner at work, and when I get here Rachel has to tell me he went out of town with Andy – this morning.”
“And you’re sure he didn’t tell you?”
“Yeah. I haven’t talked to him in like three days; when would he have told me?”
“That is weird.”
“Do you think he’s cheating on me?”
“No…” Her hesitation doesn’t match her answer.
“Great. Now what?”
“Let’s go to his apartment and see what else he hasn’t told you.”
“I don’t have a key, Lil.”
“So? That’s a minor, workable detail.” She laughs. “We’ll just tell the super that you left your medication in there and you have to get it back before Jack gets home from his business trip.”
“That could work.”
This is not the right thing to do.
“I’ll meet you there in ten.” I hit the End call button.
It might not be the right thing to do but I’m doing it. What can it hurt? If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’ll figure out why on my own.
The super was more than easy and let me into Jack’s apartment with no questions asked. Apparently, I’m on the list of accepted people in his life so he didn’t even stay to make sure I got what I needed and left.
“Now, what?” I glance at Lily who is already going through drawers in the kitchen.
“Start looking for things.” She’s obviously done this before.
“What am I looking for?”
“Proof that he’s not always at work. Women’s underwear, condom wrappers.”
“Ew…” It’s at moments like these I question my friendship with Lily, but also thank the Lord above that I have her.
“Well… it’s what men do, Ems.”
“I hope it’s not what Jack does…” I walk into his bedroom. Everything is perfectly clean, the bed made, no dirty clothes and the curtains closed. I glance through a couple of drawers but he’s so anal about everything there’s no reason to even dig: the shirt drawer has shirts, the sock drawer has socks, yadda, yadda, yadda. Nothing exciting anywhere.
“Find anything?”
“No… you?”
“This.” She holds up a bright purple bra.
“That’s mine.” I grab it from her just as the front door clicks open. “Oh my God,” I whisper at her, hoping to God it’s just the super checking on us.
“Hello?” Jack’s voice comes booming through the apartment.
“I left my purse out there,” Lily whispers, running to my side.
“Emi?” He walks down the hallway, our eyes momentarily meeting before his gaze moves to the bra hanging from my fingers. “What—” He looks around the room, spotting Lily cowering behind me. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”
“Jack… I… uh… wanted to surprise you, with dinner, so I went to your office but Rachel said you were here.”
“So then, why is Lily hiding behind you?” he asks, with no emotion on his face.
“We couldn’t find you so we thought we’d check in here. We just got here.”
“And how did you get in?” He’s being really hard to read right now.
“The super let me in.” I watch Jack’s brow furrow and his lips pinch together.
“I’m just going to wait for you in the car.” Lily runs past us and is out of the front door before I can object.
“If you thought I was here, why did you get the super?” He grabs a picture frame still in my hand and sets it back on the dresser where it belongs. “I’m confused. And where is this dinner?”
There is no way I can continue to lie my way through this. “I must’ve been so excited to see you I left dinner in the car, I got our favorite, though. Past—” But I am obviously going to try the lying. At this point what else have I got to lose?
“Ems, Rachel called me a few minutes ago to tell me you were upset I didn’t tell you I was going out of town.”
“Oh.”
“I was going to call you after I got back, but… here you are, sneaking around my apartment. Why are you really here?”
Of course, he sees right through my lies. As he should, it’s not like we’ve been dating for just a couple of weeks. It’s been a couple of years.
“I don’t know, Jack… You act like I’m at the bottom of your list lately, so I wanted to find out what you’re really up to. Why you don’t treat me like you used to.”
“So, you snuck into my apartment to – what? Look for another woman?”
“NO.”
Jack frowns at me.
“Fine, yes. That’s exactly what I was doing.”
“The dinner story was a lie?”
“Yes… no! I have dinner, and dessert, but I didn’t think you were here so I just came up to see if you were with—” I pause momentarily, knowing if I say it out loud I’m going to sound like a complete pathetic jealous girlfriend.
“You just came up here to see if I was with someone else. Got it. It’s nice to know after two years of dating that you don’t trust me at all.”
“I do trust you! But you never talk to me anymore.”
“I’m busy, Ems, trying to make partner at the firm. We’ve talked about this. I’m basically at Andy’s disposal until he decides I’ve earned this. Why can’t you understand this?”
“Because I don’t know why it means I’m last in your life,” I whine. “It’s not fair.”
“It’s also not fair you’re digging around my apartment, is it?” I watch Jack roll his eyes at the bra I’m still holding and walk past me to sit on the edge of his bed. “Listen, I think maybe we should take a break until I’ve done some thinking.”
“What do you mean, a break?” My voice cracks as I ask it, knowing exactly what he means.
“Like, no more Jack and Emi until I’ve made partner and figured some things out. Clearly this is stressing you out, and I can’t worry about what you’re up to next when I already have so much on my plate.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” I squeal, flipping the bra in his direction.
“I think it’s for the best right now.” He picks the bra up off the floor and hands it back to me.
“You are such an ass! There is someone else isn’t there?” I yell, but he’s already directing me towards the front door.
“Emi, just stop.”
“I can’t believe you would do this!”
“I could say the same.” The front door is open and he’s willing me out of the door. “I’ll call you, I promise. I just need some time. That’s all.”
“Fuck you! Don’t call me, EVER!” I grab the doorknob and slam the door shut behind me, forcing myself not to allow the tears to take over until I’m safely down in front of the building. Lily at my side.
“Ems, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think he was in town, had I know I’d have—”
“He dumped me! He said he couldn’t worry about what I might be up to next while he’s got so much on his plate at work.”
“He what?!” Lily is as mad as I am.
“Yeah.” A single tear rolls down my cheek before I wipe it away. “I’m going home”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No.” Before she can object I’m in my car, doors locked waving, hoping she’ll get the BFF ESP that I’ll be fine, eventually.
“Emi, I know you’re home, your mom let me in, please open the door.” Jack’s voice wakes me. I glance around and realize I’m still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday, food cartons are lying across my bed, and the bottle of wine on my nightstand is empty. “Ems.” I crack the door open for him and disappear into my bathroom. “Whoa… What happened in here?”
“I ate our dinner last night,” I say, reluctantly walking back into my room, “after you broke up with me.”
“All of it?” He lifts the half-eaten cake from the box, his eyes wide with surprise.
“Almost.”
“Ems, listen…” He sighs and walks towards me but I back away from him. “I didn’t sleep at all last night.”
“Good,” I spit at him, with as much hate as I can muster at nine in the morning without coffee.
“You breaking into my apartment wasn’t exactly the right thing to do, but I can kind of see why you did it.”
“You can?”
“Yes. You’re right, I’ve been putting you at the bottom of my list and that’s not fair. I’m sorry for that. I do need you to understand, though, that this is a critical time in my career and I need you to be patient with me.”
“Well… You dumped me, so I guess you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
His deep sigh, frown, and hand through his hair make my heart pitter-patter in my chest hoping he’s having second thoughts. “I don’t want to break up with you, Emi. You just frustrated me.”
“You frustrate me.” I fight back and watch him laugh under his breath.
“I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I hope you’ll forgive me and maybe take me back?” He disappears out of my bedroom door and into the hallway before reappearing with a giant bouquet of yellow roses. “The lady at the florist said that yellow roses signify innocence and apologies. I know I’m guilty of not putting you first but I hope you’ll overlook it and give me another chance.” He hands the roses to me.
“How am I supposed to say no to this?” I ask him quietly.
“You’re not.”
“You promise there is no one else?”
“There will never be anyone else, Ems. You should know that by now.”
“And why aren’t you at work now? Aren’t you going to get in trouble for this?”
“Come with me, I want to show you something.” He holds out his hand for mine. “Please?”
I set the flowers on my bed and follow him to his car not realizing he’s taking me somewhere. The route he takes tells me he’s bringing me to the office with him. Considering what I look like right now (red puffy eyes, still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and with the added bonus of a cheesecake stain on my shirt), I hope he’s not bringing me in to see anyone important.
“That.” He points to the sign advertising his agency on the front of his building.
“Morgan, Steller and Cabot?” I say it out loud.
“I made partner, and this was Andy’s surprise to me. I guess they updated the sign while we were out of town yesterday.” I look at him and his smile says everything. He’s elated that his hard work finally paid off.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I acted like a crazy, jealous girlfriend and I didn’t mean to do that. I just…” I bite my lip looking for the right words. “I’ve never loved someone the way I love you, and I was scared I was losing you.” I glance down at my own hands. How did I not notice that sign last night? It would have saved me a bit of heartache.
Jack reaches over and takes my hands in his. “You’ll never lose me. OK?”
I nod at him, tears again filling my eyes. When he kisses me the tears automatically spill out.
“Why are you crying?”
“That was the worst night of my life,” I sob, as he pulls me as close to him as he can in the front seat of his car.
“I know, baby, and I’m sorry. But at least you got a great dinner.”
When he laughs, I can’t help but laugh with him. It’s not every day you get to scoff down two entrées, an entire bottle of wine and half a cake, all by yourself.