Chapter Twelve
Lia
I’m standing at the door waiting when Lucian gets home. He’d told me earlier about Aidan leaving the company for a while. Even though he tried to make light of it, I knew better. They were brothers for all intents and purposes and were rarely apart for long stretches of time. “Hey,” I say softly as he pushes the door closed behind him. He gives me a questioning look as I take his hand and lead him toward the bedroom. When we get there, he watches me with solemn eyes as I slowly begin to undress him. “I love you,” I say as sprinkle kisses over his newly uncovered chest.
“You too, baby,” he breathes out as he runs his hands up and down my arms. I step back to unbuckle his belt, intent only on his pleasure. “I just want to love you tonight,” he says hoarsely as he scoops me up into his arms and deposits me on the bed. I’m wearing one of my new sundresses, and he growls out his approval as he shoves the material up and studies my boy shorts. “I fucking love these,” he says reverently as he cups my sex through the thin material. I don’t even dwell on the fact that my stomach now hangs out well beyond my underwear because I can see and hear how much he wants me.
He slides the shorts down and drapes my legs over his shoulders. I almost swallow my tongue. I know what’s next and my toes curl in anticipation. Lucian was the first man ever to go down on me, and I can’t imagine there is anyone who could hold a candle to him. The things he can do with his fingers, mouth, and tongue are probably illegal in more than a few states. My body bows off the bed at the first swipe of his tongue up my slit. “Luc,” I cry out as my sex clenches. He sets a leisurely pace as if trying to prolong the moment, but when he pushes two fingers into me while sucking on my clit, I go off like a detonating bomb. Since I’ve been pregnant, my orgasm always seems to be right below the surface, a fact that fascinates Lucian. Before I can recover, he pulls back and I feel his cock at my entrance. I whimper, pushing shamelessly forward as I attempt to force him inside me. Instead, he circles my sensitive nub, and I try to jerk away. “Too much,” I moan. “Fuck me, Luc, please.”
That’s all it takes. He loves it when I talk dirty during sex. His big cock powers forward before he stops. “Okay?” he asks before moving again. He’s always worried about hurting the baby or me. I rock into him, giving him the answer he seeks. With a groan, he unleashes. I’m coming again within minutes. He somehow maneuvers until he’s under me on the bed, and I’m sitting astride him. As my stomach has gotten bigger, we’ve moved to positions that keep the weight off me. Oh, how I miss feeling him pressing me into the mattress. But being on top with his hands free to roam is a big slice of heaven as well. His fingers tweak my tender nipples and I feel the tug immediately between my legs. Just as I think I couldn’t possibly come again, he pushes his hips up just as I drop down and I explode. I shriek loud enough to wake the neighbors as Lucian’s wet heat shoots inside of me. I collapse against his chest, and as soon as he’s recovered, he lifts me gently, placing me at his side.
Lucian caresses my stomach tenderly as he does so often now. I feel myself beginning to drift off when his hand jerks. “Holy shit! Did you feel that?”
“It’s the baby kicking,” I murmur. I’ve been feeling it for a few weeks, but Lucian hasn’t been able to yet. As his words register, I grab his arm. “You felt her kick?”
His face is full of wonder and joy as he studies my stomach intently. “Shhh, we might scare her off. Be very still.” I stifle a grin at his words but humor him by not moving. When I feel the ripple of another movement, I can tell by the excitement on his face that he felt it, too. “She’s really in there, isn’t she?” he asks in awe.
I laugh lightly as I place my hand over his. “I certainly hope so because something’s causing me to blow up.”
He lowers his lips and begins kissing the skin sheltering our child. “You’ve always been beautiful, but you’ve transcended even that now. You’re radiant. You have a glow that lights you from the inside out. I want to stay by your side every moment of the day to witness the wonder of your body changing as you nurture the life we created together. I want to fall to my knees and thank whatever god brought you to me. If I live a thousand lives, it still won’t be long enough to show you all of the love I feel when I see, feel, or think of you. You’re my heaven, baby, the reason I have a chance at redemption that I never believed possible.”
Tears are trickling down my face as he finishes his raw declaration of love. Every word is straight from his heart and I can’t help but feel unworthy of a man such as Lucian—but I’ll hold onto him with everything I have. We are building a life and family together. “How am I possibly supposed to compete with something like that?” I blubber out. Why can’t I be one of those delicate women who look good even when crying? Instead, I’m like a leaking fountain. Thank heavens I didn’t wear mascara today or it would be even worse.
Clearly amused, he says, “It’s not a contest to see who loves the other more, baby. I’ve never said things like that to anyone before, but when I’m with you, they just come out.” I run my fingers through his thick, dark hair as he settles his head against my chest. It’s times like these when I know that, like myself, no one has ever held or touched him in such a simple but loving manner. He relaxes completely, still cradling my stomach while I show him with more than words how much I cherish him. “You know, I dreamed of this…before,” he begins idly. “When Cassie was pregnant, I imagined a normal life with a family. Taking my son to a ballgame or my daughter to dance class. Even doing the whole carpool thing with their friends. Cassie would be off the rails making one crazy threat after another and I’d just let myself drift off, thinking of what our life could be if we were like any other normal couple expecting a child.”
“Oh, Lucian,” I whisper, hearing the pain and torment in his voice.
He continues speaking, almost as if in a trance. “I had my routine each day. Before class, I would go through the apartment looking for anything she could use to hurt herself. Then I’d check for pills or even alcohol. I’d given Aidan strict instructions never to bring anything like that into the apartment. I was even so paranoid that I didn’t wear a belt or keep one—just in case she tried to hang herself with it.” My fingers tense in his hair, but I force myself to unfurl them. He needs this and I have to be strong for him. “She stopped going to class, so I’d come home for lunch, to make another quick check of the apartment and to assess her mood. If she seemed close to the edge, I’d skip my afternoon classes so I could watch her.” He takes a jerky breath and suddenly lifts his head to look at me. “Fuck, baby, is this bothering you? I know you can’t possibly want to hear about her. I’m sorry, I didn’t think—”
I frame his face with my hands and tell him with absolute sincerity, “I hurt for what you’ve been through, Luc. It makes me wish I could absorb your immeasurable pain and carry it for you.”
He gives me a look of adoration and turns his head to kiss the palm of my hand. “That you would feel that way with all of the pain you’re already carrying from your past shows me once again why I love you so much. You’re the most selfless person I’ve ever known.”
Once again, he lays his head on me and I resume soothing him as he picks up where he left off. “Some days when I couldn’t take it anymore, I’d escape to the park and sit on a bench for hours watching the families there. I studied them trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. They made it look so effortless. I began to resent Cassie more and more because I knew we’d never be happy like that. I couldn’t see a time when I wouldn’t have to watch and worry about what she was doing. I knew I’d have to quit school when the baby was born because there was no way I could trust her to be alone with a defenseless child.”
“Did your aunt know?” I ask, not being able to imagine her letting him fight this battle alone. She seemed to love her nephew so much.
“She knew Cassie was bipolar. Being a nurse, she’d noticed that almost from the beginning. She…tried to discourage me from dating her. She didn’t think Cassie could mentally handle being in an intimate relationship. I believe she was trying to save us both from ourselves, but at that age, you don’t listen. I didn’t tell her about how bad things had become those last few months. Cassie would try to put on a good show whenever anyone was visiting, but I knew Fae was worried. She tried to get me to talk to her, but my pride wouldn’t let me admit that I’d made a mistake. All I knew was that I had to take care of the baby. That was my life then. Each day was the same repeat of the last. The only thing in question was how volatile Cassie would be. We were no longer involved in a real relationship. It was a noxious parody. That night took away any fantasies I once harbored about having a family of my own. A man who couldn’t protect his unborn child didn’t deserve to be happy ever again. That was my penance for what I’d done.”
My poor, broken man. How had he become the wonderful person he is now when he’d been through so much all those years before? The more he shares, the more I understand why he’d been so reluctant to love, to share, and to be open. It also makes his addiction to cocaine even clearer. “Lucian,” I begin carefully, desperately afraid of saying the wrong thing. “Cassie had a serious mental illness that wasn’t being properly treated or supervised. Trained medical professionals lose patients to that disease every day. You were far too young to deal with something of that magnitude alone. The fact that you tried so hard shows me exactly who you are. No one could have foreseen that horrible tragedy. You need to forgive yourself. We would all go back if we could and change something in the past, but that’s not possible. We’re only human.”
He is quiet for a while, as he absently draws small circles on my stomach with his finger. I continue to stroke his hair and rub his neck. When his hand falls away, I’m shocked to hear a light snore. I stop moving, thinking I’ve imagined it, but a few seconds later, another follows. He’s fallen asleep curled against me like a small child. My legs are beginning to go numb and my bladder is reminding me that I rarely go more than an hour now without having to pee. I don’t want to disturb him, though. Regardless of how he tries to gloss over it, I know he hasn’t been sleeping that well, so I close my eyes and will away my discomfort.
Obviously, I managed to drift off because when I jerk awake sometime later, the room is completely dark and I’m alone in the bed. I get to my feet as quickly as possible and waddle-run to the bathroom, taking care of my most pressing need. After washing up, I walk down the hallway and catch the unmistakable smell of pizza. When I reach the kitchen, Lucian is just opening a box from Leo’s. He looks up as I walk into the room, giving me a shy smile. “Hey, baby. I was just coming to wake you. Are you hungry?”
Not bothering with social niceties, I step forward and lift a steaming piece of supreme pizza out of the box and to my mouth. My eyes roll back in my head as flavors explode on my tongue. “Oh, my God,” I moan around my full mouth. “I’d marry you and have your baby for this alone, Lucian Quinn,” I fervently declare.
He laughs softly and hands me a napkin. “That sounds like a good deal. Throw in a few blowjobs and I’ll keep you in pizza forever.” When I begin laughing, then choking at his words, he reaches over to thump me on the back. “Slow down, honey, I’d rather not tell my aunt and the hospital what caused you to choke on your food.”
I’m licking my lips then my fingers when a wave of affection comes over me. I can only imagine what I look like when I give him a sappy smile and say, “I love you.”
He quirks a brow in a way that is uniquely his and doesn’t even pause as he kisses the fingers I’ve just licked. “I love you too, baby.” We both look down to see one piece of pizza remaining. I give him a questioning look and he nods indulgently. “Yes, even enough to give you the last slice.”
In a perfect world, I would have insisted that he take it, but instead, I grab it before he can change his mind. “Thanks, babe. I promise that after I’ve had the baby, I’ll let you eat again.”
I look around the kitchen for the special fruit pizza Leo usually sends for me. I’m ready to panic when Lucian points to the refrigerator. “It’s in there. I know better than to withhold sugar from my woman. Now finish eating and I’ll rub your feet before bed.”
I run back to where he’s sitting on the barstool and give him a smacking kiss on the lips. “You’re a rock star.”
“Fuckin-A,” he retorts as he pops me on the ass before rubbing it to soothe the sting. “Just so you know…I’ll be collecting that promised blowjob before bed.” Never one to make idle threats, he got exactly what he wanted…