My phone rings and I glance at my watch. It’s Bridget, and she’s on her lunch break. I glance over at Brock as we walk down the street together. Fuck it, I’m going to answer. “Hey.”

“Hi,” her sweet voice replies. I can tell she’s smiling.

I have to bite my bottom lip to stop myself from smiling, too. “What are you up to?” I ask.

“I’m just ringing to see what the plans are for tonight.”

I glance over to Brock, her brother, and he pretends not to listen. “Well, that depends.”

“On what?”

I stay silent and she laughs. “Are you with Brock?” she asks.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, you can tell him that his sister can hardly sit down today because big bad Ben has been giving it to her hard.”

I roll my lips as I try not to smile, and my eyes flicker over to him again. “Yeah, I’ll pass on that one.”

Brock walks into a shop and I wait outside. “Do you want to go to the beach after work?” I ask

“Erm…” she hesitates.

I narrow my eyes. She’s hesitant in case we see Eric. “We’ll go somewhere else. Maybe Bondi,” I add.

“Okay, that sounds great. We can get some dinner there, too.”

“I’ll pick you up from work at five,” I reply.

“Okay, babe, see you then.” She hesitates again, as if she wants to add something, so I wait, too.

“Just how sore are you?” I eventually ask.

“Let’s just say that I won’t be going horse riding anytime soon.”

“I beg to differ, you’re an excellent horse rider. Rough terrain is your specialty.”

She laughs. “And you’re a fucking sex maniac. Goodbye, Ben.”

I smirk. “Bye.” I hang up.

“Was that Bridget?” Brock asks as he walks out of the shop.

I frown as I put my phone back in my pocket. “What makes you say that?”

“I saw you two sneak off last night.”

I look at him, deadpan.

“I’m a private eye. Of course I notice that shit.”

I throw my empty coffee cup in the bin and begin to walk up the busy street. “Yeah, well, just keep your mouth shut. She wants to keep it on the down low.”

“Why? Because of Eric?” he asks.

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, fucking pisses me off. Weak prick.”

“Is he still calling her?”

I shrug. “Don’t know, but we had a fight outside the front of her work.”

“When was this?” He frowns.

I shrug. “The other day. We were kissing, and he went ape.”

He smirks. “Did you sort him?”

I raise my eyebrow. “What do you think?”

He smiles broadly.

We walk for a while, and I have to ask this question. “Did she love him?”

He screws up his face. “I don’t know, man.” He shrugs. “I doubt she would have come back to you so quick if she had.”

I clench my jaw in anger. Hmm, not the answer I wanted.

I feel uneasiness bubble inside of me.

Stop it… get back to work.

I wait in the car at 5:00 p.m. and I watch her high ponytail bounce as she walks toward me. She walks in front of the car and flicks the hem of her flowy dress up to show me her behind in a flirty fashion. I raise my eyebrow and smile. There she is. My hot little hellcat.

“Going my way?” She smiles through the open window.

I start the car and look down at her cleavage as she leans through the window…

Fuck, she’s got good tits.

The best.

“Get in, bitch.” I smirk.

“Oh, dirty talker. I will get into your car then.” She bounces into the seat and leans over to kiss me. “How is my man?” She smiles against my lips.

Horny, I want to reply, but I hold my tongue. I need to go easy on her tonight. She just makes me so hot, I can’t see straight.

“Better now that you’re here.” I smile. I turn back and pull out onto the street, and she slides her hand up my thigh, under my shorts leg.

“We have to go home to get my swimmers.”

“Back seat,” I reply.

“Huh?” She leans over, gets the brown bag from the backseat, and opens it. “Ohh, what did you buy?” She gasps as she pulls it from the bag and holds it up to inspect it. A tiny gold string bikini and a matching sarong hang from her hands. She holds it up to herself and smiles broadly. “Oh, my God, thank you. I love it. So thoughtful.” She reaches over and pulls my face to hers, kissing my cheek as I drive. “I’m not sure it’s going to fit around my boobs, though.” She frowns as she holds the top over her chest and looks down at herself.

“Nothing could contain those tits,” I murmur. I get a vision of them bouncing last night as she was riding my cock, and I feel myself harden. I readjust myself in my shorts.

Cut it out.

“You seem to do a good job wrangling them,” she replies sexily.

My eyes flicker between her and the road, and she licks her lips for added effect. “Will you stop being so fucking hot? I’m trying not to have sex with you tonight. I’m giving you a night off.”

Her eyes dance with delight and she drops her head to my crotch. “Don’t tell me I can’t have something, Ben. You know it will only make me want it more.”

She blows through the fabric of my shorts, onto my dick, and the hot air feels good. “Bridget,” I whisper as I look around us. We are in peak-hour fucking traffic.

“I just want a little taste,” she murmurs against me.

Fuck. I change lanes.

I put my hand on her shoulder as she pulls my shorts down.

I wince as she takes me in her mouth and I stop at traffic lights.

“Fuck, Bridget.”

She giggles around me, and I glance over at the drivers of the cars all around us, going about their business.

“I’m going to crash the fucking car,” I whisper.

“But what a way to go.”

I stroke her hair as she builds a rhythm. Oh, fuck. I lean my head back against the head rest. Her tongue flicks over my end. My mouth hangs open in awe.

Holy shit…

Christ…

Christ Almighty.

My body begins to throb as I watch her head bob up and down. The lights change, and a passing truck honks his horn and gives me the thumbs up. “Lucky bastard!” he calls out his window.

Oh, shit.

“Bridget. That truck just saw us. Stop…” I beg.

She giggles again. “I’ll stop when you blow in my mouth.”

Fucking hell. She’s hot. “What puts you in this fucking mood?” I ask. “You reckon I’m a sex maniac,” I splutter.

“This big beautiful dick,” she murmurs around me. She starts to really pump me with her hand and my legs spread without instruction

Fuck. I’ve got to pull over. I am going to crash the car for real.

I see a sporting ground and pull into the parking lot, and she pulls my shorts down and really lets me have it. Long, deep sucks follow with her hand pumping my cock. Both my hands are on the back of her head and I can’t even see straight.

“Give it to me,” she whispers.

That’s it… that’s my breaking point. A man can only take so much. I put my head back, screw up my face, and come in her mouth.

And like the fucking sex goddess that she is, she drinks it down and then licks me clean.

I lie back in my seat, sated on so many levels I have no idea where to start.

She sits up and licks her lips with a cheeky smile. “I’d like to go swimming now, please.”

I laugh and bring her to me, kissing her lips as I come to the terrifying realisation of what I already knew.

If this ends again, it’s going to fucking kill me.

* * *

I lie on my back at Bondi Beach. It’s just 9:00 p.m. on a hot Sydney night. It’s thirty-eight degrees, to be exact. Ben and I have been swimming and laughing all afternoon. We had fish and chips on the beach and now we’re both having a beer.

I’m relaxed, and the happiest I can remember ever being.

Ben is leaning up on his elbow close to me with his hand resting protectively on my stomach. He sporadically leans down and kisses me softly.

“Have you seen Eric?” he asks.

I frown. Oh. That’s a change of pace. “I’ve been trying to call him.”

He glares at me and raises an eyebrow.

“I wanted to see if he’s all right after the fight.”

“He’s fine, I hardly fucking touched him,” he snaps as he rolls back onto his back.

I sit up. “Are you annoyed that I tried to call him?”

He puts the back of his forearm over his eyes, but he doesn’t answer me.

I peel his arm back, so I can see his face. “Ben, I don’t feel the same way about Eric as I do about you.”

He watches me.

“But I care for him.”

“Did you love him?”

I shake my head sadly. “No.” I pause. “But he thinks he loved me.” I run my fingers through the sand as I try to articulate my feelings. “You know, I just up and left him, and then a week later he sees me kissing you.” I drop my head. “I’m ashamed of how I treated him.” I lie down and put my head on his chest. “That’s why I don’t want anyone to know about us just yet. I want it to settle down before we come out in the open. Even my mum… how do I explain moving on so quickly to her?”

“Why did you move on so quick?” he asks.

I pause before I speak. No… just say it. “You’re the man I never got over, Ben.”

I reach up and kiss him softly. “I feel like we just picked up where we left off. Like we’ve never been apart.”

He smiles softly as if mollified. “Well, you’re my girl.” Our lips touch. “You’ve been my girl all along.”

I smile against his lips as he wraps his arms around me.

“I don’t want you calling him again.”

I lean back onto my elbow and frown. “You can’t tell me not to call him.”

“Yes, I can. I just did.”

“Ben.” I frown.

“Don’t fight with me over this, Bridget. I mean it. He’s gone. For good.”

I sip my beer and he watches me as we have a silent stand-off.

Ben has two distinct sides. The beautiful sweet man who cares for me… and the dominant ass who has to have his own way. Unfortunately, that dominant ass happens to be so fucking sexy that I lose my mind over him.

He changes the subject. “Let’s go home and get you naked,” he whispers as his dark eyes drop to my lips. He trails his finger down my chest and over my breast.

I stand, annoyed, and then and I flick the towel to get the sand out. Sensing my annoyance, he stands behind me, wraps his arms around me, and sucks on the back of my neck.

“It’s time to repay the favour, angel. You belong to me now,” he whispers in my ear, causing goose bumps to scatter.

That statement is wrong on so many levels, but fuck… I’m totally screwed. He’s got me, and he knows it.

Belonging to Ben has always been my end game.

I wake to the gentle dusting of kisses on my shoulder, and I smile softly.

I know where I am and who I’m with without even opening my eyes. Ben gives the best wake up calls ever. It’s as if he can’t seem to grasp the reality that he’s here with me, so he has to touch every inch of my skin for confirmation. His hand roams from my jaw to my stomach, down to my behind, and then falls on my legs, up to my breasts and back to my hips. “Good morning.” I smile sleepily.

“Good morning,” he whispers as his lips take mine gently. His hand lingers on my jaw and we kiss for a moment. It’s soft and slow and I can already feel his erection against my leg.

“How did you sleep?” I ask.

“Like a log.” He rolls onto his back and pulls my body over his. I kiss his chest and run my hand over it as his lips rest on my temple. I have this nagging thought in the back of my mind and it won’t go away. I thought about it all night and this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. In my mind, I would get the answers I needed first and then we would get to know each other all over and resolve any issues before I gave him a green light to my body.

But somehow Ben has a way with me, and no matter how hard I try I can’t stay away.

I frown as I try get my wording right. “Ben?”

“Hmm.” He smiles as he kisses my forehead.

“There was something you said to me all those years ago, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.”

I feel his body stiffen beneath me and he stays silent.

“You said that you had a past you didn’t want catching up with me.” I look up at him. “What exactly did you mean by that?”

A frown crosses his face. “I don’t know what I meant by it, it was just something I said. Maybe I meant the army?”

I sit up, confused. “You don’t remember saying that?”

He pulls me back into his arms. “Stay close,” he replies as he holds me tight and kisses my forehead again.

“You really don’t remember what you said the night you left me?” Oh, deflation fills me. How could this be? I have gone over that conversation in my head every day for five years.

He shrugs.

I watch him. “It’s a yes or no question, Ben.”

“Then it’s a no.”

I lie still in his arms as his lips roam over my forehead.

I still feel like I need answers, and if I don’t get them now maybe I never will. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I can’t live my life with a man who won’t talk openly. I’m just going to come out with it.

“Why did you leave me back then, Ben?”

“Don’t.”

I frown and sit up again. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t drag up the past.”

I watch him for a moment as my brain tries to catch up. “But I feel unsettled. I have unresolved issues that still go through my mind. I need to quiet them, and if we are to move forward I need to know that you leaving is not going to happen again.”

“It’s not. I told you it’s not. I wouldn’t have come back otherwise.”

“Okay, so we talk about what happened, why you said there were things I didn’t know about you, and we resolve it,” I reply.

“Fucking leave it, Bridget,” he snaps as he gets out of bed.

What the hell?

“No, I won’t. I want to know.” I’m getting pissed off now. “What did you think could hurt me if I stayed with you back then?”

“Why didn’t you bring this up before if it bothers you so much?” he snaps.

“Well…” I shake my head, because that is a very good question. “You told me about your family and I completely forgot about all this.”

“You were thinking about my fucking family while…” He connects the dots. “So, that was the last three days? Sympathy fucking?” He sneers.

“No.”

“What the fuck was it then, Bridget?” he growls.

“That… It came out wrong,” I stammer as I try to backtrack. “I didn’t mean it that way. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

He shakes his head in disgust and starts to look around for his clothes.

“Where are you going?” I ask.

“Home. I have to work.”

“Bullshit. You’re avoiding this conversation.”

“For fuck’s sake, Bridget, leave the past in the past! It doesn’t matter anymore.”

My face falls. “Is that how you get through life, Ben?”

His eyes hold mine.

“By leaving the past in the past, never dealing with anything, but just moving onward and upward?”

He pulls his jeans on in a hurried fashion. “It’s for the best. No good ever comes from dwelling on the past.” He zips up his fly. “All I know is that we had a perfect couple of days and now you’re ruining it with shit that happened five years ago. Why?”

I watch him dress. “Have you ever seen someone… professional?”

He scrunches up his face. “Now I’m a nut job because I don’t remember a fucking conversation?” He shakes his head in disgust. “Can you hear yourself?”

“Have you ever dealt with your sister’s death?”

He points at me. “You leave my sister out of this!” he yells as he completely loses control of his emotions.

The room falls silent and he drops his head, clearly ashamed of himself for just showing me how vulnerable he really is.

Dear God, he has more issues than I thought.

I stand and wrap my arms around him. “Ben, let me in.” My eyes search his.

He puts his finger under my jaw to bring my eyes up to meet his. “I’m here, Didge,” he whispers. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I want all of you, warts and all. Not just the parts you decide to show me.”

Our eyes are locked and I can see him thinking. “Some people’s warts are bigger than others.” He sighs sadly as he pulls out of my arms.

“Another riddle. Really? You’re giving me another riddle? Just say what you fucking mean, Ben!” I snap, losing the last of my patience.

He seems to shift into some kind of rehearsed roleplay. “What I meant to say is… I don’t remember what I said the night we broke up. My sister has nothing to do with any of that, and it seems like you are looking for something to fight over.” He walks out into the lounge room and I follow him, still naked. “Now I’m going to work, and if you decide you want to talk about our future instead of our past then I will see you tonight.”

“And if not?” I snap as I put my hands on my hips.

His cold eyes find mine. “Then I guess I’ll see you around.”

“What? Are you kidding me, right now? I want to have a conversation, that’s not too much to ask for, Ben.” I can’t fucking believe this.

“Stop looking for something that isn’t there, Bridget. Just leave it!” With one last look my way, he walks out the door, and it closes behind him. I stare at it with my heart beating hard in my chest.

What the fuck was that?

It’s 11:00 a.m. and I have taken an early lunch to ring Adrian.

I need to talk about this and I don’t want the others to know. I emailed him, so I know he is waiting for my call. It’s just gone 6:00 p.m. yesterday for him in America. These time zones are annoying because I can’t just ring him whenever I want to. When I’m at home, he’s at work or sleeping, and when he’s at home, I’m working or sleeping. I grab my lunch, go to the park so I can talk freely, and I dial his number. He answers on the first ring. “Hey, Didge.”

Just hearing his voice makes me weak. “Oh, Adrian, it’s good to hear your voice.”

“What’s wrong, babe?” He’s clearly concerned.

“Well…” I scrunch up my face because I know that he is going to lecture me. “I’ve been sneaking around with Ben.”

“You have?”

I nod, even though he can’t see me. “Yes. And…” I pause, because this sounds so lame.

“What about, Eric?” he asks.

I roll my eyes. “Long story, but we broke up.”

“And you moved on already?”

I shrug. “I don’t think I ever moved on from Ben, to be honest.”

“This is true,” he replies. “We did know this already.”

“I’ve been sleeping with him for three days.”

“How long have you been sneaking around with him?”

“A week.”

The line stays silent.

“Are you there?” I ask.

“He ripped your heart out and stomped on it, then he comes back, and in two days you’re on your damn back. What the hell, Bridget?”

I know.” I wince. “It sounds bad when you say it like that.”

“Like what? The truth?”

I roll my eyes. “Anyway… this morning—”

He cuts me off. “How was it, by the way?”

“Good.” I widen my eyes. “Great, as in life-changing.” I shake my head in disgust. “I asked him why he left me back then and why he said that his past would catch up with me.”

“What did he say to that?”

“Well, he got all defensive and told me he didn’t remember saying any of it, and then he said I was just looking for a fight.”

He eventually answers, “Okay.” He thinks for a moment. “And you didn’t think to have this conversation before you jumped on his dick?”

I cringe. “I did, but it didn’t happen.”

I can almost hear him roll his eyes through the phone line. “Okay, so then what happened?”

“Well, it’s confusing, but he has issues.”

“Ugh, you’re making excuses for him now. Like what?”

“His twin sister was murdered when he was twelve and his parents died not long after.”

“Fuck,” he whispers.

“And I think because he has never been made to talk things through with people, he just brushes everything under the carpet.”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because I asked him if he had seen anyone about the death of his sister, and he screamed at me and told me to leave her out of this.”

“Hmm.”

“So, it ended up him saying that if I wanted to talk about our future he would see me tonight, but if I wanted to fight about the past then he would see me around.”

Adrian stays silent.

I shake my head, because saying this out loud just cements that fact that I’m an idiot. “What do I do? Do I go along and not ask about our breakup or his past, and move forward with our future?”

“But how will you know that it won’t happen again the next time shit goes down? Is he just going to withdraw every time things gets too hard to talk about?”

“I… I don’t know,” I stammer. “That’s what I’m thinking.”

“And what about your needs? You need closure on that breakup, even if you don’t work it out with him. You need closure to move on with someone else.”

“I know I do. I tried to tell him that.”

“And what did he say?”

I blow out a breath as I try to remember. “I’m looking for a fight, or something lame.”

“Fuck him,” Adrian snaps. “He’s a selfish asshole. If he can’t understand that you want closure on the last breakup before he throws you around his bed, then you’re right, he has got fucking issues.”

I listen sadly.

“And…” he continues. “He’s the one who came back for you and demanded a second chance, remember? Not the other way around. If he is serious about wanting a future with you, he should man up.”

“Do you think he is?” I ask hopefully.

“I do. Well, I hope. You don’t move to the other side of the world for someone just for a booty call, now, do you?”

“I am amazing in bed. Anything is possible.” I smile.

He chuckles. “That goes without saying. I think you need to give him some time to think about this. If he is holding out on you, as we both suspect he is, then he would know that and he will also be testing you to see if he can get away with it.”

I listen as I think.

“How you let him treat you now in the early stages is the standard you are setting for how he can treat you in the future. If you put up with crap now, then you will only ever get crap from him,” he continues.

“But what if he is seriously damaged and he needs my help to overcome these obstacles?” I ask.

“Then he tells you he needs some time. He doesn’t dismiss you as a drama queen. He has no regard for your feelings, Bridget. I think he made that clear when he came back and demanded a second chance with his sleazy texts. You want a boyfriend you can discuss your feelings with openly, Didge. This isn’t high school.”

I exhale heavily. “You’re right.” I think for a moment. “I’m not calling him. If he wants to see me, then he can make the effort.”

“Good. When is your trip?”

“Two weeks.”

“And you are gone for how long?”

“Three weeks.”

“Does he know that?”

I shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Honestly. Why did you sleep with him so soon? What the hell were you thinking?” He sighs.

I get a lump in my throat. “Because I missed him, and I care about him. I have this affection for him that I don’t have for anyone else.” I pause. “I feel like he’s broken.”

“Oh, Didge.” He blows out a deep breath. “In one week, you are already back to where you were five years ago, aren’t you?”

I nod through my tears. “I just wish…” I stop myself.

“You just wish what?’

“I just wish that I felt about someone normal the way I feel about Ben.”

“I know, baby. We can’t choose who our heart loves.”

I angrily swipe the tears from my eyes. “This is ridiculous. I’m a cot case and I am not even officially back with him. Three nights and look at me.”

“Why haven’t you told Tash and Abs?”

I shrug. “I just wanted to work out if things were going to be okay between us before I did. We decided to stay on the down low for a while.”

“Just tell them.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it. Not a word from you, though,” I remind him.

“Promise.”

I smile because Adrian can always make me feel better… or worse. He only ever delivers the truth.

“Don’t call him, Didge. You want a man to fall in love with, not a child who is emotionally unavailable and unwilling to address issues.”

“Yeah, I know.” I sigh sadly.

“See what happens. He might turn up at your apartment tonight, declaring undying love.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, right. I wish.”

“Well, if he doesn’t, by the time you get back he should get the picture, and if he can’t give you what you need he will hopefully be man enough to leave you alone.”

My heart constricts at the thought.

“If you just go with the flow you are always going to want answers, and it will always be a sticking point for the two of you. Every time you have a fight this will come up. If it bothers you now, it will bother you then.”

“You’re right.” I smile. “You are such a wise, old owl.”

He laughs. “For everyone else but myself.”

“Are you okay?” I ask. “I’ve just been talking about myself this whole time.”

“I’ll be glad when Joshua gets here this week.”

“Oh, that’s right, he’s coming home for a week, isn’t he?”

“Thank God.”

I glance at my watch. “I’ve got to get back to work. Thank you. You always make sense of things for me.”

“Stay strong, Didge. If he came back for you like he said he did, he will meet your terms eventually.”

I nod with a new determination.

“Yes, you’re right. Love you. Bye.”

“Love you, too. Bye, babe.”

It’s after 8:00 p.m. and I’ve just returned home from the gym. I ran ten kilometres on the treadmill to try and relieve my stress.

I’m so tired; worrying is exhausting. I click on my phone.

No missed calls.

I click out of it in disgust. He’s not going to call me. I already know he won’t.

Why did he come back here, if he’s not going to call?

It makes me sick that I just want to end this silence and call him.

One week back in my life and I feel like a lovesick puppy. I hate this.

Giving in to his terms and playing happily families really does sound a lot better than sitting here alone, going over something that happened five years ago.

Am I being stupid?

Am I being a drama queen. Is he right?

I walk over to the window and look down at the street below, desperately hoping I will see his car driving down the street.

I don’t.

I drag myself to have a steaming hot shower, and then I make myself toast for dinner and go to bed before I cave in and call, begging him to come over.

I stare into the darkness, searching the ceiling as my tears run down into my ears.

I glance at the clock.

3:00 a.m.

Being strong hurts.

Last week dragged. This week is just a nightmare.

I haven’t seen Ben for almost two weeks.

Twelve days, to be exact. Twelve days of running our last conversation over and over in my head. Twelve days of knowing I’m in the right, but teetering on the edge of forgiveness, just to hold him in my arms again.

The thing with us is that the highs are perfect. We go so high, I never want to come down. Those three days we spent together were so happy and loving, and everything I need in a relationship. But the lows… the lows are a dark place. I wouldn’t wish the way I feel at the moment on my worst enemy. I saw Eric yesterday. I ran into him at the grocery store and I felt nothing. It was like I didn’t even know him anymore. Maybe I never did. Looking back, I never gave him a chance. I was in love with Ben the whole time and was just playing a charade.

A fucked-up game of ‘I’m over the ex’. A game I’m really good at losing.

I’m at a bar with Tash and Joshua and Abs and, once again, I’m acting—acting happy… acting normal—when all I really want to do is go to Ben’s and beg him to come home.

I stare in the mirror of the toilets and watch the girls all around me apply their lipstick. Then I look at myself in the mirror.

Something’s got to give,

Because I’m so fucking over being heartbroken by this guy. I need to get over him. I need to find the strong girl I was before we met.

I don’t even know that girl anymore. Ben killed her.

My reflection is hollow and empty.

Ding dong, the witch is dead.

My phone dances on my desk and I scramble to pick it up. My heart drops when I see it isn’t him.

“Hey, Didge,” Brock says down the phone.

“Hello, my dear brother. To what do I owe this pleasure? What do you need done for you?” I smile sarcastically.

“Hey, ease up.” He laughs. “I want to take you out for lunch, actually.”

“You do?” I glance at my watch. “I go in half an hour.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll meet you at the ’café, since I’m in town already.”

“Okay, great. Bethany isn’t on reception today, though.” I smile.

“Ah, shit.” He sighs.

“Is that the only reason you were coming to see me? So you can perve on Bethany?”

“Totally, but I suppose you’ll do.”

I hang up and smile. Too bad Bethany has a boyfriend. Oh, well. Lunch.

A welcome distraction.

The waitress brings our drinks.

She places them down on the table in front of us. “Thank you.”

Brock picks up his drink. “So, what have you done to Ben?”

My face falls. “W-what?”

“You heard me. What have you done to Ben?”

“What’s wrong with Ben?” I frown.

“Well, for a week he was in the best mood ever, and then—” He shakes his head as he thinks. “Then something happened, and he went all quiet, but now it’s getting unbearable because yesterday I thought he was going to kill someone. Today, I’m sure of it.”

I stare at him and I know I can’t lie for shit. I blow out a breath. “Why do you think it has anything to do with me?”

“Because you are the only one who gets to him like this.” He watches me closely. “And I know about you two; he told me a few weeks ago.”

With my elbows resting on the table, I drop my face to my hands. “It’s just a big mess, Brock.”

“What happened?” He sighs.

I exhale. “I’m not telling you because you will just tell him.”

“I won’t.” He watches me for a moment. “I promise.”

I sip my drink. “Well…” I roll my eyes. “We spent a few days together. And I want some answers, you know? I just want to be able to talk about things without being growled at.”

“Like what?’

I shrug. “How we ended last time.”

“That’s in the past.”

“That is such a guy thing to say. It’s not in the fucking past. I want some reassurance that it’s not going to happen again.”

He rolls his eyes. “What do you want, a fucking engagement ring? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No,” I snap. “You’re an idiot. That’s the last thing I want.”

He watches me.

“Ben’s…” I shake my head as I try to articulate my thoughts. “He’s different, Brock. He doesn’t tell me anything about himself. I have to pry for information, like it’s a hassle for him to tell me anything at all.”

His brows furrow. “He’s just guarded.”

“I get that, and everybody says that that’s just who Ben is, but I don’t want to go out with someone, at the age of twenty-seven, if he can’t even talk to me. This isn’t fucking high school.”

“He doesn’t confide in anyone.”

“Well, that’s not good enough for me this time,” I say calmly. “I’m not settling. I gave him time to open up last time we went out, and all that happened was that I fell in love with him and then he left me without a word of explanation.”

“Have you told him this?”

“Yes. He shuts me down and tells me I’m being dramatic.”

“Are you?”

I shrug. “Maybe?”

Our lunch arrives, and we eat in silence for a while. “What’s going on with him at work, anyway?” I ask.

He shrugs. “He’s just quiet. Angry. Furious, actually.”

My heart drops. “Did you ask him what was wrong?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“And?”

He looks at me and smirks. “What do you think he said?”

“See what I mean?” I roll my eyes. “He’s so annoying.”

Brock’s eyes hold mine. “He’s a good man, Didge—one of the best I know.”

My eyes hold his.

“He loves you.”

I drop my fork and it hits my plate with a clang. “Did he tell you that? Because he doesn’t tell me that.”

“It’s obvious.”

I roll my eyes. “It’s not obvious to me.” I think for a moment. “You know who would be a perfect match for Ben?”

“Who?”

“A clairvoyant. A batshit crazy clairvoyant who could read his mind.”

He chuckles.

“I go away tomorrow night for three weeks,” I add.

Brock narrows his eyes. “Does he know this?”

I shrug. “I doubt it. I don’t even think he listens to anything I say.”

Brock rolls his eyes. “Now you are being fucking dramatic. He listens to everything you say.”

I fake a smile. “Thanks.”

“He doesn’t technically start work for another month. He’s just here early helping me out. I go to the Maldives in the morning, remember?”

“That’s right. That’ll be fun.” I smile.

“I would be a lot happier if you two sorted your shit before I went.”

I blow out a breath and take a mouthful of food. “I’m not giving in this time, Brock.” I sip my drink. “I’m standing my ground. He knows where to find me.”

It’s just gone 9:00 p.m. and I have my suitcase on the dining table as I pack the last of my things for my trip. I’m freshly showered and wearing my robe. I don’t fly out until tomorrow night but, thankfully, I have the day off tomorrow to get everything sorted.

I have that anxious, sick feeling in my stomach, and I can’t stop thinking about Ben. Is he alone in his apartment?

I hate it.

I see him all alone and scared when he was just fifteen, being shipped off to the army, and my heart bleeds. At a time of his life when he was vulnerable, sad, and impressionable, he was put into the hardest of hard environments. It’s no wonder he’s the way he is.

Just go around there.

If I go around and give in, then I am effectively surrendering my needs for his. However, the way I feel at the moment, I don’t really care about my needs anymore. But I know Adrian was right, and if we are to ever have a real future—one where I trust him—I need to think with my head and not with my stupid heart. That bitch only ever gets me in trouble where Ben is concerned. I’ve been feeling super fragile for most of the night. I even got teary when I watched the news.

Three weeks ago, my life was in order and I was in control. This week… not so much.

I feel like I have been put in a blender and have absolutely no focus on what emotion I’m feeling the most. I want him, I’m scared of him, I fear for him… I just want to look after him. I’m terrified that I might never get over him. I have no idea what the fuck is going on with me.

And I’m mad.

I’m mad at him for making me feel this way, but I’m furious at myself for letting him.

Knock, knock, knock.

Who’s that?

Must be one of the neighbours because the downstairs security door didn’t buzz. I peer through the peephole and see it’s Ben. I find myself opening the door in a rush.

His eyes search mine and he swallows the lump in his throat.

“Ben?” I ask.

He stares at me for a moment, as if trying to force words beyond his lips. “I can try,” he whispers. His face is tortured, and he looks so sad I grab him into an embrace and hold him tight.

“That’s all I’m asking for, baby.” I squeeze him tighter. “That’s all I’m asking for.”