Chapter 19
It was Sunday, and that meant a date again with Brice. Logan was beyond happy whistling along as he cleaned the kitchen, the rag skimming over the granite counter tops. Though he saw Brice nearly every day of the week, it wasn't enough. He wanted to be around him more, and in just over an hour he would be. He started to sing and was lost in thought until he heard a voice.
“I need to call Guinness and tell them we have a new world record,” Maddy said, breaking Logan from his thoughts.
He turned around to see Maddy stand with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a black leather jacket and dark jeans, her hair pulled back into a pony tail.
“For what? My singing?” he said, twisting around and dropping the rag in the sink.
“No, cleaning. I didn't know you could do that. You amaze me.” Her voice had a laugh to it.
Bree came walking in wearing a similar outfit.
“Look at you two. Twins,” Logan said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Can’t blame you going for my classic look. It suits you both.”
“Did you hear that, Bree?” Maddy asked as Bree put her arm around her.
“I did. Poor guy thinks he has style,” Bree said, a shake to her head.
Logan laughed. “Whatever. Are you two ready? Got everything packed?”
Maddy rolled her eyes. “We’re going away for one night. And yes, we have everything packed.” The two of them headed back to the living room, and Logan followed them. The girls each grabbed a backpack off the couch, as well as their purses.
“That’s a lot of makeup you girls packed,” Logan teased, pointing at their back packs. “You only need one curling iron.”
“I’ll show you curling iron,” Bree said, raising her fist and giving him a wink.
“I’m kidding. You two have fun,” Logan said. They were heading to see a band play in Bozeman tonight at a bar. Logan had been terrified at first, but Bree had promised she would not let Maddy out of her sight at all.
“I will. Love you,” Maddy said, then came up and gave him a hug. He looked down to make a joke, but saw that she had started to cry.
He looked over at Bree, and she gave him a nod and then went down the hallway, leaving the two of them alone.
“Maddy, what’s wrong? Did you want me to go too?” Logan said, feeling horrible seeing his sister cry.
She shook her head, then looked up at him, not letting go. Her eyes were misted over, her face looking worried. “It’s just hard leaving the house sometimes, going somewhere new. And I know I'm safe with Bree, but…it’s just rough. It feels like the world is going to cave in on me some days, and other days, I feel like I could go anywhere.”
Logan took a deep breath, then letting it out, he smiled at her. He wished he could take away her pain and fear, but he couldn't, something he was still struggling with.
“If you need me, you call anytime. No matter what it is. You know that, right?”
She nodded.
“I love you. You’re a strong woman, and I know that even though it’s rough at times, you’re like me, a fighter. You’re going to make it.” Seeing the smile on her face was priceless, and letting go of him, she wiped at her eye.
“Thanks, I feel better. I need to get Bree,” she said, a smile on her face. She turned, then called out, “Bree, you ready?”
“Just a second,” Bree called back.
Maddy sighed, letting out a laugh.
“Logan has his shirt off.”
“On my way!” she called, hurrying into the room. They all laughed, with Bree shooting him a wink. He had told her his plans for his date today and was happy she was covering for him.
Walking them outside, he leaned against the post and watched them drive away. For a moment, fear struck him, the thought of something bad happening to her coming over him. Memories of before of not being there struck deep inside him. But closing his eyes, he thought about the step Maddy was taking to overcome her fear. And realizing he needed to do the same, he let go of his, hoping their night went well.
***
Logan sat at the kitchen table watching Brice as he spoke. The man was handsome, smart, and had a gentle heart that Logan envied. Brice had been over for about an hour, and the talk at the moment was about his work.
“When Harry comes back, the mood will change for sure. And poor Carol will be back to worrying again. But as long as Harry keeps his hands off her, well, I guess I’ll just put up with his jokes.”
“Ole Harry will have his day one day,” Logan said. “Just hang tight until that day comes.”
This brought a smile to Brice’s face. “Makes you wonder what kind of parents he had,” he said, then took a drink from his coffee mug and then played with the cup.
“What’s eating at you?” Logan could read people like a book and Brice was no exception. Something was bothering the guy, and it was as plain as day.
Brice sighed, running a hand through his blond hair. For a moment, Logan wanted to lean over and kiss him, to help ease his pain. But now was not the right time. He needed to be a friend and listen.
“It’s Carol. Well, not her, but what happens to her at work,” Brice said, a shake to his head.
“What do you mean?” Logan asked, standing up and going to the coffee pot. He refilled their cups as Brice continued talking.
“It just pisses me off that I'm such a coward. I should stand up to Harry when he puts his hands on her and makes comments to, and about, her. But I don't.” Brice’s voice rose with each word, and Logan sat back down, shocked, never having seen the soft-spoken Brice get mad.
“Brice listen…”
Brice slammed his fist on the counter so hard the coffee had tiny waves in the mugs. “No! Don't you see? My dad was right. I'm not a real man. It has nothing to do with being gay either. I'm a total pushover.” Tears streamed down his face as he glared at Logan.
Logan was caught off-guard, not knowing what to do or say. Reaching out he took Brice's hand in his own, the grip firm. He knew Brice was not angry with him. “Don't hold back. Tell me more if you want. You don't have to though,” Logan said, looking into the brown eyes that were full of pain. How a simple date over coffee had turned into this, Logan had no idea. But if it helped Brice out, Logan would listen all night if need be.
All bluster faded from Brice, and he lowered his head. When he looked back up, his eyes showed a vulnerability Logan rarely saw in a man. “I want to tell you about my parents and then something bad I did.”
“Are you sure?” Logan asked, seeing the hesitation in Brice's eyes for a brief moment.
“Yes. I need to get it off my chest. And I’m sorry for doing it now. I hope I’m not ruining your day.”
Logan shook his head, giving the hand in his a reassuring grip. “You’re not ruining anything. Go on, please.”
Brice nodded. “I told my mom about me being gay when I eighteen, right before I got out of high school. What I was expecting was her understanding, but instead what I got was an earful.”
“Oh, man, I'm so sorry.”
Brice wiped at his eye, his voice choked.
“It’s OK,” Logan said, trying to reassure him. “You can tell me, I won’t judge.”
“Thank you, I know you won’t,” Brice said. “Well, my dad went ape shit and called me every disgusting name you could think of. He said I needed to learn to be a man.”
Logan felt his heart go out to Brice but remained quiet as Brice seemed to be collecting his thoughts.
“So, Dad took me into the city one night. He said it was time for me to get my head on straight.” He looked up at Logan “I slept with a hooker because he told me it would get rid of the gay problem I had,” he said, then began to sob.
“Oh shit, man. I’m so sorry.”
“When I was done and got back to the car, he was waiting outside for me. He clapped me on the back and told me I made him proud. I felt sick afterward, but I loved the feeling of being accepted by him. So, that summer, I went on a bunch of dates with girls, trying and hoping that maybe he was right. That maybe I would change.”
Logan was shocked, not imagining the pain he had and was still living in.
“But of course it didn't work. I hated myself. Then when I went off to college, I met Mark and I was happy. My second year in, I told my parents about us, and that’s when… well, they told me to never come back.”
Logan felt his own eyes mist up, not imaging the pain of it. He knew if his parents were the same, it would have crushed him.
“I'm so sorry, Brice.”
“It’s been almost five years. I’m their only kid. No letters, no phone calls. I tried calling my mom a year ago, hoping enough time had passed. And you know what she said?”
Logan shook his head. “No?”
“I was welcome to come back, only if it was with a woman.”
Anger reared inside Logan. Brice was the nicest guy in the world and didn't deserve any of this.
“And I wasn't honest about Mark either when I told you about him before. He didn't just dump me, he told me I was just a way of getting out some urges he had. I trusted him, opened my heart to him, and he crushed it. So, everyone I loved, they all have walked out on me.”
Logan went to speak but Brice continued.
“So, I hide who I am. Because I'm scared of getting hurt. And when I see people do things like Harry, I want to stand for what is right. But then, it’s like I see my dad, hear him tell me I'm not a real man. And then I lose any courage I can muster.”
Logan scooted his chair over closer to Brice but didn't let go of his hand. So many thoughts and emotions ran through him as he tried to find the right words to say. “Brice, you are a real man and I'm not saying that to make you feel better. Trust me, I saw all sorts of cowards inside. One day you will take a stand against Harry, I can see it in you. Don't beat yourself up because of shit your parents said. It’s not true.”
Brice took a deep breath, a small smile crossing his face. “That means a lot coming from you. Thank you.”
Letting go of Brice's hand, Logan brought it up to rest it on Brice's face. Logan’s heart went out to this man, and he wanted to help him.
“I’ll never hurt you, Brice,” he said, his thumb brushing away a tear.
“I know you won’t,” Brice said, his voice soft.
And without thinking, but being led not by anger, but love and compassion, Logan leaned over, his lips meeting Brice's. Brice's lips were soft, the feeling bringing heat throughout his body, blood pumping and filling his muscles. But in that kiss was something special. It was a kiss of healing, not only for Brice but for Logan as well. He felt a wall that had been in his own heart starting to break apart as he listened to Brice. And though he kept his heart well-guarded, Logan dropped the guard around it and allowed the feelings to enter.
Slowly the kiss broke, and Brice smiled. “That was very nice.”
“I think it was too.”
Logan reached over and took Brice's hand in his own again, loving the feeling of it. Brice meant a lot to him, and just like Maddy, he would not let anyone hurt him again.
“As long as you’re with me, you’re safe. No one will hurt you. I won’t allow it,” Logan said.
“I like that idea. Does it mean that we are past the dating stage?” Brice asked.
Logan nodded. “I think it does, if you want that. It’s a big step for me and I know it will be as well for you. What do you think?”
“I like the idea a lot,” Brice said, standing up.
Logan put his hand on Brice's neck and pulled him in for another kiss. Their bodies pushed against each other, his other arm around Brice's back. As quickly as it started, the kiss broke, a smile now on both of their faces.
“Let’s go watch a movie,” Logan said.
“That sounds great.”
Later that night after sharing a goodnight kiss, Logan watched as Brice drove away. He had a boyfriend now and it felt great. An old saying came to mind, ‘Good things come to those who wait’. And Brice was definitely a good thing. The wait for the man who could have Logan's heart was finally over.