Chapter 16
After they finished eating and clearing the table, Matt quickly disappeared to his office to retrieve the box he had hidden a few days ago. He darted back to the living room area where Julian was switching off the radio. As Julian began to turn, Matt hid the box behind his back.
Julian looked at him oddly. "What are you doing?" he guardedly asked from a distance.
Matt wasn't sure how Julian would react. Originally, he'd thought the gift would be a good idea, but now, he wasn't so sure. He didn't know if it would completely backfire and drive a wedge in their relationship. He began to slowly retreat to his office, walking backward and hoping to hide the box.
"Where do you think you're going?" Julian asked, carefully stalking toward Matt.
Matt continued to retreat, and Julian picked up the pace. In a few steps, he blocked Matt's path to the office. Startled, Matt raised his hands and accidentally revealed the box.
Julian looked at the gift then at Matt. "Is that for me? I…um…sorta didn't get you anything," Julian said wryly. "I didn't know what to get someone who pretty much could buy anything he wanted."
Matt's chest tightened. Julian remembering those two nights meant more to him than anything he could have purchased. It meant Julian recalled their special time together, well before they were in a relationship.
"J, you did give me something," he said, stroking Julian's cheek. "You remembered and gave me memories of two of our special nights."
Julian wrapped his arms around Matt and held him tightly.
Matt separated from the embrace and gave Julian the present. Julian cautiously took the box and held it in both hands. He ran his thumb along the silver accented paper wrap.
"Open it," Matt encouraged.
Julian touched the bow and ribbon circling the box. "It's my first Valentine's Day gift, I want to take my time," he said, chuckling. His smile was different, softer and full of wonder. He finally started to unwrap the package, carefully, trying not to rip the paper.
"Just rip it," Matt said, laughing.
Julian finally removed the wrapping and ribbon to reveal the plain white box. He raised it to his ear and shook it.
"Seriously?" Matt chastised. "Just open it already." Matt fidgeted. His nerves were already making him second-guess the gift.
Julian finally lifted the top of the box and stacked it underneath the bottom. He peeled away the tissue inside and his smile slowly faded.
Shit! Matt began to panic.
"Matt?" Julian said on a broken whisper as he cautiously removed the leather wrist wrap cuff from the box.
Matt took the box from him, needing to do something to keep his hands from twitching. He watched Julian, waiting for some reaction, a response, anything. Julian just looked at the cuff and ghosted his fingers over the leather. He didn't look at Matt.
Shit. Matt wanted to give Julian something special, a gift only he would give. He had searched for a leather craftsman who could create a wrist cuff the way Matt wanted. After finally finding one, he painstakingly detailed his request and thought the final creation was exactly as he had envisioned it.
"J, please say something?" he desperately asked, suddenly concerned he had somehow pushed Julian back into his self-protective shell.
Julian shook his head and continued to stare at the cuff. After examining the high quality, slightly decorated leather exterior, he looked on the inside of the piece and his breath caught. Matt tried to decipher the emotions that played across Julian's expression. Within the mix of emotions, he saw sadness and pain.
Julian softly touched the decorative silver inlay stitching hidden on the interior of the cuff. At first glance, the silver decoration appeared simple. Looking closely, one could see the actual complexity of the design, the intricate interlocking elements of the tribal curves and sharp edges. Although rare and exotic for a cuff, it was very masculine and understated. Stitched within the tribal markings and flares were a few simple words that would lie on Julian's pulse when he wore the cuff. "From Matt to JM."
"Julian?" Matt asked apprehensively, fearful the gift had unsettled the man who had become a big part of his life.
Julian immediately looked up, shock visible on his face. "Why did you call me that?" he asked in a hoarse voice full of emotion.
Matt fidgeted and ran his hands through his hair.
"I know the 'M' is important to you so I thought 'JM' fit best for this," he softly finished.
Julian didn't say anything in response before looking away. He simply grazed his fingers over the cuff's interior decoration. Without saying a word, he unsnapped the leather wrap he currently wore and pitched it to the side. He extended his exposed wrist to Matt and handed him the new cuff.
Matt took the leather piece in one hand and held Julian's scarred wrist in the other. This was only the second time he had seen Julian's bare wrist. Julian didn't withdraw his arm but refused to make eye contact, choosing to stare off to the side wall instead. Matt took a closer look at the scar. He hesitantly touched the various raised crisscross slashes then placed a tender kiss in the center of the markings.
Julian finally looked at him, his gaze vulnerable with a curious mix and wealth of emotions playing across his features.
Matt carefully wrapped the cuff around Julian's marred wrist. The stitched words lay protectively across the length of the scars, inside, hidden from sight. Once Matt secured the strap, he raised Julian's hand and placed another tender kiss on the leather, at his wrist, in the same place where the words touched his pulse underneath.
Julian pulled Matt into a hard embrace. Matt was relieved and circled his arms around Julian, giving him an equally tight hold. "No, I meant, you called me Julian. Please don't call me that."
"Okay," Matt said muffled against his hard, warm chest. He could feel Julian's racing heartbeat.
"Thank you," Julian said hoarsely.
Matt squeezed tighter. He placed a soft kiss below Julian's ear then buried his face in the crook of Julian's neck.
"I love you so much," Matt murmured softly.
Julian released his tight hold and cradled Matt's face. "I love you more," he said before delivering a passionate kiss.
Matt deepened the kiss, giving as much as he received. He placed one hand possessively behind Julian's neck and kept him in place as the kiss became more desperate and demanding.
Julian separated from the kiss. He pressed his forehead to Matt's. "Anything you want from me…anything," he said breathlessly.
There was only one thing Matt wanted that he did not have and no other could give him—to finally be inside Julian. That was all he wanted.
Julian lifted Matt's face to make eye contact. "What is it?" Julian asked.
Matt shook his head. He wanted Julian so much but was hesitant to ask, not knowing how he would react. Hell, he'd had a near panic attack worried the gift would stir something unwanted in Julian. He was happy with the way things were and didn't want Julian to think he was complaining, because he damn sure wasn't.
"Tell me?" Julian demanded, not releasing the hold on Matt's face.
Matt couldn't turn his head so he looked away. He couldn't control the vision of Julian underneath him, writhing with pleasure.
Julian kissed Matt's lips softly. "Whatever it is, it's got you all worked up," Julian said teasingly. "Tell me…please." He kissed Matt again.
They'd been honest with each other since Christmas, regardless of how small the topic of discussion. Matt took a deep breath, looked at Julian, and whispered, "I want you."
Julian softly kissed Matt again. "You already have me," he murmured. His eyes scanned Matt's features, observing, as if what Matt had said was some sort of riddle. Until finally, it seemed the pieces clicked into place and Julian's expression changed.
"Oh," he said.
Matt's cheeks burned.
"Okay," Julian responded as he loosened his hold on Matt.
"Okay?"
Julian nodded slowly, smiling, biting his lower lip. "I'm always up for something new with you."
Matt's heart beat so strongly his chest vibrated. When Julian pressed against him, he was glad to discover that he wasn't the only one who was rock hard.
"New with me or new to you?" Matt breathlessly asked.
Julian stroked Matt's cheeks. "I've never trusted anyone this much."
Matt felt a swell of emotions. He was anxious to just take Julian right there at that moment, but he wanted to take things slow, to torture Julian as much as he evidently enjoyed torturing Matt.
Julian reached for his hand, entwined their fingers, and led them to their bedroom.
After walking through the doorway, Julian turned to face him. Matt softly grabbed Julian's neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He then began to pepper Julian's face with gentle kisses. Julian's breath quickened as he neared his mouth. The slow, leisurely kisses replaced with need.
Julian grabbed Matt's waist and pulled him closer causing Matt to gasp when Julian slowly grinded against him. His heart beat madly against his chest, knowing Julian was as anxious as he. Matt began unbuttoning Julian's shirt, trying not to break the kiss while Julian attempted to unbuckle Matt's jeans. It was a mix of hands at odd angles that just added to the frustration. Matt's fingers shook, making it difficult to remove the tiny buttons securing Julian's shirt. Frustrated, Matt ripped open the dress shirt sending the tiny buttons flying throughout the room.
Julian broke the kiss and chuckled. "Can we rip your pants open too?"
Matt looked up and laughed. "Damn buttons were in my way," he muttered as he spread his hands on Julian's tanned, heated skin. He could feel the rapid heartbeat in Julian's chest under his hands. They hurriedly worked to undress, desperately fighting their ungraceful movements, and finally stilled, looking at each other. Their breaths mingling.
Matt kissed Julian's chin and slowly worked his way downward. He smiled against the golden skin when he felt the muscles tremble across his lips, anticipating each kiss. Julian moaned and rested his hand behind Matt's neck. Matt wasn't content to stay in one place. He worked his way down Julian's body, kissing, exploring, licking, touching, and nibbling every bit of skin he could access, enjoying the salty taste of Julian's sweat-slicked skin. The sounds Julian made only encouraged Matt to do more. He dropped to his knees, Julian's arousal clearly evident and welcoming. Matt glanced up and his heart swelled when he saw Julian's chest heave with each breath and his eyes fill with want.
The mutual anticipation was always electrifying.
When Matt wrapped his mouth around his shaft, Julian threw his head back with a sharp intake of breath. Julian's fingers gripped the back of Matt's hair with steady pressure for balance. Matt licked, sucked, and teased exactly the way Julian preferred, alternating between using his hand and mouth as he enjoyed each needy sound he drew from Julian. He was uncoordinated with desperation, pushing as hard and as needy as the sounds from Julian.
"I won't last long if you keep doing that," Julian growled.
Matt released him and stood. He guided Julian to the bed until Julian was lying on his back, still breathing heavily. Matt couldn't resist and bent to take Julian into his mouth again, with even more suction and pressure, reveling in his heady taste.
"Fuck," Julian groaned through gritted teeth and grabbed the sheets at his sides, arching his back. Matt reached for the lube while keeping up a steady rhythm with his mouth. He slicked one of his fingers and tentatively touched Julian's opening. Julian dug his fingers in Matt's hair again and arched his body further. Matt found a slow, steady rhythm to match the suction and licks, working each finger until Julian's body begged for more.
Julian's breathing became choppier, more labored. "Matt," he said, panting, his chest heaving deeply. Matt released Julian and looked up to see dark emerald green eyes staring back at him, his tan skin glowing rich. The sight of him begging and needy nearly set Matt off.
He withdrew his fingers slowly and kissed Julian's stomach, the muscles twitching beneath his lips. He grabbed the condom and lube with shaky hands and prepared himself. He took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heartbeat. Positioned just right, he steadied himself and inched forward. He felt every ounce of breath leave his body when Julian's heat enveloped him, his tight heat almost pushing Matt off the edge too soon.
Julian gasped and reached behind to grab on to the headboard with a white-knuckled grip. Julian's biceps flexed with tension as he battled for control. Matt roughly brushed the sweat from his own brow then adjusted their position. The desire thrumming through his body demanded he thrust, possess, and dominate. He struggled to control the need to desperately take what he'd wanted for so long. Slowly, with supernatural strength, he fought the urge to rut against him and carefully pushed forward, reveling in the inviting heat that surrounded him and drew him deeper.
Julian tightened his grip on the headboard and began to writhe beneath him. His head shot upright to look at Matt; his eyes were wild and lust-filled. His breath came in powerful huffs like a bull. He locked his legs behind Matt and pulled him with enough strength to impale himself in one swift move.
"J," Matt yelled as his heart pounded madly in his chest.
His stomach twisted at the thought that he had hurt Julian. He was afraid to move, waiting for some sign to let him know everything was fine. He reached out with shaky hands, hesitant to touch the sweat-glistened skin beneath him.
After a few moments, the tension began to leave Julian's body. His arms relaxed, and his breathing began to settle. Julian finally released the headboard and opened his eyes to look at Matt. He smiled lazily and dug his fingers in Matt's hair to pull him down for a kiss. Matt greedily devoured Julian's mouth, forcefully grabbing the back of his head. It was a tangle of tongues, messy and wet. They parted but remained close, both still breathing heavily, both still connected.
"Tell me you're okay," Matt whispered against Julian's mouth.
Julian answered by pulling him down for another desperate and needy kiss.
"I'm yours, you know," Julian assured him when he broke the kiss, their breaths still mingling.
"I know," Matt responded as relief flooded his body.
Julian gave him one of his piercing stares. "Prove it."
A renewed surge of passion spiked in Matt. He slowly moved his hips to test Julian's threshold, eager to accept Julian's challenge. Julian grunted, encouraging Matt to continue. Matt thrust repeatedly. Each graze of skin reignited the desire within and energized him to move faster, deeper, until he established a steady, relentless pace. The reality of Julian shifting, twisting, and gasping beneath him was far better than any vision he'd had. With every thrust, the feel of Julian wrapped around him brought him closer to that point of insanity. He lifted Julian farther, pushing harder, as he ground his fingers in Julian's hips. Julian hissed while pulling Matt with his other leg, demanding more.
Matt's rhythm became erratic, the sounds from Julian spurred him on, nudging him to that ledge he tried so hard to avoid. He fought the tension building at the base of his spine. His hips continued to push as his heart and lungs fought for control, craving each grunt and groan he caused. He gripped Julian's shaft tightly and stroked him, matching the rhythm of his movements.
"Matt," Julian said breathlessly.
Matt saw the death grip Julian had on the sheets and knew he was close. Matt angled his thrusts and nailed his gland, causing Julian to bow off the bed with a growl as the warmth of Julian's release filled his hand. With one last powerful push, the tension in his body exploded as he jerked then stilled, falling off the ledge into bliss.
Julian lay splayed on the bed, one arm out to the side, the other bent, covering his face. One of his legs lay limply next to Matt and the other, slightly bent at the knee, hung loosely on the side of the bed.
He was absolutely breathtaking. Matt carefully withdrew from Julian, unable to see his face hiding beneath his arm.
"You okay?"
"Uh-huh," Julian murmured.
Matt gently rubbed Julian's leg. "Is that a good 'uh-huh' or a bad 'uh-huh'?"
Julian moved the arm covering his face and looked at Matt. He smiled. "You're a pain in my ass," he teased then laughed.
Matt slapped Julian's leg and stood to go wash up. "Stay here, I'll be right back," he said, grinning.
He returned with a washcloth to find Julian in the exact same position as a few moments before. He methodically wiped where needed and tossed the towel into the bathroom.
Julian peeked at him from under his arm, which had found its place over his face again. Matt slowly crept up Julian's body until he hovered over him. Julian reached up and pulled Matt in for a lazy, slow kiss then wrapped his other arm around Matt's waist and pulled his body down, pressing it against his own.
When they parted, Matt raised himself a little and rested his weight on his forearms. He brushed his thumbs on Julian's cheeks and smiled, enjoying the feel of Julian's fingers softly tracing up and down his back. The primitive side of Matt couldn't resist kissing Julian possessively.
"You're mine," he whispered between kisses.
Julian chuckled. "Always," he said before pulling Matt down against his chest.
Matt felt the exhaustion of the day begin to take over. The steady, strong beat of Julian's heart slowly lulled him to sleep. He thought about his earlier conversation with his parents. His entire life, he had been forced to hide behind a façade in order to protect the family name and business. He had endured a personal torture with endless sacrifice for others.
He was tired of playing that role.
The halfway house was on schedule and it seemed they would soon have their first resident. Matt was going to make a difference in this world—on his terms—with Julian standing by his side whether his parents liked it or not. It was finally time to come out to his parents.
"Don't think so much, I can practically hear your wheels turning," Julian said.
Julian knew him well. Matt's grin spread. "I love you," he said, burrowing up to find his usual resting spot on Julian's shoulder.
"I love you more," Julian whispered softly as he continued to stroke Matt's back.
Matt couldn't imagine anything better than this inner peace he felt in Julian's arms. He felt free, confident, wanted, and loved. As sleep began to slowly take him, he imagined this was how someone felt when they wanted to scream from the rooftops to declare their love for another.
He finally understood.