Two months ago, my Sundays consisted of a crossword puzzle, the occasional brunch with Kent and a few of his friends, and a day with a book before we had to return to the hustle and bustle of a new work week. Kent cooked on Sundays, always something gourmet that he researched in detail before committing to, and something I appreciated since it was less time in the kitchen for me and more time lost in a book. I enjoyed our Sundays together; they were quiet. And, predictable. I’ve learned in the time since our breakup that my entire relationship with Kent was nothing if not predictable.
I suppose when you’re both successful and career driven, that’s a given. Plus, neither of us was looking to change how things were. We were both moving up within our company in our respective departments, our relationship was comfortable, we had a nice home that fit our lifestyle, and our families were nearby.
When Jeff passed away and Dakota needed me most, Kent didn’t even question the nights away from home or the fact that I was essentially living in Dakota’s hospital room. Unfortunately, our company wasn’t as understanding, and when I wasn’t with my family, I was at work. I just assumed during that time he was giving me the space I needed to be there for my family. Now, I think he may have simply not noticed or even cared.
We’d become complacent. Contentment in a relationship is one thing, but being complacent is something else and isn’t what I want in a relationship. I want passion, laughter, support, and love. That’s the relationship my parents have. As unconventional as they are individually, together they are a force.
As I look out the kitchen window into the backyard, I notice my dad reach for my mom and squeeze her hand. Those small and simple gestures are what I want. What I crave. I didn’t have that with Kent. Looking back, I’m not sure I can remember a time that Kent took my hand for the sake of holding it. Kisses were for goodbye and goodnight, not just because.
“Do you have any more of this dip, Min? It’s bomb.”
“Yeah, it’s in the fridge. You’ll have to heat it up,” I say to my brother without taking my eyes off my parents.
Sundays are now family day and I think my favorite day of the week. Whether it’s just me and the girls hanging out or my parents and Linc are over, it’s nice to just spend time together. My mom loves putting the girls down for naps and after they wake up, and are in their best moods of the day, we video chat with Dakota. The girls love seeing their mom and she loves talking to all of us.
I finish washing the pots and pans and place them in the dish drainer before grabbing a hand towel from the counter when I hear Linc pull out a chair and sit at the table. I turn toward him just as he takes a chip and swirls it around the bowl of cheese dip he just heated up.
“The kids are doing good. How are you holding up? You’re looking a little, uh, tired?”
“Is that a statement or question, little brother?” I tease, smacking Lincoln’s arm with the towel as I take the seat across from him at the table.
“It’s a fact. You look like shit, Min.”
“Thanks. I look worse than I feel,” I say, wiping the dark circles under my eyes with my finger. “I don’t know how women do this; I’m exhausted.”
“It’s a good thing you’re doing though. I’m glad they have you. It’s been a shitty year.”
“Yeah, it has.” We both sit in silence for a few minutes, letting the events of the last year play out. So many changes for our small family, but here we are. Strong and together.
“How about you? Ready for school?”
“I move into the dorms in about five weeks. I think Mom’s going to lose her shit when I do. She’s already crying every day about my laundry.”
“Yeah, she won’t know what to do with herself.”
It’s weird for me to think of Lincoln heading to college. I was eight when my parents sat us down and told us we were getting a new baby sister or brother. To say I was less than thrilled would be an understatement. I loved being the baby of the family. Then Linc came along and I swear for the first few years I would stare at him in his crib and tell him I hated him. I didn’t really, but I hated not being the center of attention. By the time I hit middle school he was just annoying and I hated that I had to babysit him when my parents went out. Now, I look at the young man he’s become and I’m proud of him.
“So, tell me about this job of yours. Dad says it is in construction? Seems like a step down for you.” I look at Lincoln as he stuffs a handful of cheesy chips into his mouth. Pig.
“I really enjoy the job and my boss is great. He’s essentially handed the office over to me and I’m able to do things my own way, which I love. Plus, it’s flexible and allows me to check on the girls or leave early when I need to.”
“Yeah, but it’s only temporary, right? You’re going back to your old job when Dakota gets home.”
“I’m not sure anymore.” And, I’m not. When I spoke to my direct supervisor after Dakota’s decision to go to rehab, she was very upfront with me. She told me that company policy would allow me to take a leave of absence for up to six months, but after that, I either returned to my position or it would be filled. At the time, I was only planning to take a few weeks off while we worked out the basics with my parents and Kent. When Kent told me he wasn’t on board with caring for the girls and essentially kicked me out of our condo, his condo, I was forced to make a decision. That’s when I opted to take the leave of absence and move for Dakota.
I look to Linc, who has a confused expression on his face. I smile at him and shake my head. “I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”
“I know you will, Min. You’re like the most put-together person I know. Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, shoot.”
“Do you think Dakota’s going to be okay? Mom and Dad won’t talk about it with me and I just feel bad leaving for school with this going on.”
I stand and walk to the fridge, pulling out the bottle of wine I have in there. I pour myself a glass while I contemplate answering Linc. I don’t know if Dakota will okay. Honestly, I don’t know anything anymore, but I won’t tell him that. He’s a kid. He doesn’t need to be saddled with all our chaos and drama.
I take a sip of my wine before turning to him. “Dakota’s going to be fine. She’s in a wonderful program. Each night I talk to her, I can hear how good she’s doing, and when we Skype, I see her getting stronger. Both emotionally and physically. You need to worry about you. And for all that is holy, if you can’t afford condoms please call me. I’ll buy them.”
“Yeah, can we not talk about my sex life? That’s just weird.”
I couldn’t agree more, and weird is an understatement. Seems like just yesterday that Lincoln was wearing his Spiderman pajamas to school and now we’re talking safe sex and college.
Over the next few hours, the adults play a round of cards, I manage to get in a few loads of laundry, and the girls nap. My mom gives the girls their bath and my dad tucks them in bed before they gather their things and head for home. I promise Linc we’ll do something fun before he leaves for school and bid them all farewell before throwing myself on the couch.
I watch a little mindless television and, before long, I’m contemplating heading to bed early when my phone signals a text message. It’s Piper telling me the book we both pre-ordered is live and should be on my e-reader. Sleep is underrated. Especially when there is the possibility of a new book boyfriend in my future.
I make my way through the house, double checking the locks on the door, turning off lights, and peeking in on the girls before heading to my bathroom. I decide a quick shower is a smart move. I know this book is going to have me up very late and tomorrow morning won’t be as smooth as usual. Once I’ve showered and settled into bed, I tap the screen and watch as my new book uploads.
I may not be sharing my bed with anyone and I absolutely miss the companionship of a man in my life, but a good book will have to be enough for now.