Chapter 10
Logan leaned against the door frame watching Bree, who sat on Maddy's bed, phone in her hand.
She raised a single finger towards him. “I know, honey. Alright. But listen…” Bree said, then let out a sigh, standing up and putting the phone in her pocket.
“What’s going on?” Logan asked, worried about his sister.
“Come on. I’ll explain in the car.”
Logan followed her out, and they both hurried down the steps, the water standing about an inch deep on the ground as the rain fell with a vengeance. They got into in Bree's SUV, and she started it.
“She won’t tell me where she is at, but I think I know,” Bree said as she put the car into gear and they pulled away.
“Where?”
“The Strip.”
“Dammit,” Logan said, gritting his teeth, his fist clenched. The Strip was an old airstrip that had not been used in decades, and a place the high schoolers and the early-twenties crowd went to on weekends to race their cars up and down it. A place meant for blowing off some steam, having some laughs, and goofing out in general. But it had turned into horror one night for Maddie.
“I should’ve been there that night. God, I should of been there,” Logan said, looking out his window. That night he had gone drinking with a few friends, and the guilt of doing that instead of being there to protect her made him sick.
“Logan, it’s not your fault. You couldn't be expected to be around your sister day and night,” Bree said, her hand reaching over to grab his.
“Maybe. But I can’t stop feeling guilty.”
Bree turned off onto another country road, the rain coming down in sheets. The road soon would be a river if it kept it up.
“Both of you need counseling. The amount of guilt you two carry is not healthy and it’s destroying you. And I can’t stand by and watch it anymore,” Bree said, her voice choked.
Logan glanced over. Bree removed her hand from his and wiped at her face.
“I don't think I need it.”
“Right. The same thing Maddy says, but you and I both know she does.”
Logan nodded.
Bree slowed down and took a left, the rain increasing. Thunder boomed and lighting flashed so often it was like a row of cameras at a red carpet event going off.
“Logan, do you really love me as a sister?”
“Of course I do. Why would you say that?” Logan asked, wondering why she brought it up at a time like this.
“Would I lie to you?”
“No. What’s with this, Bree?” Logan said, his voice rising, his temper starting to go. He loved Bree, but she was really starting to piss him off.
Slowing the SUV down, she made the final right and headed towards the strip, which was just a few miles away.
“You need to talk to someone, get this shit off your chest. Jesus, Logan, you killed a man, went to prison, and your whole life was turned upside down. Please talk to someone.”
Logan was quiet for a moment, trying to keep his anger under control. “Alright, I will then.”
“Promise?”
He looked over at Bree, whose eyes were red and misted with tears.
“I promise,” he said and meant it. Even talking earlier with Brice had made him feel better and the idea of sharing more actually seemed like the thing to do. And deep down, he knew he needed to get all the crap buried inside out of him.
“Shit, there she is,” Bree said. They were now on the strip, the paved road running for more than a mile. Towards the other end was their old truck and Maddy stood outside of it.
“What is she doing?” Logan asked, his voice choked as he watched his sister come into view. She was leaning against the truck, looking off toward the field beside the pavement, her arms crossed over her stomach.
Bree stopped the SUV, and both of them hurried over to Maddy. She looked up, her hair and clothes drenched, her faces streaming out tears as her body shook.
“Maddy, I'm sorry!” Logan cried out, pulling her into him.
She sobbed as Bree joined in the hug, the three of them embraced under the canopy of rain.
“I had to come here. To face what happened to me. I'm so sick of being angry and scared,” Maddy cried out, her body shaking even more. She looked up at Logan. “I'm so sorry for earlier. I know you were trying to help. Both of you, I know you mean well.”
Bree reached over and pulled Maddy's wet hair back away from her face. “We know, honey. We both care about you and don't want to see you suffer anymore is all.”
“I want to get past this, but I can’t do it alone. I need you both more than ever,” Maddy said, her tears and the rain mixed together running down her cheeks.
“We are here for you and will continue to be. Whatever you need, tell us. Don't ever not tell us what you need,” Logan said, his heart breaking. He couldn't stand seeing his sister like this, and whatever it would take to make her happy, he would do it.
“Logan, if you don't mind, I would like Bree to move back in with me. I miss her being around, and I need her. Is that OK?”
“Of course. You don't even have to ask,” Logan said, a shake to his head.
“Will you, Bree?”
“Honey, you know I will,” Bree said, her own voice choked.
“Thank you both. I can’t do this without you,” Maddy said. Then the embrace between the three tightened, and as they held each other, Logan felt a bit of new guilt run through him. He had only been back just over a month, and already he was busy trying to find someone to love. Yet the person who needed loving the most was right in front of him. Scolding himself, he realized that thoughts of anything happening with Brice would need to be put on hold. Maddy had to come first. He had failed her before by not being there for her, and now he would double-down and make sure that would never happen again.
“OK. Let’s take this hug back to the house,” Bree said a minute later as water dripped from her nose and chin. Turning to Logan, she smiled. “Mind driving my car back? I’ll drive the truck.”
“Yeah. See you both there,” Logan said, then hurried off. He got in the car, watching as Bree helped Maddy into the truck, his heart going out to both of them. Thankful for Bree and her support of them both, he followed the truck back to the house.
***
It was now just past nine at night, and Maddy had gone to bed. Logan stood looking out the living room window and watched the lightning strike. Though it was still raining, it had died down somewhat. Watching the next lightning bolt flash, he wondered what Brice was doing. He imagined himself standing with him watching the storm together. Perhaps they would remain silent enjoying the light show, or maybe engage in conversation. There was so much Logan wanted to know about him, his likes and dislikes. Why he didn't talk to his parents, or why he was attracted to Logan.
“Hey, stud, coffee for you,” Bree said, breaking him from his thoughts. He smiled as he turned to his side and took the mug from Bree. His eyes glanced down for a brief second at her tank top, borrowed from Maddy and a size to small.
“Don't be checking the girls out,” Bree said, then laughed.
“It’s hard not to notice them,” Logan said, giving her a wink.
They both looked out the window, then turning his attention back to Bree, he spoke up.
“How’s she doing?”
“Well…” Bree said, taking a sip of her coffee, “she’s scared knowing she has to move forward and go back down the road from that night again. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like…she has taken a step forward by opening the store and wanting to deal with it all. But on the other hand, the fear, her panic attacks, have been worse over the last few months as well.”
Logan sighed, then took a drink from his mug. He felt helpless and would love nothing better than to be able to help her.
“So, you’re staying then?”
Bree nodded. “You bet. Don't forget I was living here before you came back. I only left to give you two time alone.”
“Thanks, Bree,” Logan said, a smile on his face and feeling a bit of relief.
“Anytime. I love her. But there is some good news in all of this. I found a support group an hour away, so she won’t know anyone. We just talked, and well, we are both going this Friday night.”
Logan broke out in a big smile. It was what Maddy needed, and he couldn't find the right words to express his gratitude. “Thank you.” Then putting his arm around Bree, he gave her a side hug.
“It’s OK. But I want to give you a heads-up, it’s going to be rough for her. She has a lot to work through, and from what I read, she may get worse in terms of temperament and emotions before she gets better. A repeat of what happened earlier may happen again, maybe often.”
Logan nodded. He didn't care what Maddy said to him or how she needed to release her pain. As long as she got better, then that’s all he cared about.
“Alright, I’m going to make Maddy a cup of coffee,” Bree said. Then she poked him in the side, bringing a smile to his face. “You get some sleep too. You worry too much.”
“Will do,” he said.
But he didn't. For a few hours he stood at the window, only moving to refill his mug. Thoughts of the past sailed through him and he wondered with all that was going on if there was a place in the future with Brice.