The walk up the corridor to my apartment is long. Ben wouldn’t let me help him inflate his bed, so we ended up coming straight back to my place. At this very moment I have no idea what I’m doing; I’m a hot mess. Confused doesn’t even come close to describing how I’m feeling. My mind keeps going over and over everything, and I have no idea how to decipher it.

Should I ask him in?

No… definitely not.

I fumble about in my bag for my keys and dig them out. “Here they are.” I smile up at him nervously.

Ben stands still, his hands in his pockets. I frown as I get an image of him going back to his dark and lonely apartment to blow up a bed alone.

All this information about him tonight has left me emotionally weak.

I can’t stand it. I can’t stand that he lost his family when he was just fifteen.

I can’t stand that he doesn’t know how to talk to me.

No wonder he can’t communicate. When his family was alive to show him how to talk, he was too young to understand.

I’m sure the army didn’t teach him anything about his emotions.

My eyes search his and I just want to ask him in.

But I know I can’t.

Fuck’s sake, why is he so hard to push away?

I open my door and he stands behind me, close… too close.

I close my eyes as I feel the heat his body is emitting. His breath on my neck sends goose bumps scattering down my arms.

My heart starts to beat faster and faster. Stop it, stop it, stop it.

I turn in a rush. “Thanks for dinner.”

A frown crosses his face before he has time to mask it, and he fakes a smile and nods.

“I’ll…” I pause because I just really want to ask him in… no! “I’ll see you at dinner at Mum’s on Sunday?” I ask hopefully.

He nods as he takes a step back from me.

My body screams at the distance between us. “Sure,” he replies.

His eyes hold mine, and I know we both want the same thing.

Stop it.

“Bye, Ben.” I force the words from my lips.

“Bye, Didge,” he whispers softly, and with one last lingering look he turns and walks down the hall. I watch him until he disappears.

Half of me wants to chase him down and go with him. Half of me… who am I kidding? All of me wants to go.

Too bad.

Get over him, Bridget. He’s just no good for you.

I sit at my desk and stare out the window. Ben is playing heavily on my mind. My phone dances across the table and I turn it over. The name ‘Eric’ lights up the screen. I close my eyes in regret and let it ring out. He’s called me five times today, as if he can somehow sense that I went out with Ben last night.

I feel bad for not answering, but I have no idea what to say to him or what the hell is going on with me. The perfect guy is calling me and I’m letting it ring out, all while thinking about a man who is completely wrong for me on every level. I stare into space. Aren’t you supposed to grow out of this shit when you hit eighteen?

I’m twenty-seven years old. I’m supposed to have my shit together by now. I’m supposed to know what’s good for me and want that in my life.

I’ve eaten three donuts, two cupcakes, and I’ve drunk four cups of coffee. Operation Slim Down is completely out the window. I’m pretending to research locations for a customer, but really, I just can’t be fucked to work.

Ben’s words just keep going over and over in my head. I hate thinking about them. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to feel them.

I think back to the story he told me about his family, and sadness sweeps over me again. I feel so heartbroken for him. He was just a little boy. His beloved twin sister. I know what it feels like to lose a sister, but a twin is a special bond.

I frown and tap my pen on the desk as I think. Uneasiness sweeps over me.

Oh no.

Oh, my God.

He pulled away from me when my sister went missing. His sister went missing, too, and she died.

I sit up in my chair as I have an epiphany. The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

He handled it so badly back then because he was dealing with his own sister’s death all over again.

It was too close to home for him.

I tear up as I imagine what he must have been going through at that time, all alone. Nobody knew any of this.

He blamed himself for my sister’s disappearance. Does he blame himself for his sister’s disappearance, too?

At the time, we were all so frantic; of course he wouldn’t have told us about his story and its outcome.

I put my head in my hands. God, this is a breakthrough. A horrible breakthrough.

All this time I thought he pulled away from me because he didn’t care, when maybe… he cared too much.

My eyes fill with tears.

Fuck’s sake, Ben, why didn’t you just talk to me?

We could have helped each other.

“Don’t forget about tonight.” Louisa smiles as she walks past.

I frown. “Huh? What’s tonight?”

“We have drinks for Marci leaving, remember?”

I screw up my face. “Oh, that. I completely forgot.”

She points at me. “Don’t even think about it. You’re coming. Everyone has already pulled out and now there’s only the six of us. I feel sorry for her, so you have to come. She’s excited.”

“Ugh.” Drinks with work friends is the very last thing I feel like doing. “Fine,” I snap.

“I’ll pick you up, so you can drink,” she offers, to sweeten the deal.

I roll my eyes and blow out a deep breath. “Okay, great. A hangover tomorrow at work will fix everything,” I mutter under my breath. She raises a cheeky eyebrow before disappearing back to her desk.

“Are you going to lunch?” Mary asks. “The quicker you get back, the quicker I get to go.”

I glance at the time on my computer. Oh, jeez, the day has been a total blur. “Yes, I’ll go now,” I reply, distracted. I pack up my desk. “Back in an hour.” I grab my bag and walk downstairs with my mind in overdrive. To be honest, I’m so full of donuts that lunch isn’t appealing at all, but at least I get out of here for a while. What I really need to do is go to a bar with Adrian, Tash, and Abs, and discuss this at length with them over a very strong alcoholic beverage or ten.

They would know what to do… maybe.

No! Keep them out of this.

This has nothing to do with anyone but me. And maybe Ben. And maybe Eric. And maybe my whole future. Oh fuck, what a mess. I wave at Bethany on reception and make my way through the doors and out onto the street.

And there he stands.

Ben is leaning against the wall next to the door, and my breath catches.

Wearing a white T-shirt and black jeans with his black baseball cap in place, he is one hell of a fine specimen. I have to stop myself from swooning like a love-struck teenager.

“Hello.” I smile up at him as I get that nervous, excited feeling deep in my stomach.

He smiles softly, and I feel it all the way to my bones. “Hi, Didge.” He’s holding a brown paper bag.

I try to think of something intelligent to say. Nope, I got nothing. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

He bites his bottom lip, as if stopping himself from saying something, and holds out the brown paper bag. “I brought you afternoon tea.”

I take the bag from him and peer in to find a chocolate éclair. I smile up at him. “I’m going to get fat if you keep buying me these.”

“You would be perfect whatever size you were.” His eyes search mine and I feel the ice around my heart start to thaw.

Don’t be sweet. Don’t you dare be sweet.

“That’s very thoughtful, thank you.” Good manners take over and I go to give him a quick hug, but he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. He’s warm and big and strong, and he feels so good. We stay like that for an extended time. My eyes close, and damn…

There isn’t a better place on Earth than Ben’s arms.

Cut it out.

“How did you know I was having lunch now?” I ask as I pull out of his grip, but he catches my hand in his before I can think. Oh no, he’s touchy today. How the hell am I supposed to resist touchy Ben?

“You told me last night that you have lunch at one every day.” He lifts my hand and kisses it. I watch him as I feel my heart somersault in my chest.

Why does he have to be so fucking gorgeous?

“Do you want to have lunch with me?” I whisper before I can stop myself.

“I want to do everything with you.”

Oh, boy.

He pulls me closer to him by my hand, and I stare up at him.

He’s going to kiss me. He’s going to kiss me. Do it, do it, do it.

His lips take mine softly and his hands snake around my waist. He pulls back to look at me as his thumb dusts tenderly over my cheek. I can feel his erection through his jeans and I feel like I can’t breathe. “What do you want for lunch, angel?” he whispers.

You… I want you. All of you, right here, right now.

He smiles, as if reading my mind, and our lips touch again.

Oh. This kiss is too good. Arousal starts to pump heavily through my body.

“You fucking prick,” a voice growls.

We both look up to see Eric, and my face falls.

Oh, my God. I jump back. “E-Eric…” I stammer.

He pushes Ben hard and he flies backward. “I fucking warned you!” he yells.

“And I told you my intentions. Now, fuck off,” Ben growls.

Eric pushes Ben again, and then, as if losing control, Ben comes forward and pushes him back.

I glance around to realise that we are out the front of my work on the pavement. What the hell was I thinking?

I kissed Ben… in public.

“Stop it. Please,” I whisper as my eyes dart around guiltily.

Eric punches Ben, and he flies back, knocking into a group of people.

My hands fly over my mouth in horror. Oh, no. Ben recovers and steps forward. “That’s the first and last time you fucking hit me, prick,” Ben growls.

Eric punches him again and Ben smiles sarcastically. “Is that the best you got, cunt?”

My eyes widen in fear. Oh, no. Eric is trying to get himself killed.

“Ben,” I whisper. “Please, don’t. Just leave it.”

But it’s too late. He grabs Eric by the throat and punches him hard in the face, making him fall to the ground.

“Stop it!” I yell. “Please, stop it,” I cry.

Eric has gone psycho with rage, and he picks himself up to dive at Ben and tackle him to the ground. The sound of their bodies hitting the concrete is a loud thud.

My hands fly to my mouth in horror. Oh, my God. My eyes fill with tears. “Stop it!” I cry as I look up into my office to see Bethany and the girls from downstairs all watching through the window, like it’s some kind of sporting match. I’m going to get fired.

Eric’s got a death wish.

What do I do? What do I do?

They become really violent, as if trying to kill each other, and Eric rips Ben’s T-shirt.

I look up and down the street and see a security guard from one of the shops three doors down from ours just inside his shop. I run down to him. “Help me. There’s a fight!” I cry.

“Who’s fighting?” He frowns.

“My two ex-boyfriends. Please, you have to break it up.” I grab his hand and drag him out the door and point to the two fucking idiots going blow for blow on the main street of town.

He runs towards them, and I scrunch up my face, my eyes filling with tears as I step backwards.

Ben has an obvious upper hand and Eric is in bad shape.

Poor Eric. He didn’t deserve for me to treat him like this. I can’t stand that he saw us. Pain lances through my heart… he saw us kissing.

I’m a bad person.

I’ve hurt him, and now Ben is really hurting him.

“Stop it,” I cry. “Ben. Stop it.” But they keep going and Eric is going crazy.

I can’t watch this.

I have to get away from here, from them.

I turn and run up the street and dart into a restaurant to take a seat at the back corner. Tears are streaming down my face and I swipe them away angrily. I inhale deeply as I try to get some air into my lungs to calm myself down. I can’t believe that just happened. I pick up a menu to hide behind.

“Have you decided what you want?” the waitress asks me a she arrives at the table.

“Oh.” I fake a smile as I try to control my breathing. I’m in such a fluster that I don’t even know what restaurant I’m in. “Um. Can I have a Diet Coke, please? And I’ll just need a few minutes to look at the menu, if that’s okay.”

“Sure, won’t be long.” She smiles before disappearing into the kitchen. My phone dances across the table, the name ‘Ben’ lighting up the screen.

I put my hand over my mouth as my eyes fill with tears. I can’t do this to Eric. I’m not that person.

I hit decline and pinch my lips as I think. It rings again, and I hit decline once more. I look out at the street and I see Ben stride past the restaurant on the phone as he looks around for me. I quickly scramble and hold the menu up to cover my face. My phone rings again, and then a text comes through from Ben.

I slide down in my chair in despair. Oh, God.

Go away. Please, go away, you are fucking everything up.

My phone rings again and I put my head in my hands. I can’t deal with this fucking shit.

“Just leave me alone,” I whisper.

For five minutes, I stare into space as I try to process the last twenty-four hours.

Where is Eric? Is he all right? Did he even survive? He’s probably gone to fucking hospital.

I need to check on him. I dial Eric’s number and it rings for a moment, then it goes through to message bank. He declined my call.

I put my head in my hands.

This is one big fucking disaster.

It’s 5:30 p.m. and I have suffered through the longest working day of my life.

Ben keeps calling me, and Eric won’t answer mine. Thankfully, Tash and Abs are meeting me at Oscar’s in ten minutes. I need to vent. I really wish I was going out with them tonight, but I have this damn work thing on. Coffee will have to do. I walk down the steps, out onto the curb.

“So, I’ll pick you up at eight?” Louisa double-checks as she shovels a chocolate muffin into her mouth.

“Yeah, I guess.” I frown. “Where are we going again?”

“Amigos.”

I raise my eyebrows. “At least they have good margaritas there.” I sigh as we begin to walk up the road.

“Oh. He’s back,” Louisa whispers.

I frown. “Who?”

“Cap guy.” She gestures across the road, and I look up to see Ben leaning against the building opposite ours.

I narrow my eyes in anger. “He can fucking stay there. I’m so off him. Throw your muffin at his head.” I link my arm with hers. “Come on, let’s go.” I begin to walk faster, and Ben pushes off the wall and crosses the street to join us.

“Just walk past him,” I whisper.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Louisa whispers. “He’s gorgeous.”

“He’s also a fucking twat. Keep walking.”

“Who cares if he’s a twat if you get to look at him naked. Just tape his mouth shut.”

I drop my head to hide my smile. This isn’t the time to get the giggles. “Will you shut the hell up?” I whisper. “Keep walking.”

“Bridget,” he snaps as I approach him.

“Go away, Ben,” I reply as we walk past him

“No,” he calls from behind us.

“Keep walking,” I whisper.

“Do I have to?” Louisa whispers as she tries to turn her head to look at him. “He’s fucking smoking.” She tries to stop me walking, tugging on our linked arms, and I pull away and turn to face him. I don’t know if I’ve ever been so angry.

Tears threaten to fall because I’m so mad at him… but more than that, I’m furious at myself for caring about this self-absorbed asshole. “Did you have to hit him?” I shake my head as my eyes fill with tears. “Did it make you feel like a big man, Ben?”

His jaw clenches in anger. “He hit me first.”

My eyebrows rise in surprise. “We were kissing!” I cry. “What did you expect?”

His eyes search mine.

Louisa looks between us. “Oh what…wait…you kissed?” she asks, wide-eyed. “You didn’t tell me that part.”

Ben glares at her and she withers and signals up the road with her thumb. “I just might go then.” She looks between us.

“Good idea,” Ben replies with his eyes fixed firmly on me.

I point at him. “Don’t you dare be rude to my friends,” I snap.

He rolls his eyes and Louisa scurries up the road. “Bye,” she calls over her shoulder. “I’m Louisa, by the way. Nice to meet you.” She waves with a smile.

He watches her walk away for a while, and then his eyes turn to me. We stand in silence for a moment.

“I didn’t mean to hit him,” he eventually replies.

“But you did.”

His jaw clenches. “You said that you broke up.”

I shake my head. Honestly, is he emotionally disabled? “Do you have any empathy for anyone at all?” I ask.

His brow furrows.

“We broke up this week, Ben… because of you.” My eyes fill with tears because it hurts to say this out loud. “How do you think it felt for him to see me kissing you?” Oh, God, I just can’t stand the thought of it.

Fury crosses his face. “Don’t give me that shit, Bridget. I know exactly how it feels to watch you kiss someone else. It fucking hurts!” he cries.

My heart drops and I wince because this is a nightmare that keeps on giving. “Ben.” I shake my head and take a step back from him. I need some distance. “You need to leave.” I swipe my tears away angrily. “You’re too late; you had your chance and you threw me away.”

“I did not throw you away!” he yells. “I would never throw you away.”

I watch him for a moment as regret sits heavily in my stomach. “We’re done, Ben. It’s over. I thought we could be friends, but it’s obvious we can’t be.” I drop my head and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. “I just can’t do this with you. I can’t go through this shit again. I had a normal life two weeks ago.”

“Bridget.” He steps towards me, and with one quick movement, I’m in his arms. “Don’t say that, baby. We can’t be over,” he whispers against my temple.

I screw up my face. He feels so safe and warm. I want to stay here, but then I get an image of poor Eric and his broken heart, and I find myself pulling from Ben’s grip. “Don’t touch me. Please. Just… leave me alone. I can’t do this.” With one last look, I turn and storm up the street, and as I turn the corner I glance back to see him standing still on the spot, head down, hands in his pockets.

He looks angry… and sad.

That makes two of us.

Twenty minutes later, I walk into Oscar’s to see Abbie and Tash in the back corner sitting in a bench seat. I put my hand on Max’s shoulder and bend to kiss his cheek as I walk by his table. “Hi, Max.”

“Hey, Didge.” He smiles as he puts his hand over mine on his shoulder.

I walk over and flop onto the bench seat. “Hi.”

They both smile.

“Well, my life is a fucking disaster.” I sigh as I snatch the menu from Abbie. “Give me every damn chocolate cake on the menu,” I snap as I lie back in the seat.

Abbie and Tash exchange looks. “What’s wrong?” Tash frowns.

I throw my hands in the air. “Oh, where do I start? I went out to dinner with Ben last night.”

Their eyes widen. “You did?” Tash smiles excitedly and begins to tap the palms of her hands on the table like she’s playing the drums.

“Did you fuck him? Please tell me you fucked him,” Abbie says.

“No, I did not fuck him, Abbie. My world doesn’t revolve around fucking because I’m not a slut!” I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration.

Abbie rolls her eyes. “God, you’re so dramatic today.”

Tash laughs. “What happened then?”

“Nothing. We went out and he dropped me home and it was all great.” I shake my head. “Better than great.”

Their faces fall in confusion. “So, what’s the problem?” Tash asks.

“He turns up at my work today, being all fucking sexy and bringing me éclairs, and we kiss in the street. The next minute, Eric is there and sees the whole damn thing.”

They frown as they listen.

“Oh no,” Tash whispers.

“And then Eric called Ben a prick, Ben called Eric a cunt, and then I don’t know what happened next but then they were punching the living shit out of each other outside the front of my work.”

Tash’s eyes widen, and she puts her hands over her mouth in horror.

“Rolling around on the fucking concrete.” I shake my head in disbelief. “It was appalling. “

“Is Eric all right?” Tash whispers.

“I don’t know because he won’t answer my calls.” I put my head into my hands. “He officially hates me.”

“Shit,” Tash whispers

“What’s Ben doing?” Abbie asks. “As long as he doesn’t hate you.”

“Being a fucking jackass, that’s what he’s doing. I wish he hated me. He turns up after work today and cuddles me and he nearly got me again. He’s turning me into a queen bitch slut hoe.”

Our coffees arrive, and the girls take them while I put mine in front of me.

I take a sip of my coffee and shake my head. “I don’t cheat.”

“Being a queen bitch is fun, and you broke up, remember? You weren’t technically together anymore,” Abbie interjects.

Tash points at me. “This is true.”

“You should have seen his face.” I sigh sadly. “He was so hurt.”

Tash’s face falls. “Poor Eric. That’s totally shit.” She shakes her head in disgust. “What the hell were you thinking?” she asks.

“Oh, he’ll get over it. He’s probably balls-deep in some hooker right about now,” Abbie replies casually as she blows on her coffee.

“Will you shut up?” Natasha frowns. “You are not helping one little bit.”

Abbie sips her coffee. “You two are so fucking touchy tonight. Take a chill pill.”

I press my head into my hands. “And now I have to go to a stupid work drinks thing and pretend I want to be there, when all I really want to do is see if Eric is all right.”

Abbie frowns. “I’m confused. Who do you actually like?”

Tash nods. “Me, too. Is it Eric or Ben?”

“Oh, God.” I put my head into my hands. “I want to like Eric.” I sip my coffee sadly. “Eric is perfect for me.”

“But you don’t?” Tash asks.

“Ben is such an asshole,” I mutter.

“That wasn’t what I asked,” she continues.

“Who does it for you physically?” Abbie asks. “You know, gives you goose bumps?”

I look at her, deadpan.

“Well, who are you thinking about before you go to sleep?” Tash asks.

I roll my eyes. “That’s the point. I don’t want to be thinking about him.” I sigh sadly. “And he told me last night a little about his past and it has me feeling all vulnerable and needy.”

“What did he tell you?” Tash frowns.

I look around guiltily. “You can’t say anything, because I don’t even think Joshua knows.”

“Promise,” they both say as they lean over the table to listen.

“He had a twin sister and she was murdered when they were twelve, and then his dad committed suicide twelve months later.”

They both gasp.

“His mother enrolled him in the army when he was just fifteen because she was dying of cancer.”

“Oh, God,” Tash whispers.

“Fuck’s sake,” Abbie mutters under her breath.

“You know, I just wanted to spend some time with him, but after he hit Eric today… I honestly don’t want to be around him.”

“Why don’t you want to be around him?” Abbie asks. “Think about it… If you didn’t have Eric on your conscience, would you want to spend time with him?”

I shrug sadly. “But I do have Eric on my conscience.” I sip my coffee. “And however you look at it, Ben is emotionally fucked up. He will probably run in the middle of the night again. I would have to be stupid to go back to him.”

They both nod as they listen. “This is true,” Abbie concedes.

We all sit and drink our coffee in silence as we think.

“You know, Ben has issues. Deep-rooted issues, and I don’t know if he can be fixed. He could be broken forever. Do I really want to be with someone who is broken when I’m twenty-seven years old?” I shrug. “I deserve better than a guy who shows up after five years, demanding I give him a second chance, beating up my boyfriend… regardless of his past.”

The both nod in agreement.

I exhale heavily and put my head into my hands. “Three weeks ago I was happy and slowly falling in love, and now…” My voice trails off.

“You weren’t happy, Didge,” Abbie says. “Eric doesn’t make you happy, he makes you feel safe. There’s a big difference.”

Tears fill my eyes because I know she’s right. I hate myself for letting Eric fall in love with me. I put my head into my hands.

“I reckon you just need to stay away from both of them,” Tash suggests as she rubs my leg sympathetically under the table. “Let the dust settle for a while.”

I nod. “Yeah, I guess.” I sip my coffee. “Why are the wrong guys so appealing?” I sigh.

“Because bad boys are really good in bed. I mean, let’s face it, nice guys do not know how to fuck you raw. They’re too worried about hurting you,” Abbie offers as she holds her coffee cup in the air for a toast. I smile sadly and raise my coffee cup to hers and Natasha’s.

“To bad boys with big bad dicks.” Abbie smiles.

I laugh and shake my head as we clink coffee cups. “Only you, Abbie. Only you.”

It’s 9:00 p.m. and we are at the bar, Amigos. I dragged myself here and I’m feeling so flat. Eric hasn’t answered my calls and Ben has stopped calling.

Abbie’s words keep going over and over in my mind

She’s right. I don’t think I would have ever fallen in love with Eric, as much as I cared for him. I’m sad about it. I’m sad about the fact that I know I’m in love with Ben.

I think I have been since we were together five years ago, and maybe that’s the reason why I can’t move on with anyone else.

My heart is already taken.

And it’s shit, because he isn’t the type of person who I can bank my whole future on. Even though I desperately wish he was.

Our kiss in the street keeps replaying through my mind.

It was as if my body was coming alive again. I haven’t felt like that for a really, really long time. If I’m completely honest with myself, I’ve not felt like that since Ben left me.

“Do you want to dance?” the girls ask, interrupting my thoughts.

“No. I’m going to take a seat at the bench over there and finish my drink and I’ll meet you on the dance floor in a few minutes,” I lie.

God, I’m way too sober to dance. I take a seat at the small circular table and sip my drink as I watch the girls. I feel my phone vibrate in my bag and I take it out to see it’s a text from Ben.

I smile sadly and text him back.

I stare at my phone and wait for his reply. It doesn’t come, so I put my phone on the table in front of me. Finally, another message comes through.

I text back.

A reply comes in.

I smile sadly.

I watch my phone as I wait for his reply.

My eyes fill with tears and I drop my head. That’s exactly how it feels. I reply.

He replies.

I stare at my phone through my blurred vision until I can no longer even see it. I put my phone down on the table, and I swipe the tears away, hoping nobody can see them in the dark. God, this has been an emotional two days. Finding out about his past, realising I don’t love Eric… or have any chance with anyone else until I get over him.

My beautiful Ben…

My Heaven and my Hell.

I scrunch up my face. I just can’t hold the tears any longer. They roll down my face and I keep wiping them away. I hope the girls don’t see me.

A text comes through.

I text back.

A text comes back.

I put my phone down on the table and scramble around in my bag for a tissue. I blow my nose as I think. Hang on… how did he know I was crying? I glance around the other tables, and there at the back, hiding in the darkness… I see him. He sits alone, watching me. He smiles softly and now I really can’t help it. My face screws up again and I find myself walking over to him as he stands.

“What are you doing here?” I whisper.

“I’m here for my girl.”

I stare at him as my brain misfires. “Did you follow me?”

“Yes.” He slowly takes me into his arms and kisses me. My tears wet his cheeks, and this is just my fucking luck that he sees me being a big cry-baby. His tongue gently sweeps between my lips and his hands snake around to my behind.

“Bridget,” he whispers as he holds me tightly in his arms.

This is too much. The feeling between us is too much—much more than it should be. We kiss again and again, and every time his lips leave mine, I only want more. I can feel his erection up against my stomach, and he pulls my behind onto him so that I can really feel it.

We become desperate, frantic in the dark as if we are alone, and our arousal jumps to a new level. He pulls me back to his stool at the table in the darkened corner. He sits on the stool and brings me to stand in between his legs, snug up against his hard cock. Our lips are locked and I can’t see straight, let alone think. His hands slide up my legs, underneath my skirt to rest on my behind. He squeezes my cheeks and inhales sharply. “There’s my girl,” he whispers.

The heat from his touch is electric and my arousal starts to throb heavily between my legs. With every flick of his tongue, his hands slide up and down my behind. I need him to touch me… there.

I lift one of my legs to rest on the stool in invitation, and he smiles against my lips. “You feel so fucking good, Bridge. I’ve waited for this, for you,” he growls in a whisper against my neck as he bites it hard.

Oh, hell. My eyes close in pleasure.

His hand slides up around my inner thigh and his fingers start to circle over my sex, through my panties.

His tongue dances with mine.

I’m wet.

I’m losing control. I want him. I want all of him. His fingers dancing over me just isn’t enough. “Touch me,” I whisper.

His fingers slide beneath my panties and through my dripping-wet flesh. He makes a guttural moan, and I swear, it nearly makes me orgasm.

I clench to hold it back.

He inhales sharply as his kiss becomes frantic. “Bridget,” he whispers with his eyes closed. He slowly slides a finger into me and we both moan.

Oh, this is too good.

Fuck.

He adds another finger and I totally lose control as he slowly starts to pump me.

His breath quivers with deep arousal.

I clench around his fingers and he screws up his face. “We need to go home or I’m going to blow in my fucking pants,” he growls.

I nod as I try to control my breathing, but it’s too late. I need my orgasm now. “Give it to me,” I breathe.

His eyes flicker with arousal and he starts to pump me with his fingers in a rhythm that can only be described as oh my fucking God.

The sound of my slick arousal hangs around us, and hell… I’m in a fucking club, riding his thick fingers.

He bites my neck as he rubs my g-spot, and that’s it.

I clench.

I fall.

Oh, fuck.

”Ben,” I moan as a freight train of an orgasm rips through me.

His mouth hangs slack as he watches me ride it out. My eyes have rolled back in my head.

And then he kisses me, and it’s soft, tender, and loving, and I cling to him as if my life depends on it. Maybe it does.

He slowly takes his fingers out of my body and puts them in his mouth to suck them as his dark eyes hold mine. Then he readjusts my panties. “Let’s go home, angel,” he whispers in my ear as he bites it.

I nod, unable to answer, rocked to my core from the intensity of the orgasm he just gave me without hardly moving a muscle.

He takes my hand and leads me through the club. I spot Louisa, wave, and gesture to the door. Her mouth falls open before she gives me a nerdy two thumbs up.

The drive back to my place is made in silence. He has my hand in his on his lap and I can feel his hard dick in his pants. I’m a bit nervous, to be honest.

It’s been a long time.

Will it still be as hot as it used to be between us?

His eyes flash between me and the road. “What are you thinking about?” he asks.

My eyes hold his. “How good you felt inside of me.”

He puts my hand on his dick. “You ain’t see nothing.”

Fifteen minutes later, we burst through my apartment door like a pair of maniacs. Our lips are locked and he walks me backward into my apartment, lifting my dress over my head and slipping my high heels off.

“Naked. I need you naked,” he pants against my lips.

I moan as his lips drop to my neck and he bites me hard. “Ah,” I cry out.

He takes my bra off and then slides my panties down my legs. His eyes slowly drop down my body, and I feel the heat burn me from his gaze.

“Still fucking perfect,” he whispers.

He picks me up, throws me onto the kitchen table, and lays me back.

“Oh, God,” I whimper.

He takes his shirt off over his head then kicks his shoes and socks off. My eyes roam over his body and that broad chest with its scattering of dark hair. He has thick shoulders with sculptured arms, and I can see every muscle in his stomach.

“Take it all off,” I whisper.

His dark eyes hold mine as he slowly unzips his jeans and slides them down with his briefs.

His thick cock hangs heavily between his legs. Pre-ejaculate is dripping from the end.

Good God… I’m in Heaven.

Then he dips his head and his tongue pushes through my flesh. He moans into me; my legs lift off the table and close by themselves. He grabs my thighs and slams them back against the table.

“Let me in,” he growls.

He begins to suck on me, harder and harder, and his stubble is beginning to burn. I put my hands on the back of his head. His eyes are closed in pleasure and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him so aroused. He pushes up with his shoulders under my thighs, and I slam up onto the table… hard.

Oh fuck, he’s out of control.

“Ben…” I whimper.

He moans into me again and I cry out. Holy fucking hell, this is what I’m talking about.

My back arches off the table, and he pushes four fingers into me with aggression.

“Ahh!” I cry out.

I’d forgotten what it was like to sleep with him. It’s nearly a blood sport, he’s so rough. “Watch me,” he commands.

I lean up onto my elbows and watch him lap me up, every last drop, and I don’t know what’s more arousing…

The feeling of him doing this to me, or the fact that he loves doing it so much.

Either way, I’m one lucky bitch.

He pulls back to watch my body struggle to accept his fingers. My back is arching off the table and the sound of my arousal sucking him in is loud.

“That’s it, baby, ride me. Get ready for this cock of mine.” He slowly takes his dick in his hand and begins to stroke it as he stares at my sex being pounded by his fingers.

Oh fuck, this is too good.

“Now, Ben,” I moan. “I need you now. I don’t want to come on your fingers.” His eyes hold mine and he licks his lips. “You’ll come on whatever I fucking give you,” he growls.

My eyes close and my head falls back. This is how it is with Ben. I get what I’m given.

He hisses through his arousal and I know he can’t stand it any longer, either. He climbs up onto the table until he’s over me. His lips take mine and my hips rise to meet him.

“I need you…” I whimper.

“I know, babe, I’ve got you,” he murmurs against my lips.

He starts to slide his thick cock between my wet lips. Well, fuck me. Oh… damn.

He does this for a long time as we kiss, as if he’s trying to calm himself down.

For me, though, I’m enjoying every second our lips touch. I don’t want this to end.

His perfect kisses. His body against mine. I don’t even need sex. Just being close to him is like a drug.

He lifts one of my legs and holds it back with his forearm, and in one sharp movement, he slides in deep.

Our mouths fall open.

He’s big… and so, so deep.

“Ben…” I whimper. Fuck, was the sex always this good between us?

He slowly pulls out and slides back in.

“Oh, fucking hell, Bridget,” he moans as his lips drop to my neck.

He gives it to me slow for three more strokes and then he slams in hard—so hard he knocks the air from my lungs.

Then he is riding me. Hard, long, deep pumps until I can’t see straight, until I think he’s going to break my dining room table. He lifts my other leg up over his shoulder and holds himself in a push-up position.

Oh, God, if this isn’t the best night of my entire life. My body shudders and I begin to moan. I can’t hold it.

“Wait for me,” he snaps.

“I can’t,” I cry.

“Fucking wait for me, Bridget.”

I wince and squeeze my eyes shut.

Then he really lets me have it at piston pace, and hard… so fucking hard.

“Ah, Ben,” I cry.

He puts his hand underneath my behind to lift me onto his hips and… Oh, God… that’s the spot. My eyes roll into the back of my head. I lose control.

I clench and cry out. He closes his eyes and comes in a rush.

Our lips touch, and suddenly he’s gentle again. We kiss, slowly and tenderly, and I smile against his lips. “Welcome home, baby. Welcome home.”

I walk into Mum’s just after seven. I had planned on getting here earlier but, as usual, I’m running late. This is a goodbye dinner for Cameron. He’s heading back to America tomorrow after the wedding last week. “Hello,” I call out to everyone.

Jordy and Ella run to meet me at the door and I bend and hug them both. “Hello, my favourite little people.” I laugh. Blake toddles towards me and I scoop him up. “Oh, I could eat you.” I bend and pretend to bite his tummy, watching as he squeals in delight. I’ve had the best night of my life. I spent nearly the whole night with Ben inside my body, hard, soft, anyway I could have him. We took a bath and laughed, and it felt like we hadn’t been apart at all.

This morning we made love again and laughed a whole lot more. I knew I would be seeing him tonight and I can hardly wait. We’ve decided we’re not telling anyone about us just yet. This is between us only.

Abbie and Tash are at the kitchen counter, sitting on stools, drinking wine, while Mum is cooking. “Hey, girls.” I smile as I walk in.

“Hello, darling.” Mum kisses me on the cheek. “You look lovely.” She looks me up and down. I glance out at the backyard and I see Joshua, Brock, Cameron, Max, and Ben all standing around cooking on the barbeque grill with beers in their hands. I smile. Whenever we are at Mum’s, Max is always a guest and never a guard. Mum won’t have it any other way. They have become very close over the years.

“Hi, boys,” I call from the door.

“Hi.” They all smile. Joshua walks over and kisses my cheek.

Ben’s eyes rise to meet mine and he gives me a sexy smirk.

I feel my stomach flip, and I smile.

“Did you stop and get my beer, Didge?” Brock asks.

I roll my eyes. “Yes, I got your stupid beer. Why couldn’t you get it?”

“I was running late and you said you were stopping for wine anyway.”

I smirk and go back into the kitchen. Somehow Brock has got into the habit of me organising him, and he even refers to me as his PA.

PA, my ass.

Natasha fills my glass and I sit next to them at the counter. Mum is cooking fried rice.

“How was your day?” I smile.

Abbie leans in. “Ben hooked up last night,” she whispers. “He must have been furious about your fight.”

“What?” My eyes flicker outside to where he is. Oh, that’s right, he was with me. “How do you know?” I whisper back. Ben and I talked about this; we don’t want anyone to know anything yet. I want to avoid another Eric disaster.

Natasha glances outside guiltily. “We called around on the way over here to see his place.”

“What’s it like?” I interrupt.

“Fucking amazing,” Abbie replies.

I smirk because I know it is. “And?”

“His mattress wasn’t even blown up,” Natasha whispers.

I frown as I try to keep a straight face. “What do you mean, blown up?” I reply as I take a quick glance outside.

“He has a blow-up mattress,” Natasha tells me.

“Where is his furniture?” I ask innocently.

“He hasn’t got any yet.”

I roll my lips as I look at Ben. His legs are wide apart, his arms folded as he stands there with his squarer than square jaw and those huge muscular shoulders and arms that scream fuck me now. Hmm. Delicious. I smirk and look back at the girls. “I don’t understand.”

“He didn’t sleep at my house because I checked late, and I didn’t hear him come home all night,” Natasha whispers. It’s getting hard to keep a straight face.

“Right.” I frown.

“And he didn’t sleep at his new house,” Abbie whispers as she widens her eyes. “You don’t have to be Einstein to work this shit out.”

“Oh…” I nod.

Mum goes out to the boys. “Can I ask someone a favour, please? The light down in the cellar needs changing and I can’t reach it.”

“I’ll do it,” Max offers.

“I can help, too,” Ben adds, and the two of them disappear around the side of the house and down the steps with Mum.

Brock comes in to put his beer in the fridge. “Did Ben pick up last night?” Natasha asks him straight out.

“No.” He frowns.

“How do you know?” Abbie asks.

Brock’s eyes flicker between us. “Because I know.” He rolls his eyes.

“How?” Natasha demands.

“Because he’s obsessed with Didge. I know he wouldn’t pick up.”

Natasha narrows her eyes. “Well, where did he sleep then?”

He shrugs and opens his beer to take a big swig. “I don’t know, but, like…” He sips again and shrugs. “He hasn’t had sex in months. He wouldn’t come all the way to Australia to pick up some random chick.”

I bite my bottom lip to stop an over the top smile from covering my face.

Joshua walks inside and stands with us. He takes a handful of chips and throws them into his mouth.

Hang on a minute. Did I hear that right? “What do you mean he hasn’t had sex in months?” I frown.

Brock frowns at Joshua. “What did he say, Stan?”

Joshua rolls his eyes, uninterested. “I don’t know, something lame.”

“When did he say this?” I ask.

“The other night when we were out. Said he only had one girl on his mind and nobody else could get the job done. Said it’s been months.” He widens his eyes at me.

A stupid, goofy grin nearly splits my face.

Brock points at Joshua. “That’s weird, but… right? It’s a job. Anyone can get it done.”

Joshua smirks. “That’s what I was thinking.”

Natasha looks at Joshua, deadpan. “Well, your jobs may never get done again.”

He winks playfully, and she rolls her eyes in disgust.

I giggle and turn to see Ben walking back through the backyard with Mum and Max. My heart skips a beat. I head out in time to hear Mum talking to Cameron.

“Cameron, who was that beautiful girl you were with at the wedding?”

“Oh, that’s April,” he tells her.

“She was gorgeous,” Mum gushes.

“Yeah, she’s nice.” He shrugs. “She’s not Mrs. Stanton.”

Joshua smirks as he walks out the backyard in time to hear his brother.

“Cameron.” I shake my head. “You’re never going to find someone good enough to be Mrs. Stanton. There’s always something wrong with them.”

He winks cheekily. “When I meet her, I’ll know.” He slaps Ben on the shoulder. “Hey, Ben?”

Ben shakes his head and I smile. His eyes flicker to me, and I feel a flutter deep in the pit of my stomach.

“Excuse me.” Ben smiles before heading inside and disappearing up the hall.

Ha, finally I can catch him alone.

I wait a few moments and then head up the hall in search of him. The bathroom door is shut so I wait in my old bedroom up the hall. A few minutes later he walks past and I reach out to grab him by the hand and pull him into the room before I shut the door.

He smiles as he wraps his arms around me. “Hello, my beautiful girl,” he whispers as he kisses my lips. “Playing hide and seek in here, are you?”

I smile up at him like a lovesick groupie. I really should try and play hard to get a little. “How was you day?” I whisper as I run my hands up his back and over his muscular shoulders.

“Well, I wasn’t with you, so it was long.” He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight before he lifts me off the floor. I giggle at his strength.

“Can I see you tonight?” he whispers as he kisses me again.

I smile goofily. “Yes.”

He kisses me again and I feel a flutter in my stomach.

“I’ll go back and pick up my things after here and then come over. I need to work early tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.”

We stare at each other, and I run my fingers through his two-day growth. “Ben,” I whisper.

“Yes?” he replies as he watches me intently.

“I’m glad you came back for me.”

He smiles, and it’s the most magical smile I think he has ever given me. He kisses me again. “Not as glad as I am, Didge.” His hand roams down to my behind and slides up underneath my skirt, where he grabs my bare skin.

He bends to whisper in my ear. “Now go back out there or else you’re going to get yourself fucked on your hands and knees on your mother’s floor.”

I swipe my tongue through his open mouth as my arousal starts to thump. “Let’s go home now. You can fuck me on my floor,” I breathe. That does sound really good.

His eyes darken. “Don’t tempt me.” He pulls from my grip and opens the door, gesturing for me to go out.

“You go first,” I whisper.

He points to his dick. “Small problem.”

I look down to see his huge erection in his jeans and I giggle. “That thing is anything but small.”

He rolls his eyes and pushes me out of the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I straighten my dress and square my shoulders. Right. Let’s get through dinner before I can start thinking about dessert.

The buzzer rings and I go to the security system. Ben’s strong face is on the screen.

I left Mum’s an hour ago and Ben was just going to go and grab his things then come straight over.

He knocks on the door and I open it. “Took your time.” I tap my watch three times.

He smiles sexily and his eyes glow in excitement. “Good things come to those who wait.”

He has this boyish charm about him tonight and I smile broadly. “What’s that cute face for?” I ask.

He walks in and throws his bag on the floor before he takes me in his arms. He kisses me softly. “Cute face?”

“Yes, that’s a cute, excited face.” I reach up and cup his cheek in my hand. I’ve been itching to touch him all night.

He smiles. “Well…” He kisses me again. “After way too long without you, I’m finally here with you.” His hand slides down to my behind. “And I find you wearing this sexy little number to greet me and drive me wild.”

I bought this today on the way home from work. It’s a white satin nightdress with spaghetti straps, and it hugs me in all the right places. I knew he would love it, hence why I bought it. “You like?” I whisper against his lips.

He squeezes my behind. “I love,” he breathes.

I run my hand up over his broad chest and I feel everything inside me tingle.

His dark eyes drop to my lips. My eyes search his and I wrap my arms around him. In return, he holds me tight. We stay in each other’s arms for an extended time. Does he feel it? Does he feel this closeness between us? It’s overbearing.

He licks his lips as he looks down at me. “Here’s the thing: I could make small talk and pretend I want to do that. But all I really want to do is get on top of you in your bed.”

He picks me up, throws me over his shoulder, and carries me up the hall until he’s throwing me onto the bed. I bounce high. He flicks the lamp on and turns the main light off. The ambience in the room instantly turns more sensual.

I lie on my back, our eyes locked as he slowly begins to undress. First his shirt goes, and then he slowly slides down his jeans and briefs. My mouth goes dry.

Holy mother of fuck.

My eyes drop to his strong, athletic thigh muscles. I see his striking tattoo over one shoulder. I appreciate the V of muscles that run down from his hips to his groin, loving the way they grab my attention, until I see the short, well-groomed, dark pubic hair, and the most perfect fucking penis I have ever seen.

It’s so thick, long, and mouth-wateringly good. My breath catches.

Honestly… what the hell?

It doesn’t get any better than this view.

His body is perfect.

He gets into bed and pulls me into his arms. We kiss for an extended time, and then he puts his arm under my head as if he wants to spend time with me first. I like this change of pace. This is how we used to be when we were meeting in secret. We would spend hours in bed, naked, talking to each other in between making love. I kiss his chest. “You’re different tonight.” I smile against his skin.

“So you are you,” he whispers.

I glance up at his face in the darkness. “How so?”

“The way you looked at me tonight at dinner.”

“How did I look at you?” I frown.

He gently kisses my lips. “Like you used to.”

I roll onto my side and put my hand under my head, leaning on my elbow. “Like I used to?”

He rolls onto his side to face me and I find myself smiling.

“How did I used to look at you?” I ask.

“Like you liked me.”

My eyebrow rises, and I give him a cheeky smile. “I do like you.”

“One hopes so.”

I bite my bottom lip to stifle my goofy smile. “How long is it since you’ve been with someone?” I ask. I’m not sure what to make of Brock’s outlandish claim tonight. I can’t imagine Ben ever going without sex. He wouldn’t be able to do it. He’s way too sexual. Every cell of Ben’s body screams pounding hard sex.

His eyes hold mine. “A while.”

“How long is a while?”

He shrugs. “Couple of months.”

“How is that possible?”

He reaches over and cups my breast through my nightdress. “Well…” He pauses. “It’s kind of like eating out, I suppose.”

I smile and raise my eyebrows in question.

“Like a buffet,” he adds.

“A buffet?” I frown.

“Well, when you first go to an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant it starts out fun.”

I smile softly as I listen.

“You eat foods that you wouldn’t normally try.” He pauses as he dusts his thumb back and forth over my nipple with fascination. “You eat way too much of everything on the menu.”

I roll my lips as I watch him.

“The food fills you up,” he whispers as his eyes rise to my lips. “It keeps you going, but it never quite satisfies your cravings.”

He pinches my nipple hard and my breath catches.

“After a while the food becomes bland and tasteless. At least to me.”

I study him in the dark.

“And then one day I went to a specialty restaurant and I got to order exactly what I wanted.”

I smile softly. “What did you order?”

He runs his pointer down to my ribs and pokes me. “Prime rib.”

I giggle.

“But I got kicked out of that restaurant,” he continues.

“You left the restaurant by choice,” I correct him.

He smiles and cups my breast with his hand. “It wasn’t by choice, I can assure you.”

I frown softly.

“And then I had to go back to that damn all-you-can-eat buffet.” He narrows his eyes. “I was there for a really long time.”

I hate that he was there for a really long time, but I lean over and kiss him softly anyway. “What happened then?” I whisper.

“The food began to make me sick.”

I run my hand up and over his broad chest. I have to touch him, I can’t help it.

“And after a while the thought of eating something I didn’t want turned my stomach.” He kisses me softly. “I would rather starve than eat what I didn’t want anymore.”

Our eyes are locked.

“What do you want to eat, Ben?” I whisper.

“You.” His eyes hold mine. “I only want to eat you.” He kisses me softly. “I can’t go back to that buffet, Bridget.”

I smile against his lips, and God, if that isn’t the best restaurant story I’ve ever heard in my life. He kisses me. It’s soft and tender and everything I remembered that we once were. We kiss again and again, and slowly his body moves over mine until I am underneath him, our bodies rubbing against each other, seeking relief. My legs are wide open, and he is rocking onto me in the most perfectly hard way.

I cup his face in my hand and gently kiss his big beautiful lips as our eyes search each other’s. How do I feel so close to him this quickly? It’s like he’s never been away. “You’re the only person I want to eat in my restaurant, Ben,” I whisper.

He laughs and flips me over, so I’m on top of him. “Ride me home, Didge. Show me what I’ve been missing.”