11
Hello, My Name Is Invisible
July 2004
“Kids, be sure you and your friends obey the pool rules. And the backyard needs to be cleaned up before you go to bed tonight. Got me?”
“Yes, Mom,” Keaton and I say at the same time.
“And your mother and I will be in the house if you need anything at all,” our father reminds us, as if we’d forget.
“I’ve got plenty of chips and pop in the cabana, so there’s no reason anyone should be going in and out of the house,” my mom adds.
“Thanks, Mom!” I tell her, giving her a hug.
“I’ll make sure everyone uses the bathroom in the cabana, too,” Keaton says.
“Right. And tell your friends no peeing in the pool.” My dad pats his shoulder. I giggle, thankful our friends aren’t around yet to hear that one.
My parents are letting us have a pool party tonight to kick off the start of summer vacation. I’ve finished eighth grade and Keaton survived his first year of high school as a Minor Niner, so tonight we’re celebrating. Tonight’s party is a huge deal for my brother and me. It’s the first where our parents won’t be hovering over us. This is our opportunity to show them what trustworthy teens we are, so the last thing we want to do is blow it. Out of all our friends, there are only us and the Medeiros family who have swimming pools. We definitely appreciate the fact that our parents are laid back about us having people over, so my brother and I will be extra diligent that the rules are followed tonight.
“Are you sure this looks okay on me?” I ask Kami from where I stand in front of the full-length mirror attached to wall beside my dresser in my bedroom. Kami and I are finally getting ourselves ready for the party now that we’ve finished setting everything else up.
“I am. You’ll definitely stand out around the pool that’s for sure,” she says, referring to the new super-cute, super-bright orange tankini I’ve just put on. The one I begged and pleaded for my mom to buy, the one I wanted specifically for the party today.
“Good. I’m hoping you-know-who will notice me, finally,” I harrumph, referring to McCoy. He and my brother have become thick as thieves over the course of the last year, and now that they’re going into Grade Ten, they aren’t the uncool kids anymore. They have a different group of friends than mine, and they hang out with some older kids, too.
I’m feeling a little out of sorts and a bit worried. The chances of getting Coy to notice me are becoming slimmer and slimmer, especially with all the older girls starting to try and draw his attention since he joined the school soccer team.
Sure, McCoy and I are pseudo-friends. We talk and hangout, but only when Keaton is around. And I really want Coy to want to hang out with me for me, not just because I’m the little sister tagalong, and I definitely don’t want him to think of me as the Goody Two Shoes who told him to stop swearing that day in the office last year, the day I’d sprained my ankle while staring at him. I want to have my own relationship with him, separate from the one I know he only includes me in out of obligation to Keaton.
“He’ll definitely notice,” Kami says, smiling.
“Think I should stuff my top?” I ask, looking at my still itty-bitty mosquito bites. My mom is convinced I’ll be a late bloomer like her. According to Mom, she never really developed until the summer before going into Grade Nine. I hope she’s right and they come in soon, since it’s now the summer before I go into that grade. Not that boobs are everything, but at this point I’m so flat the walls are jealous.
“No, that’s a horrible idea. Your luck, they’ll end up as floaties on top of the pool and that would be social suicide, Kleenex streaming out of your top. We’re finally going into high school, we do not need you giving us a bad rep before we even get there,” Kami says, and I nod, having to agree that she makes a very valid point.
Finally, after another twenty minutes and three more bathing suit changes by Kami—who finally settled on a cute aqua tankini, we make our way out to the pool through the sliding glass doors. The party is in full swing and it seems everyone’s already having a good time. I hear lots of laughter, and notice there are quite a few people in the pool messing around with water guns, splashing around, or playing volleyball. The smell of coconut sunscreen permeates the air, as well as the grill my dad’s just lit for the burgers and hotdogs, which he offered to barbecue for us as discreetly as possible. Scanning the back yard, I can’t find McCoy. After another slower look, I decide he mustn’t be here yet. Damn.
“Let’s go sit on the stairs by the pool. That way we can see the whole backyard,” I suggest, and start walking in the direction of the wooden deck area.
“Translation:” Kami says, “‘Let’s go sit on the deck. I can’t find Coy yet, and I want to keep an eye on both the gate and the sliding door.’”
“Whatever, sue me if I want to be in his direct sightline when he gets here,” I call over my shoulder. We greet different groups of our and Keaton’s friends while weaving our way to the deck across the yard.
“Lucky I’m such a good friend, East,” she teases, following me.
“Like you don’t already know where Keaton is, right?” I call her out.
“Why would I know?” she says, playing dumb, averting her eyes from mine, and looking around the yard.
“Okay, whatever, Kam.” I let it go for now.
“Oh, there he is if you need him.” She points to Keaton; he’s heading to the side gate.
“Ugh. See? You’re totally obsessed. You knew exactly where he was.” I roll my eyes, grossed out at the idea that my best friend is into my disgusting brother. Like always, she ignores me, giving me nothing. “Maybe we should talk about you two for a change, and you can admit to me that you, Kami Sutherland, are in love with my brother,” I try, making a last-ditch effort to get her to confess.
“No clue what you mean,” she says blandly, as we make it to the deck stairs, stopping to talk to a few girls in our class before situating ourselves on the edge of the wide staircase.
“You’re so full of shi—” I cut myself off, finally seeing the face I’ve been waiting for. His dimpled smile is infectious, and I can’t hide my own in reaction to seeing McCoy walking through the gate and punching my brother on the shoulder. “He’s here,” I whisper to Kam, not wanting the others nearby to hear me.
“I wish you’d just tell him how you feel,” Kami says, staring in their direction right along with me.
“Good advice. Maybe you should, too?” I elbow her.
“No idea what you mean.”
“Yeah, me neither. Good thing neither of us is interested, eh?” I giggle, taking a sip from my can of Crush cream soda.
“Yep, good thing,” she huffs, “but you’re a chicken, East. Tell him.”
“Birds of a feather, and all that,” I say, and we both laugh.
“You know, they really are good-looking guys,” Kami says. “I bet the chicks in high school go crazy for them. Too bad you won’t be in any of the same classes to pretend you don’t care. You’ll only have chance meetings in the halls or the cafeteria. I wonder if they’ll even talk to us Minors?”
“Really, Kam? Like that thought hasn’t crossed my mind a billion times.” I turn to face her, giving her an annoyed look.
“Sorry,” she shrugs. “I just think you need to say something before school starts. I see the way he looks at you sometimes, and I wonder if maybe he feels it, too.”
“I’m not that lucky, Kam. I’m just not that lucky,” I say, and shrug my own shoulders.
Her eyes go wide, and suddenly she’s tapping my leg with her left elbow. “Wait, East. Oh my God. Oh my God. Don’t move, and whatever you do, do not look over there.”
“What? Tell me he’s looking this way?” I plead.
“I think they both are. Don’t look yet. Be cool, for the love of God, just be cool,” Kami says, as I slowly turn my head to look back over to the corner where they’re standing, trying to appear casual.
“Holy cow, I think they’re looking at us,” I whisper from the side of my mouth, keeping my lips closed as best as I can. It looks like my plan to get noticed might be working. “I swear, I saw McCoy grin at me.” I give an excited side-mouthed squeal.
“Gah, they’re walking this way, East! Oh my God, he and Keaton are coming over here,” Kami says, hiding behind her red plastic cup.
“Play it cool, just play it cool. I told you these swimsuits were perfect.”
“You’re a genius, East, I swear it,” she whispers, as they’re now right in front of us. I start to stand up, but McCoy’s words stop me dead.
“Dude, where’ve you been hiding her?” he asks my brother as they edge closer. My stomach jumps, and I love my mother so much in this moment for buying me this bathing suit. I knew it was the right amount of girlie to help him see I’m more than just a tagalong and a Goody Two Shoes. I’m just about to open my mouth and tell him I’m happy he’s here, when I notice that his gaze hasn’t been on me at all, but instead is focussed directly behind me.
“The one in the pink?” asks Keaton. I can feel Kami deflating beside me.
“Yeah,” McCoy growls back. “Who is she?”
“That’s Taylor. She’s Roxanne’s older sister, and she’s really nice.”
“Nice and hot. Shit, and she’s wearing my favourite colour.” McCoy adds, making my brother laugh.
“Definitely,” Keaton agrees, and I hear Kami give an audible gasp beside me.
Assholes!
“How much older is she?” McCoy asks, and my heart sinks a little in my chest.
“Sixteen,” my brother answers, chuckling. “Her friend Nichole is damn fine, too. She’s the one in the green bikini.”
“Nice. Not too much older. Means I got a chance,” McCoy says confidently.
“I told them earlier I had a friend coming by. They’ve been waiting on us,” Keaton says, as they walk up the deck stairs right past Kami and me without a sideways glance.
Suddenly, I feel Kami stand up beside me, and her gentle touch on my arm shakes me from the train wreck that’s just happened in front of me.
“Forget them,” she says, before taking me by the hand and leading us across the packed pool deck, through the sliding doors, and back inside my room, where we spend the rest of the party sulking, eating cookie dough ice cream, and watching episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
July 8, 2004
Dear May,
UGH!! Today was horrible! Why do I always have to make an ass of myself when Coy’s around? You won’t believe what happened today at the pool party. I was a total idiot. I wore my new orange tankini and I was excited to wear it in front of McCoy. I know it was kind of lame, still I was excited thinking here was my chance, that I would stand out. Welllll, I stood out all right, like a loser. I mean, come on, who stands up for a guy who isn’t even looking at her??? How desperate can I get? And now I’m convinced—like some paranoid person—that I made it obvious I like him. Again, out of all the boys, I choose the coolest guy in school to crush on!!! IDIOT!!!! I shouldn’t like him. It’s more than clear he doesn’t feel anything for me! For some reason, though, McCoy Graves has the ability to drive me mad…with those crazy blue eyes like the clearest of skies with their intensity. But, holy hell, May, did I shiver when I thought they were staring at me at the pool party. Unfortunately, they were focused on Taylor Birkshire as she pranced around my pool deck in her stupid hot-pink bikini—with her sixteen-year old boobs—reminding me that McCoy would never look at a lame, flat-chested, soon to be Minor Niner. So, there I stood with my mosquito bites and my heart feeling the loss of those stormy eyes.
Eyes that never even noticed I was there at all.
“Hurry up and introduce me, man,” he’d said to my brother, not even acknowledging me or my new tankini.
All this party did was to confirm once again: I am invisible to him.
TTFN and thanks for listening,
Eastlyn, the Invisible.