May

May caught the deep intake of breath at the surprise and the glint of disappointment in Henry’s expression when she requested more time to decide. When May and Henry returned to the ballroom, the celebration continued. Henry had proposed twice before, three if she counted the time she didn’t let him, and each of those times she felt that perhaps someday they would marry. Today’s proposal shook her to the bone. If he had asked that question, she knew she would have said no, and it broke her heart.

Her college graduation was complete in her other century where she could begin a life and a nursing career. She had spent years studying and nurturing and nursing. She didn’t want to quit now that it was time to put it into practice. Isn’t that what college had been all about? After all, she and Henry hadn’t become serious until after she had started the nursing program.

It worried her to think that she was putting Henry in her past. It seemed impossible to choose between something that made her happy and someone who made her happy. It wasn’t easy to turn off her feelings for either. She’d been telling herself that it would all work out. In truth, she’d been avoiding this very moment and lying to herself that this day would surely come. Living in the future felt right, but being with Henry did too. By Christmas. She’d know by Christmas.

May left her family with a hug and walked toward the stairs leading to the third floor. It was the night of a full moon. If she was going to travel back to the twenty-first century, it had to be tonight.

May noticed Cora leave the ballroom, headed toward the ladies retiring room, and hurried to catch up with her. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

Cora pointed at the bottom of her dress. “Apparently I’ve ripped a ruffle and Lucy’s mother thinks it’s a tragedy that must be repaired immediately. I’d rather not waste any time on it, so I’m off to find Miller. She has a magical way with repairs,” she said with a wink.

May marveled at the ease her friend had adjusted to living more than a hundred and fifty years before she was born. Cora’s life in the future was filled with conveniences and advances that 1850 paled against. How did she make the decision seem so easy? The same dilemma tore at May in both centuries—neither one felt whole. “I have something to ask you,” May said. She pulled Cora into a side room and shut the door behind them.

“I saw you walking out with Henry. Did he propose to you again?” Cora asked.

“He wanted to,” May answered. Her heart sank, and she couldn’t find the words. She looked at her hands folded in front of her for a long moment.

“And?” Her friend led them to a small couch and perched on the edge with excitement. She must have noticed something distressed in May’s expression and waited for her to reply.

“I didn’t answer him yet. I told him I would give him an answer by Christmas.” May took Cora’s hands in her own. “I couldn’t answer him. I was afraid of my own answer.” She could see sympathy in her friend’s face. “But it’s your wedding day, Cora. I don’t want to bring sadness to it.”

“I will never be sad for you, May. If you marry Henry, it will bring you and I both joy. If you don’t marry Henry, we’ll still be happy because it’s right for you. Maybe not at first, but understanding will come. It took me a long time to trust that I could share all of myself with Simon. I want that for you too with someone special. Either here or there.”

May wondered if she’d miss this life by living there. She hadn’t in college, but she’d always known she’d be back. Maybe that’s how all people felt when they stepped fully into adulting, like their own future was destroying their past. She no longer saw herself choosing what was good, but choosing between two good things and, as a result, losing one.

This choice would be made in the future. For now, she’d look on the bright side. “I suppose if I’m there, I might be the one to deliver the next duke of Hertfordshire.”

The girls giggled and stood.

“Are you heading back now?” Cora asked.

“Yes. I’ll be back in a month, celebrate Christmas with my family, and then Henry will receive his answer.” She knew she was procrastinating. In the end, she would break both of their hearts. May jumped to her feet. She had to get out of here, out of 1850. She knew she was buying time to avoid having to tell Henry. If she hopped through the picture, she could have months away until she had to do it.

“I’ll walk with you.” The women climbed the stairs and entered the Golden Gallery. Aunt Nellie met May in front of May’s portrait.

“Oh, you have a grand adventure in front of you, little lady.” Nellie shuffled away humming to herself.

“What will happen if I go back, Aunt Nellie?” May asked, knowing Nellie never told what she knew, and May knew she knew. She was always so cryptic.

Nellie picked up an intricate glass sugar bowl, then returned and stood in front of her, setting the bowl on a table. She pulled May’s hands into both of her own. “This time, my dear, you will find out who you are and where you truly belong. This is a turning point for you, and there will be no going back from the decision you make.”

May was surprised, and by the look on Cora’s face, she was too. May had never heard Aunt Nellie be quite so serious. Then a broad smile curved across Nellie’s face.

“Will I be coming back home?” May asked, without hope of getting an answer.

“Yes,” Aunt Nellie said without pause. Then a mischievous smile crossed her lips. “Of course, it depends on where you call home.” She lifted the sugar bowl, and waved her hand to direct May. “You know what to do. Stand by your picture.” She pulled the lid from the dish and plunged a large silver spoon into the middle, withdrawing a heaping measure of faerie dust. “Are you already?” she asked.

May could feel her eyebrows arch. “What are you doing with the sugar bowl?” she asked.

“Oh it’s something new I’m trying,” she said. “See, I take the faerie dust and throw it into the air, then I shoot a little lightning at it. When it ignites, there will be an explosion with exquisite colors, and you should be pushed into the other time.” She smiled sweetly. “Theoretically.”

“Not on me, you don’t,” May said, raising her hands in front of her. “No shooting lightning. Normal safe passage, please.”

“Spoilsport. Fine.” Nellie poured the dust into her palm and reached her other hand in for a bit more until she had a palm full of the white faerie dust.

“Why are you going back?” Cora asked as Nellie compressed the dust.

“It’s time for my senior trip,” May answered. She might do a little touring, but she also thought she’d find a job. Aunt Nellie was right—this was a turning point in her life.

“Okie dokie.” Nellie rolled her hands together, and the magic illuminated to a bright white. “Back where you came from.” She slapped her palms together, and blinding light erupted.

Whenever May traveled, she felt like she was being stretched like an accordion, that her head reached the new century while her feet lagged in the other. As the light dispersed, her rubbery legs gave way, and she fell to the carpet.

“Lady May,” Aunt Nellie’s voice called out. “You’re back. Welcome. Will you be staying for the ball?” A teacup and kettle appeared in her hands, and she poured as she walked. “Here you are, dear. Drink up.”

The sweet lemony drink radiated through her, healing the ache of time travel. The trip still made her tired, but a few more sips would have her feeling better in that way too. Red Bull had nothing on Nellie’s tea.

“You don’t look very changed, Lady May. How long were you there?”

“Six true months.”

“And how long will you be here?”

May tipped the teacup to her lips, taking as much comfort as she could from the magic offered. Even the electric lights and outlets gave her some comfort. She couldn’t imagine living her lifetime without them, or a car, or a phone. Maybe for a long time she’d known what her answer was and just hadn’t faced it until now. “I don’t have any plans to return really.” Except at some point, I’ll go back to say no to Henry. Why couldn’t he live here in this future with her? Just as quickly she asked herself: “What would he do?”

Aunt Nellie frowned deeply, but as if she caught herself, it brightened into a sort of smile. “Then you’ve finally decided. I wish you happiness. What’s next for you?”

“A job.”

Virginia, Modern Day

May collapsed into the leather couch in her apartment, propping her feet up on the end. She and her roommate had opposite schedules at the hospital this month, so it was like having a place of her own. A roommate made it affordable. She laughed at that. In her other century, there were very few things that were not affordable for her. Everything in this apartment, she had to buy with her hard-earned paychecks from caring for patients, drawing blood, giving shots, holding moms and babies. For the past three months, she’d gone to yard sales and found deals online. She’d been working in the mother-baby unit for the past four months. It was everything she had dreamed it would be.

But there was something missing—really someone. She couldn’t get Henry out of her mind. Immediately her imagination conjured up his image. His coal black hair first, blown by wind as the scenery flew behind him. Then his form sitting atop his horse, galloping—every muscle of his physique flexing with strength. Finally, his blue eyes, bright with excitement. She loved looking into them. The first time they’d kissed, she noticed the white lines like frost throughout just before his lids closed, and their lips touched.

May savored the memory of his gentle touch for a moment until the familiar ache set in. It tightened around her stomach, then squeezed in her chest. How long would it be before she could move on? To be fair, she had known him for nearly two decades, and it should take more than a few months to be ready to date again. It had been a huge breakup—one that Henry still didn’t know had happened. Trapped in her own lack of decision, she felt alone, desolate.

Every morning since she’d been back to the twenty-first century, she’d awoken and told herself she’d give it another week. And each night, she stared into the darkened sky and wished him goodnight, yearning for him to hold her.

It was frustrating. If she could have the perfect life, she’d still be a modern nurse, and he’d be with her in the twenty-first century. She blew out a heavy sigh. Nothing was perfect.

She often wondered how the universe could set up such an elaborate joke. First, the faerie magic had to transport her mother back to Regency England to meet her father. Then her mother would have to travel back into the future while pregnant with each child, making the children able to time travel as a result. The punchline was that May’s heart and soul were then divided across the two centuries, pulling her in different directions.

May sat up and pressed her head into her hands. There was no use in going over this every night. It didn’t change anything. Everyone had challenges. She was no different. She’d get over it. Or learn to live without.

She walked into the kitchen, popped a frozen burrito into the microwave, and set the timer. The doorbell rang before she could sit back on the couch.

Since she wasn’t expecting anyone, she turned on the porch light and peeked out the peephole. May threw the door open and yelled, “James!” then wrapped her arms around him. She had no idea why her brother was there, but she was glad he was. Maybe she’d just been homesick, and this was exactly what she needed.

“Have you eaten? Will you be here long? Where are you staying?” May looked out the doorway after he walked inside. “Is anyone with you?

“Yeah, Gerard came this time.”

Gerard stepped up the cement stairs and went inside too. May remembered him as a shy sort of guy—well, compared to James anyway. His mother was Shamay, a dear friend of her mother’s and a time traveler from ancient France. She’d married a duke and lived in the very north of England near the border to Scotland. “Welcome.” May waved Gerard inside. “I didn’t think you time traveled much.”

“I don’t. James talked me into it,” Gerard answered. “It sounds like it’s going to be fun.”

“I guarantee it.” James slapped him on the back. “You’ll be old hat at it in no time.”

“When did you leave?” She turned back inside and shut the door. “What are you up to?”

James laughed. “Do I answer the other questions at once, or do I pick my favorite?” A ding let her know her food was ready, and James followed her into the kitchen answering, “I haven’t eaten, and yes, I’d like a burrito. Gerard would too. We got off our flight and came directly here. I’m only here a night to see how you’re doing. We’re going to Florida for spring break. I’d like to sleep on your couch, and Gerard can have the floor. I left on the next full moon after you did.”

“Spring break? You party in more centuries than I’ve even been to.” May put more burritos into the microwave then sat at the table. “You’re too old for spring break anyway.”

Another flurry of questions swirled in her head. The first one she caught was, “How’s Henry?” It slipped out of her mouth before she’d decided to ask it and immediately regretted it. “I didn’t mean to ask that.” James squinted at her as if he were trying to decide if he should call her on the lie or not. “How’s Mum and Dad?” Suddenly, she wasn’t hungry, but she was going to eat anyway and force herself to be normal. She’d been thinking about Henry, so of course it was the first thing she thought of. It didn’t mean anything else.

“Mum and Dad are fine. They’re looking forward to seeing you for Christmas. How long will you be here before you go back?”

May was relieved that he’d decided to talk about their parents. “I don’t know.” She thought she’d stay away long enough to get over her separation from Henry. That hadn’t happened yet, and she wasn’t sure it would happen at all.

They settled into eating and talking. Around midnight, May tossed a pillow and a blanket onto the couch. “Will I see you in the morning?”

“No. I have an early flight, but I’ll see you at Christmas—whenever you decide that will be.”

Time was a crazy concept. Most people believed it marched in a single straight line, but some few like May and her family and a few friends knew it for what it really was. Aunt Nellie always said time was a fuzzball. Everyone’s timelines were all jumbled together, and when a little faerie magic touched one of them, a person traveled through time.

May thought of those little trips as a loop in time. She could leave, travel to another time in a loop, then return at the same time she’d left. The loop could last any amount of time and she could always come back to that exact moment she’d left or to another one of her choosing.

“I’ll be there a few days before the holiday. That’s all I know right now.”

James hugged her. “You’ll make the right choice, May. As Mum says, ‘Follow your heart.’” He kissed the top of her head, and she hugged him tightly for a moment longer.

“Have fun, and I’ll see you soon.” May went to bed.

Sleep came but so did dreams of Henry. When morning arrived, she’d spent hours with him in her dreams, and the ache of separation was intense realizing the gap of years between them.

A good busy day at work would help her get him off her mind. It was challenging and demanded all her concentration. There was no room for distraction. She loved her job. She threw herself into it and the hours passed quickly. The day did not disappoint. There weren’t enough rooms for the number of mothers who came in for delivery in the afternoon. May was running back-and-forth to another wing of the hospital to help. Being involved in a pivotal moment that changed lives was rewarding.

Back home again, the thought of having another frozen dinner brought her to her feet. She would at least go out for a nice meal. She dropped her scrubs to the floor and showered. Then she put on make-up and left. There was a small Italian café on the next block over. When she walked past an ally, she heard someone screaming in pain. She could plainly see a young woman in distress laying on the filthy asphalt.

She rushed to her and could see that the woman was in labor. May pulled off her sweater to slide it beneath the woman. “I’m May. I’m an RN. What’s your name?”

“Melanieeeee.” She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth.

May waited until the contraction passed. “You’re doing well. I’ll stay and help.” She held Melanie’s hand and kneeled at her side as each new wave of pain came. “Let me put this under you,” May said, and pushed the sweater beneath the woman during an interim.

Melanie might have been there for quite a while from the state she was in and her water had already broken. “I’m calling for an ambulance.” May gave the information to dispatch while she attended to the mother.

May timed the contractions. They were lasting nearly a minute and there wasn’t much time between them. “You’re doing really well. Just relax after the contractions.” The woman continued to moan during the pains, and May offered the comfort and encouragement she could.

A few minutes later, the woman grunted and sat up in a fierce push.

Oh, no. Where is that ambulance? May recognized the signs of transition starting. The baby would not wait, and May knew she might have to deliver the child in the alley. The sirens came to her attention and seconds later the EMTs arrived.

“The baby’s head is crowning,” she informed them. May pulled on gloves and a mask from the ambulance’s supplies.

The woman sat up, and an EMT said, “Just relax. Don’t push yet.”

The woman screamed and tried to hit the man.

“It’s alright,” May cooed. “I’ll help you.” They pulled the stretcher next to her, and between two contractions they swooped her up onto the stretcher.

“Get the vitals you need,” she said to the other EMT. “I’m a labor and delivery nurse. I’ll help with the delivery.”

With two more pushes, the child was born. May lay the tiny boy on the woman’s stomach as the EMTs began the work of cleaning the mother and child. Then she helped bundle the mother and child up for transport, climbed out, and watched them drive away.

She stood in the street as the taillights became smaller, then turned a few blocks away toward the hospital. There was always a rush of excitement during a delivery. And she got nearly as tired as the mother after each one. But this time was different. She could only think of the woman doing that alone. What would she have done without May’s help? She dropped her sweater in the dumpster and began her walk back home.

This was unusual for the twenty-first century, but it was common in the nineteenth—maybe not laying in a road, but going it alone. She had thought that she would decide to stay here because of her medical training, but now even that gave her a reason to go back, and made her feel even more confused.

It was time to go back to Victorian England. If she arrived on the November full moon she would have enough time to sort this out. And not too much time to procrastinate. It was time to pull up her big-girl bloomers and commit to her future.

Twickenham, England 1850

Magic seared through May as she lay on the floor beneath her portrait in the top floor of the Twickenham Manor, curled in a ball, panting, and holding her arms tightly around her. Her muscles ached and cramped, and it felt as if her blood was hot enough to boil. This was getting worse.

She had hoped that time traveling would be easier for her or at least stay the same, but like her mother, it seemed worse with every trip she made. She loved both centuries equally but for different reasons. She knew that she would have to conserve the number of trips she made in the future so when they were vital she would be able to make the trip. Nellie had never reported someone dying from too much exposure to the kind of fairy magic it took to travel, but May had gone with her mother to visit a woman who was unable to speak as a result of it.

Gold-leaf gilded moldings crisscrossed in an intricate design of webs and fans, covering the ceiling of the gallery room. May stared up at it as she waited for her head to stop spinning. How many more trips would she be able to take? If she lived in 1850, she would want to travel for the birth of each of her children. Would she even have children? That was part of the dilemma. If so, there was no question that she would want the advantages of that century for their births. If she lived in the twenty-first-century, she would want to travel home for siblings’ weddings and her parents’ deaths.

The thought nearly choked her. Could she really live away from her family? She wasn’t sure she could. A rattling sound approached her from behind, and she rolled over to see Nellie trundling toward her with her teacart. Cups tinkled against saucers with the motion.

Aunt Nellie clicked her tongue several times, her eyebrows pinched together with concern. “Sweet May, it’s getting worse for you isn’t it? It happens this way sometimes. It was like that for your mother. I suppose you’ll need to make your decision soon.”

Nellie turned back toward the cart, then swung back around with a huge smile. “I just thought of something. It’s nice to know that in either century you’ll still have me. No, except I’ll be here.” She pointed to the carpet. “Right here.” She went back to arranging the items on the cart as she mumbled. “I really never go anywhere. Now, why is that? It’s not as if I have pressing engagements that keep me here. Well, except for the life-changing ones for my guests or maybe the life-threatening ones on occasion or all the time. And I have gone out and about when my new friends need me.” She faced May again, this time with a cup and saucer in her hand. “I’ll be here mostly. Are you ready for tea or should I wait to pour?”

“Yes, I think it might help me quite a bit right now.” May pushed her hands against the thick wool carpet and sat up. The music from the Full Moon Ball downstairs faintly reached her ears. One never knew when she would arrive on the day of the full moon but apparently the ball was already in full motion.

Her brother, James, didn’t suffer from the same problem. He reported very little distress at all.

Nellie’s smile seemed a little sad. May supposed that it was much like being a nurse, doing what you could to ease someone’s pain, but you also knew that it was all you could do. May knew all about putting on a brave face for others, and in searching for the good in bad situations.

She reached for the cup, her hands shaking with effort. Her arms felt weak as she reached above her head, but she pulled the cup to her lips. Each time she traveled, the special drink seemed sweeter to May’s taste. She supposed it was because her body needed it so desperately.

Recovering from this trip was taking longer than usual, giving her time to think. May thought her decision was already made. It had broken her heart to think of leaving Henry behind after Cora and Simon’s wedding, but here she was reconsidering. The new intensity of the symptoms made the decision paramount in her mind.

“Will you be attending the ball?” Nellie asked. She dipped her hand into her little pouch of faerie dust.

May continued to sip on the drink but slowly shook her head.

Nellie’s fingers sprinkled the dust back into the pouch. “Oh, I was so looking forward to making you a new dress. But we’ll get you to your bed. You can rest.” Nellie lovingly patted May’s shoulder.

May drained the cup and gave it to Nellie, then pushed herself off the floor and stood.

“Are you feeling quite the thing?” the older woman asked as she hung the cup in the air and then steadied May when she wobbled.

May shook her head, but looked at the teacup. “How is it that no one suspects you of having magic?” May cleared her throat. “I think I need another cup.”

Nellie chuckled. “Of course, of course. Would you like a touch of cinnamon this time?”

May nodded and smiled. “Yes and honey instead of sugar if you please.”

“Always the one to mix up the recipe, aren’t you?” Nellie said, a spark of magic leaving her finger. She poured out tea with a touch of auburn color to it.

After finishing that cup, May winked at Nellie. “I think I will attend the ball after all.”

Nellie reached into the small bag and pinched up a healthy dose of magic. “Let’s see,” she said. “Uh-hum. I’ve got it. Close your eyes.”

May closed her eyes and turned slowly with her arms outstretched. She could feel the tiny brush of magic as if there were dust blowing on the wind toward her.

“There you are,” Nellie said, her voice bright. “Have a look. Aren’t you just the very picture of lovely?” Nellie took her hand.

May gasped at her sight in the mirror. Nellie had outdone herself this time. The gown was a sparkling teal.

“I thought I’d mix it up a bit,” Aunt Nellie explained. “We’re having a masked ball tonight.”

May understood as she looked at her costume. Everything about it hinted at being a peacock. The blue and golden eye of peacock feathers adorned the bottom of her dress. A feathery scarf of brilliant blue wrapped across her back and around her wrists. Even the comb in her hair resembled the crest on a peacock’s head.

“Here’s the final piece,” Aunt Nellie said, handing her pearly white gloves.

May confidently walked down the stairs. She wondered if Henry would be at the ball. It seemed to her he only attended events where she was. Most of the time, Henry checked with May’s brother before he accepted an invitation. Tonight May’s family didn’t even know she was coming. She had told James “by Christmas,” and that was still a month away.

With each flight she descended, the music became louder. Nearing the bottom of the ground floor, she saw Cora rush toward her. “Hey! I’ve been waiting for you all day and night. You’re barely here before the midnight supper.”

“What do you mean waiting?”

“Your mother said you would be coming.” Cora answered.

“How did she know?” May’s mother tapped her shoulder. “Because your father told me.”

May faced her mother. “And how did he know?”

“Because James told him, and Henry told James that you’d be the returning before Christmas. There are only two full moons until then, and here you are.”

“You better get in there if you’re going to dance at all,” her mother said, linking their elbows together. “There’s one more dance before the midnight supper.”

As May entered the room, her eyes immediately landed on the familiar physique—tall and broad-shouldered, but standing casually. When Cora first met him, she’d referred to him as the Bored Lord. May smiled at that memory. That was another thing she liked. He was relaxed about most things. But being turned away from her couldn’t hide Henry from her heart. Her pulse jumped, and her stomach flipped. Her whole body had a physical reaction to seeing him, but that didn’t mean it would influence her decision. She still had a month to figure that out before Christmas, and she was going to take her time.

It seemed to her that Henry’s attention also turned to her with her first step into the room, and he began moving in her direction.

Another man seemed to be walking her direction, his eyes fixed on her as well. She thought he would get to her before Henry. Instead Cora engaged him in conversation and turned him away from May. Suddenly, May’s mother turned away from her, leaving her free to talk with Henry. She wondered if her mother and friend hoped to influence her decision tonight.

Henry was within two steps. May could see the rich brown color of his eyes. The dimples outside his smile, and maybe she imagined it, but she could smell his shaving lotion. He was standing right in front of her, as she extended her hand. His palm slipped beneath hers, and tingles raced up her arm. He bowed and pressed his lips firmly to the top of her hand. Oh, she’d missed that!

She had been in the future in a time-loop for several months. To someone else it would seem crazy to think she’d left in October, stayed in the twenty-first century during January through April, then came back to 1850 a month after she’d left. In all the years she’d spent in the future, she’d shaken hands with many men, and none of them made her swoon by such a simple yet profound touch.

May savored the feel of her hand in his as he rose again to full height. Her eyes drank him in. His shoulders seemed broader than she remembered a short four months ago. His hair shown like obsidian from the chandelier’s light. And there was a sparkle in his eyes that reached out to her.

“I would be greatly honored if you would share the dinner dance and the midnight supper with me.”

Men had asked her out, but none had ever made it seem an honor to be in her company. She reluctantly admitted that she felt the same about him. He hadn’t let go of her hand yet, and she could feel each word pulsing through their connection. For one dance, she could bask in their familiarity, their mutual attraction, and quite possibly love.

Of course it was a waltz. They had shared so many over the years that there was no need to think about dance position. They were comfortable in each other’s arms. The music began, and May gave herself into his expert hands following wherever he led.

As he turned her into the first corner, he whispered lowly in her ear, “Welcome home, May.” The word home shivered through her with truth. This was home, and not just in 1850 but with him.

She leaned close to him and said, “I’m happy to be here, right here.”

He knew her meaning immediately, and a broad smile stretched across his beautiful lips. His dimples deepened, and May had to catch her breath. He was truly gorgeous. As they danced, she appreciated his athleticism and grace. For a quick moment, May imagined that he would follow her to the twenty-first century. There was no doubt in her mind that he could be in demand as a top model. His strong physique only enhanced the marketability of his rugged good looks.

But she knew Henry. His soul would never allow him to make a currency of himself. James had never told her what Henry was worth, but she knew that he had property in Germany as well as in England, and business interests elsewhere. Both sides of his family were considered rich even by the wealthy within their own countries. He didn’t need to work, but like her brother James, he bred horses. Growing up she had noticed his intuitive ability to read a horse. Most men who were heirs to such wealth would never put themselves at risk, but Henry delighted in breaking and training horses.

Desire flared in her chest. He was everything she wanted. Just not where and when she wanted. Stop! She wouldn’t spend more time fretting over this. She would simply be tonight. She would pretend they were as free as they had been before his first proposal. May cleared her mind and listened as Henry’s soothing bass voice hummed along with the music.