My pulse spikes when I see Erik pull his black F-150 up to the curb in front of my parents’ massive front yard. I’ve been watching from the window, waiting for him to arrive like I’ve done hundreds of times since I was a boy-crazy teenage girl. Familiar feelings flood my mind and wreak havoc on my body: the racing heart, the sweaty palms, the last-minute mirror-check to make sure I look good.

But this time is different. This time, I’m in love.

And love is a tricky little bugger. It has me forgetting things, stumbling over my own feet, and thinking about him during the craziest times—during important meetings at work, in the shower, as I’m driving. There was absolutely no reason to come to my parents’ house today. Except the pounding in my chest and the tension in my core telling me I need to see him at every opportunity.

I’m in love with Erik Raines and I can’t pretend anymore. Every time I think about him—about us—another piece of the façade crumbles away, replaced by reality. I have to know if he feels the same, or if this is still just an arrangement to keep him here. Not that I’d walk away if that’s all it is for him, because I’ll do anything to help him. It’ll crush me if he doesn’t feel the same, but I refuse to hold back. If Erik has taught me anything—it’s to be true to myself and my feelings. Lying doesn’t do anyone any good.

After the guys in his crew gather their equipment and scatter to various areas of the yard, Erik jumps into the back of his trailer and climbs onto his green-and-silver riding lawn mower before backing it into the street.

When he sees me crossing the yard, he stops the lawn mower and climbs off. After raking the back of his arm across his forehead, he slides his headphones off and yanks the bandana from his nose and mouth.

“Hey! What’s up? You need something?” Sweat rolls from his temple down his jawline, distracting me from his lips for a moment.

“No.” I shake my head, momentarily forgetting the reason I came out here. “Yes. I—”

“You want to kiss me, don’t you?”

“Excuse me?” I ask, completely forgetting my original mission.

“You can’t get the feel of my lips out of your head.”

“That’s not what I came out here for, but since you brought it up.” I shrug nonchalantly, even though the thought of kissing him has my stomach doing somersaults. “We might as well keep up our image.”

“I’d love to kiss you, Maddie.” Erik leans closer. I tense in anticipation of having his lips on mine again. My breathing gets heavier. “This isn’t how it’s gonna happen though,” he says against my lips.

“But, our lips are already touching.”

“I know. Feels good, doesn’t it? I keep them in good shape. Scrubs and balms and all that stuff.”

My eyes drop to his mouth, which is exactly what he wants.

Damn.

He leans back, smirking. “Kissing should be passionate and in the moment. Something special, don’t you think?”

“It would be special.” I gather his T-shirt in my fists and pull him close again. “It would be amazing and sexy. Rough. Raw. Right here. Right now.”

“Begging. I like it.” Erik replaces the bandana over his mouth, cutting off any chance of a kiss. “Though I’d like to see you on your knees when you’re doing that, Maddie.”

Double damn.

I clench my muscles, trying to suppress the want pulsing between my legs.

If he thinks he’s won, he’s wrong. I came out here to declare my love; he’s the one who got us all hot and bothered with sexual fantasies. If he can tease, I can too.

I reach up, placing my fingertips on my collarbone. Then, I look him directly in the eyes as I slide my hand down, undo a few buttons on the silk blouse I’d worn under my blazer, and trace the top of my lacy bra.

I’m not opposed to using my feminine wiles to get what I want. And he should be used to it by now. I’ve always taken every chance I had to prance around him, looking my cutest.

At first, he keeps his eyes locked with mine, but the moment I see them slip downward for a second, I go in for the kill.

“I just really think,” I say in a sexy, sultry whisper, “it’d feel so good to have your mouth on—” I pause, holding my bottom lip with my teeth.

He jerks the bandana down again and grabs my hips, pulling me against him. He’s rock-hard and pressing in the most delicious spot. “You show me any more of your tits, and I’ll have my mouth on them, right here in the yard for everyone to see.”

“Promise?” I ask, sliding a hand into my bra and under my breast to lift it. The primal urge to feel his mouth on me trumps any common sense. Being out here in the front yard where all the neighbors can see excites me. I don’t want to pretend anymore.

“What do you think Daddy will say when word gets back that the lawn guy assaulted you?”

His comment snaps me out of lust and into reality. I step back, out of the safety of his arms. “It wouldn’t be assault. Geez, Erik!”

“Stop with the charade, Maddie. Let me get back to work.” He grabs his bandana again, but I reach out and stop him from placing it over his mouth.

“What if I want it to be real?”

“Excuse me?”

“What if I want this to be a real relationship?”

“Really?” Erik’s eyes widen and he swallows hard. “I thought this was all a facade?”

“Can you honestly tell me you don’t feel anything for me, Erik?” I ask, bracing myself for the truth.

He grunts.

“Am I not your type? Are you ashamed of me? Am I only good enough to fake date?” It’s a low blow, because Erik is very confident in who he is and what he has to offer. There may be a difference in the type of work we do—blue collar versus white collar—but it’s no secret that he makes great money. I’m the one who worries about what other people will think about my relationship with him. I’m projecting my own insecurities onto him because of how my friends reacted.

“Maddie.” Erik sighs, taking a step closer to me. He slides his hand into my hair, cradling my head behind my ear. I tilt my head, leaning into his touch. “Do you really want to take this from a silly scheme into real life?”

“Do you want to?”

Erik closes his eyes for a second, then blows a puff of air out of his nose likes, he’s a magic dragon. I know I frustrate him. But I want him to tell me he wants to be with me. I want him to know that this crazy plan was always rooted in how I feel about him.

I’ve never felt more like the person I’m meant to be than when I’m with him. He doesn’t make me want the life I lived before the incident with Trent. He makes me feel comfortable in a tank top and yoga pants. No one has ever made me feel like I could be myself. I can be happy and bubbly, and strong and smart, without being fake. I’ve felt our connection for years. He has to feel it too.

“If you really want me to suck your tits in public that badly, you could just ask nicely. I’ll put my mouth on any body part you want me to whenever, wherever. We can add fucking to the agreement. You don’t have to pretend you want it to be real.”

I turn around and stalk away from him. I’m a secure, positive person, but I don’t have unlimited capacity. My confidence wears thin at some point.

No. I stop in my tracks, then spin around quickly. I will not allow him to turn this around on me. I will not keep my feelings bottled up. I promised myself I will only accept the truth from now on. No more living a lie.

“I’m in love with you, Erik,” I say. “I’m head over heels in love with you, and I can’t hold it back anymore. If you don’t feel the same, I need to know now.”

“Are you serious?” Erik asks. He seems a bit dazed, like I punched him in the stomach. “You love me?”

“As if you couldn’t tell,” I say softly.

The skin around his eyes crinkles as he smiles. “I’ve wanted to hear you say that for years, Maddie.”

“You have?”

“Come on! I’m a fucking fool around you. I have been since I was a kid. Hell, I’ve always worn my best dirty shirts when I knew I was coming here,” he says with a wink as a beautiful smile slides across his face. He takes a step toward me.

I move to him, closing the gap. “Do you want to try being together for real? Tell me the truth.”

His eyes meet mine and don’t waver, but he doesn’t answer. Every part of me wants to plead my case, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to. If he feels more for me, he needs to say it. And I’m keeping my mouth shut until he does.

I gotta tell you, being silent is one of my least favorite things in the world. I’m the person who fills those uncomfortable gaps with mindless chatter. But I’m trying to move away from the old me. Or parts of the old me.

“Are you all in? Or do you just want to fuck me?” he asks.

I can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes my lips. “Please. If this was only about sex, I could’ve had you years ago.”

“You think?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“You wanna take this to the backyard?”

“Can I ride on your mower?”

“I’d rather you ride my dick, but okay,” he teases. Then he grabs my hand and yanks me toward him. I lose my footing and fall onto him, bracing myself against his chest. Our eyes lock. “You really want to make this official?”

“Absolutely.” My answer comes out in a hushed whisper, with no hesitation.

“I love you too, Madeline. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way.”

“You weren’t? I thought it was pretty obvious, with all the staring and texting and puppy-dog eyes.”

“I just never thought it would happen. I thought you’d bottle up your emotions and keep this professional.”

“I’m working on telling people how I feel. Maybe we should have done that from the start instead of waiting for fucked-up situations to bring us together.”

“Maybe.” Erik nuzzles his face into my neck. “But I don’t think either of us would have been ready for this any sooner than it happened.”

“That’s true.” I reach over and pat the seat of this mower. “Giddy up.”

“Do you really think I’m going to fuck you for the first time in the backyard at your parents’ house?”

“Hush with all the questions, sugar! We’ve established the fact that I want to be with you. Mind, body, soul.”

“Soul?”

“When I’m in, I’m all-in.”

“Me too.” He presses his pelvis against me. “Tonight.”

I swallow back the lust that has my heart racing and blood pumping. “What does that mean?”

“I’m not gonna fuck you in the backyard, Maddie.” He shrugs. “Well, not the first time. We can definitely consummate this place someday.”

“Okay.”

“We cool?”

“Yes,” I say, though the rejection stings a bit. I know he’s trying to be a gentleman about this, but it feels like a slap in the face. I’m not going to tell him that though. Especially since I know he’s making the right choice. I don’t want our first time to be down and dirty in the backyard, either. Maybe the next time.

“Hey!” he says, placing a hand on my waist. “I’ll be at your place at seven. Don’t wear underwear.”

I take in his words, searching for the perfect comeback. “Wasn’t planning on it.” I plant a quick kiss on his cheek and walk away on wobbly legs.

The confidence is a ruse because the lusty promise has my insides melting. The anticipation of what tonight will bring will gnaw at me the for the rest of the day.