Chapter 13
The text said: What’s happening?
It was from Rob, of course. He’d sent dozens over the course of the last week, so many that Mimi’s heart no longer did a dolphin leap each time a new one arrived.
‘Another one from the boyfriend?’ said Lois, which just went to show how monotonously often it had been happening.
‘Ex-boyfriend,’ Mimi automatically replied.
‘I’m just going to call him the bastard from now on. Why’s he still doing it, though? You’d think the message would have sunk in by now.’
‘I’m great at my job and my clients will be missing me. Rob wants me to go back to work and he never likes to take no for an answer.’
‘Utter bastard.’
‘He built the business up from nothing. It’s his pride and joy.’
‘And you loved working there too. Uh oh . . .’ Lois shot her a sideways look as they headed into the churchyard. ‘Does this mean you’re tempted to go back?’
Mimi trailed her hand over the silky wild grasses growing up against the dry-stone wall to the left of the ancient iron gate. She picked a stem of something with silvery leaves and purple flowers. ‘I’m not going back. But I do miss the job.’ There weren’t too many openings for her kind of PR work in this corner of the Cotswolds. ‘If I’m staying down here I’m going to need to find something else to do.’
‘I can ask around if you like. Want me to text him back?’
Amused, Mimi said, ‘Feel free.’
Lois seized the phone and began texting at the speed of light. Hi, I’m just looking after Mimi’s phone for a bit. You’re the bastard ex, am I right?
The next moment the phone began to ring. Pressing reply and putting the call on speaker, Lois said cheerfully, ‘Ah, hello, bastard ex!’
‘Look, I made a mistake. I’ve admitted it and apologised. What else can I do? It didn’t even mean anything,’ said Rob. ‘Kendra thinks it does, but she’s got it all wrong. None of this was ever meant to happen.’
‘Oh I know! It’s a real shame, isn’t it, when you get caught out like that? For no reason at all! And you missed out on a good one there, I can tell you.’
Rob hesitated. ‘Who am I speaking to?’
‘Hi, I’m Lois, a friend of Mimi’s.’
‘OK. Look, could you ask her to call me? It’s urgent and I need to—’
‘She isn’t coming back to the agency, if that’s what you’re wondering.’
‘But—’
‘No, I mean it. She’s already had a better offer.’
‘What?’ Rob’s tone was dismissive. ‘She can’t have.’
‘Except it happened. Sometimes it’s just a matter of being in the right place at the right time, isn’t it? Can you hear that noise in the background? That’s her new boss’s stunt plane,’ said Lois as a two-seater flew overhead. ‘I’m just looking after her things while he takes her up in it to show off his aerobatic skills . . . Oh, I can see Mimi waving to me . . . Honestly, I can’t tell you how thrilled we all are that she’s moved down here, it’s so brilliant having her around . . . Aargh, I wish you could see this, they’re going into a barrel roll now! Rather her than me!’
‘Sounds like fun,’ said Mimi once Lois had ended the call and handed the phone back to her. ‘I’ve always wanted to try a bit of loop-the-looping.’ She twirled the stem of the plant she’d picked a couple of minutes earlier. ‘This is pretty, what’s it called?’
‘Oh my God, drop it,’ Lois shouted, staggering backwards. ‘That’s deadly nightshade, it’ll kill you!’
What? Mimi let out a bat squeak of fear and threw the plant over the wall in a panic before realising that Lois was doing her best not to laugh.
‘Ha, sorry, couldn’t resist. The look on your face!’ Lois grinned. ‘Don’t worry, city girl, it wasn’t anything poisonous – just willowherb.’
‘I’m going to have to learn about these plants if I’m staying down here.’ Mimi was still wiping her perspiring palms on the sides of her jeans. ‘This countryside is a dangerous place.’
They wandered between the gravestones, some ancient and covered in lichen, others shiny and more recent. Lois showed her the tall, imposing memorial to Henrietta’s family, carved with names going back centuries.
‘That’s where Henrietta will go.’ She pulled a face. ‘Must be getting pretty crowded down there by now. She’ll have something to say about the state of the place when she gets to see it, I’m sure.’
Mimi looked at the most recently added name, that of Eddie Mercer, Felix’s father. There was no mention of how he’d died; just the dates of his birth and death.
‘Will Felix be buried there too?’
‘I guess so. It seems to be the done thing.’
‘And you?’
‘What, in with that lot? No thanks. I’d rather be cremated and have my ashes scattered in Puerto Banus.’ Lois’s eyes danced. ‘If Henrietta outlives me, she’ll probably tip them down the nearest loo.’
They carried along the overgrown path and Lois pointed out some of her favourite gravestones.
‘See this one? In memory of Rose Valentine, best and most beloved mother of Daisy, Daffodil, Zinnia, Petunia and Fred.’ She clapped her hand to her chest. ‘I always wonder if Fred secretly wished he could have had an exotic name too.’
‘Oh!’ Mimi exclaimed, moments later. ‘Here lies Malcolm Gainsforth . . . and his wife Elspeth . . . and his second wife Mavis. I bet at least one of them wasn’t too happy about that arrangement.’
Minutes later, they came to Stacey’s grave. Newer than most, the white marble headstone gleamed in the sunlight, and in front of it stood a white pot of miniature red roses.
Mimi silently read the silver-engraved wording on the stone: Stacey Mathieson, adored wife of Cal, mother of Cora. Loved by all who knew her.
‘She really was loved,’ said Lois, bending to brush fallen leaves away from the base of the stone and swiftly pulling up a couple of weeds that had poked their way between the glistening white marble chippings. ‘Cora chose these, did you know? She called them Mummy’s diamonds. Sorry,’ she added, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘But if you ever want your heart broken, just come along to this graveyard and watch a seven-year-old washing a bucketful of chippings in soapy water so they’ll stay sparkly for her mum.’
Mimi shook her head; the mental image was unbearable.
‘I can’t believe I still miss her so much,’ Lois continued. ‘We only knew each other for a year. But sometimes you meet someone and just instantly get along with them, don’t you? And that’s what happened with me and Stacey.’ She sat down with difficulty, folding her good leg over the prosthetic one. Then she patted the dry grass beside her, indicating for Mimi to do likewise, and rested her other hand easily on the headstone so that Stacey was included in the conversation. ‘She and Cal were in the pub the very first time Felix took me down there, and she was so welcoming and friendly. Then a couple of days later in the shop, she heard Henrietta telling someone I was nothing but a tart and a gold-digger. So Stacey chimed in and said, “But how can you possibly know that when you haven’t even met her yet?”’
Mimi could just picture Stacey mounting the challenge. ‘And what did Henrietta have to say about that?’
‘She announced that she’d seen me from a distance and it was pretty obvious what kind of a person I was.’ Lois shook her head. ‘Basically, the sight of me told her everything she needed to know. I was a blonde in a short skirt who wore high heels and plenty of make-up. But Stacey said she’d met me and I was lovely, just what Felix needed. And word got back to Felix that she’d stuck up for me big-time. Well as soon as I heard about it, I loved her even more.’ She paused to give the headstone an affectionate pat. ‘We had so much fun after that, we really did. Such laughs . . . Oh, did you ever hear her doing her imitation of Henrietta singing?’
‘What? No.’ Mimi was intrigued. ‘What kind of singing?’
‘OK, Henrietta was invited along to be the guest of honour at the infants’ school end-of-term concert and all the children were so excited to be performing on stage in front of their families. Stacey said it was the sweetest little show – well, the kids were only tiny, so you can imagine what it was like – but afterwards she overheard Henrietta telling the vicar it was a shame half the kids were tone deaf.’
Mimi was appalled. ‘That is so mean!’
‘Stacey was longing to have a go at her. She didn’t, though, didn’t say a word. But the next week on karaoke night at the Swan, she dressed up as Henrietta and sang the song from Titanic in an off-key Henrietta voice. Oh, it was just the most brilliant impersonation. She brought the house down; it was spot-on. I’m not as good as Stacey was, but I’ll try and show you . . .’ Stiffening her spine and transforming her features into a haughty, horsey Henrietta face, Lois stretched out her arms and in an ultra-posh high-pitched voice began to warble the opening lines of ‘My Heart Will Go On’.
‘Oh my God, you can do it,’ Mimi gasped, enthralled. ‘You sound just like her!’
‘Come on, you can do it too. Tilt your head back and look down your nose, that’s the secret.’ Waving her arms in encouragement, Lois urged Mimi to join in, and together the two of them continued, reedy and deliberately out of tune, until they reached the final line, before high-fiving each other and collapsing with laughter. Then Lois accidentally snorted, which made them both laugh even more. They were rocking back and forth, by now completely hysterical, when an all-too-familiar voice sounded behind them.
‘This is a graveyard, not a comedy venue. Is it too much to ask that you show some respect for the dead?’
Together, they turned. Henrietta stood there, looking about as disapproving as it was possible to be. Her shirt collars were pointed up at angles, she was wearing a tweed skirt and brogues, and at her heels stood a slinky Burmese cat whose tail swished slowly from side to side as it regarded them with feline froideur.
Lois said, ‘We weren’t disrespecting the dead, Henrietta. I was just telling Mimi a funny story about Stacey. She was my friend and I loved her. We’re still allowed to laugh, aren’t we, when we talk about our friends?’
‘There’s a time and a place,’ Henrietta retorted.
‘If you heard us singing,’ said Lois with a touch of defiance, ‘it was one of Stacey’s favourite songs.’
From the way Henrietta was narrowing her gaze at them, Mimi suspected that she had indeed heard their singing.
‘Well, I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure Cal would be delighted to know you’ve been having so much fun at his wife’s graveside.’
She stalked off down the path with the Burmese slinking along beside her. When she’d disappeared from view and they were alone again, Lois said, ‘See what I have to put up with? Honestly, that woman’s the bane of my life. Where’s a big old bunch of deadly nightshade when you need it?’