I’ve said it before but I’ll continue to say it again and again. How do women do this? I’m exhausted. The only difference between this week and weeks in the past is that this exhaustion has little to do with the kids and more to do with me. I blame Owen Butler for my lack of rest. Of course, it’s really my own damn fault, but it seems so much sweeter blaming someone else.
After the awkward ending to my non-date with Owen on Saturday, and our late-night conversation, I didn’t sleep well. I tossed and turned all night, rising with the sun and not able to fall back asleep. Since I had committed to the girls coming home early, I didn’t have a chance for a nap and thus began my ongoing exhaustion.
When my mind is full and my thoughts are running a mile a minute through my head, I don’t rest while I sleep. I’m certain I never actually succeed at a full REM cycle. To say my mind is full of chaos would be an understatement. My reaction to Owen and the waitress on Saturday is still eating at me. He truly didn’t do anything wrong and I feel horrible for my treatment of him.
Of course, he didn’t know I had met that Felicity woman a few days before and she had me doubting why he was even taking me out. When she first approached me, I thought she was just another working mom, or mother figure, at the park. After ninety seconds, I knew she was anything but, and I was floored by how easily she spewed her prejudices and dislike of people who have become my friends.
When she began her tirade about Jameson and subsequently Owen, I was baffled. Her description of Owen as a “second-tier” player caused me to break out in laughter. I assumed she was joking. There is nothing “second-tier” about Owen. Hell, he walks around town giving Chris Hemsworth a run for his money with zero effort. And, believe me, that’s hard to do.
But, none of that mattered when I found myself watching the waitress flirt with him and him doing nothing to dissuade her. Of course, one may call that kindness and him being a gentleman. Regardless, I overreacted and acted like a fool. A jealous fool.
Since Saturday, Owen and I have texted throughout the day and spent hours talking late at night. Our chats are about nothing and often we’re debating music and movies, but it’s always light and friendly. Of course, the thoughts I have after we hang up are anything but friendly. They’re usually sexual and I’m searching through my panty drawer for my battery-powered stress reliever.
Dakota has found a lot of humor in all of this and told me in no uncertain terms last night that I needed to get over myself and use Owen instead of my B.O.B. (Battery-Operated Boyfriend) before she gets home in a few weeks. I respectfully flipped her off and told her I wasn’t that kind of girl. She laughed and told me maybe that was my problem.
I’ve just finished processing a few invoices and returning calls when my phone pings with a text message.
Ashton: Are you in the office?
Me: Yep.
I wait for a response and when one doesn’t come, I set my phone on my desk and walk to the mini fridge and pull my frozen dinner from my lunch bag. Once I’ve placed the processed chicken meal in the microwave, I step away to use the restroom. While washing my hands I note the luggage under my eyes—we’ve surpassed bags at this point, I’m carrying luggage for a month-long trip. I really need to sleep. Tonight, I won’t answer Owen if he calls.
Liar.
I pull a few paper towels from the dispenser before opening the door. The moment I do, I scream and jump.
“Dear God, Ashton! You scared the shit out of me!” My hand flies to my chest to calm my racing heart.
“Sorry, I thought you heard me. What is that awful smell?”
My eyes widen in response since I just came from the restroom.
“Broccoli? Are you microwaving broccoli? Gross, Min. Here, I brought sandwiches from the café. Throw that microwave shit away.”
I stand for a minute watching Ashton make her way to the conference-style table and pull two sandwiches and napkins from a paper bag. A sandwich sounds a heck of a lot better than whatever gross thing I have sitting in the microwave. So, I do as instructed and toss the plastic container in the trash and grab two bottles of water from the fridge before sitting down with Ashton.
“Thanks for lunch. What’s the occasion?” I ask while opening the paper my sandwich is wrapped in.
“It’s turkey, I hope that’s okay. If not, I have ham. I figured you’d like one of the two.”
“Turkey is perfect.” Ashton opens her own sandwich and it’s quiet for a few minutes while we both take a few bites of our sandwiches.
I’m still uncertain why Ashton is here. Not that I don’t appreciate the company, but it just seems unfounded for some reason. But, while it may seem that way, it’s also nice.
“This is really good. Thank you again. I don’t know what I was thinking with a frozen meal for lunch. Nobody really wants to eat those things.” Ashton laughs and nods in agreement.
“So, umm, I wanted to invite you to something.” Tilting my head, I wait for Ashton to continue. “If you’re busy that’s totally fine but, umm, so Saturday a bunch of us are going out and I’d like you to come.”
“Oh? To Country Road?” There are a few little dive bars in town, but I know that Country Road is the preferred hangout for this group and where Ashton works.
“Uh, no. Actually, it’s a few towns over but Ben has offered to be our driver and I want you to come. You haven’t been out other than that one night, have you?”
“Not really. I mean, I took the girls for pizza one night and my mom and I went to that wine bar for a glass one night, but otherwise I haven’t been out.”
“Good. I mean, not good that you’re not being social. You should be social. Anyway, yeah, so, it’d be great if you would come out with us. My friends own the bar we’re going to and I think it’ll be lots of fun.”
I take in Ashton’s demeanor as she talks. She’s nervous and perhaps a little shy. Neither are words I’d use when describing Ashton. I won’t pry, but my curiosity is peaked for sure.
We spend the next thirty minutes chatting and finishing our lunch. She excused herself and says she’s taking a sandwich to Jameson on a site and she’ll touch base before the weekend. Once she’s gone, I clean up our mess and then place a quick call to my mom to confirm she’s still taking the girls this weekend. Next week she and I will travel with the girls to visit Dakota. We’re meeting with Dakota and her recovery team to discuss her transition home and what is expected of us over the next few weeks and months. I’m beyond excited to hug my sister and for her to see how much the girls have grown. We’re all relieved to know she’ll be home in time for Cali’s first birthday. She’s really pushed herself to be ready and I think, as worried as she is, she’s ready.
The question is, am I? Selfish, I know. I would never voice my concerns to Dakota or my parents, but somehow found myself confiding in Owen last night on the phone. He was understanding and didn’t pass judgment at all. That’s what I needed. I realize that the first I’ll likely see him since last weekend will be Saturday with Ashton and everyone.
Part of me, specifically the horny part, hopes he offers to take me home. Dammit, just thinking that sends my imagination running and I’m shifting in my seat. Lovely. And pathetic. I really need to get my act together.
I’ve managed to try on and discard almost everything from my closet. Dakota gave up on me three outfits ago and declared me a lost cause before signing off. Lost cause is right. Pathetic and ridiculous is also correct. I’m going out to a bar called “Doris’s Tavern” and I’m acting like it’s a red-carpet event.
In typical girl fashion, I texted both Ashton and Piper earlier to ask what they were wearing and neither were much help. Piper said jeans and a top while Ashton replied with “not jeans”. Gee, thanks.
This will be my first time out with this group, and while the only two I don’t really know are Ben and Landon, I know they will be easy to be around just from everyone else. I glance at the clock and see I only have about fifteen minutes until Ben will be here to pick me up. I’m riding with him and Piper since Jameson and Ashton decided to drive themselves.
Finally settling on a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans that I know make my legs look a mile long, I pull out a pair of open-toed lace-up booties that show off my newly painted red toenails. Still uncertain which top to wear, I stare at two shirts hanging from my closet door. A sleeveless cobalt-blue top that matches my eyes almost exactly. I love the back of this top because it’s cut low to mid-back with four skinny straps crisscrossing across the top from shoulder to shoulder. The other is a flowy, black, off-the-shoulder top with intricate stitching across the bottom. Regardless of which one I choose, my hair is up in an intentionally messy high pony.
Since we’re going out at night, my makeup is a little heavier, but regardless will complement each top. My phone signals a text, which I quickly pick up from the bed, still standing in only my strapless bra and jeans. Too bad I can’t just go like this. Ha, can you imagine?
Piper: Be there in 5
I tap out a quick response and pull on the off-the-shoulder top. Once I’m dressed, I stop by my bathroom and check my hair before spritzing on a little perfume. A glance in my full-length mirror confirms I look cute, considering it took me over an hour to choose jeans and a black shirt. So original, Min.
I have just enough time to transfer a few items from my purse to my small clutch before Ben honks from the driveway. Leaving on a lamp in the living room, I exit the house and make my way to the car.
“Oh, you look hot, Min!” I smile at Piper and mumble a thank you before saying hi to Ben and buckling up.
The drive is about an hour and I wonder why the heck we’re driving so far out of town. Piper is jabbering a mile a minute the entire time. Each time Piper tries to include Ben in part of the conversation, he can’t get a word in before she switches topics. She’s so excited for their upcoming wedding, a smidge of jealousy hits me.
“Wow, this place is packed. I still don’t know why Ashton insisted we drive all the way out here. Besides, she even has our parents coming.”
“I told you, honey, I think her and Jameson have an announcement.”
“Announcement?” I ask.
“Yeah. Piper seems to think in the span of a few weeks they’ve somehow decided to get engaged.”
Piper turns all the way in her seat and looks at me, eyes wide. “He’s being a negative Nelly. I just said that there is no other reason for them to both be so secretive these last few weeks and demand that we’re all here tonight. It’s obvious that something big is going to happen.”
We all exit the car and start making our way toward the front door of Doris’s Tavern. I watch as Ben takes Piper’s hand in his. It’s a simple gesture, but one I miss. Well, not miss per se since Kent didn’t hold hands. Honestly, he wasn’t much for any public display of affection. He wasn’t much into any sort of affection now that I think about it. So much of our relationship was an extension of business I can’t believe I ever thought he was my forever.
Ben spots Jameson as soon as we walk in the door, leading Piper and me across the room. I take an empty seat next to Piper, my back facing the door, as Piper introduces me to everyone at the table, including Jameson’s sister and brother-in-law. I’ve spoken to Julia, Jameson’s sister, on the phone a few times when she’s called the office. I ask about her new baby and she explains this is their first date night since his birth. A flashback of Dakota and Jeff’s first night out hits me and I have to will away the thoughts or I’ll be mopey the rest of the night.
After about twenty minutes of small talk and a dirty martini, the little hairs on the back of my neck bristle. I know, before I hear him, that Owen is here. Saying hello to everyone, Owen and Landon walk around the table and greet Ashton’s mom and Jameson’s sister with a hug and kiss to the cheek. Each smile and offer me a hello. Two seats are available across the table from me, which they both take, leaving the seat next to me empty. I’m not certain what I was expecting, but part of me thought he’d take the empty chair next to me. Owen doesn’t owe me anything; still, a small part of me hoped he’d recognize he knows he’s one of the only people I know here.
Another round of drinks is ordered by all and, when I hesitate, Ben reminds me that he is driving and I should have a good time. Looking over the drink menu, I decide to try one of the specialty martinis and place my order with the server.
While we wait for our drinks, a group of women walks through the doors and make their way to the high-top table that is nestled against the wall. I watch as Landon not so subtlety turns to look at the women, offering them a smile and a head nod in greeting. I try to casually observe Owen and Landon as they talk to each other and then Owen turns around and offers his own greeting to the group of women.
Part of me is pissed he’s barely said two words to me, but then again, I’m the outsider in this group and have no claim on him. Of course, it’d be nice if he talked to me. Acted like we knew each other. Kisses or not.
I don’t have time to wallow in my self-pity because the waitress returns with our drinks and Piper comments that Jameson and Ashton are missing. A few mumbles from everyone at the table and we finally see where Jameson and Ashton have disappeared to. Standing on the stage is a petrified Ashton and a very smitten Jameson.
Piper has mentioned that Ashton has an amazing singing voice but that she suffers from stage fright and we’ll never hear her sing in public. So, this moment must be monumental for her. I cannot believe she has included me in this moment. Sitting at this table are her closest friends and family. And, me. I start to tear up as I realize these are my friends now.
After all these years of working and living with Kent, I have a life that is my own. A job that I enjoy going to each day, friends who include me in their most important moments, and a man who, as much as I hate to admit it, consumes most of my waking—and sleeping—thoughts.
Dammit.
Why did I admit that?
When Jameson and Ashton finish their song, he exits the stage and stands to the side while Ashton sings another song. The room explodes with applause, our table the loudest by far. Landon lets out a loud whistle, which startles me and I jump, looking across the table, catching Owen staring at me. I smile and he winks before turning his attention back to Ash.
Once Ashton is finished, she joins us at the table. Eventually, she excuses everyone who has other places to be. Specifically, Julia, who is clearly missing her babies. As Julia stands to hug everyone goodbye, I notice that Owen and Landon have already left the table and are now standing with the group of women that came in before.
I’m dumbfounded at what I’m seeing. Logically, I know I don’t have a claim on Owen. Hell, I have told him more than once I’m not looking for a relationship. Two kisses, a little flirting, late-night calls, and going out to lunch once do not give me permission to have my feelings hurt.
Regardless, they are.
And I’m pissed. Mostly at myself but also at him. He may not owe me anything, but ignoring me all night and then giving all of his attention to strangers while I sit here and watch him flirt, is downright cruel.
Without a second thought of how I’ll feel tomorrow, I order my third martini from the waitress. If I’m going to sit here and watch Owen flirt, and possibly hook up, with a woman, I might as well do my best to not remember it later.