CHAPTER 4
Dear Levi, my belly goes all hot and muddled when I think about what it would be like to feel my naked skin against yours...
“I thought you said you were going to avoid him until you could figure out some way to intercept that letter,” Winnie said. “What happened?”
Wedging the phone in between her ear and her shoulder, Natalie reached for the remote control and settled into the corner of her couch. Geraldine, her unusually small tabby cat, curled into her side, purring contentedly. “That was the plan,” Natalie told her, blowing out a breath. “But Dad is leaving for Uncle Milton’s in the morning for a week and he originally didn’t want to go because he didn’t want me going to the beach alone.”
Winnie made a wincing noise. “Natalie, I understand why he feels that way, but you’ve got to put a stop to this. You can go combing by yourself. You did it for years before your mom’s accident. Has he forgotten that?”
“He’s chosen to forget, I think.” And her friend was right. This obsessive fear over her and the ocean, while strictly founded, was becoming a problem.
In the beginning she’d indulged her father because it had given them both something to do, something important which helped take their minds off what they had lost. Her father was “protecting” her. She got that. But, as Winnie had pointed out, when his obsession with her safety interfered to this extent... It wasn’t healthy.
For either of them.
“You know what he needs, don’t you?”
Natalie idly flipped channel’s, looking for something interesting to watch. “No, what?”
“A girlfriend.”
Ha. She didn’t have to tell her that. “You know I’ve tried to get him to consider dating again. Eloise Dawson is crazy about him, but he won’t give her the time of day. She’s cooked meals for him and taken them by his house, she’s helped him with his roses.” She snorted indelicately. “She’s all but spread herself out like dinner on the ground and he won’t have any part of it.” She paused and poked her tongue into the side of her cheek. “And here’s the kicker. I think he actually likes her.”
She made a humming noise under her breath. “He’s that devoted to your mother’s memory?”
“Yeah, he is,” she said softly. “It’s sweet and selfless and noble. But it’s also stupid. She wouldn’t have wanted this. She would have wanted him to be happy.”
She picked at a loose thread on her Pepe Le Pew pajama bottoms and her gaze slid to the black and white picture of her parents on their wedding day that she kept on her mantle. Her heart gave a little squeeze. They’d been so in love. She wanted that, Natalie thought wistfully. She wanted a man to look at her the way her father was looking at her mother in that picture. She wanted to be worshipped and adored, flaws, foibles and all.
Specifically, she wanted Levi to look at her that way.
A melancholy smile twisted her lips. And while the Almighty was handing out miracles, she’d also like to a unicorn if it wasn’t too much trouble. And to be a mermaid on the weekend.
Winnie made a noise low in her throat. “I know you miss her.”
“I do.” More than she could have ever imagined. “And he does, too. Which is why it’s so hard for me to tell him that I don’t need him to go to the beach with me anymore. Right now it’s his purpose, you know? How am I supposed to take that away from him?”
“It’s called tough love, sweetie. He needs to shift his attention to something else.”
She agreed. But having the nerve to tell him that was something else altogether. Maybe staying with Uncle Milton for a little while would be good for him. A little distance might give her father some much-needed perspective.
And God knows she could use some of her own.
Levi McPherson. Beachcombing. With her.
It was one of her favorite dreams and worst nightmares all rolled into one. As Winnie helpfully pointed out, how was she supposed to avoid him if he’d taken over where her father had left off? And there was no telling him to forget about it once her father left. Levi was many things--fearless, gorgeous, wonderful, honorable, had integrity in spades, a fabulous sense of humor and a body that she’d like to make her personal playground for a little while (or forever)--but above all else, he was a man of his word and he’d promised her father that he wouldn’t let her go out alone.
In the event that she couldn’t intercept that letter, there was a very real possibility that he could find out that she’d been sending him those sexy missives...and she’d still have to keep company with him.
She’d be mortified.
In the meantime she had to figure out a way to get that letter back before it landed in Levi’s hot little hands. Frankly, she didn’t have any idea how this would even be possible.
In the first place, tampering with the mail was against the federal law. In the second place, even if she could get a little inside help at their local post office--Tracy Cochran, maybe?--that would involve bringing another person into her confidence. She hadn’t even summoned the nerve to tell her best friend until this morning. How in the hell could she confide in Tracy? Furthermore, though Natalie liked her well enough, asking Tracy to keep a secret was like asking a Baptist preacher not to have an alter call at a tent revival--impossible.
Unfortunately she didn’t see any way around at least asking for Tracy’s help and ultimately, planned to do that first thing in the morning before she and Levi made their first trip down to the shore.
Honestly, when she’d walked out of the back room and seen him standing in her gallery this afternoon, she couldn’t have been any more stunned. Though she knew Adam had suggested that he come by, she’d never really imagined that he would. Funny, that. She’d been so busy imagining all other sorts of things with him--sex, mainly--and yet, today when he’d been looking at her, she could have sworn that she saw another little sparkle of interest in those uniquely intense pale brown eyes. There’d been a hint of something slightly wicked in the curve of his smile, something downright sexual about the way he’d been staring at her mouth.
And then when he’d volunteered to go to the beach with her...
She’d gone from merely stunned to dumbstruck. And the more she’d tried to convince him that he didn’t have to put himself out, the more determined he’d become. Honestly, if she didn’t know any better she’d swear he was flirting with her.
Which was crazy...wasn’t it?
She cocked her head, thoughtfully considering the idea. He’d never been interested in her before and she was still the same old Natalie she’d always been. Passably attractive, but no real looker. She wouldn’t make a dog point, but knew she wouldn’t win any beauty contests either. She had too many freckles on a too small nose and too much junk in the trunk to be anything other than average. Which, in the grand scheme of things, was fine.
At any rate, she had to be reading things wrong and wouldn’t allow herself to even consider anything otherwise. It was too risky to hope for anything more. She’d been pining away for Levi for years--to the point that she’d even stopped dating altogether--and had finally, in a weird sort of way, come to terms with things through their letters. She’d confessed her feelings, she’d shared every depraved thought. She might not have bared her identity, but she’d bared her soul and, in return, had been given a peek at his.
It had to be enough.
Because, at the end of the day, a romance between them would always be a dead end. He’d never stay in Bethel Bay--had said so himself today, she remembered sadly--and she couldn’t see herself leaving, even for him. How could she leave her dad? Her family and friends? Her responsibilities and her town? She couldn’t even wrap her head around it. Couldn’t imagine a life, even with Levi, away from Bethel Bay. Did she ever long to travel? To see the world? Yes. She’d love to wander various shores, to visit the Louvre, to admire the various ancient ruins of Greece. But to be gone indefinitely? No. Bethel Bay was home. It would always be home.
“So your dad heads to your uncle’s in the morning?”
Natalie sighed. “He does.”
“And Levi’s coming over?”
“I offered to pick him up, but he’s just going to walk down and we’ll leave from here.”
“He hasn’t seen your place, has he?”
“Not in its finished form. It was still under construction the last time he was home.”
Winnie gave a little sigh. “I love your house.”
A chuckle bubbled up her throat. “I do, too.”
“When I can finally afford to build, I’m going to blatantly steal the whole shebang. The double veranda, the Bahama shutters, even the cupola.”
Smiling, Natalie shook her head. Her friend had said as much before. “So long as you don’t build next door, I don’t care.”
“I can’t build next door. Your father won’t sell the lot.”
Natalie knew that and couldn’t imagine why. He could put a tidy little chunk of change into his retirement fund if he’d let it go, but for whatever reason, always insisted that he’d just hang onto it.
As for her house, she loved it, too. It had simple lines with a nod to Colonial and standard beach cottage architecture. She’d opted for tall ceilings, lots of hardwood, molding and beadboard and enjoyed the open layout. Her master suite and studio were downstairs, two bedrooms and a bath on the second floor. Nothing complicated, but the building as a whole had turned out quite charming, if she did say so herself.
“I still think you need to abandon this whole get-the-letter-back approach,” Winnie said. “Honestly, I think it’s a waste of your time--what little of it you have with him--and it’s a futile effort. It’s not going to work.”
“Winnie--“
“No, listen,” her friend insisted. “You told me the reason that you started writing the letters was because you were afraid he wouldn’t come back.”
Natalie swallowed. She still was. She couldn’t watch the news or listen to the radio or log onto the internet without being reminded of the very real danger Levi, Adam and every other member of the US military forces faced.
“Is this really how you want to spend this time with him, Natalie? Trying to avoid him? Spinning your wheels trying to retrieve that damned letter? Did it ever occur to you that all of this has happened for a reason--that Lacey was supposed to smack that return address stamp on that letter? That he’s here now, and you’ve got a chance to tell him how you feel? To show him how you feel? Don’t settle for that letter relationship, sweetheart.” Her voice softened. “You deserve better and so does he. You’ve been in love with the boy for as long as I can remember. Go for it.”
Would that she had the courage, Natalie thought, swayed by Winnie’s reasoning. What if she was right? What if this was her only chance? Her only shot? “Winnie, I don’t know that I--“
“Just think about it,” her friend insisted.
Natalie swallowed. Given the argument Winnie had just presented, it would be damned hard to think about anything else.
* * *
“Strange, isn’t it?”
Levi blinked, then turned and looked at his brother. They’d taken the boat out--damn, it had been great to be back on the water, the smell of the sea, the wind in the sails--then had come home and settled in on the screened-in porch once again. The buzz of the television droned through the open window and the scent of his mother’s apple dumplings wafted out on the night breeze.
“What?” he asked.
“Being home. It’s too--”
“Quiet,” Levi finished, chuckling under his breath. He knew exactly what Adam meant. He’d gotten used to the sights and sounds of war, of comrades and gunfire, of heavy artillery and shouting. He gazed out over the bay, watched the wind move through the willow trees and felt curiously disconnected from it all. And for his peace of mind, he knew he had to stay that way. He couldn’t afford to want this. It wasn’t part of his plan, and it damned sure wasn’t in his future. He had a tour of duty to finish, a country to serve and protect, and guys back in Iraq who were waiting on him to help them finish their mission.
This, beautiful though it was, could only be temporary.
And, though at times he longed for something...more, Levi couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t want to be a solider. While other boys had been playing X-Box games, he’d been building dirt forts for his plastic Army men. He’d loved growing up on various Army bases, watching the men in their uniforms, the confidence and purpose in their steps. He’d admired his father, who’d instilled a love of his country and its history into his blood.
Being a soldier...it was more than what he did--it was who he was.
And it was damned hard to date, much less find someone he might want to permanently attach himself to when he was in the middle of a war.
Furthermore, the only time he’d given it a shot, the whole damned thing had blown up in his face and made him a laughingstock. His gaze slid to his boat. So help me God, I’m painting over that name tomorrow, Levi thought. After he went beachcombing with Natalie, of course. The thought brought a smile to his lips.
“What are you grinning about?” Adam asked suspiciously.
Levi scowled as a flash of heat hit his cheeks. “Nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing, Remington,” Adam said, using his Ranger nickname.
During Jump School Levi’d taken one particularly daring jump and Mick Chivers, one of his best friends who had recently gotten married and become a father, had made the remark that he must have “balls of steel” which had led to Remington Steel jokes and eventually shortened to just “Remington.”
“Looks like your thinking about her again. Ms. X, right? Was Tracy helpful today?”
“Not particularly,” Levi told him.
And he hadn’t been thinking about Ms. X--he’d been thinking about Natalie, but it was probably better if he didn’t share that little tidbit with Adam. In fact, since seeing her this afternoon he’d done little else but think about Natalie.
Not good.
And for the life of him, he didn’t understand it. Yes, he’d always had a thing for her, one that he’d always--admittedly, with increasing difficulty--managed to keep under control. Evidently that ability had gone by the wayside, otherwise he wouldn’t have blurted out that offer to go beachcombing with her while her father was away.
Levi had tried to tell himself that he’d made the suggestion out of ordinary kindness, that it was the “nice” thing to do...and yet he knew better. He’d offered because he wanted to spend some time with her. Because he’d seen a brief but memorable glimpse of haunted longing in her own eyes this afternoon when he’d stopped by. It had been a bit of a shock, but one he had to admit he found rather gratifying.
And because he was a glutton for punishment and an opportunistic bastard, he had every intention of taking advantage of the situation. Despite every warning bell going off in his head, he wanted her.
Still.
Adam blew out a breath. “Well, damn. I was hoping she’d share a little information with you. I didn’t expect her to tell you who owned that PO box, but was hoping she’d point you in the right direction. Maybe drop a hint.”
“She did say that the owner of the box checked mail around four.”
Adam gazed at him thoughtfully. “Well, that’s a start. And it shouldn’t interfere with going to the beach with Natalie. She typically finishes up at the gallery around that time, then goes down to the shore.”
In the process of lifting his drink to his lips, Levi paused. “You’re awfully familiar with her schedule for someone who’s just a friend.”
“That’s beginning to wear thin, brother,” Adam said, staring at him in a way that was too close for comfort. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were sounding a little jealous.”
Damn. “Then it’s a good thing you know better.”
Adam merely smiled, then looked away. “I know her damned schedule because she’s been coming by in between working at the gallery, in her studio, combing, her city council meetings, this meeting and that meeting.” He chuckled softly. “She’s got a finger in every friggin’ pie in Bethel Bay.”
He gathered that from various things Adam had already mentioned. Natalie had more than mere “ties” to the community. She was shackled to it. Out of love, he knew, but it nevertheless made him uncomfortable because the thought just reinforced the point that getting involved with her would be a bad idea. She was invested here. He was invested in his career. It was a no-win situation that had disaster written all over it.
Pity it didn’t make him want her any less.
Adam blew out a breath. “Anyway, we’ve played Tonk and hung out. It’s been nice. Nat’s easy company. She doesn’t ask a lot of questions I don’t want to answer, you know? She’s just...Natalie.”
For someone who was so outgoing, Adam was intensely private, played his cards close to his vest and kept a tight circle of friends. No doubt Natalie understood that and treated him accordingly. She wouldn’t ask him a lot of prying questions, she’d just be there, which was no doubt exactly what his brother needed at the moment.
“You know the minute John leaves she’s going to try and shake you, right?” Adam asked.
Levi quirked a brow. “Why would she do that?”
“Because she’s perfectly capable of going to the beach alone and will resent having a babysitter.”
“I’m not a babysitter. I simply stepped in so her father would back off and go to his brother’s.”
“Preachin’ to the choir. But I know her. She’s stubborn.”
“I promised her father that I’d go with her.” And he would. The end.
“What time are you supposed to meet her in the morning?”
“Eight.”
“I’d get there at 7:30.”
Levi frowned. “You really think she’ll leave without me?” That seemed a little out of character, but admittedly Adam knew Natalie better than he did.
Adam merely shrugged. “It wouldn’t surprise me.” He blew out a long breath. “So what are you going to do? Start staking out the post office? Watch who’s going in and out around four?”
“Something like that.”
“And if that doesn’t work?”
“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Maybe see if Louis will help me out.”
Louis Johnson had been their mail carrier for years and had always had a soft spot for their mother who never failed to tuck a little something extra into the box for him on holidays. He might not be willing to find out for him, but Levi knew it’d be damned hard for Louis to tell his mother no.
Adam whistled low. “You’re going to enlist Mom’s help? Wow.”
Naturally, he’d rather not. Telling his mother about the sexy letters wasn’t on his top ten list of favorite things to do, but it wouldn’t come to that. If push came to shove, he’d ask her to ask Louis, and his mother would do it, much like Natalie, without prying. Furthermore, the fact that he was interested in a woman would undoubtedly make his mother dance a little jig of happiness. She’d been delicately laying little hints about him “settling down” and “giving her some grandchildren.” Come to think of it, those hadn’t been delicate hints at all, Levi realized, smiling to himself.
Levi laughed softly. “You think I’ve lost my mind, don’t you?”
“No.” He smiled and released a slow sigh. “But this chick must be able to write one helluva letter.”
Levi chuckled. “Little brother, you don’t know the half of it.”
“Oh, I think I know more than you think I do,” Adam said, his voice low, and with the enigmatic statement, he stood, gathered his crutches and made his way into the house.
Levi waited until he’d gone, then withdrew his wallet and selected the first letter. There had to be a clue in here somewhere. Something he was missing. A faint citrus scent wafted from the paper as his mind soaked up her words, now committed to memory. Something nagged at him, but he batted the elusive notion away, lost in her letter once more.
Dear Levi, if I close my eyes I can see you so clearly. The lean slope of your cheek, the achingly familiar curve of your smile. I look at you and my souls recognizes yours. If only yours would do the same...