CHAPTER 10
Dear Levi, sometimes when I can’t sleep, I pretend that you can’t either and that you’re awake in your bed, thinking of me, too. I pretend that you love me and want me as much as I want you...
“This is excellent,” Natalie said, slicing off another bite of her steak.
“It’s kind of hard to ruin a good piece of meat,” Levi said, trying not to let her appreciation go to his head. It had been a while since he’d cooked for a woman, but he still knew how to work a grill. He’d picked up a couple of steaks in town as well as some fresh ears of corn and had tossed both on the fire a few minutes ago. Those things along with the German potato salad he’d asked his mother to fix for him and the dessert that Winnie had thrown in had completed the meal.
Or their second one, anyway.
Sex had always had a way of making him hungry and the great sex he’d just had made him absolutely ravenous. His gaze slid over Natalie, who’d shrugged back into one of his shirts. The army green t-shirt hit her mid-thigh and she presently sat cross-legged in the chair, her long red hair sliding in a tangled mass over her right shoulder.
Gorgeous, Levi thought as his throat went strangely tight. He didn’t know when he’d ever felt so strongly about a woman, when he’d ever felt more alive and connected and at ease with one. Natalie had a way of doing that. He could enjoy dinner with her, walk along the beach with her, hell just watch her breathe and knew he’d never tire of her. He knew that she’d always feel like a comfortable old pair of shoes, easy to slip into. His lips curved. Not that she would probably appreciate that analogy, but he’d never been a whiz with pretty words. He just knew he cared about her. Cared about her more than he was willing to admit. More than self-preservation would let him consider.
She glanced around the bay, where lights twinkled along the shore. “How long have you had this boat?”
“I got it when I graduated from Jump School,” Levi told her. “It was a present to myself.”
She lifted her wine glass in his direction and a smile curved her ripe kiss-swollen lips. “Excellent choice,” she murmured. She let go a sigh. “It’s been years since I’ve been on the water.”
Finished eating, Levi leaned back in his chair and gaze thoughtfully into his wine glass. “I love it,” he said. “I always have. There’s something about getting out on the water and knowing that I’m a tiny speck on such a vast expanse. That if I set my sails in the right direction, I can go to any place in the world.”
She chewed her bottom lip, staring at him as though she didn’t know what to make of him. “Hidden depths,” she said. “That was a very interesting insight.”
Levi chuckled softly, suddenly embarrassed. “I don’t know about that. I just like sailing. I love the scent of the ocean and the snap of the sails. Harnessing the wind.” He leaned forward. “Have you every really thought about those early explorers? The courage it must have taken to set sail for parts unknown?”
Her eyes twinkled. “As a matter of fact, I have,” she confided. “Of course, if it had all been left up to me, then we’d still be laboring under the assumption that the world was flat.” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have had the courage.” Her gaze tangled with his again. “But you would have, wouldn’t you?” She nodded and rested her chin in her hand. “You would have made one helluva explorer.”
“I don’t know about that,” Levi said, laughing. “But I’d like to think I would have tried. That I would have been interested.”
“Is that why the military suits you so well, you think? Because of all the travel? Of going to parts unknown?”
He nodded thoughtfully. He’d never really considered that aspect of it before, but he supposed that was part of the lure. That and defending and protecting his country. He had a healthy respect for the men who’d essentially risked treason to found their country. They were men of courage, of character. He liked to believe that he was contributing to their cause, that he was playing a small part of their plan.
“I suppose,” he finally admitted. “I love seeing new places and learning new customs. I’ve stood at the base of the Pyramids of Giza, walked part of the Great Wall of China. I’ve breathed highland air in Scotland and swam along the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.” He smiled at her. “And I’m not done yet. There’s so much more of this world that I want to see, Natalie.” He paused and watched her glass stall at her lips. “You’d love it, too.”
She nodded, but a sadness suddenly tinged her gaze. “I would,” she agreed. “But when I was done with all that, I’d want to come home. To Bethel Bay. I want to make a difference, too, Levi,” she said. “I’m just doing it on local level. And I suspect that’s never going to be enough for you.”
She was right, he knew, and yet hearing her say it was much harder than he’d anticipated. “Where does that leave us, then?” He asked the question lightly, as if her answer didn’t really matter.
But it did.
She shrugged sadly and he watched her swallow before a weak smile finally managed to curl her lips. “It leaves us with tonight and tomorrow and tomorrow night...and to our letters.”
His gaze slammed into hers and held. “It’s not enough.”
“Unfortunately it has to be, doesn’t it?”
“My tour is up in two months,” he said.
“And then you’ll just get reassigned to some other part of the world, won’t you? I mean, that’s been the norm, right?”
“It has been,” he admitted.
Natalie reached across the table and took his hand. “I knew this when we started, Levi. In fact, having any part of you at all is more than I ever expected.”
“Then your expectations were too low.”
“Maybe so, but I didn’t know you were interested in me. You always hid it so well.”
A droll smile caught his lips. “Hi, pot. Meet kettle.”
She chuckled and that wonderfully feminine sound wrapped around his middle and squeezed. “I know,” she said. “But you have to understand. I never in a million years dreamed that I’d get to be with you at all. Do I wish we had time for more? Yes. Am I expecting anything more than what we have right now?” She shook her head. “No. And I can be okay with that. I have to be. Because you’re not coming back here and I’m not leaving. I can’t. My father is here, my business is here.” She pulled another shrug. “It is what it is...and I’m loving every minute of it.”
He grimly suspected he was loving her, Levi thought, stunned that this had somehow happened. He’d known that he’d always been drawn to her, intrigued by her, in awe and generally attracted to her. But in love? In love?
Unfortunately, he knew she was right. This was an equation that had no answer. She was too invested in Bethel Bay and he was too invested in his career. He could no more change than she could and he’d be damned before he’d ask her. Things would probably be fine for a little while, but eventually she’d begin to hate him for taking her away from home. Were he to make the same sacrifice for her, no doubt that same logic would hold true.
It was a no-win situation.
He’d known that going in, had even made sure she understood the rules before they started, and yet here he was trying to figure out a way around the policy.
Evidently deciding that a subject change was in order, Natalie let go a sigh and a smile that wasn’t altogether true slid over her lips. “So now that you’ve painted over The Sabrina, what are you going to christen your boat?”
Levi laughed. “I have no idea. I’m just glad I’ve gotten rid of her old moniker.”
“What was she before you dubbed her The Sabrina?”
“The Bitch.”
Natalie’s eyes widened and she almost spewed her wine. “I’m sorry.”
He chuckled, glad that she’d found a way to lighten the moment. They only had a little bit of time left and he’d be damned if he’d ruin it by being maudlin. “I’m joking.” He thought back, trying to remember. “You know, I think it was something simple, like The Zephyr.”
Her nose crinkled. “You can’t have a boat named The Zephyr,” Natalie said. “It doesn’t suit you. It’s too Anne of Green Gables.”
Levi shrugged and refilled her empty glass. “Hey, I’m open to suggestions.”
She brightened. “Really?”
He nodded.
She chewed the inside of her cheek and gazed at him with a thoughtful expression. “How about The Badass?”
He guffawed. “The Badass? I’m flattered, but I don’t think so.”
She sat back in her chair, seemingly deflated. “I think it has a certain ring to it.”
“I’m sure you do. But it won’t work. Every redneck with a boat in a hundred mile radius will be gunning to kick my ass.”
Smiling, she nodded in agreement. “I suppose you’re right.”
“I’ll think of something,” Levi said.
Natalie’s sly gaze suddenly found his. “I know what you can call her,” she said.
He essayed another smile and indulged her. “What?”
“Second Helping.”
He frowned. “Second Hel--“
She grabbed his hand and tugged him from his chair, then pressed herself suggestively against him. He hardened and instantly understood her meaning. Second helping, eh? Levi smiled down at her and kissed her smiling lips. “I like you way you think.”
“And I like the way you taste.” She propelled him back toward the bedroom. “I’d like my second helping. Now.”
He happily obliged. And would go back for thirds before the night was over.
* * *
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Winnie asked, casting a furtive look over her shoulder at Adam who was currently trailing along at the back of the group on his new temporary leg.
They’d stopped for a drink at one of Bethel Bay’s oldest pubs--it was capping point of her usual tour--and she sneaked a glance back there as well. “I asked the same thing and Levi assured me that Adam’s therapist said he needed the exercise.”
“It makes me nervous,” Winnie said.
“You need to get over it,” Natalie told her. “Adam knows that you’ve always had a thing for him and he’s worried you won’t feel the same about him after the accident.”
Winnie’s eyes widened in outrage. “Natalie, you know that’s not true,” she hissed. “You know how I--“
“I do. But he’s feeling emasculated and the last damned thing he needs is for you to treat him any differently than you always have. He knows you care for him and he’s afraid that’ll change.”
“It won’t.”
She jerked her head in his direction. “I’m not the one you need to convince.”
Winnie nodded, seeming to mull over everything that Natalie had said. “What about you and Levi? Anything resolved on that front?”
Her heart pricked. “You know nothing can be resolved. He’s leaving tomorrow to go back to Iraq and I’m staying here. This is it,” she said, swallowing past the sudden lump in her throat. She had to stop thinking like this, Natalie thought. She had to quit dwelling on the fact that he was about to leave and instead focus on making the most of the time they had.
Up until tonight she’d managed to do that quite well. Last night they’d spent the evening hanging out with his parents and playing cards with Adam. Then he’d walked her home and they’d made love on her porch swing, then talked until the sun had come up.
She’d never get tired of either, Natalie thought. Talking to him. Making love to him. Levi McPherson had always had the singular ability to make her heart sing, to engage her senses and her intellect and had the rare talent of making her laugh until her sides hurt.
He...simply did it for her.
He completed her.
Or would until he left tomorrow morning, Natalie thought. And then she would curl into a ball and cry until she couldn’t breathe.
Until then, she had other plans for them.
Levi and Adam sidled forward and Natalie immediately noticed the touch of confidence in the curve of Adam’s smile.
“This kicks ass, Nat,” Adam told her. “I had no idea you knew all of this stuff about Bethel Bay.”
She nodded primly. “We have a unique heritage.”
“This has been cool.”
“Left your crutches at home, I see.”
If he’d been any prouder he would have preened. “I don’t need them.”
“I know that’s a relief.”
His gaze slid to Winnie. “It beats the hell out of sitting on my ass all day, I can tell you that.”
Winnie gave him a once over. “You look like you’ve gained weight.”
Adam gaped at her. “What?”
“Gained weight,” she repeated. She winced at him. “I probably don’t need to send any more care packages over. Now that you’ve got that leg, you might consider a bit of running again.”
“I have not gained weight,” Adam said through slightly clenched teeth.
“In fact, I lost several pounds when they lobbed off my leg.”
She eyed his waistline. “Well, you seem to have found it around your middle. Maybe a few sit-ups are in order.”
She and Levi shared a look and it was all Natalie could do not to burst into laughter. Winnie was definitely back to treating him the way she always had.
“Excuse me,” Winnie said. “I see Mark Holbrook over there. I hear he and Susan just split up,” she added in a stage-whisper.
Predictably, Adam watched her walk off and from the stunned expression on his face, he’d been blindsided by Winnie’s new attitude. His gaze dropped to his middle and he pulled his shirt away from his body.
He quirked a brow at Levi. “Is she right? Have I gained weight? Do I look soft?”
Levi winced and considered him with a critical eye. “It wouldn’t hurt to lay off the sweets and hit the gym.”
Adam glared at Natalie. “Is this true? Or are they just yanking my chain?”
Knowing that Levi’s motivation was to get Adam out of the house, Natalie merely shrugged regrettably. “A little exercise probably wouldn’t hurt.”
“Sonofabitch,” Adam murmured, seemingly dumbstruck. “I’m a cow.”
Natalie chuckled at him. “You’re not a cow.”
“Well I sure as hell could look better.” He slapped Levi on the back. “You know you’re way home. I’m going to the gym.” He glared at Winnie, who was smiling warmly up at Mark. “Or maybe for a run.”
Levi slung an arm around her shoulder and they watched Adam throw one last disgruntled look in Winnie’s direction before making a determined line for the gym up the street.
“I take it you said something to Winnie.”
Natalie chuckled softly and shook her head. “I s-sure as hell didn’t t-tell her to tell him he l-looked f-f-fat,” she said, struggling to hold it together.
Levi shrugged, laughing right along with her. “Hey, whatever works. Did you see the look on his face? He’s been saying all week that he’s determined to get back to his boys, but this is the first sign I’ve seen that he’s actually going to do it, you know?”
“What do you think about him coming back? Is it doable?”
Levi nodded slowly. “It’s doable,” he said. “And if he wants it bad enough, he can make it happen.”
“Will he be safe?”
He blew out a breath. “Just as safe as the rest of us, I guess.”
She hugged him tightly around his waist and buried her head against his upper arm. “I know I’m not supposed to say this, but you going back scares the living hell out of me.”
“You can say that, Nat,” Levi told her, pressing a kiss to her temple.
She looked up at him, at the achingly familiar line of his jaw. “Are you ever afraid?”
“I’d be a fool if I wasn’t, wouldn’t I?” He squeezed her tighter. “Adam was right. Your tour was very nice.”
She nodded, pleased that he’d enjoyed it. “Thank you.”
“What are we going to do now?” He pretended to be searching his memory for something important. “Seems like you mentioned doing something special for me? Am I remembering things correctly?”
The wretch, he knew damned well that she’d planned something for them. Levi had made sure that he’d recreated all of her fantasies--now it was time for her to give him one of his own.
And thanks to his most recent letter--the one which had arrived in her PO box this morning--she had the ammunition to pull it off.
Natalie threaded her fingers through his. “Come on,” she said with a significant arch of her brow. “I’m hungry.”