Declan

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I didn’t want to look at her.

That was a lie. I did want to look at her, but I didn’t want her to look at me.

There was no way she could see me in a good light again. Not after what I had done.

I wanted to get out of here. Needed to get out of here, but my feet stayed rooted to the ground.

Instead of looking at Grace, I looked at the spot that Aengus had so recently vacated. My hand still tingled from the feel of his neck under it, the tug of his struggle to free himself from my hold.

I could have snapped his neck at any moment, and some part of me wondered why I hadn’t.

But then I knew.

I had wanted him dead, but I hadn’t wanted her to see it.

But that didn’t matter now.

Even though I hadn’t killed him, she had seen enough to leave no doubt as to who and what I was.

Just hours ago, I had thought there was hope for us, but there was none.

“I’ll get out of here,” I said.

I looked at her, remembering that I hadn’t braced myself for whatever expression might greet me, and then locked eyes with her.

She looked okay, beautiful as always, but not upset. At least not at first glance.

But I could see the slightly haunted look in her eyes, the shadows there that she probably didn’t want me to see.

Knowing what I did of her background, I knew there was no way she could accept this.

She wouldn’t be able to look at me the same, not knowing that I was capable of such violence.

“Why do you want to leave?” she asked.

“What do you mean?” I responded, confused by her question.

“It’s just… I’d hoped we could talk,” she said.

“Talk?” I said.

She looked down, a move that I now recognized was embarrassment, but she looked up again.

“Yes, I guess now isn’t necessarily the best time, but maybe we can?”

“Yeah, why not,” I said.

No reason to delay the inevitable.

In fact, I would spare her all of this.

“Look, Grace,” I said, speaking before she could. “I know this was kind of fucked up, and you shouldn’t have had to see that. And I apologize for what Aengus did—”

“Don’t apologize for him,” she said vehemently.

I was momentarily taken aback by the force of her statement but then I continued on.

“Anyway, I promise you, you don’t have to worry about him again. Any of us. He’s not going to bother you,” I said.

“I’m not worried, Declan,” she said.

She sounded so certain but I was sure that was just her still being in shock, still not quite understanding all that had happened.

“You don’t have to worry about me either. Like you said before. There’s no reason that we can’t be cordial, civil. You’re a part of this family, Grace, and I don’t want you to feel like that’s going to change because of me. So, please stay.”

I was certain now that she would run, and even more than before I couldn’t allow that to happen. Those words almost choked me, hurt me more than anything I could think of at the moment, but I needed them to be said.

Because I couldn’t have Grace, and I could accept that, but not seeing her again…

“Cordial? Civil?” she said.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

She tilted her head slightly, lifted her wide eyes until they locked with mine and then she studied me.

Like always, I had no idea what she was thinking.

The words were deflating.

I broke her gaze but didn’t start pacing like I wanted. She was going to leave. I needed to get used to that, but I had no idea how.

“You’re not going to say anything?” she asked.

There was something in her voice that made me look up, and I looked at her, saw the slight confusion on her face.

I shrugged, said, “What is there to say? You’ve made your decision. Are you gonna stay long enough to say good-bye or do I need to do that for you?”

She frowned, her brows drooping low.

“Say good-bye?” she asked.

“Yeah, you don’t want to be cordial, civil, so that means you’re going to leave,” I said.

She looked at me a moment and then shook her head.

I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, but I stayed still as she walked closer to me and stopped when our feet touched.

“You think I’m gonna leave?” she asked.

“Aren’t you?” I said.

“Not everybody leaves, Declan,” she said.

Hearing those words made my heart leap, but I crushed it down.

“It’s not an answer, Grace,” I responded.

“No, it’s not,” she said.

Then she sighed. “I wasn’t going to leave.”

“Then what?”

“Tell me what you think, Declan,” she said.

The way she spoke, there was a hint of amusement in her voice, but I wasn’t sure where it came from or what she was getting at.

“I don’t fucking know. I said we could be cordial and civil and you said no, so the obvious next answer would be that you’re going to leave. It’s not that so I don’t know what it could be,” I said, my frustration starting to get the better of me.

“You can’t think of anything?” she said, her face tipping up into that shy little smile that always got me hard.

“Why don’t you give me a hint?” I asked.

“Declan, I don’t want to leave. And I don’t want to be civil and cordial. What I want is you.”

“Me?” I said, gaping.

“You. I want you.”

I was so stunned by those words I could hardly move. I was frozen, wondering if I was imagining all this.

“What are you saying, Grace?” I asked.

“Whatever it is, I’m obviously not doing a very good job,” she responded with a smile.

“Tell me,” I said, my voice firm.

“I don’t know what you want, but I want to give this a try. I want to give us a try. A real one,” she said.

I was quiet again, frozen, but then I sprang into action.

I reached for her, hugged her to me tight.

“I don’t want to try,” I said.

Grace, who had fallen against my body, stiffened and then looked at me confused.

“I don’t need to try. Because I know. I love you. I have loved you for years. And I would want nothing more than for you to be my wife.”

I looked at Grace, who hadn’t spoken, and then, I rushed to proceed.

“I know it’s early, and it’s soon, but I—”

I was cut off by Grace pressing her lips against mine.

She kissed me hard, fiercely, and then broke away.

“Yes,” she said.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said as firmly as she had before.

I crushed her to me tighter again, but not so tight that I didn’t hear her voice.

“I love you, Declan,” she said, her face buried against my chest.

“Not as much as I love you,” I said.