“I’m really sorry, Erik,” Maddie whispers as tears fill her eyes.

I grab her hand. “Don’t ever apologize for standing up for what’s right.”

“I didn’t even think about the consequences for Hugo—or you. I just ran my mouth like a privileged white chick. That’s exactly why we’ll never work in the long run, isn’t it?”

“Hey! Hey! What are you talking about?” I’ve never heard her talk like that, and the drastic swing away from her normally cheerful disposition concerns me.

“I can’t even see simple things from a different perspective. I didn’t even stop to think about Hugo.”

“Pull over, Maddie.”

“What?” she asks, tugging her hand from mine to place both on the steering wheel. Her knuckles turn white while her arms shake.

“Pull over. We need to talk.”

Without another word, she checks her surroundings, searching for a place to pull over. She chooses the parking lot of a chain pharmacy that’s closed for the night, and whips the car between two white lines, then shifts into park.

Without hesitation, I lean closer and take her face in my hands. “You absolutely did think about Hugo and I. You knew what that officer was doing was wrong, and you stood up for yourself—for us. That’s fucking amazing. I haven’t met many people who would stand up for another person like that.”

“But it could have turned out horribly for you both, Erik. I’ve got a lot to learn.”

“Who doesn’t?” I laugh softly. “Look, I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit shocked by how you handled the situation, but I know you can be”—I pause, looking for a word that won’t offend her or make her feel worse—“impulsive,” I finish. “But the point is that you chose to act on an injustice. And that means the world to me, Maddie.”

“I reckon I should keep my mouth shut from now on.” She shakes her head and casts her gaze to her lap, as if she’s dismissing herself.

“No! Please don’t.” I tilt her head so we’re eye to eye. “You’ve experienced something you never had before. Now you recognize it. I wish more people did. That’s how things change.”

“I can’t do anything right. When I try to help, I’m doing it wrong. If I don’t help, I’m not doing my part to make change. I’m the white devil.”

“Jesus, Maddie. I’m so sorry if I made you feel that way. Every time you stand up for someone that’s being marginalized, you’re helping. I’m sorry if I made it sound like you weren’t.”

“I want to do what I can to make things right. I can’t change an entire systemic problem this minute, but I can start somewhere. Isn’t that the point? People who have some kind of influence starting somewhere? It’s hard to help when I’m trying and getting slammed down.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’m not looking for pity. I know this isn’t about me, believe me. I’m sure Hugo and his family face these kinds of reactions and hardships every day—I’m not diminishing that. I’m asking from my heart, what do you want me to do?”

“Keep being you, Maddie. Keep standing up for people. Look at what you did for me? You put your neck on the line, knowing that you could get in huge trouble by helping me stay in the country.”

“Once I get something in my head—”

“I know!” I interrupt her. “Remember that time when you made me take home that box of kittens you found at school?”

“Well, I knew Mama would just drop them off at a shelter and they’d be euthanized. I had to give them a chance.”

“Yeah, and you got Grandpa on your side. You guys teamed up on me.”

“Rusty had a such a beautiful heart,” she says softly. “I loved being around him.”

“Me too.” I brush my thumb across her cheek. “He would have liked this, ya know? Us together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He loved you. He loved your bubbly, vibrant personality. Liz was always really quiet and, shit, we barely ever saw Emily. But you, you’re a force, Maddie. It’s not possible for people to be uncomfortable around you. You make everyone feel wanted, included, loved.”

“That’s not always a good thing. Being a people-pleaser.”

“Is that what you think of yourself?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’ve always felt I had to be the hostess. Bring people together. Make everyone happy—my parents, my friends, boyfriends.”

“Sounds like an exhausting life. Living for what everyone else thinks.”

“It is, but at the same time—I enjoy it. I don’t even know how to explain.”

“You want it all because you can handle it all. But I want to be part of your life. I want to help you be the best human you can be.”

“You already do that, Erik.” She pauses. “What did you mean when you said I don’t understand your reality. You used the term as though you understand what it’s like to be Hugo.”

“Ever since I found out I was an illegal alien, I’ve done my best not to get into any trouble. I didn’t make waves, didn’t stand up for things I should have, because I needed to protect my own secret. I thought having any kind of black marks on my record—even a speeding ticket—would make me seem like a less than a model citizen.” I turn my head and gaze out the window, as memories rush through my head. Situations where I could have been a better friend, a better advocate for change. I’m ashamed that I let the fear of my own situation get in the way of standing up for my friends. “When I said that, I didn’t mean that I knew anything about the sort of racism that Hugo had been though. I just meant, I understand not being able to say and do everything I want to make things right.”

When Maddie takes my hand, I shift my gaze. “Now that everything is out in the open. You can be a catalyst for change.”

“We,” I say, squeezing her hand. “We can be catalysts for change together.”

I hope Maddie sees how many changes she’s made since gathering the courage to leave Trent. She sees the world with different eyes. I just hope she understands what I have to do is for us—and forgives me.