Fear coursed through her body as Deva stood surrounded by her father’s motorcycle club. So many faces, some familiar, even friendly. Others with daggers in their eyes. Rugged faces, old, young. So many people, it was becoming oppressive. There was no way out, the circle a tight and unyielding mass of men whose faces blended into one another.
Over and over Deva made her way around and tried to push them apart and escape, but the more she pushed, the more the wall of men shrunk. Running around, she started to slip, and when she looked down, blood was streaking the concrete floor.
Following the scarlet stream, she saw her brother, lying on the ground in agony, his sand-colored uniform drenched red and tattered, his blond hair matted with gore and brain matter.
Deva sobbed as she ran to him and fell on her knees by his side. His body was mangled, part of his leg gone and blood was pumping out of him at the fading beat of his heart. She tried to compress his leg wound with her hands, but the exposed muscles trembled under her soaked fingers, making it impossible to staunch the flow.
Deva scrambled by his head and gently cradled his beloved face in her hands tracing the features she had longed so often to see once more.
“Johnny, please, stay with me, I’m gonna get help, you’ll be fine.”
And the face she knew so well, her only anchor in this world smiled. Her heart constricted into a painful knot, and all the sorrow and loss she had felt pouring out of her as tears fell.
“Please, please don’t leave me, Johnny. Please, I’m so scared. I can’t make it alone.”
“Vic, I love you, but I need to go. You gotta let me go.”
Deva sobbed at his nickname for her, and as his life slipped away, she held to his body even harder, touching him, shaking him as if her anger and stubbornness alone would bring him back. It was the first time she’d ever seen him dressed as a soldier. And then she noticed his service gun.
Looking up and seeing the patched and crested men closing in, she grabbed his weapon and started firing at them. Bullets went through the bodies, and still, they stood, closing in more and more. They wouldn’t get her alive. She turned the gun to her head and pulled the trigger.
The gun fell from her hands as she remained breathing, the deafening sound hurting her ears. There was nowhere to run, no possible escape, and then she saw her father appeared from behind his men, followed by a hooded figure.
“Daughter. Princess. You have finally returned, and this time I’ll make sure you remain with us. No more running, no more hiding, no more lies. I will not see you flee your future husband again. Accept your duty.”
“Never!” She screamed while still clutching the lifeless body of her brother.
Mex Johnson crouched before her, his face the most ruthless she had ever seen, a devious grin on his mouth.
“You will bend to my will. As they all do.”
And before she could blink, the shadowy figure descended on her, pinning her down as she screamed and clawed to get away.”
“Deva, dammit, get a grip!”
The female voice was familiar, but so out of place, it made Deva freeze. And surprisingly, the shadow pushing her down stopped moving. Images blended in front of her. Juggling her memory, she thought it was Sasha she had heard.
“Solnyshka, come back. You’re safe.” Aleksei. And the shadow blurred with his form, as she realized that she was pinned down on a wide bed. Still too caught up in her nightmare, trying to flee, grabbing Sasha’s arm in desperation.
“Sasha. Help me, he’s back, he’s going to take me. I can’t let that happen. The gun, the gun didn’t work. I put it on my head, and it didn’t work again. I won’t go with them.”
Words tumbled out of her, as the fear she had carefully wrapped up and hidden deep down inside her mind was unleashed. Images changed with the faces in front of her. Sasha carefully unlatched her hand from her arm, and it was Aleksei who filled her vision, his voice low and strong.
“Nobody is going to take you, lyubimaya. I won’t allow it. You are safe here.”
And it was him she now clung to like a lifeline. “You don’t understand, he comes in the dark, there is no way to flee, I’m surrounded. There is no protection, except in death.”
If possible, Aleksei’s face turned even fiercer. “Nobody is going to hurt you. You are safe in my care. The monsters are only due to your fever. Sasha is taking care of you, and the shadows will go away. Now breathe for me, Deva. Deep breaths. I won’t let you go until you fall asleep. I promise.”
Deva tried to breathe, her eyes fixed on Aleksei’s swirling pools of mercury until fatigue took over. His strength and heat infused her body, calming the panic. Her body relaxed finally, and tears spilled down her cheeks. “I couldn’t save him, Aleksei. I couldn’t save, Johnny. I’m so sorry.”
Sasha worried face softened as she bent down to kiss her forehead. “Nobody could save your brother, Deva. Not even you. Now sleep. You will be back to yourself in no time. Your Russian watchdog will keep the monsters away.”
She closed her eyes, the last of her strength evaporating, making her fall into dreamless oblivion.
***
A cool, icy cold sensation across her lips slowly pulled Deva out of her drowsiness. Moving was an exercise in pain as her muscles screamed in agony. What the hell happened? Monsters. Fragmented images of her past came flooding into her mind, and she recognized them as a recurring nightmare. It had been years since she had fallen into that abyss of despair. What pushed her over the edge?
“Deva? Open your eyes for me.” Aleksei’s voice was low and caressing, coaxing her to come back to reality. She blinked several times, before finally being able to focus on the man lying beside her in bed. Tangled in blankets, she freed her hands and pushed herself up into a sitting position as Aleksei rearranged her pillows.
When she tried to speak, her voice sounded like a dying crow, and could only murmur the word water. Aleksei twisted and gave her a glass filled with ice and a little water at the bottom. The few available gulps worked miracles. Her headache was gone, and her throat, although tight, wasn’t painful. Again, she turned her head to the man beside her.
“How long was I out?”
“Around thirty hours. You scared us all for a minute.”
“Thirty hours? What happened? One minute I was fine, the second I was... out.”
“Your cousin Sasha diagnosed a random bug spreading in the area. Nothing serious, but your body was too tired to fight it properly. She gave you medication and fluids, and you started feeling better.”
Sifting through her brain, Deva tried to recall when she had talked about Sasha to him. “How did you know about Sasha?”
“Your phone. In your bag, it kept ringing, and Lance finally found out about your cousin being in the area. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. When we tried to wake you up to eat, you wouldn’t wake up. Your fever was spiking, and you became delirious. As taking you to the hospital was out of the question, your doctor cousin was our best option.”
Nodding, Deva started remembering what happened before that. One by one, images of what happened popped into her mind. “Finch. Your father. Did you talk with your brother? What’s the final verdict?”
Aleksei’s jaw clenched. “I believe him. The situation is a complete mess. And there is so much more still to be discussed.”
“What?”
“There are some situations that are impossible to get out of. I don’t think you can ever walk away from past decisions. The reason why I agreed to work with Finch was not to rekindle any kind of paternal relationship. I’ve been used all my life. And this situation is no different than the others. It’s all I’ve known all my life... but... I have the power to turn things around. The advantage of being a man, I suppose. And I was asked to investigate Finch. And getting close to him, playing his game was the only way to achieve this goal.”
Deva nodded, words caught in her throat. At least he was a man, he could gain that power.
Aleksei turned to her, a hand on her cold fingers. “You know that feeling of being a prisoner. Even if it’s all gone now.”
“I think you are the kind of man who can find a way to get free of your ghosts, to fight them. You have that possibility.”
“And you don’t.” He said it like a statement, and he was right. It was her reality.
“No, I don’t.”
“Is that why you tried to kill yourself?”
Deva blinked, surprised he knew about that. But she must have looked astounded when he answered. “In your delirium, you shouted to your cousin that you tried to pull the trigger of a gun against your head. Again. That meant you tried it before.”
Deva shook her head as she forced her mind back in time. “I had nothing to lose. I was about to be sold like cattle. There was no escape from that nightmare, and with Johnny gone, I had nothing to lose. Life wasn’t worth living if I was to become a slave. A pawn only good to fuck and breed.”
Aleksei raised his hand and touched her cheek with such tenderness, it made her lose her breath. “It’s alright, Aleksei, the gun didn’t work, and I found my way out. For ten years I had a great life.”
“Why did you become a physical therapist?”
Deva forced herself to joke. “Apart from getting my hands on handsome men? Well, it’s silly, but when Johnny died, I had that fantasy that maybe it was only a mistake. That he was only hurt. And that if he was hurt, I had to find a way to help. That’s when I decided that if I was ever given the chance, I would work with wounded soldiers. For every person I help, I’m helping Johnny a little too.”
Her voice was steady, and she felt calm but was surprised to realize she was crying.
Aleksei inched himself up and gathered her in his arms. “Peace will come again.”
Deva buried her nose in his chest and inhaled deeply. The musky scent of his skin steadied her somehow, but it didn’t chase away the doom invading her heart. She tried to push away from his embrace, but he wouldn’t allow it. Instead, he looked down at her.
“You can’t wish hope for me, and not for yourself.”
A sad grin appeared on her face. “I can’t wish hope for myself because I doubt Finch kept his mouth shut about my reappearance. And once Mex knows I’m no longer dead, he will move heaven and earth to get me back.”
Deva pushed harder against him, being this close to the man was starting to be painful, as her feelings grew for him. For a long time, she had hoped to lead a sheltered life and even dreamed of falling for one of her coworkers who wouldn’t know of her past. It never happened. Instead, she was falling for a man who could drag her even deeper in the shadows. And the most ironic part was that she was the one wanting to protect him. Protect him from sinking deeper into a world that she would never willingly go back to.