Chapter 23
Logan knew something was wrong the moment he pulled up in front of his house. The living room lights were on, and something in his gut was pulling at him, like it had been all night. He hurried up the steps and onto the porch. Opening the door, he headed inside and went straight to the living room. He first saw Bree sitting on an overstuffed chair, her face worried. Maddy stood near the fireplace, and when he went to speak, she turned around, tears covering her face.
“Maddy, are you OK?” he asked, walking towards her, his arms outstretched.
She held her hand up. “Stop.” Her voice was sharp, and he could tell she was very angry.
Logan stopped in his tracks, his heart racing. He chanced a quick glance at Bree, and she mouthed, “I'm sorry”. Before he could ask what for, Maddy spoke up.
“Did you have a good time tonight?” Her voice was harsh, her hands going to her hips.
“Yeah, I did.”
“Had a good time with the local cop?” she yelled, her face going red. “The same fucking assholes that betrayed me? Did you, Logan?”
Logan felt his heart drop. His secret was out. And even worse, his fears were realized that it would crush her if she knew.
“Maddy I can explain…”
“No. Don't say a fucking word. I mean nothing to you, that much is obvious.”
Logan shook his head, his heart breaking into pieces. “You mean the world to me, you always have.”
“Right. And that’s why you went out with a guy from the same department that covered up my rape,” Maddy said, her voice echoing off the walls.
Bree stood up, her arms crossed over her stomach. She had been crying, and her face looked distraught. “Maddy, listen…”
“No, Bree, don't cover for him. For the love of God, please don't say a word for once.”
Bree retook her seat, and Logan looked back at Maddy.
“You know Tommy raped me, right, Logan?”
Logan nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, nor had he meant to, but damn if he did and it was killing him.
“You know he covered my mouth so I couldn't scream?”
“No,” Logan whispered, his own voice choked, the thought of that tearing another hole in him, guilt and anger rushing through him.
“People were just ten feet away Logan. And that fucking asshole sheriff covering up what happened hurt worse than the hand that stopped my screams. So, you think about that next time you’re off having a good time with them. Think about your sister getting raped and those assholes who covered it all up. That hurt of being silenced by them kills me. You have no idea what you have done to me!”
Logan wiped at his eye. “Maddy, I never meant to hurt you. I swear I didn't.”
“But you did, Logan. You knew damn well how this would make me feel, and that’s why you got Bree in on it with you.”
“Maddy,” Bree said, standing up again. “I betrayed you, not Logan. I encouraged him and…” Bree said, before Maddy cut her off.
“No, Bree, I'm sure you did not tell him to go out with his parole officer. I’m not that dumb.” She then turned back to Logan. “You disgust me. How you could do that knowing what it would mean to me? I don't want to look at you ever again.”
“Maddy, don't say that,” Logan cried out, feeling sick to his stomach. She was right, he shouldn't have let his feelings get in the way of his judgment. And now, the thought of her not wanting to see him broke his heart all over again.
“I’m going to stay at Bree's for a while. You come to work, but stay in the back room and don't talk to me. If you can’t do that, then work somewhere else. Go back to prison for all I care,” she said, her voice choked.
Logan went to talk, but Maddy stormed off to her room as Bree hurried over.
“I'm sorry, Logan. She suspected and I just couldn't keep lying to her. I screwed up so bad.”
Logan pulled her into an embrace. “No, it’s my fault. I shouldn't’ve lied to begin with. Lies always lead to hurt.”
Bree squeezed him tight, then breaking the hug, she wiped at her eye. “I'll keep an eye on her like always. Just give it some time, she will come around.”
Logan nodded, hoping she would come around. But he had never seen Maddy this angry, or her words so cruel. A few minutes later, Maddy came walking back out, a backpack and suitcase in hand. She walked right past him, and Logan turned as she made her way to the front door.
“Maddy?”
She turned around, her face covered with tears, her eyes red. How could he have ever hurt her so bad? He had failed her the first time, and now, he had done it again.
“Love you.”
And the hurt was even worse as she grabbed her suitcase, not saying a word, and walked outside.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Bree said, then hurried out the door.
Logan walked over to it and watched the SUV drive off.
Tomorrow he would have to tell Brice that it was over. No matter how he felt towards him, his sister did come first. And then his mind went to what Brice told him just over a week ago. About losing the love of his parents and his ex-boyfriend. About being alone and scared of it happening again. Logan had promised he would not be hurt. And just like with Maddy, Logan would cause someone else to be hurt yet again.
***
“So, I was thinking,” Brice said, his face bright and smiling, “maybe we can catch a ball game? There’s a single-A team about two hours from here, and you can’t get more baseball than that.”
Logan bit at his lip. They were in his kitchen, Brice having just gone over his parole plan for the next two months, and Brice had just brought up an idea for next Sunday. The way Brice spoke, his brown eyes lit up, the smile was killing Logan.
“Hey, what’s going on? Something’s wrong. Tell me.”
Logan nodded, then took a drink from the can. Setting it back down, he looked at Brice. “It’s about us.”
“I see,” Brice said, leaning back in his chair. “Well, you can tell me anything. I won’t get mad.”
“Maybe,” Logan said, then sighed. “Last night, you know how I wanted to leave? I just had this bad feeling that had been gnawing at me.”
Brice nodded. “I know. To be honest, I had the same feeling myself. But go on, please.”
Logan sighed. “Maddy found out about us, and it crushed her. I mean it has really hurt her like I knew it would, and well, she left last night to go live with Bree at her house for a bit.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Brice said with great sympathy in his voice.
“I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. I care for you, Brice, I really do. And we have shared so much already. But this has torn me and Maddy apart, and it’s not you, you know?” He thought Brice might be mad, but instead he was shocked by what he said.
“The same people that screwed her over, her brother is dating one of them, though I wasn't with the department or within a hundred miles of it. But yeah, I get it.”
Logan shook his head. “Really?”
Brice nodded. “I do. I wondered the same, to be honest. And your sister is your world, your family. You have to protect her and be there for her.”
“But what about us? I mean, I eventually want us to see each other again.”
“I do too, but maybe there’s some wisdom in this. There’s been something that has bothered me that I wanted to share with you. It was eating away at me last night as well.”
“Sure, what is it?” Logan asked, taking another drink.
“I swore to uphold not only the law, but a whole lot of ethics. And well, last night I was happy but also had a nagging feeling that has been with me the last few days. I’m your parole officer, and by me dating you, it goes against every moral code in the book.”
Logan nodded, understanding Brice’s side as well.
“I don't want to make a bad decision today, then make an excuse for another one tomorrow. If I go down that road I could end up like Harry one day, and I don't want that.”
Logan smiled. “I know you never would, but I understand where you’re coming from.”
For a moment neither said a word, instead just sitting in silence. Logan not only had his heart broken last night but knew it was about to happen again.
“So, it’s official. We’re broken up?” Logan asked, his voice slightly shaky.
“I guess so. I think it’s a good thing though. We both need to work on some stuff, and right now you need to mend the relationship with your sister. Trust me, you don't want to lose family.”
Logan reached across the counter and took Brice's hand in his. “I respect you for this, the way you’re handling it. I swear I'm not like your ex. I wasn't using you for sex or anything.”
Then relief washed over Logan when he saw the smile on Brice's face. “I know that. You opened up your heart to me as much as I did you. And no, Logan, I’m not comparing you to the past. I get it. We’re both adults and for now the best thing for us to do is stay away.”
“Does this hurt you?” Logan asked, surprised how calm Brice was taking it.
Brice took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. “It would be a lie if I said this doesn't hurt me, because it does. But you have a sister to help out at the moment, and I need to do my job with integrity. So, we see each on Mondays, a surprise visit here and there, and we see where we are at when the parole’s done.” He gave a small laugh. “It’ll give us something to look forward to, like a reward.”
Logan smiled, then pulled Brice in for a hug. “Thank you for understanding. You have no idea how much it means to me. How much you mean to me.”
“It’s OK. You know, don't take this the wrong way, but I think this is a good thing.”
Logan smiled as their embrace broke, though he missed it already. “I get it. It’s a separation of ways but not done in anger or anything. And when we meet back up, it’s going to be just as strong, if not stronger.”
“Exactly,” Brice said as they walked to the front door.
Stepping out onto the porch, Logan noticed how cold it was getting. Snow would be here soon, and he would have to start hooking the plow up on the truck.
“Look, I hope things get better with Maddy. You both keep loving each other, because that’s the one thing that’s the most important.”
Logan nodded, the words from Brice comforting. “Will do. See you next Monday.”
“You got it,” Brice said.
“Brice, wait,” Logan said as Brice went to walk away. Reaching out he grabbed his hand. Part of him wanted to pull him back inside and hold him. Another part wanted to break down and tell him that he cared more for him then he let on. Instead, he leaned in and gave him a kiss. A kiss that was full of passion and pain, and the lips that meet his helped ease that pain.
“Take care of yourself and see you later.”
“I will. And smile, there are better days ahead, I can feel it,” Brice said with a smile, then headed to his car.
Logan watched him drive away, a single tear ran down his cheek. Even though ending the relationship was killing him, it was the right thing to do. He was happy Brice agreed, though it didn't make it any easier.
Now he had lost both Maddy and Brice, and for the first time in his life he truly felt alone. Tonight he would be in an empty house, and the thought brought a shiver to his body.
Bree had texted him an hour ago, right before Brice had shown up. She let him know they both were fine and she would try to call him once she talked to Maddy some more.
Though his heart hurt, his stomach rumbled, and heading inside, he went to make something to eat. The house as empty and alone as his heart.